[Week 1] Bonnie Bathory 5-1 v. Everest 0-0 (VOTE NOW!!)

Quriosity · 02-11-2008, 10:11 AM

----- RSTL Official Rules & Regulations -----

VERSES DUE: Every Thursday @ 11:59 PM PST
VOTES DUE: Every Sunday @ 11:59 PM PST
LINE LIMIT: 16 ≤ YOUR VERSE ≤ 64
** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **

• Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent

• If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants

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• If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 4 lines (4-15) AND 2 voting links in order to claim victory

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• EACH link NOT POSTED will result in a 1 vote DEDUCTION

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Bonnie Bathory · 02-11-2008, 01:04 PM

Here

B e-z on me

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
Um... is it just me or were there only 3 other battles to vote on?

[Week 1] S. Issue 7-3 v. Memento 0-0 (VOTE NOW!!)
Got Life? 10-4 vs. Condescending 0-0 (VOTE NOW!!!)
[Week 1] Lucifa 10-4 v. Alias2 0-0 (VOTE NOW!!)

Everest · 02-11-2008, 06:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bonnie Bathory

Here

B e-z on me

same,, be nice

ALRIGHT I'M POSTING MY VERSE, I DUNNO IF IT'S GOOD OR NOT, I HAVEN'T REALLY DONE TOPICALS BEFORE,, BUT I SAW THIS PIC, HAD AN IDEA AND JUST TYPED AWAY... THANKS...

my votes
Alias V Lucifa

Everest · 02-11-2008, 10:06 PM

In a simple image an educated eye can see a thousand words,
In this case, it may take trillion songs before the right one is heard,
Take a look through this window and see this boy how I see him, very well.
Before us we have future?, a tomorrow of promise?, a today of hell?.
This man to be, is at a pivot point in his life, we here just to witness,
throughout history it's been documented, it's torture to be exceptionally gifted.

maybe some of you are almost the same ,
but our friend here hears every song ever sang.
a blessing or a curse?, every word every verse,
in his tortured dreams, the music just gets worse.
never ending radio, non stop always blasting,
can't study,think, hold a conversation without collapsing.
Beyonce,•••el, Village People, even Barber Shop.
what would you do, if the singing never, ever ever stopped!
across the world, if someone sings , our friend hears.
when he was 4 , in a fit of tears, he put two pens in his ears.
Nothing helped, and not a single soul would believe,
and with those pens, only deafness was achieved,
ten years have passed, same song and same dance,
and to everyone else, our friend appears in a trance,
no sounds, no laughs, just a hollow world of accapellas
every opera, if that isn't awful, I don't know what to tell ya.
Just recently though, our friends mind been on two things
ending his life , and putting names to the songs he's hearing.
so everyday, he walks 9 blocks, and enters Rainbow Record Shop,
from open to close, country, rock, blues, or hip hop,
he searches and catalogs, like a lyrical librarian,
till he's finally had enough of the despair he's in.
It's to bad really, no one ever recognized his potential,
so I ask you now, take another look at the picture, tell us what's eventual.
What word sticks out first?

Bonnie Bathory · 02-12-2008, 06:49 PM

I flew a kite today and wished to be among the stars
Unscarred, my rough mind young and unharmed
My dimming hope once more glowing, unbarred
And a whole heart of emotions unarmed
I’ve consumed plenty potions to revitalize my youth
But these years of lies have left lines and gloom
I’ve wished through boxes of tissue to solve my issues
And strength to take blame for what I’ve been through
Peer through the mask of a woman masking a hoodlum
With an erratic line blurring the bad with the good one
And I don’t want to be this Countess of countless errors
But I don’t want to live in terror of ever going anywhere
So I stare into these green eyes, put care in lining them
To define them, taking care to hide the blind in them
A look that says, “I don’t mind, I’ll be your crutch to clutch”
But a look that says, “I’m tough but I’ll only take so much”
And I’ll use these windows to my soul to bare my story
Cuz when I use my words I just seem to be in mourning
For my past, to be restored and this aging to reverse
My eyes have to say it all, these words will only hurt

My eyes have to say it all, these words can only hurt
Cuz I know my worth, I’m a realist, I’m really only dirt
But I’ll conceal it, it’s up to them to find the flaws
I’ll show them in my eyes but they’ll stay behind my jaws

I’ll show them in my eyes, but I won’t say my flaws
So it’s up to them to know the difference of it all
I’m not their teacher, I have compassion but I’m selfish
Because I’m the one for me, I don’t care if no one else is
I have to live with me; I have to build my dignity
When they kick me, I have to bring up the kid in me
And they’re only with me if being with me’s just for them
So fuck them and anyone who puts trust in them
It’s just for them, it’s just for them, I can’t forget
Through the heat of judgment I struggle not to sweat
I struggle not to stutter so I seal my lips and flutter
My lashes through the gutter, passing up the shudder
Having to uncover the wrath my deeds have taken
My story-telling eyes always keeping me from breaking

Lucifa · 02-13-2008, 06:45 AM

damn .. hard one to vote on here ..

