[Week 1] Lucifa 10-4 v. Alias2 0-0 (VOTE NOW!!)

[Quriosity]

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[Lucifa]

like syndrome ..

[Week 1] Bonnie Bathory 5-1 v. Everest 0-0 (VOTE NOW!!)
[Week 1] S. Issue 7-3 v. Memento 0-0 (VOTE NOW!!)
Got Life? 10-4 vs. Condescending 0-0 (VOTE NOW!!!)

[Alias2]

like a lead balloon.

[Alias2]

He threw his toys from the pram with effortless grace
He had the look of an effeminate saint
A definite waste of a life, he was set in his ways
Losing his grip, his footing was strained. – James Albright

He explained his vision to me through crayons and paint
A day wouldn’t break where he wouldn’t pray as he waits
For the rain to touch the ground that he walks on evenly
Easily, he doesn’t see the scenes that I need him to see
He was breathing before I met him, and he’d walk the same line
In his dreams, in my dreams, in her dreams, sure of the train times
Short of the strained lies I told him, he believed in my speech
He thought I was there with him; I was asleep in the trees

He walked in cracked grey feet with a chip on his shoulder
One slip and it’s over, a death fitting a soldier
I watched the back of his head with a rifle in hand
He hears the whispers of sirens on land, a tiring fad
He looks so shy as he drags his body on stone
Knowing that his footsteps aren’t leading him home
They’re bleeding him slow and he sees angels in bruised hands
Covering bodies with embittered and abused flags
The truth has,
Little to no weight on a carrier pigeon this light
And in this light I see his shame in his fingers twisted too tight
His shoes bite and burn on toes carrying a frail frame
I watch his feminine structure that still holds a male name
This tale came to mind when I read his notes back
Spat on paper with a throat black, I wouldn’t feel so bad
If he hadn’t held my hand while he repeated his lines
He wouldn’t look in my eye, cold words with his breathing so dry

They captured his soul with his squadron, only a camera to own
Taking pictures of peoples misery, which he now saw as his own
A war photographer’s job wasn’t what he signed up for
He just wanted some meaning in life, now he’s hearing those shots call
His name in the wind while he waits patiently for death
Hating me less when he sees my face, inhaling smoke in my breath
He only hopes for a rest, he cares not for peace in his time
He closes his eyes when he marches, he’s not screaming to die
It’s seeming that I look like his saviour with a gun in my grip
He couldn’t sense I was dying too, searching for something to sip

I was just a gook to him
He was just a coon to me
When I watched him walk slow
On bruised toes and feet

We had not a word in common, only scars from the march
He’d speak sermons from his parched lips, the meanings I grasped
I wonder what happened to that man with the dirt on his teeth
Worn up and broken down with his shirt on his feet
I still cry when I see images from the march from Bataan
I still see his head in front of mine, the one that I spat at.

The memory of Bataan lives on.

[Lucifa]

The Window

August 24th

Yo Journal, what a day I had today
I'm almost at a loss at what to say.
So me and Dan are playing in the street
kicking the ball around in summer's heat
enjoying the school break as best we can.
(I so don't wanna go back next week man)
Anyway, the ball goes into some yard
Dan's like "you kicked it, you get it fuck-tard"
(yes, his usual polite manners shown)
and well, it did look like no-one was home.
Leapt the gate and headed toward the ball
nonchalantly stride but then have to stall,
out the corner of my eye I spotted
a window to a basement, I squatted,
peaked in, couldn't believe what I witnessed.
A naked girl getting down to business!
She was pretty sexy, with long brown hair.
(I drooled and wished that I could go down there)
My bro has a cam I'll ask to borrow,
I'm taking that shit back there tomorrow!

August 25th

Yo Journal, so I gave Dan the brush off
told him my mother told me I must stop
at home for the day to help with something.
Went to that yard, climbed the gate and jumped in.
Camera in hand to film the princess
crossing my fingers, hoping she's in "YES!".
There she was knuckle deep in her pussy,
when I heard her say "this hurts, don't rush me".
I scanned the room with my limited scope
and all of a sudden I see this bloke,
he walked to her and gave his dick to hold.
(personally I think he looked too old)
Didn't wanna risk getting seen by him
(no doubt he'd beat me if he'd seen my grin)
so I jogged home, gutted she had a man,
fuck it, tomorrow I'll just play with Dan.

