7. S. Issue - (11) vs. 10. RICO - (8) VOTE NOW!

J o o k · 01-07-2008, 07:48 PM

The New RSTL Rules and Regulations

VERSES DUE:Friday 11:59 pm EST. NO RECYCLING.

Verses posted after the deadline will not count! UNLESS you post your verse before mods close threads (for some odd reason), and your opponent agrees to let your verse stand.

VOTES DUE: Sunday 8 PM PST. 4 votes per participant, POST LINKS in your match. Each link not posted will result in a 1 vote deduction up to 4 votes obviously.

*Votes posted after deadline will not count in a tie or a close match, thus possibly resulting in a loss. GET YOUR VOTES IN.
You are also required to vote on the Championship, and Contendership match which will be included in your 4 votes.

If you are not in the league you cannot vote, unless you are an ex champion. Ex champions must vote on a minimum of 4 battles for their votes to count.

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*Verses MUST incorporate at least one of the provided topics and must be at least 16 lines and must not exceed 64 lines.

*Anyone who does not post at least 4 lines, incorporating at least one of the provided topics, is considered a no-show.

*During check-in, you can ask your opponent to agree to a line limit (Minimum 16) and if your opponent agrees, Moderators will hold both participants to that limit.

*Posting between 4-15 lines is considered a no-show.

* EXSTENSTIONS will be granted on a case by case basis.

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*Votes must at least be 2 lines in length for each verse.

NO SHOWS WILL COUNT AS A LOSS.

Lastly: Moderators have FINAL say over all situations that arise.

Amendments

1. Mods can vote.

2. You're opponent automatically gets the same extension deadline.

3. You cannot win a championship by no show. You will become the number #1 seed, but you must win by vote to be a champion. This does not apply for defenses.

S. Issue · 01-07-2008, 07:53 PM

checking in. good luck RICO.

RICO · 01-08-2008, 02:08 AM

....S.

i wish you the best of luck.

but this time i tend to put forth effort.

S. Issue · 01-11-2008, 01:13 PM

"The Whore House"

Lucy used to dance around the chances of rain
stayed out to play, pranced and prayed for the storm’s delay.
But skies turned sinister and foul, dark as night came down,
heavier than dragging rain clouds floating above the ground.
Moon beams cut lightly across evening as silent greetings
rolled from thunder’s lips and daylight began fleeing
over the expanses of housing; high rises that don’t shine,
as water dripped from crooked cracks, hidden ‘til the sun died.
Her smile drooped and turned to sadness. Driven inside,
she died a bit as time flies and she could only sit idly by.
Her step-dad’s boots entered the room, he hums a tune
and turns to croon but sees Lucy with wet pants and shoes.
Stopping short of her, he grabbed a strap and quickly asks,
“Honey, what happened to your brand new pants?”
But, before she answers back, he’s swung the leather strap
letting the rawhide lick against her neck and back.
Descending upon her, he rips and tears her clothes,
pummeling her little face and nearly breaking her nose,
then with the same quickness that came with his hate
he goes back to the bedroom, to continue her mother’s rape.
She’s been beaten, fucked, and degraded since they married
and this cretin tucked her, elated, into bed before he carried
her mother away into slavery, sinful yet bravely.
He knew the outcome, and only wanted to fuck the baby.
So when mother left, he would use Lucy, her youth
is what he lusted after. Sadly, it’s the sick truth.

That was in her childhood, where a child stood,
unwilling to be cast out, alone, into a wild neighborhood.
She went to school, played cool, dated dudes and got used,
But eventually confused lust for love, she birthed two
babies with mouths full of pleas, tears and lofty dreams
that she vows will not be dashed by piercing screams
or the presence of a conniving, useless man
who promises the world, but only gives her his hand.
And now, well, Lucy has overcome the odds and all,
emerging from her parking stall near the elevator’s wall.
A high level executive, she left the kids, with their father,
no longer questioning her decisions, she took a corporate offer
For a receptionist position, but quickly climbed
into line for advancement from her meager rank in life.
Riding the elevator she leans, listening to her CD player,
on the way to a meeting that might make her
the youngest woman to have excelled this high up
into the company’s fine trust. Co-workers find lust
as she struts past them all, into the conference room.
Shades draw as she hums a low tune.
Stripping down to negligee, her coat lies on the table,
the sable robe opens to reveal the office staple;
her body, naked and waiting for the current chairman
to take her and do what he wants, she can barely hear him.
All she feels are her step father’s plans, and icy glands,
wrapping around her legs and opening them with his hands,
which pry and poke, no one knows the joke,
that she fucks her way to the top. She knows the ropes.
She has hopes, and dreams, but uses her sexuality now,
She fucks in board room, instead of the whore house.

this is definitely something rushed and i am not happy about it, but its your chance RICO. bring that heat.