Everest - this was cool .. I like how you went about using the photo to theme your piece .. this was a good approach and I think you had about the right size verse for what you did .. it didn't drag on nor feel incomplete .. the flow was straight and the only picky point I would have is with some of the rhyming not actually rhyming .. all in all though I really enjoyed reading this (3 times) .. welcome to the rstl .. good start ..

Bonnie - I was really getting into this .. the emotional and descriptive work in the frist stanza really pulled me in .. you do show a good grasp of words within your pieces .. it's just a consistency problem I find hinders you .. as the 2nd stanza dropped off for me in this piece .. I think the flow and level of writing just fell off in the 2nd half .. but .. even so .. the content throughout was strong and heartfelt .. it was a strong piece that had a good emotional edge to it .. just mechanics wise it didn't stay consistent ..

Vote = Everest .. I really liked both verses when in came to the content .. both gave medium length pieces which made them a pleasure to read .. overall it was fairly even and since Bonnie gave me the only real flaw to pick up on in this whole battle .. I have to take that away from her ..

props to you both though .. really nice and even battle to start things off ..

inkwell (chris) · 02-13-2008, 03:02 PM

I agree this was a good battle.

Bonnie - A strong verse about a girls inner pain and outter strength. The problem for me is that it was a little anticlimatic. And i do appreciate the show it in my eyes but wont speak about it theme in how it relates to your two pictures. But like i said your verse never got me really excited, it just didnt quite "go there" like i wanted it too.

Everest - not the most techinical writing ive ever seen, but what i love about this verse is the creativity, thats some imagination you got there. the way you interpreted the boys posture for being in a sort of trance, staring at a huge wall of music desperately trying to put names to these infinate songs which constantly haunt him... good stuff.

close one, but vote - everest, on account of creativity.

J o o k · 02-15-2008, 07:06 AM

Upping for votes!

CraKa JaK · 02-15-2008, 10:24 AM

Tight shit here

Bonnie - Shit was deep, immediately pulled me in. Topic was on point, delivery was good, only beef was while I was immediately sucked in I didn't feel a progression in the verse as I kept reading.

Everest- Aight when I first started reading it looked like this was gonna be some twilight zone shit lol but it was pretty hot. Good flow to it, good progression, good ending.

This shit is maaad hard to call buuuut

Vote = Everest, really only cause in the end it was a more fun read than Bonnie's

Everest · 02-15-2008, 11:12 AM

thank for voting folks... just a quick question.. the last line i asked you do look back at the picture and what word stuck out first... anybody actually do it? in my opinion one of two will,, which one decides his fate...he is in YOUR hands,,,

Quote:

Rap

lol dammit i didn't even see that.. well wasn't one of the two i was thinking....i was looking at the album covers and never even saw "soundtrack" and "Rap"... LOL thanks for playing along tho lucifa

\/ \/

Lucifa · 02-15-2008, 12:02 PM

inkwell (chris) · 02-15-2008, 09:09 PM

I did, but death smile and bad all popped out, none of which obvious enough to make it definate in my eyes so i didnt comment, still a cool little somthing extra. Im guessing u intended us to see death?

Everest · 02-15-2008, 09:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by inkwell (chris)

I did, but death smile and bad all popped out, none of which obvious enough to make it definate in my eyes so i didnt comment, still a cool little somthing extra. Im guessing u intended us to see death?

death or smile...

Got Life? · 02-16-2008, 08:02 PM

everest - so this verse was cool, definitely a different way to approach the picture in trying to relate it to the reader, also I think it'd be a lot better if you developed the character more and took some time to develop the idea, but it was cool for what it was...

bonnie - to me this was better than people gave it credit for, the flow was killer and I love the image of your eyes being your window into the world, it's a metaphor that's been done, but you delivered it very well. On top of that there was real raw emotion behind this piece and your writers voice really carried.

vote = bonnie.

