6. Lucifa - (16) vs. 11. Trybz - (7) VOTE NOW!

[J o o k]

The New RSTL Rules and Regulations

VERSES DUE:Friday 11:59 pm EST. NO RECYCLING.

Verses posted after the deadline will not count! UNLESS you post your verse before mods close threads (for some odd reason), and your opponent agrees to let your verse stand.

VOTES DUE: Sunday 8 PM PST. 4 votes per participant, POST LINKS in your match. Each link not posted will result in a 1 vote deduction up to 4 votes obviously.

*Votes posted after deadline will not count in a tie or a close match, thus possibly resulting in a loss. GET YOUR VOTES IN.
You are also required to vote on the Championship, and Contendership match which will be included in your 4 votes.

If you are not in the league you cannot vote, unless you are an ex champion. Ex champions must vote on a minimum of 4 battles for their votes to count.

*Check-in (Posting in your match to show that you are aware the match exists) is encouraged but not required.

*Verses MUST incorporate at least one of the provided topics and must be at least 16 lines and must not exceed 64 lines.

*Anyone who does not post at least 4 lines, incorporating at least one of the provided topics, is considered a no-show.

*During check-in, you can ask your opponent to agree to a line limit (Minimum 16) and if your opponent agrees, Moderators will hold both participants to that limit.

*Posting between 4-15 lines is considered a no-show.

* EXSTENSTIONS will be granted on a case by case basis.

*If your opponent no shows you will still be held accountable for posting TWO VOTES.

*Votes must at least be 2 lines in length for each verse.

NO SHOWS WILL COUNT AS A LOSS.

Lastly: Moderators have FINAL say over all situations that arise.

Amendments

1. Mods can vote.

2. You're opponent automatically gets the same extension deadline.

3. You cannot win a championship by no show. You will become the number #1 seed, but you must win by vote to be a champion. This does not apply for defenses.

[Lucifa]

Votes

1 5. Vada - (19) vs. 12. DaAlmightDolla - (7) VOTE NOW!
2 1. TheReturn - (39) vs. 16. ApoGee - (4) VOTE NOW!
3 7. S. Issue - (11) vs. 10. RICO - (8) VOTE NOW!
4 4. Got Life? - (24) vs. 13. TeKneeK - (7) VOTE NOW!

[Lucifa]

My scars prove my worth

I'm happy now but will it last?
cos shit can change in a flash then too fast I'm reminded of my past
my life metamorphosized into a state where suicidal thoughts derive
it's down to my family that I survived and I thank the Lord that my son arrived
gave me a purpose in life and a reason to live the reason why I purchased me crib
the reason why I won't again lose my grip, keep my sanity and not let go of it
I think about my past and don't wanna go back
where I had serious thoughts of a rope around my neck, with no slack
suffocating myself with an air tight sack
uncontrolable feeling there was no way out
I just needed to shout and tell someone what my feelings inside were about
my strength was draining away like I was living a rainy day
wasn't anything anyone could say, I couldn't even find the faith to pray
I was filled with hate and self pity, blaming God for making my life so shitty
until I was ready to let the truth hit me
I had to fight for myself cos no-one was gonna do it for me
so I picked myself up out of my chair
looked in the mirror and fixed my hair, saw a refleced nightmare
walked outside to remind myself of the smell of fresh air
saw the little kids playing ball in the street
felt the weight on my shoulders crushing my feet
but I'm not ready to face defeat cos now I got my son Ty
and I've let those tears dry
so I'm happy now but will it last?
cos shit can change in a flash then too fast I'm reminded of my past
my life metamorphosized into a state where suicidal thoughts derive
it's down to my family that I survived and I thank the Lord that my son arrived
Ty, I love you and you're the reason why, why I left those thoughts behind
thoughts of suicide in a previous mind
they say truth is blind but I was blinded by the truth
found more wisdom in my wisdom tooth
than in what anyone said to me
the truth was dead to me as nothing seemed as it was said to be
looking for the truth, hoping that the truth would set me free from this life of captivity
they say that the best things in life are free
so why does everything in life come at a price for me?
turned to the pills to fight my fears, standing in the rain to hide my tears
every ten minutes .. felt like years
friends turned to backstabbers and I couldn't climb the ladders
that led to a level of normality
blades to my veins just seemed like a formality
no-one seemed to notice me like a storm out at sea
torture and pain filled my brain, would a bullet to the brain kill the pain?
tell me .. do you see the logic in the shit that I'm saying or am I going insane?
I'm happy now but will it last?
cos shit can change in a flash then too fast I'm reminded of my past
my life metamorphosized into a state where suicidal thoughts derive
it's down to my family that I survived and I thank the Lord that my son arrived
he kept me alive and kept me sane and he's gonna continue my family name
if it wasn't for him I'd probably go crazy
but he's the reason none of you can phase me
life ain't easy, believe me, but you need to soldier on
and hold your own, like Macaulay Culkin when he was Home Alone
life ain't real until you've stared death in the face, felt his cold breath on your face
and had a feeling of what the brink of death is like
don't get caught up in the hype of walking toward the light
I can't afford not to fight
I'm happy now and hoping to make it last
cos like I say, shit can change in a flash and you don't wanna live my past
so when thoughts of suicide arrive, you need to label them 'access denied'
cos you need to survive!