August 26th

Yo Journal, just a quick entry tonight.
About that window, I told Dan and Mike.
They think that I'm lying and want the proof,
so going back, to show I told the truth.

August 27th

Fuck the introduction, fuck it man, FUCK!
Fuck you God! Yeah I said it. Fuck, you suck!
This is just too fucked up. What do I do?
I just seen how damn low, mankind can stoop.
(manKIND? that's such an ironic label)
Want to tell what I saw, if I'm able:

So like I 'warned' yesterday, I went back
to that window, camera in my bag.
There she was, yet again, in the same spot
(all I could think of was "damn this chick's hot")
sprawled naked with a sex toy in her hand
and again I see that same older man.
This girl can't be over sixteen years old,
but what happened next made my blood turn cold.
Straight up, this chick said "I love you daddy"
but it didn't seem to make him happy,
and I saw the fear that filled her eyes up
as he yelled at her "Bitch! Quit the lies! Slut!".
Then...
He slapped her across the face, so hard that,
even I, from there, saw the bright stars flash.
She was out cold from the lick to her head,
he punched her ribs and sent kicks to her legs,
then he turned her over and grabbed her ass
parting the cheeks before he stabbed her gash.
It wasn't with a knife, it was his dick,
but the blood that it produced, made me sick.
She came around after a while (in space!),
then he stood and bust a nut in her face.
"You say anything to your mother..." #snap#
(I moved and I stood on a stick that cracked)
I ran for my life! Ran home to write this.
HOW CAN A DAD TREAT HIS DAUGHTER LIKE THIS?!?

...................................

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury
this is proof of this monster's guilt, surely?
The defendant obviously reckognized Jim
and stabbed the victim to silence him.
A fifteen year old boy was slaughtered
by a man who beat and raped his own daughters.
For this man to get the chair would be perfect
but first we ask you to return a guilty verdict.

[inkwell (chris)]

Interesting battle.

Alias your verse contained a lot of good writing, some lines were really impressive.
"He walked in cracked grey feet with a chip on his shoulder // One slip and it’s over, a death fitting a soldier" for example. But the story to me seemed a bit incohesive... and the picture some what of a stretch. It took a fair amount of research and rereading to really figure out what was going on, who the speaker was, who the subject was, and there still seem to be some inconsistencies. The speaker was a japanese war photographer? an enemy sympathizer? a fellow captive? The first stanza who is speaking to who? In the last stanza you say you had not a word in common? perhaps you didnt mean actual language but either way its all a bit confusing. and are the people in the picture on a the 72'000 person death march? if so its man a woman and 2 children with a lot of empty space in between. It just didnt quite work for me as a whole.

Lucifa
You are a good story teller, the plot and the action were very clear and precise. I liked the paranthesis work you did. You also used a lot of devices to make the peice feel believeable, the short august 26th entry was effective. I will say your rhymes are very simplistic, and it may be the case that you are a much better writer than you are rapper. That being said i enjoyed reading your verse, it was well though out and well executed.

Admittedly I was overly harsh in my critique of alias' verse. It's nothing personal, i think you have a lot of talent. I just felt it was nessecary to do so to justify my vote for the verse with substantially less complex rhymes and rhyme schemes, which would usually sway me to the opposing verse. Good match fellas.

Vote - Lucifa

[Everest]

Alias- I pretty much agree with chris.. Your verse was very poetic, and i mean, impressive. I won't dispute this might be above my head type stuff, but I found my self a bit lost and confused some times. It was quite sound as far as writing goes, and I did't hate reading it, but I wish i knew where we were, when, etc, etc..Good work though.

Lucifa- When I saw the "window" topic, then the journal se up, I figured "window to my soul" before i started reading. You knocked that out of my head quick.
Your writing wasn't overly poetic, like alias, but you did a terrific job making sure I understod what was going n the whole time. I found the 15 year old boy a bit disturbing himself to be honest. but the whole situation was a little sick..
The journal idea was clever and I didn't hate it, some other people might duno.
The twist at the end sodme though. If you had finished before the yellow words I think I might have voted for Alias, just for "effort".. really good work though.

Vote-- Lucifa wasn't by any means clear cut.. thanks for the read guys

[J o o k]

Upping for votes!