Dougie G · 02-16-2008, 08:30 PM

WOW!!! WOW!!! This was a good battle, but there had to be a winner

Everest: Well i dont know if you are new to the league, but this is my first time reading one of your verses, and I must admit, i am impressed, i dont know if me being impressed should even matter to you, but I am. Well this verse had great imagery, and a nice flow, I dont know about everybody else, but I think the character was built up nicely, and I loved the ending

bonnie: What can i say, everyone knows I am your number one fan. And once again you did not fail to amaze me, this verse had better imagery than your opponents and like evry ophter verse you have done, it flowed perfectly, but I must admit that the verse did not take me anywhere, i mean at the end I felt as though i was in the same spot that I started in.

Vote: Everest, for having a better ending. P.S. I think he is an alias

Insanevillian · 02-17-2008, 02:22 AM

hmmmm....

everest... i really liked the idea that you were putting forth. the thing that really bugged me about your verse was this... the lack of rhyme scheme, i mean, i didnt see hardly any multis which made the read more boring than what it could have been...

it just looks like you wrote the verse and rhymes at the end of each line which isn't too hard to do...

but your concept was enjoyable, and it didnt lull me to sleep as i wanted to get to the end of your piece...

Bonnie your piece had an ill rhyme scheme and it looked like it derived more of a hip hop essence.. it was just really hard to really get INTO your piece unless u are feeling the same way at the time... but it looked like you put alot of effort into it.... and it was a pick me up piece... and it's hard not to appreciate a piece that tells a story of anyone who is willing to fight through depression...

i have to vote for bonnie in this one... everest had a good read but i appreciated the rhyme scheme...

good luck to both of you

02-11-2008, 10:11 AM	#1 (permalink)
Quriosity Michael Clayton of Text Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Atlanta, Ga Posts: 19,097	[Week 1] Bonnie Bathory 5-1 v. Everest 0-0 (VOTE NOW!!) ----- RSTL Official Rules & Regulations ----- VERSES DUE: Every Thursday @ 11:59 PM PST VOTES DUE: Every Sunday @ 11:59 PM PST LINE LIMIT: 16 ≤ YOUR VERSE ≤ 64 NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS • Extensions may only be granted if a moderator has given consent prior to a verse being posted in the match OR your opponent gives his consent • If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants • CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required • Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics • A failure to show will result in a loss by default • If your opponent fails to show, you MUST STILL post AT LEAST 4 lines (4-15) AND 2 voting links in order to claim victory • A Championship Title WILL NOT be decided by way of no-show!!! • If an opponent fails to show in a Championship match, the remaining participant will be ranked as the number 1 seed, but will not be considered a Champion until a win by vote • You MUST vote on AT LEAST 4 matches AND post links in your thread • EACH link NOT POSTED will result in a 1 vote DEDUCTION • You MUST also vote on the Championship and Contender matches and LABEL your links accordingly • Your votes MUST be AT LEAST 2 lines in length per verse to be counted • If your opponent fails to show, you are still accountable for voting on AT LEAST 2 matches as well as posting those links in your match!!! • Votes posted AFTER DEADLINE will NOT COUNT in a TIE or CLOSE match, thus possibly resulting in a loss!!! • Voting is open to PARTICIPANTS, RSTL MODERATORS, and PAST CHAMPIONS ONLY!!! • PAST CHAMPIONS MUST vote on a MINIMUM of 4 matches in order to be counted as a legitimate voter ---------------------------------------------------------------- Any changes must be agreed upon by both participants and cleared by a moderator *MODERATORS ARE LAW OF THE LAND* __________________ .textmastersoftheuniverse. calefaction lucifa thereturn alias2 magus quriosity speedycalhoun johndough bonniebathory metasin sephiroth ((JOIN THE RBL NOW)) ►► CLICK ME, CLICK ME ◄◄ Last edited by Quriosity; 02-11-2008 at 10:19 AM.

02-11-2008, 01:04 PM	#2 (permalink)
Bonnie Bathory Friday's Child Join Date: Sep 1999 Location: Phoenix, AZ Posts: 7,997	Here B e-z on me vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv Um... is it just me or were there only 3 other battles to vote on? [Week 1] S. Issue 7-3 v. Memento 0-0 (VOTE NOW!!) Got Life? 10-4 vs. Condescending 0-0 (VOTE NOW!!!) [Week 1] Lucifa 10-4 v. Alias2 0-0 (VOTE NOW!!) __________________ Text Masters of the Universe myspace.com/bonniebathory Last edited by Bonnie Bathory; 02-17-2008 at 08:04 PM.