RICO · 01-11-2008, 11:21 PM

so here's a story of a girl just turned seventeen......good grades, plays sports any good parents dream
she scored a thirteen thirty on her S.A.T 's......as well as first captain of her schools track team
applied for one college, they say she was a guarantee......only girl from our town to get a degree
wore glasses and, acted in all of the school plays......even stayed an hour late on every Tuesdays
to help, with all the kids that needed help on grades......or assisting the school staff with financial aid
..... ......
.... .......
.... **********not just smart though************** .......
.... ......
.... .......
.... ........
but the twist is, is that this girl is gifted.....listen up, got brains AND her breast dont need to be lifted
but unlike any girl with a lil body to brag.....she isn't out drinking and sleeping with every guy that she pass
she minds her business n listens to dad......washing the dishes, cleaning her room, never making him mad
that's when one Friday she decided to ask.....can i go out mom, with a kid from my class.....?
...... ........
...... ........
..... **********after she gets ready************ ........
..... ........
..... ........
.... ........
so she hops in the car, and picks up rick.....the only boy she gave a chance to cause he wasn't a prick
first in his class, got a scholly to Clemson.....not the best lookin though a safe best is what she was guess'n
she wanted a nice night, nothing outta the norm.....but she was wrong when rick asked to stop at the store
he had a fake I.D got a six pack of zimma.....with a blunt wrap, and jumped back in the beamer
..... .......
..... .......
..... .........
.... *************movie time************ .......
..... .......
..... ........
scared at first but she was tired of following rules.......plus she was with rick she figured this fellow was koo
so she popped her first zimma, and nothing had changed.....the movie, and rick was all the same
so after her third bottle, they lit up a blunt......and as soon as rick lit it up, she took her first puff
but after the roach had grown short, you could see in her eyes.....that after this first expereince she wasn't ready to drive
..... .........
.... .........
.... ........
.... ***********after it all************** ........
.... ........
.... ........
.... ........
.... ........
what was i thinking? i was too smart to be dumb......i shouldn't have been drinking, i know i was too young
and a blunt? come on, what was i, a thug from the hood?......i shoulda said no, like i normally would
and then to drive after that, that wasn't right......if i was sober i woulda easily seen that red light
and now that mom and two kids who woulda known......maybe they woulda got their groceries home
and rick wouldn't be stuck in a hospital bed......with cuts and lump, all over his head
but i was just fine, lucky is what the doctors had said.....but if you ask me, i say i shoulda been dead.
my dad was disappointed, he didn't say it but i could tell......plus my mom said that she got a letter in the mail
that after this incident, she was informed that i failed......i guess killing a family off three can get you denied for a scholarship to yale

"WHY DIDN'T I JUST SAY NO"

J o o k · 01-12-2008, 12:49 AM

Rico I made your font a little bigger so I could read it. Sorry man I couldn't see.

But good fucking battle here.

J o o k · 01-12-2008, 12:57 AM

Over the no shows

Lucifa · 01-12-2008, 05:25 AM

god dammit @ another child getting molested .. you sick fucks .. lol ..

Iss - raised your game a bit this week .. the last few weeks you have been a little off but this was back on track as far as the writing standard goes .. flow was good and the read was kept interesting and smooth .. the transitions mergred well and the idea was ok .. yet another reference to child rape but I think it was more a reference as this seemed more geared toward the idea of women using their sexuality for gain .. the imagery was a little lacking in areas but in general it was a straight read ..