[CraKa JaK]

Alias - Unlike the previous two cats I understood your whole shit and wow is all I gotta say. Very impressive. Very descriptive, great writing, great movement in the story, great flow. Shit was on point.

Lucifa - Shit reminded me of Eminem for some reason lol pretty hot. Decent story, decent flow. I think it lacked some creativity though.

Vote = Alias definitely, hot battle both you

[Dougie G]

Lucifa: Well i consider Lucifa to be one of the best storytellers and this league and once again he proved me right, IMO, the best verse I read all week, but dont worry i havent read them all but still, it flowed together nicely and I just liked the overall darkness of the piece.

Alias: Now this verse was both very entertaining for people, who knew what he was talking about and very confusing for ppl who didnt, thankfully I was not the latter but even though I completely understood where he was coming from, I dont think it had the writer's voice that Lucifa's verse contained.

Vote: Lucifa, for an overall more entertaining verse.

[Insanevillian]

This one is tough...

Only because i have no clue what the fuck Bataan is... alias 2... Great rhyme scheme, great flowing motion, but hard to grasp... and it's not like IV to not completely get everything when i say hard to grasp... i mean it was hard to see everything that was going on... i read through your verse twice... even... and picked up little things... great metaphors and the whole she bang

Lucifa... i'm gonna tell u what i told u three years ago... your rhymes are mad simplistic, however u have have taken the time to improve yout writers voice significantly... but its hard to really stand up and cheer when i see no multis... but lets get to the story, it had good progression and became quite predictable after the older man part... the daddy doin it is fucked up but i wrote a verse on this same topic a few years back and people told me it was the greatest shit they ever read, but i used multis and an ever changing plot line... iono the ending coulda been fresher, but all in all, as simplistic as your verse was.. it was the funner to read btween the two verses i have read...

alias 2, iono man, your rhyme scheme was incredible, but the story was lacking,... i think u used too much description, i have been accused of the`same... as in... u have to find a common ground in your piece where people can relate your grasp onto what you trying to tell.. and lucifa's piece was easy to grasp, but very fuckin simplistic...

i vote...

lucifa... and this is rare that i vote against something with such good wordplay and such... i think if alias 2 woulda added that something to his piece to where i can gab ahold of it to the fullest extent though... lucifa woulda been toast

[Memento]

OK when I read Alias' verse I was instantly brought into the style of his verse, and thought the story progressed pretty well, or at least everything flowed well so as to make it easy to get through it. There was something about the end that didn't click.

As for Lucifa's verse when I first started reading I felt like I was just scanning though it... I think the way the premise was introduced could have been more descriptive. It seemed to slowly progress slowly throughout the first half, but it did enough to get me curious and was sort of humorous. By the time I read the short August 26, the premise had already been set, and the real story was about to get under way. I really think the diary entry style worked after this because August 27 was just a breeze flying by, in a good way.

Overall, Alias' verse was more descriptive, and when I first started reading Lucifa's verse I really didn't expect to enjoy it as much, but I think it made the first hurdle and just got better as it went along.

I vote Lucifa, mostly because he kept me intrigued with curiosity throughout, and some of the simplest stuff in the verse was just entertaining and felt like just the emotion of it brought the story farther along without the descriptive words I didn't see in the beginning of it.

Alias's verse would have been better if there were more character in it and it felt like more than just a good narration.

[Bonnie Bathory]

Alias your story was very descriptive and vivid, not the type of story that peaks my interest but it was well written and great for what it was... your mechanics were on point and your flow was really engaging, it really helped carry me through the story...

Lucifa your story was very engaging and was easy to follow... your mechanics were on point but your flow wasn't as nice as what Alias put down and tho your story was very creative and easy to read, I felt it was more simple than what Alias came with as far as flow and vocab go...

V > Alias for the more skillfully written piece. I'm not a fan of war stories in general so I can't look down on the verse for it including a topic I personally don't prefer, it was written very nicely in all aspects and I feel I gotta give him the win cuz I find no other flaws in what he wrote other than my personal preference, where as I feel Lucifa just came a little more simple with his flow and choice of words than Alias... close battle tho great drops from both of ya, good stories

[Lucifa]

yeah .. my 10 syllable per line 'flow' was waayyy off .. it's cool .. sorry for not voting for you either .. ..

tbh .. I'm glad this wasn't a whitewash .. nice verse Matt ..

[Quriosity]

Lucifa wins 5-2 in votes