The light at the end of the tunnel has been extinguished, by the blood that runs from my open veins

[Trybz]

Votes:

Proof reading, will put my verse up in a few.

[Trybz]

The glass dick burned her lips,
The fetuses mourn her hips
3 abortions into life, later
She thinks of keeping the next one in hopes it might save her
Might give her hope, a glimpse, a vision
Aside from the dense incisions,
Caused by the knife she aims at her veins,
But dodges purposely, like a raptured game
For the attention, she craves, she slaves
To it, and has been missing 3 days
It replays, and replays the anguish sets in
Her pimp keeps her high, and she lets him

Because of all the times she came home to an empty house
And the times she had to hurry and get things out
Overnight bags before stepfather came home
The beatings were often of the same tone
A hard days work plus a beer to top it off
Equals a hand on her leg and her saying knock it off
So he retaliates with blows, and she closes her eyes
In hopes the sky will take her and show her why
Now she sits bruised,
And goes to this school,
Where the teacher turns a blind eye,
My, .... how time flies

Back to reality and the abortions and pimps
Selling her body for funds and barely getting a portion of it
Extortion it is, disproportionate,
But the only thing she can say is, she's unfortunate
To have had the childhood she's had with bleedin' eyes
So she always has an excuse and a reason why
She is the way she is, and does the things she do,
The fucked up part is, she really thinks it's true

So nine months has passed her poise
And she's about to deliver a bastard boy
She is there alone, nobody to hold her hand
But it's what she needs to do, to help mold her plan
No more needs of an older man
To feel secure in her thought, it's a bolder stand
Now she has a young boy she has to show how to be a man
But it will be difficult to follow through on the deed at hand

Because you see, she never really had a positive male influence
Only beatings, where fist fly, and males intrude in
On her body, no sanctuary adorned her thighs
Only fast talking people with money, some who scorned her eyes

So she looks him in the face, and promises him
That she'll be there forever while palmin' his skin
He looked like her,
Even had spasms, and shook like her
The 3 abortions before were really not her bother
The first two were before she turned 15, from her step father
The last one was from a client, who paid her well
While she was 16 and under age as well

So now the time came for her to do right
For the sake of her child and see the true light
Now she is ready to hold her own
Will she be there for her kid, or will he journey on lifes road alone?

[J o o k]

Over the no shows

[Mound 10]

Lucifa - the first thing i noticed is a grammar error in line 5 "purchased me crib". i hate to critique pieces like this because they are so personal, and who am i to tell someone that their life experiences don't compel me? so i will not grade you on those experiences, which i'm proud you overcame adversity, but on your piece overall. to be honest i disliked the repetitiveness of the few lines in the beginning middle and so on. it just took away and made an already kind of cliche piece even more monotonous. the mechanics need a little work, but the thing that held this piece together was the emotion, because it was just so non-fictional to me. overall a decent read.

Trybz - this started off with slang "glass dick" of course i know is a crack pipe, but it's not universally known so you should keep it out of your pieces. i have to say though this story kept me more interested then i was in Lucifas. the imagery was pleasant, the story was easy to follow, and the flow was very smooth. i was judging her before i got to the end and seen the reasons behind why she gave up the other kids. it turned from a gloomy piece to a semi-hopeful one. i can appreciate that, since most end in darkness in this league. the end was good because you used the pic to further put an image to the words you closed with. overall a pretty cool read.


vote = Trybz, he was more entertaining, and his mechanics weren't as sloppy.

[Quriosity]

lucifa, im surprised and equally dissappointed at this verse, maybe if we were conversing about your problems or how you felt this would have been understandable but as a verse in a creative writing league i feel that this failed drastically in many areas and for many various reasons, i dont mean to be harsh but basically this verse dragged on for what seemed like forever with terribly stretched lines for no apparant reason and a flow that at times made me want to puke, the readibility factor was minimal and this really gave me a headache, more importantly you attempted to deliver a "personal" piece which should offer strong emotion and yet all you ever seemed to do was babble about your life being shitty but failed to explain specific events in which made your life shitty, you went from buying a house to hanging yourself and being on drugs with no explanation, the repetition of those few lines was also annoying and unnecessary, overall i really didnt enjoy this, maybe its because i had a headache before reading but this definately made it worse and i swear it seemed as though the madness would never end, another weak point is the actual tie in to the quote which miscontrues the original conclusion that i gathered, it makes it seem as though you may have acutally killed yourself which doesnt add or subtract any value but just confuses the reader, decent shot but you can do much better than this, there were also spelling/grammar errors as well as a lot of slang and just immature writing tactics, you basically gave trybz the win here