RICO - this is text .. so first thing I point out is the format of structure you went with here .. it wasn't needed .. you only had 50 lines anyway .. so to merge bars wasn't needed to create 25 lines here .. it didn't need the dots splitting the mini verses either .. to say that the lines were technically short ~ this didn't really flow great but I guess it wasn't bad either .. the story was fairly interesting although I was expecting her to have died in that crash and the story to have taken a twist in that direction .. maybe you get credit for surprising me with our ending .. or maybe you don't based on it not being the most interesting or creative ending .. lol .. iono .. it was straight though ..

Vote = jeez .. this is too close to call in all honesty .. wait a sec .. *gets out the abacus*

Aspect - Iss - RICO
Flow - 7 - 6
Vocab - 5 - 5
Multies - 0 - 1
Imagery - 6 - 5
Plot/Concept - 6 - 6
Originiality - 5 - 6
Entertainment Value - 7 - 6
Initial Reaction Score - 6 - 6

that's how close this shit is for me .. but by my math ..

Vote = S.Issue .. barely taking this .. could go either way .. g'luck to you both ..

Quriosity · 01-13-2008, 01:38 PM

s. issue, another decently written decent idea from you, your flow seems unnecessarily stretched to me as i read and really lessens the impact of each line, the story in itself was a decent interpretation and tie in to the pictures and topics, nothing over the top or too creative but just a decent take and delivery, personally i feel that your writing is too wordy and yet fails on delivering the right words, i really can't explain it but something always seems to be missing in your writing, besides that however i did enjoy the overall plot and the ending was a good one with good descriptions, the progression was rather rapid throughout and lowered the connectivity between the reader and the character but the ending itself was actually written fairly well and wrapped up the rest of the plot/verse nicely, overall this was fairly good but i wouldnt go as far as to say dope, just another decent verse that was decently written, the flow just wasnt good enough nor the wording to land this in the dope category, but the story was enjoyable

rico, scholly? come on man, never sacrifice wording for flow, especially that drastically, anyway -- the idea was good here and had potential for a good EMO piece but i think TheReturn would have been a more fitting author as you missed out on a lot of emo points, the dots were unnecessary and the rapid progression of the story really hurt the emotion factor, you skipped too quickly to an event (the ending) with little to nil explanation, you should have described the events more vividly leading up to the accident and crash and maybe you could have described even the family that was murdered a little more so that the reader felt more connected to the tragic event, as is it was just a fast paced read of a decently written verse with little to offer

overall this was a pretty well matched battle, both had good ideas that could have been executed better, but s. issue showed more maturity in his writing and covered his topic a little better, his character development and progression worked better than rico's here and i also enjoyed his tie in to the topic more, rico's was like sitting in one of those traffic/defensive driving courses and watching those videos or something and all in all was a weak tie in to the picture but still could have worked as a verse had he hieghtened the EMO a bit to build the characters before delivering such a tragic ending

vote - s. issue

TheReturn · 01-13-2008, 07:15 PM

S.Issue - First and foremost this shit reminded me of my piece. Same picture, same step dad molesting, hell almost the same girl's name. I don't know, I guess it was alright how the transition went from abuse in her childhood and carried over to her corporate career, but I didn't see anything creative with the take on the picture (either of them). Flow and structure wasn't bad, story itself was meh.

RICO - First off, wtf @ this structure? Why the dots and two for one lines? I enjoyed your story more, although it was pretty cliche, I felt like you brought something alittle more unique to the table. I think I would have liked it alot more if the structure was divided up better, and I'm pretty sure you would still make the line limit, and the flow was pretty good too.

I'm giving my vote to RICO based on the fact that I felt like he had a better story idea and executed his idea better.

Lord Drama · 01-13-2008, 08:52 PM

this shit is almost too close to call

SI... nice drop this week.. there was a lot of detail in your lines and each one unravled a new idea and direction, showing where it was going. The story was itself common, specially this week, as there have been a lot of the same molest things goin on in peoples verses, but solid drop.

Rico... this is the best I seen you drop as of late.. I really enjoyed the story as a whole, and thought that you did a good job conveying it. I liked how you incorperated the education factor and a girl bound for success and the downfall of doing something bad, that you didnt really want to do in the first place.. this was def a piece in proper moral, even if the story's end is negative.

