Season I Championship: nah son vs. Mound 10 - 100 bucks up for grabs.

[J o o k]

VERSES DUE:Friday 11:59 pm EST. NO RECYCLING.

Verses posted after the deadline will not count! UNLESS you post your verse before mods close threads (for some odd reason), and your opponent agrees to let your verse stand.

*Verses MUST incorporate at least one of the provided topics and must be at least 16 lines and must not exceed 100 lines.


* EXSTENSTIONS will be granted on a case by case basis.


Lastly: Moderators have FINAL say over all situations that arise.

[J o o k]

So 100 line limit. You choose your own topic. You cannot use more than 3 pictures.

When you sign in, tell me if you want to battle me for 200 bucks if you win. If you lose against me you get nothing. Or declare you want to just walk away with the money.

Good luck.

[Mound 10]

I'll take 100 buckaroonies in my paypal please.

Good luck nahsy.

[Pent uP]

Jook VS Headlessverseman right here

no need to hide shit

[Got Life?]

^ dude get a fuckin hobby or a day job...indeed...it's funny that I can access this place from work...as opposed to being here all day from a 2-way eh Baron?

[Baron Mynd]

LOL at that coming from you.

[J o o k]

Originally Posted by Pent uP

Jook VS Headlessverseman right here

no need to hide shit

womp womp womp

[nah son]

we'll post up tomorrow tonight cool pa?

saturday night extention again pls modzies

[Mound 10]

sounds good!

[TheReturn]

I woulda posted a verse and ran with that hundred bucks, fuck extensions.

[nah son]

O U T B R E AK
Written by: nah son


Quami was born in a prestigious tribe,
Sparks flew across the regions sky
The kings first son, which surprised the mom
And left little Quami circumcised at dawn,
It was tradition of course, for the next in line
And also to complete tasks and a trek in time
To kill a tiger with his bear hands,
And disembowel a cougar, to become a rare man
Above the rest, he's royal blood!
So he must win the tribes trust and loyal love.
He's now 13, and has accomplished a rare stance
The stance of a KING!
As he rejoices and hearts beat to the rythym of their dance



This was Quami's last night before his journey of the land
They call this the Journey to become a man
The tribe held a festival, equipped with fires and bright light
His father (the king), passed him down his prized knife
That he received when he embarked on the path
And it really came in need, when troubles were hard in the past
Quami started to laugh, he felt up to the task
He drunk some cow blood, up through the mask
That was placed on him for the night of fun
For he shall return from the Journey .. a righteous son



His father gave him the tasks, of bringing back a lions bleeding ribs
But most of all,
To kill Mozar the monkey .. known for kidnapping and eating kids
So off Quami went, deep in the night .. swallowed by darkness
Miles have passed his feet, he puts cool water to his parched lips
Then he heard a sound, he took his arrow and arched it
For he knew, that nothing was out of range for this marksman
He held his breath, to further focus on the noises
His senses adapted, he even heard lotus on the moistest
Leaves, but that's not why he was focusing so hard
He knew he heard the sound.... of MOZAR



There he stood, a supreme specimen behind the trees in disguise
But Quami knows he's there, he can see in his eyes
The anticipation grows, Quami makes the first move
He aims his arrow at the dense trees, and it bursts through
A near miss, now Mozar reveals himself, prepared for battle
Mozar beats his chest, Quami is scared and rattled
But retains his bravery, and pulls out his fathers prized knife
Thinking "if I die, I did it with the dignity of giving my life,
To try and stop this beast from the children
And keep heartache and misery free from the village".
Mozar tears into Quamis chest and face, blood runs wet
Quami stabs Mozar in the heart, and with one last stunned breath
Mozar swipes again,
Quami knifes his chin,
Then guts Mozar, like the righteous men
Taught him how, as a young boy in pertanent training
He now has given Mozar a permanent maiming,
Mozar lays dead, Quami straps him tight
Then starts the trek back to the tribe



As Quami returns with pride, a tear falls from the sky
And they rejoice when seeing him, but tell him his father had died
The tribes nobleman told him he was now KING
And bringing back Mozar was a courageous thing
Heart broken from his fathers death he still stood with pride
Because he knew it's what his father would do if he was still alive
Years pass, Quami now has 23 children, and eleven wives
But he's getting sickly, looking toward heavens skies
No one knows what's wrong, he's just looking off
He even developed a whooping cough
Months later, Quami passed away
And all of his off springs and wives barely last today



You see, when he fought with the monkey he contracted AIDS
Matter of fact, he's the first human who had a case
Of the deadly virus which his wives and kids contracted too
Then spread when liberated throughout the latitudes
This small tribe, once full of pride, is now down and hurt
But now you know how AIDS spread around the earth

- nahsy

[Mound 10]

...The Lord has risen, the devil has fallen
From Hitler, to the rebel Stalin ...
...All in, the last poker game
The last time Batman can gasp the Jokers name...
No more need for police or presidents
...Nor catastrophe reliefs for residents
The road runner has finally been captured
And those who have sinned, raptured ...
...This is new world order, old world idealism
The reason why we live, my realism...