02-12-2008, 06:49 PM	#5 (permalink)
Bonnie Bathory Friday's Child Join Date: Sep 1999 Location: Phoenix, AZ Posts: 7,997	I flew a kite today and wished to be among the stars Unscarred, my rough mind young and unharmed My dimming hope once more glowing, unbarred And a whole heart of emotions unarmed I’ve consumed plenty potions to revitalize my youth But these years of lies have left lines and gloom I’ve wished through boxes of tissue to solve my issues And strength to take blame for what I’ve been through Peer through the mask of a woman masking a hoodlum With an erratic line blurring the bad with the good one And I don’t want to be this Countess of countless errors But I don’t want to live in terror of ever going anywhere So I stare into these green eyes, put care in lining them To define them, taking care to hide the blind in them A look that says, “I don’t mind, I’ll be your crutch to clutch” But a look that says, “I’m tough but I’ll only take so much” And I’ll use these windows to my soul to bare my story Cuz when I use my words I just seem to be in mourning For my past, to be restored and this aging to reverse My eyes have to say it all, these words will only hurt My eyes have to say it all, these words can only hurt Cuz I know my worth, I’m a realist, I’m really only dirt But I’ll conceal it, it’s up to them to find the flaws I’ll show them in my eyes but they’ll stay behind my jaws I’ll show them in my eyes, but I won’t say my flaws So it’s up to them to know the difference of it all I’m not their teacher, I have compassion but I’m selfish Because I’m the one for me, I don’t care if no one else is I have to live with me; I have to build my dignity When they kick me, I have to bring up the kid in me And they’re only with me if being with me’s just for them So fuck them and anyone who puts trust in them It’s just for them, it’s just for them, I can’t forget Through the heat of judgment I struggle not to sweat I struggle not to stutter so I seal my lips and flutter My lashes through the gutter, passing up the shudder Having to uncover the wrath my deeds have taken My story-telling eyes always keeping me from breaking __________________ Text Masters of the Universe myspace.com/bonniebathory

02-13-2008, 06:45 AM	#6 (permalink)
Lucifa Viva La Eva Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: United Kingdom Status: Rumba Raving Posts: 16,787	damn .. hard one to vote on here .. Everest - this was cool .. I like how you went about using the photo to theme your piece .. this was a good approach and I think you had about the right size verse for what you did .. it didn't drag on nor feel incomplete .. the flow was straight and the only picky point I would have is with some of the rhyming not actually rhyming .. all in all though I really enjoyed reading this (3 times) .. welcome to the rstl .. good start .. Bonnie - I was really getting into this .. the emotional and descriptive work in the frist stanza really pulled me in .. you do show a good grasp of words within your pieces .. it's just a consistency problem I find hinders you .. as the 2nd stanza dropped off for me in this piece .. I think the flow and level of writing just fell off in the 2nd half .. but .. even so .. the content throughout was strong and heartfelt .. it was a strong piece that had a good emotional edge to it .. just mechanics wise it didn't stay consistent .. Vote = Everest .. I really liked both verses when in came to the content .. both gave medium length pieces which made them a pleasure to read .. overall it was fairly even and since Bonnie gave me the only real flaw to pick up on in this whole battle .. I have to take that away from her .. props to you both though .. really nice and even battle to start things off .. __________________ Boy Better Know TMU Na Na Nai RSTL Ironman Tournament is up & running

02-13-2008, 03:02 PM	#7 (permalink)
inkwell (chris) Spontaneous Bop Prosody Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Maryland Posts: 97	I agree this was a good battle. Bonnie - A strong verse about a girls inner pain and outter strength. The problem for me is that it was a little anticlimatic. And i do appreciate the show it in my eyes but wont speak about it theme in how it relates to your two pictures. But like i said your verse never got me really excited, it just didnt quite "go there" like i wanted it too. Everest - not the most techinical writing ive ever seen, but what i love about this verse is the creativity, thats some imagination you got there. the way you interpreted the boys posture for being in a sort of trance, staring at a huge wall of music desperately trying to put names to these infinate songs which constantly haunt him... good stuff. close one, but vote - everest, on account of creativity. __________________ Inkwell Spontaneous Bop Prosody Consider my verses word bombs.