Vote Rico for a more gripping story that was constructed in a way that makes a reader think about moral and how one views it in its own sense.. although SI's piece is like that too in a way.. so it really is an even match with one story appearing better to me. good shit dudes

J o o k · 01-14-2008, 01:18 AM

Okay this is a matter of self preference. There is no possible way to choose a definite winner because depending where each of us our, and our viewpoints is how we will vote. S. Issue this was a good piece from you. I like the flow. I think you have raw imagery also duke. The thing I was dissatisfied with was your transitioning, it wasn't smooth at all. It's almost as if you were writing something, stopped, came back to it at a later date and executed with a different thought. RICO, I knew you were fooling around with us all along. You came to the battle with your end of the deal. This was a solid piece, I wasn't a big fan of the structure but it definitely wasn't too much of a big deal. I like where you took it. Very morally sound. Very effective, and enough to get the vote from me.

Vote - RICO

RICO · 01-14-2008, 02:06 AM

votes in and hour

5. Vada - (19) vs. 12. DaAlmightDolla - (7) VOTE NOW!

4. Got Life? - (24) vs. 13. TeKneeK - (7) VOTE NOW!

1. TheReturn - (39) vs. 16. ApoGee - (4) VOTE NOW!

3. Eye-Rime - (32) vs. 14. L Dogg - (5) VOTE NOW!

Janitor · 01-17-2008, 05:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RICO

so here's a story of a girl just turned seventeen......good grades, plays sports any good parents dream
she scored a thirteen thirty on her S.A.T 's......as well as first captain of her schools track team
applied for one college, they say she was a guarantee......only girl from our town to get a degree
wore glasses and, acted in all of the school plays......even stayed an hour late on every Tuesdays
to help, with all the kids that needed help on grades......or assisting the school staff with financial aid
..... ......
.... .......
.... **********not just smart though************** .......
.... ......
.... .......
.... ........
but the twist is, is that this girl is gifted.....listen up, got brains AND her breast dont need to be lifted
but unlike any girl with a lil body to brag.....she isn't out drinking and sleeping with every guy that she pass
she minds her business n listens to dad......washing the dishes, cleaning her room, never making him mad
that's when one Friday she decided to ask.....can i go out mom, with a kid from my class.....?
...... ........
...... ........
..... **********after she gets ready************ ........
..... ........
..... ........
.... ........
so she hops in the car, and picks up rick.....the only boy she gave a chance to cause he wasn't a prick
first in his class, got a scholly to Clemson.....not the best lookin though a safe best is what she was guess'n
she wanted a nice night, nothing outta the norm.....but she was wrong when rick asked to stop at the store
he had a fake I.D got a six pack of zimma.....with a blunt wrap, and jumped back in the beamer
..... .......
..... .......
..... .........
.... *************movie time************ .......
..... .......
..... ........
scared at first but she was tired of following rules.......plus she was with rick she figured this fellow was koo
so she popped her first zimma, and nothing had changed.....the movie, and rick was all the same
so after her third bottle, they lit up a blunt......and as soon as rick lit it up, she took her fir

01-07-2008, 07:48 PM	#1 (permalink)
J o o k free the oppressed. Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Bay Area, Ca Posts: 9,652	7. S. Issue - (11) vs. 10. RICO - (8) VOTE NOW! The New RSTL Rules and Regulations VERSES DUE:Friday 11:59 pm EST. NO RECYCLING. Verses posted after the deadline will not count! UNLESS you post your verse before mods close threads (for some odd reason), and your opponent agrees to let your verse stand. VOTES DUE: Sunday 8 PM PST. 4 votes per participant, POST LINKS in your match. Each link not posted will result in a 1 vote deduction up to 4 votes obviously. Votes posted after deadline will not count in a tie or a close match, thus possibly resulting in a loss. GET YOUR VOTES IN. You are also required to vote on the Championship, and Contendership match which will be included in your 4 votes. If you are not in the league you cannot vote, unless you are an ex champion. Ex champions must vote on a minimum of 4 battles for their votes to count. Check-in (Posting in your match to show that you are aware the match exists) is encouraged but not required. Verses MUST incorporate at least one of the provided topics and must be at least 16 lines and must not exceed 64 lines. Anyone who does not post at least 4 lines, incorporating at least one of the provided topics, is considered a no-show. During check-in, you can ask your opponent to agree to a line limit (Minimum 16) and if your opponent agrees, Moderators will hold both participants to that limit. Posting between 4-15 lines is considered a no-show. * EXSTENSTIONS will be granted on a case by case basis. If your opponent no shows you will still be held accountable for posting TWO VOTES. Votes must at least be 2 lines in length for each verse. NO SHOWS WILL COUNT AS A LOSS. Lastly: Moderators have FINAL say over all situations that arise. Amendments 1. Mods can vote. 2. You're opponent automatically gets the same extension deadline. 3. You cannot win a championship by no show. You will become the number #1 seed, but you must win by vote to be a champion. This does not apply for defenses. __________________ "Somewhere a True Believer is training to kill you. He is training with minimal food or water, in austere conditions, training day and night. The only thing clean on him is his weapon. He doesn't worry about what workout to do - his ruck weighs what it weighs, his runs end when the enemy stops chasing him. This True Believer is not concerned about 'how hard it is;' he knows either he wins or dies. He doesn't go home at 17:00, he is home. He knows only The Cause." Win or Die. Still want to quit? Last edited by Quriosity; 01-07-2008 at 09:11 PM.