...Maritza's no longer a junky with crack babies who run rapid
She finished up her doctorate with the last kid...
...Her husband is not the crack dealer who uses his own product
He is a successful stock broker, with proned logic...
No more government assistance, or welfare...
...No free doctor visits or free health care
Because everyone can afford coverage and visits...
Since crooks do not exist, there is no rubbish and gimicks

No STD's, no scandals, no unexpected pregnancies
Nor dyslexia or leprosy
This world is picture perfect
No ones to busy to watch eclipses or the earth shift

So everyones perfectly sound, and living to 100 is average
Life has never really been this lavish
But let's look at things in a reverse perspective
And try to come to a conclusion, there's not a worse objective
..
...So now that mankind, has everything they've dreamed of
Something is starting to happen that they didn't think of
...Human instinct, wanting to be better than thy neighbor
So all the perfect beings begin to conduct labor
Into themselves instead of the greater mankind
So they start to cheat and lie
Because they need to be individuals who are envied and such
Glamor is what a select few want, so they divvy it up
Start robbing and going for more than what the lord had in store
So they hurt people around them to land them more
And more, until they felt better than the rest
People started referring to them as the best

The world was no longer perfect due to the narcissistic people
Who wanted to be worshiped atop the church steeple
But if you remember in chapter seven,
This is the same reason God kicked the devil out of Heaven
Because he could not stand to be like the others who followed the lord
So his pride took over and it just hollowed him more
Until he was disowned, and that's where we now stand
Looking at the people in this world that now glance
Down at us, with fingers out
Until their souls will start to linger down

Everyone was given a chance to do right,
But putting themselves before others through life,
May have deemed them to hells door
So next time don't worry about who sells more
Or who makes more, in fact just live Godly
That's what this piece is about... to give .. oddly
See I know that this piece won't win because it's religious
But it's not about the 100$, or order we finish
It's about taking something I wanted so bad - the season title
And giving it to God by writing for him, I believe the bible

But remember the moral of the story
As before you stalk with the money and glory
Even with the Lord protection of all
It makes you see, that even what you deem perfection is flawed

[TheReturn]

nahsy - This was alright, something new I guess. Not really a fan of the simple rhyme scheme, I like to see it dragged out over more than 2 lines, but to each his own. Story was cool, didn't really pull me in, but good enough to keep me reading. Ending with AIDS was a good way to end it.

Mound - I can't believe you went religious topical. I was bored while reading it, stumbled a few places with the flow and had to reread some lines, was hoping it would redeem itself with a good ending but it felt more like a cop out by saying you didn't want the 100 bucks you were just writing for God.

Not a very entertaining end to the season.

vote - nahsy

[Mound 10]

Honestly, I messed up by reading nah's verse before I started writing. After I read his ending I was instantly discouraged. Good verse nahs but amazing ending.

[Got Life?]

Nah - i think the 100 lines was way to much, you could have told this in about 50-60 and it would have hit better, instead this just dragged on and on...I like the idea you had and your delivery, but it wasn't really anything out of the box or over the top.

Mound - i still feel you don't deserve to be here, and well judging by your verse you definitely didn't deserve to be here, you wrote a complete cop out piece, you might as well have written a 16 about how you think nah son is a cool guy and should win the money.

vote = Nahsy... boo this match.

[Quriosity]

nah son, er um, decent story, i liked the actual fact that you told a story but the story overall was a bit lackluster, i think had the fight sequence been stronger it would have had a more impact in the ending, something dark and gruesome with a lot of blood and gore and physical contact, overall the flow to me was a bit inconsistent in lengths and syllables and sort of slowed down the reading process which also lessoned the impact, even still it was pretty well written with a decent and somewhat surprising ending, i wouldnt say is was the best ending or an ending to inspire someone to throw a match because the story as a whole could have easily been beaten, but it worked here and helped to heighten the emotion and creativity factor, overall i would rank this as a decent to good drop, partly because i expected more from you

mound, the idea as a whole was note worthy but i feel that you failed in execution here, this could have easily worked and toppled the competition but as is the content was bland and nothing new was brought to the table, in order for this approach to work i think there needed to be more power behind your words, here you just opted to reiterate general issues in what at first sounded like some sort of scientific utopia and then became a bland representation of earth today, it just didnt work for me, the ending as well could have been stronger but as is i still think it worked or would have worked had you had more power behind your words, i never really felt the emotion or connection with you, i never grasped your anger or feelings toward the world, it was just too bland and redundant, the flow however i did feel was slightly better than nah son's but overall this was only decent

with that said, a tough match and a dissapointment, i expected more from both and i really would love to vote for mound but his passion was near nonexistent in the piece up until the ending and it just didnt work for me, nah son told a pretty good story with a pretty good ending and therefore he gets my half-hearted nod in this one


so, vote - nah son