02-11-2008, 10:06 PM	#4 (permalink)
Everest E=MC Eat my Shorts Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Outside Tibet Posts: 493	In a simple image an educated eye can see a thousand words, In this case, it may take trillion songs before the right one is heard, Take a look through this window and see this boy how I see him, very well. Before us we have future?, a tomorrow of promise?, a today of hell?. This man to be, is at a pivot point in his life, we here just to witness, throughout history it's been documented, it's torture to be exceptionally gifted. maybe some of you are almost the same , but our friend here hears every song ever sang. a blessing or a curse?, every word every verse, in his tortured dreams, the music just gets worse. never ending radio, non stop always blasting, can't study,think, hold a conversation without collapsing. Beyonce,•••el, Village People, even Barber Shop. what would you do, if the singing never, ever ever stopped! across the world, if someone sings , our friend hears. when he was 4 , in a fit of tears, he put two pens in his ears. Nothing helped, and not a single soul would believe, and with those pens, only deafness was achieved, ten years have passed, same song and same dance, and to everyone else, our friend appears in a trance, no sounds, no laughs, just a hollow world of accapellas every opera, if that isn't awful, I don't know what to tell ya. Just recently though, our friends mind been on two things ending his life , and putting names to the songs he's hearing. so everyday, he walks 9 blocks, and enters Rainbow Record Shop, from open to close, country, rock, blues, or hip hop, he searches and catalogs, like a lyrical librarian, till he's finally had enough of the despair he's in. It's to bad really, no one ever recognized his potential, so I ask you now, take another look at the picture, tell us what's eventual. What word sticks out first?

02-15-2008, 07:06 AM	#8 (permalink)
J o o k free the oppressed. Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Bay Area, Ca Posts: 9,653	Upping for votes! __________________ "Somewhere a True Believer is training to kill you. He is training with minimal food or water, in austere conditions, training day and night. The only thing clean on him is his weapon. He doesn't worry about what workout to do - his ruck weighs what it weighs, his runs end when the enemy stops chasing him. This True Believer is not concerned about 'how hard it is;' he knows either he wins or dies. He doesn't go home at 17:00, he is home. He knows only The Cause." Win or Die. Still want to quit?

02-15-2008, 10:24 AM	#9 (permalink)
CraKa JaK Frantic Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 8,300	Tight shit here Bonnie - Shit was deep, immediately pulled me in. Topic was on point, delivery was good, only beef was while I was immediately sucked in I didn't feel a progression in the verse as I kept reading. Everest- Aight when I first started reading it looked like this was gonna be some twilight zone shit lol but it was pretty hot. Good flow to it, good progression, good ending. This shit is maaad hard to call buuuut Vote = Everest, really only cause in the end it was a more fun read than Bonnie's

02-15-2008, 12:02 PM	#11 (permalink)
Lucifa Viva La Eva Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: United Kingdom Status: Rumba Raving Posts: 16,787	Rap __________________ Boy Better Know TMU Na Na Nai RSTL Ironman Tournament is up & running

02-15-2008, 09:09 PM	#12 (permalink)
inkwell (chris) Spontaneous Bop Prosody Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Maryland Posts: 97	I did, but death smile and bad all popped out, none of which obvious enough to make it definate in my eyes so i didnt comment, still a cool little somthing extra. Im guessing u intended us to see death? __________________ Inkwell Spontaneous Bop Prosody Consider my verses word bombs.

02-16-2008, 08:30 PM	#15 (permalink)
Dougie G Registered User Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Hinesville Ga Posts: 299	WOW!!! WOW!!! This was a good battle, but there had to be a winner Everest: Well i dont know if you are new to the league, but this is my first time reading one of your verses, and I must admit, i am impressed, i dont know if me being impressed should even matter to you, but I am. Well this verse had great imagery, and a nice flow, I dont know about everybody else, but I think the character was built up nicely, and I loved the ending bonnie: What can i say, everyone knows I am your number one fan. And once again you did not fail to amaze me, this verse had better imagery than your opponents and like evry ophter verse you have done, it flowed perfectly, but I must admit that the verse did not take me anywhere, i mean at the end I felt as though i was in the same spot that I started in. Vote: Everest, for having a better ending. P.S. I think he is an alias __________________ The Republican Party Dougie G-The Return-Jook NO-SHOWS ARE FOR FAGS

02-17-2008, 02:22 AM	#16 (permalink)
Insanevillian STILL in CHARGE Join Date: Aug 2000 Location: Oakland, Ca Posts: 16,322	hmmmm.... everest... i really liked the idea that you were putting forth. the thing that really bugged me about your verse was this... the lack of rhyme scheme, i mean, i didnt see hardly any multis which made the read more boring than what it could have been... it just looks like you wrote the verse and rhymes at the end of each line which isn't too hard to do... but your concept was enjoyable, and it didnt lull me to sleep as i wanted to get to the end of your piece... Bonnie your piece had an ill rhyme scheme and it looked like it derived more of a hip hop essence.. it was just really hard to really get INTO your piece unless u are feeling the same way at the time... but it looked like you put alot of effort into it.... and it was a pick me up piece... and it's hard not to appreciate a piece that tells a story of anyone who is willing to fight through depression... i have to vote for bonnie in this one... everest had a good read but i appreciated the rhyme scheme... good luck to both of you __________________ ELITE