01-07-2008, 07:53 PM	#2 (permalink)
S. Issue Who? Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Bloomington, IN Posts: 762	checking in. good luck RICO. __________________ wrong, or write?

01-08-2008, 02:08 AM	#3 (permalink)
RICO my daughter right there Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Greatness: Capital R.I.C.O Posts: 4,920	....S. i wish you the best of luck. but this time i tend to put forth effort. __________________ WhereMusicGoes "NewTrack" I got the Timbalands in steel toe, Cause rap is a hobby I got a 9 to 5, thats how life goes"-RICO

01-11-2008, 01:13 PM	#4 (permalink)
S. Issue Who? Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Bloomington, IN Posts: 762	*"The Whore House"* Lucy used to dance around the chances of rain stayed out to play, pranced and prayed for the storm’s delay. But skies turned sinister and foul, dark as night came down, heavier than dragging rain clouds floating above the ground. Moon beams cut lightly across evening as silent greetings rolled from thunder’s lips and daylight began fleeing over the expanses of housing; high rises that don’t shine, as water dripped from crooked cracks, hidden ‘til the sun died. Her smile drooped and turned to sadness. Driven inside, she died a bit as time flies and she could only sit idly by. Her step-dad’s boots entered the room, he hums a tune and turns to croon but sees Lucy with wet pants and shoes. Stopping short of her, he grabbed a strap and quickly asks, “Honey, what happened to your brand new pants?” But, before she answers back, he’s swung the leather strap letting the rawhide lick against her neck and back. Descending upon her, he rips and tears her clothes, pummeling her little face and nearly breaking her nose, then with the same quickness that came with his hate he goes back to the bedroom, to continue her mother’s rape. She’s been beaten, fucked, and degraded since they married and this cretin tucked her, elated, into bed before he carried her mother away into slavery, sinful yet bravely. He knew the outcome, and only wanted to fuck the baby. So when mother left, he would use Lucy, her youth is what he lusted after. Sadly, it’s the sick truth. That was in her childhood, where a child stood, unwilling to be cast out, alone, into a wild neighborhood. She went to school, played cool, dated dudes and got used, But eventually confused lust for love, she birthed two babies with mouths full of pleas, tears and lofty dreams that she vows will not be dashed by piercing screams or the presence of a conniving, useless man who promises the world, but only gives her his hand. And now, well, Lucy has overcome the odds and all, emerging from her parking stall near the elevator’s wall. A high level executive, she left the kids, with their father, no longer questioning her decisions, she took a corporate offer For a receptionist position, but quickly climbed into line for advancement from her meager rank in life. Riding the elevator she leans, listening to her CD player, on the way to a meeting that might make her the youngest woman to have excelled this high up into the company’s fine trust. Co-workers find lust as she struts past them all, into the conference room. Shades draw as she hums a low tune. Stripping down to negligee, her coat lies on the table, the sable robe opens to reveal the office staple; her body, naked and waiting for the current chairman to take her and do what he wants, she can barely hear him. All she feels are her step father’s plans, and icy glands, wrapping around her legs and opening them with his hands, which pry and poke, no one knows the joke, that she fucks her way to the top. She knows the ropes. She has hopes, and dreams, but uses her sexuality now, She fucks in board room, instead of the whore house. this is definitely something rushed and i am not happy about it, but its your chance RICO. bring that heat. __________________ wrong, or write? Last edited by S. Issue; 01-11-2008 at 02:26 PM.