trybz, this started off in the right direction and then you said "and does the things she do" and i stopped reading to type this, i mean really --does that seem grammatically correct to you? sacrificial wording yet again which essentially delivered more harm than help, overall this verse had alot more potential than what it was worth, your flow was better than lucifa's however it still wasnt impressive by far, the tie in to the pictures were good ideas but you executed them poorly, it just seemed as though you focused on describing irrelevant aspects of the story instead of developing key areas and sticking to one specific plot that would have made this story a much better read, for instance at the very end you decide to tell of her abortions which was really pointless at that time and threw the ending off, also wording in some areas like i pointed out above threw me off as well, the ending picture was the strongest thing of the entire verse which is rather silly to say seeing as all you did was copy and paste a link, but it offered more imagery than your writing did and ended the story rather nicely, i dont know but something just seemed to be missing to me and it seemed as though this could have been a lot better, as is it was a good idea decently written with a decent flow and okay wording and minimal emotion

but, in the end i still think that trybz pulled it out here, his verse just offered that much more than lucifa's, had lucifa ever touched on exactly why he felt as though his life was shitty instead of rambling on like a suicidal lunatic i think this would have been a better battle, but trybz barely gets the nod here in a rather lackluster battle in my opinion that was probably the least enjoyable yet

[Lucifa]

spelling? .. I messed up one fucking word kid .. and that's what mound pulled me up on .. a mistake of "me" not "my" that I missed on a proof read .. wtf? @ trying to say there were loads ..

and seriously .. you threw up a piece using repetitive bars the other week and now you want to try and bag on me doing so? .. wtf? ..

I didn't underestimate Trybz .. but I certainly overestimated voters .. this wasn't about "this is why my life was messed up" .. it was "this is how I felt about it" .. wtf? ..

seriously .. wtf? .. bull ..

g'luck in the next round Trybz ..

oh .. and I know this flows damn straight .. cos it's recorded ..

[Quriosity]

sorry luc

but for the record, there were other typos/mistakes whatever

but i didnt expect this reaction, i respect you for posting such a verse but i just felt that it failed to connect where it should have mainly on a personal/emotional level, you just skipped around about sucidal thoughts and how your life was shitty and never really went into detail about the shitty aspects of your life

and i was reprimanded for repetition as well

but in this case, it as unnecessary in my opinion

but by all mean, i didnt mean for it to come off as harsh

its all love homie

[Lucifa]

it's not some OTT reaction Q .. it's just .. "wtf?" .. please .. point out those mistakes though .. cos I've read it 4 times now .. and the me/my thing is the only error I see ..

[TheReturn]

Luci - Alright, well this was written pretty well, some of the lines felt really stretched, like you combined two lines into one, but I never felt like it took away from the flow very much. Story itself was ok, nothing too creative but I got through it. Didn't really pull me in or offer anything to stick out in my mind though.

Trybz - This read really fast, in a too fast kind of way. I didn't feel any pull to the character or the fact that she was in the situation she was in. The flow was really good, I stayed interested the whole way through, but really wasn't wow'ed through the whole thing. The ending was the only saving grace and how you tied it into the picture, which was creative in my opinion. I was wondering how that picture would be used.

Overall, I haven't read the other votes nor do I know what Luci is complaining about. The repetetive bars and one spelling mistake shouldn't make any difference in a vote, but to me, I was just more interested in Trybz piece. I know you are complaining about child molesting stories, but yet you wrote a piece about contemplating suicide and how your son made a difference in your life, and with pretty vague discriptions at that. This league has been around for almost a decade and it is incredibly hard to come up with something that hasn't been done before, which is why there has been a shift from good stories to good mechanics. To me, this came down to two uncreative ideas and two underdeveloped stories, but I just felt like if I had to go back and read one I would pick Trybz' because of the fact that it didn't drag on as much and I could follow the flow alot better, so Trybz gets my vote in this one.

[Lord Drama]

Cool match,

Lucifa, I liked your verse. There was a lot of emotion in your lines and the feelings came across well for me as a reader. I would have liked to see more of a story develope out of your feelings being portrayed.

Trybz .. I felt you had just as much emotion in your piece as your oponents, but the thing that put it above it was the story that went with it. The story gave all the emotion a place and meaning and it left the verse feeling complete as I finished reading. nice stuff

vote trybz

[Got Life?]

disappointing week...this was no different...

lok - this wasn't your best piece of work by any means...the emotion to the piece was pretty engaging, but at the end I felt that your piece never really drew me in..

trybz - the story was kinda cool...I like the more upbeat ending to it and how you are left to wonder...in reality the piece wasn't anything over the top, but the progression worked...

vote = Trybz

[J o o k]

LoK: I just want to say I can see the emotion and the need for this piece. You wrote for yourself, and that's nice to see. On the other hand, you have us voters here, and we're are yearning for more substance. Something to make the 3-4 minutes to fully read and understand more enjoyable. After all we are humans, and it is in our nature to be