01-11-2008, 11:21 PM	#5 (permalink)
RICO my daughter right there Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Greatness: Capital R.I.C.O Posts: 4,920	so here's a story of a girl just turned seventeen......good grades, plays sports any good parents dream she scored a thirteen thirty on her S.A.T 's......as well as first captain of her schools track team applied for one college, they say she was a guarantee......only girl from our town to get a degree wore glasses and, acted in all of the school plays......even stayed an hour late on every Tuesdays to help, with all the kids that needed help on grades......or assisting the school staff with financial aid ..... ...... .... ....... .... ********not just smart though********** ....... .... ...... .... ....... .... ........ but the twist is, is that this girl is gifted.....listen up, got brains AND her breast dont need to be lifted but unlike any girl with a lil body to brag.....she isn't out drinking and sleeping with every guy that she pass she minds her business n listens to dad......washing the dishes, cleaning her room, never making him mad that's when one Friday she decided to ask.....can i go out mom, with a kid from my class.....? ...... ........ ...... ........ ..... ******after she gets ready******** ........ ..... ........ ..... ........ .... ........ so she hops in the car, and picks up rick.....the only boy she gave a chance to cause he wasn't a prick first in his class, got a scholly to Clemson.....not the best lookin though a safe best is what she was guess'n she wanted a nice night, nothing outta the norm.....but she was wrong when rick asked to stop at the store he had a fake I.D got a six pack of zimma.....with a blunt wrap, and jumped back in the beamer ..... ....... ..... ....... ..... ......... .... *********movie time******** ....... ..... ....... ..... ........ scared at first but she was tired of following rules.......plus she was with rick she figured this fellow was koo so she popped her first zimma, and nothing had changed.....the movie, and rick was all the same so after her third bottle, they lit up a blunt......and as soon as rick lit it up, she took her first puff but after the roach had grown short, you could see in her eyes.....that after this first expereince she wasn't ready to drive ..... ......... .... ......... .... ........ .... *******after it all************ ........ .... ........ .... ........ .... ........ .... ........ what was i thinking? i was too smart to be dumb......i shouldn't have been drinking, i know i was too young and a blunt? come on, what was i, a thug from the hood?......i shoulda said no, like i normally would and then to drive after that, that wasn't right......if i was sober i woulda easily seen that red light and now that mom and two kids who woulda known......maybe they woulda got their groceries home and rick wouldn't be stuck in a hospital bed......with cuts and lump, all over his head but i was just fine, lucky is what the doctors had said.....but if you ask me, i say i shoulda been dead. my dad was disappointed, he didn't say it but i could tell......plus my mom said that she got a letter in the mail that after this incident, she was informed that i failed......i guess killing a family off three can get you denied for a scholarship to yale "WHY DIDN'T I JUST SAY NO" __________________ WhereMusicGoes "NewTrack" I got the Timbalands in steel toe, Cause rap is a hobby I got a 9 to 5, thats how life goes"-RICO Last edited by J o o k; 01-12-2008 at 12:49 AM.

01-12-2008, 12:49 AM	#6 (permalink)
J o o k free the oppressed. Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Bay Area, Ca Posts: 9,652	Rico I made your font a little bigger so I could read it. Sorry man I couldn't see. But good fucking battle here. __________________ "Somewhere a True Believer is training to kill you. He is training with minimal food or water, in austere conditions, training day and night. The only thing clean on him is his weapon. He doesn't worry about what workout to do - his ruck weighs what it weighs, his runs end when the enemy stops chasing him. This True Believer is not concerned about 'how hard it is;' he knows either he wins or dies. He doesn't go home at 17:00, he is home. He knows only The Cause." Win or Die. Still want to quit? Last edited by J o o k; 01-12-2008 at 12:51 AM.

01-12-2008, 12:57 AM	#7 (permalink)
J o o k free the oppressed. Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Bay Area, Ca Posts: 9,652	Over the no shows __________________ "Somewhere a True Believer is training to kill you. He is training with minimal food or water, in austere conditions, training day and night. The only thing clean on him is his weapon. He doesn't worry about what workout to do - his ruck weighs what it weighs, his runs end when the enemy stops chasing him. This True Believer is not concerned about 'how hard it is;' he knows either he wins or dies. He doesn't go home at 17:00, he is home. He knows only The Cause." Win or Die. Still want to quit?

01-12-2008, 05:25 AM	#8 (permalink)
Lucifa Viva La Eva Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: United Kingdom Status: Rumba Raving Posts: 16,787	god dammit @ another child getting molested .. you sick fucks .. lol .. Iss - raised your game a bit this week .. the last few weeks you have been a little off but this was back on track as far as the writing standard goes .. flow was good and the read was kept interesting and smooth .. the transitions mergred well and the idea was ok .. yet another reference to child rape but I think it was more a reference as this seemed more geared toward the idea of women using their sexuality for gain .. the imagery was a little lacking in areas but in general it was a straight read .. RICO - this is text .. so first thing I point out is the format of structure you went with here .. it wasn't needed .. you only had 50 lines anyway .. so to merge bars wasn't needed to create 25 lines here .. it didn't need the dots splitting the mini verses either .. to say that the lines were technically short ~ this didn't really flow great but I guess it wasn't bad either .. the story was fairly interesting although I was expecting her to have died in that crash and the story to have taken a twist in that direction .. maybe you get credit for surprising me with our ending .. or maybe you don't based on it not being the most interesting or creative ending .. lol .. iono .. it was straight though .. Vote = jeez .. this is too close to call in all honesty .. wait a sec .. gets out the abacus Aspect - Iss - RICO Flow - 7 - 6 Vocab - 5 - 5 Multies - 0 - 1 Imagery - 6 - 5 Plot/Concept - 6 - 6 Originiality - 5 - 6 Entertainment Value - 7 - 6 Initial Reaction Score - 6 - 6 that's how close this shit is for me .. but by my math .. Vote = S.Issue .. barely taking this .. could go either way .. g'luck to you both .. __________________ Boy Better Know TMU Na Na Nai RSTL Ironman Tournament is up & running

01-13-2008, 01:38 PM	#9 (permalink)
Quriosity Michael Clayton of Text Join Date: Nov 2001 Location: Atlanta, Ga Posts: 19,047	s. issue, another decently written decent idea from you, your flow seems unnecessarily stretched to me as i read and really lessens the impact of each line, the story in itself was a decent interpretation and tie in to the pictures and topics, nothing over the top or too creative but just a decent take and delivery, personally i feel that your writing is too wordy and yet fails on delivering the right words, i really can't explain it but something always seems to be missing in your writing, besides that however i did enjoy the overall plot and the ending was a good one with good descriptions, the progression was rather rapid throughout and lowered the connectivity between the reader and the character but the ending itself was actually written fairly well and wrapped up the rest of the plot/verse nicely, overall this was fairly good but i wouldnt go as far as to say dope, just another decent verse that was decently written, the flow just wasnt good enough nor the wording to land this in the dope category, but the story was enjoyable rico, scholly? come on man, never sacrifice wording for flow, especially that drastically, anyway -- the idea was good here and had potential for a good EMO piece but i think TheReturn would have been a more fitting author as you missed out on a lot of emo points, the dots were unnecessary and the rapid progression of the story really hurt the emotion factor, you skipped too quickly to an event (the ending) with little to nil explanation, you should have described the events more vividly leading up to the accident and crash and maybe you could have described even the family that was murdered a little more so that the reader felt more connected to the tragic event, as is it was just a fast paced read of a decently written verse with little to offer overall this was a pretty well matched battle, both had good ideas that could have been executed better, but s. issue showed more maturity in his writing and covered his topic a little better, his character development and progression worked better than rico's here and i also enjoyed his tie in to the topic more, rico's was like sitting in one of those traffic/defensive driving courses and watching those videos or something and all in all was a weak tie in to the picture but still could have worked as a verse had he hieghtened the EMO a bit to build the characters before delivering such a tragic ending vote - s. issue __________________ .textmastersoftheuniverse. calefaction lucifa thereturn alias2 magus quriosity speedycalhoun johndough bonniebathory metasin sephiroth ((JOIN THE RBL NOW)) ►► CLICK ME, CLICK ME ◄◄

01-13-2008, 07:15 PM	#10 (permalink)
TheReturn Life of the Party Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Memph-10 Posts: 4,531	S.Issue - First and foremost this shit reminded me of my piece. Same picture, same step dad molesting, hell almost the same girl's name. I don't know, I guess it was alright how the transition went from abuse in her childhood and carried over to her corporate career, but I didn't see anything creative with the take on the picture (either of them). Flow and structure wasn't bad, story itself was meh. RICO - First off, wtf @ this structure? Why the dots and two for one lines? I enjoyed your story more, although it was pretty cliche, I felt like you brought something alittle more unique to the table. I think I would have liked it alot more if the structure was divided up better, and I'm pretty sure you would still make the line limit, and the flow was pretty good too. I'm giving my vote to RICO based on the fact that I felt like he had a better story idea and executed his idea better. __________________ The Republican Party Since the start of the Iraq war, 7 million Americans have died from ABORTION. [.txt] MASTERS/ the universe Yes, as in the entire universe.

01-13-2008, 08:52 PM	#11 (permalink)
Lord Drama Patriotic Poetic Prisoner Join Date: Dec 1999 Location: U district Posts: 1,285	this shit is almost too close to call SI... nice drop this week.. there was a lot of detail in your lines and each one unravled a new idea and direction, showing where it was going. The story was itself common, specially this week, as there have been a lot of the same molest things goin on in peoples verses, but solid drop. Rico... this is the best I seen you drop as of late.. I really enjoyed the story as a whole, and thought that you did a good job conveying it. I liked how you incorperated the education factor and a girl bound for success and the downfall of doing something bad, that you didnt really want to do in the first place.. this was def a piece in proper moral, even if the story's end is negative. Vote Rico for a more gripping story that was constructed in a way that makes a reader think about moral and how one views it in its own sense.. although SI's piece is like that too in a way.. so it really is an even match with one story appearing better to me. good shit dudes __________________ 3lit3 University of Washington Drama's RSTL GRADE REPORT: A 95-100% \| A- 90-94% \| B 85-89% \| B- 80-84% \| C 75-79% C- 70-74% \| D 65-69% \| D- 60-64% \| F 59% and below Last edited by Lord Drama; 01-13-2008 at 09:09 PM.

01-14-2008, 01:18 AM	#12 (permalink)
J o o k free the oppressed. Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Bay Area, Ca Posts: 9,652	Okay this is a matter of self preference. There is no possible way to choose a definite winner because depending where each of us our, and our viewpoints is how we will vote. S. Issue this was a good piece from you. I like the flow. I think you have raw imagery also duke. The thing I was dissatisfied with was your transitioning, it wasn't smooth at all. It's almost as if you were writing something, stopped, came back to it at a later date and executed with a different thought. RICO, I knew you were fooling around with us all along. You came to the battle with your end of the deal. This was a solid piece, I wasn't a big fan of the structure but it definitely wasn't too much of a big deal. I like where you took it. Very morally sound. Very effective, and enough to get the vote from me. Vote - RICO __________________ "Somewhere a True Believer is training to kill you. He is training with minimal food or water, in austere conditions, training day and night. The only thing clean on him is his weapon. He doesn't worry about what workout to do - his ruck weighs what it weighs, his runs end when the enemy stops chasing him. This True Believer is not concerned about 'how hard it is;' he knows either he wins or dies. He doesn't go home at 17:00, he is home. He knows only The Cause." Win or Die. Still want to quit?

01-14-2008, 02:06 AM	#13 (permalink)
RICO my daughter right there Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Greatness: Capital R.I.C.O Posts: 4,920	votes in and hour 5. Vada - (19) vs. 12. DaAlmightDolla - (7) VOTE NOW! 4. Got Life? - (24) vs. 13. TeKneeK - (7) VOTE NOW! 1. TheReturn - (39) vs. 16. ApoGee - (4) VOTE NOW! 3. Eye-Rime - (32) vs. 14. L Dogg - (5) VOTE NOW! __________________ WhereMusicGoes "NewTrack" I got the Timbalands in steel toe, Cause rap is a hobby I got a 9 to 5, thats how life goes"-RICO Last edited by RICO; 01-14-2008 at 02:49 AM.