15. .ApoGee. (4-3) vs. 16. Bonnie (4-1)

[J o o k]

The New RSTL Rules and Regulations

VERSES DUE:Friday 11:59 pm EST. NO RECYCLING.

Verses posted after the deadline will not count! UNLESS you post your verse before mods close threads (for some odd reason), and your opponent agrees to let your verse stand.

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*Anyone who does not post at least 4 lines, incorporating at least one of the provided topics, is considered a no-show.

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Amendments

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2. You're opponent automatically gets the same extension deadline.

3. You cannot win a championship by no show. You will become the number #1 seed, but you must win by vote to be a champion. This does not apply for defenses.

[.ApoGee.]

Get-Er-Done. In this.

1.Championship: 1. nah son (8-1) vs. 2. Eye-Rime (11-2)
2.17. Condescending (2-2) vs. 18. Lucifa (9-4)
3.Contendership: 3. Juked (3-0) vs.4. S. Issue (6-3)
4.7. vada (7-2) vs. 8. TeKneeK (3-1)

[Bonnie Bathory]

High five!

[Bonnie Bathory]

Contendership: 3. Juked vs 4. S. Issue
5. Got Life? vs 6. Macmili
13. TheReturn vs 14. DaAlmightyDolla
17. Condescending vs 18. Lucifa

[Bonnie Bathory]

Hi, I have about 16 lines written and my friends are calling me to go out... mind if I have an extension 'til I get home 2nite? Tee Heeeeee =D

[.ApoGee.]

Handle your biz, do you. Extended.

Beauty Is A Beast.

As I lay back on the bed sheets,
he has his lips on mine; my heart beats
uncontrollably, the fire beats increasingly .
Jazz tunes we produced on every moan.
My buds can taste his heavy brandi
breath screamed out-cry for a minty.
Hiding the fear he has settled in me
but I have to comply for myself & my family.
He, thrust his penis within my pie crust
I hide the disgust & fake the enjoyable fuck,
lust is so rust I just want to lay & just...
But, I must show energy or my family is dust.
Unholy cremation will take place
fire will Isolate the body, ashes will be in a vase.
There so much at stake, quitting is not a option,
hate doing this, but I’m protecting what I love.

On this beautiful plantation land,
we don’t get lynch nor get the backhand.
No blooded knees or experience ache pain,
we taste freedom cause there’s no chains.
We can take breaks. There’s no punishment,
only have to finish the work at the same token.
Eat decent food off the masta table
with the fire of hope on a candle.
Live under the masta roof with comfy bed sheets
but while everyone is sleep, I creep &
creak the floor to his bedroom door
body sore, but he doesn’t care.
As long my voluptuous tail is in the air
& ready to be filled with semen.
I laugh at the fire that’s burning
in the kitchen table, it means nothing.
Hope? Please, it’s because of me.
As long my flower keeps getting thorned
& my stem filled with nourishment.
Keep my lips sealed and hide my mourn.
My family forever more feel the rose of happiness.

Beautiful comes with a Price.

[J o o k]

Cool. Extended.

[Bonnie Bathory]

Sorry its so late... you can take it or leave it, no hate... my bad about missin the deadline this week =[

Beauty Is A Beast

She arose nude as the moon rose, glowing in its blue tones
Slipped into her new robe and crew socks for her cool toes
Switched the light in the bathroom, admired her reflection
Inspected her silky smooth complexion free of imperfections
When satisfied she put ice blue contacts in her eyes
A nice hue
They were kind and they smiled too, and hypnotized
All types of dudes, but the rest of her features
Were just as blessed with appeal as her breathtaking peepers
Especially her breasts, nude as she now picks how to dress
She's so fickle with her style, wants to stick out from the rest
By a mile, she picks tall heels with skinny crystal straps
And a black, backless mini-dress barely hanging off her ass
Adds her short black wig to match and she's ready, and so steady
She aims her 45 at her reflection and breathes heavy
Yea, she's ready... Calls for the chevy and her driver
Gets in the ride, buckles in and lays her 45 beside her
"You ready to ride, ma?" The wired looking driver had inquired
Feeling fire in her gut she replied "Thats why I was hired"

He was such a selfish man, he had a wife and two kids
And two mistresses whom he kept clueless from what he did
It was his wife who had decided, upon reflection of his deception
And her check book, that she deserved redemption
Called a few friends, and finally devised a demise for him
That would play on his lies and disgusting lust for women
A special hitman, a man hater and even more beautiful
And unable to refuse, she figured it'd serve the fool
Just what he deserved, and a week later, at 6 on the dot
This hitman showed up to the home her husband had bought
And he let her in, knowing her from the dress she was in
She had worn it yesterday when he had met her at the inn
That he was meeting a mistress in... and just in minutes
He had given in and given her his address so they could finish
What they had started at the hotel, she sounded like a bimbo
But she acted so flirtatious he was sure she was a nympho

His wife was a thousand miles away when the vabrato rang
And his chest swallowed them all and started to hollow in
And the tall beauty who had ruthlessly killed a ruthlessly willed
Jerk who refused to willfully be truthful to whom he drilled
With spite from his most ruthless of vices, got back in the ride
Leavin him lying, dying asking why and never getting a reply
She donated her disguise to a homeless clothing drive
And rode home feeling warm & kind to make dinner for her wife

[Lucifa]

I guess tackling the same topic should make this easier to vote on ..

Apo - I had to read this twice .. as the use of metaphor in the piece kinda threw me .. I wasn't sure how the meta was being used throughout my first read .. it wasn't really clear whether it was a clever twist on some plant (I originally thought it was weed) or whether it was simply a straight forward story with an attempt to throw in similies to add to the mechanics .. 2nd read made it far more clear it was the latter .. so .. the idea for the story was far from original .. but I guess the approach had a bit more originality to it .. the flow was good on the whole .. and it was a decent attempt to tie in the metaphors you put forward .. but there was some awkward wording in this verse that added to the need for a second read .. not bad though ..

Bonnie - ok .. well this was more straight forward to follow the story/content .. simple in approach and a rather simple take on the topic at hand .. the 1st idea I had with that topic was of a "female assassin" kinda story .. but I do think this approach to the plot did tie in better than Apo's .. the flow was not as strong and I still think that you need to improve some areas of your writing .. mainly the use of multies and vocab .. straight read though ..

Vote = Apogee .. this is maybe the closest battle this week .. and I almost voted Bonnie .. but I've weighed it up .. and although Apo's verse wasn't crystal clear to begin with and after grasping it was simpler than I first thought it also didn't tie in with the topic too well .. however .. it was a more enjoyable read with some stronger aspects to writing on show that have me edging my vote more in his direction .. close one though .. g'luck to you both ..

[S. Issue]

Apo: i think you need to work on your word choice man. i found myself reading this over and trying to get into the flow of it, which just didnt happen. [a] because you didnt have much of a structure set up to help me through the plot, and [b] because once i would start to catch a flow and move through the piece, i found a word or phrase that either didnt make sense to me or seemed incredibly odd. it detracts from the piece. your flow, as stated, was on and off. you really didnt take the topic anywhere new or exciting, and it just really seemed like a forced piece of writing.

BB: despite the longer lines, this flowed really smoothly and made for a much simpler read. i wasnt grasping at straws. i think your images and word choice are well done, as you have a grasp on what you want to say and how you want to say it. youve also got a good sense of plot and character development, which reveals a lot about the mind state of your characters without saying to much about them. its refreshing to see such well thought out rhymes and put together lines.

vote: BB...she had an easier verse to read, conveyed the topic better, and the mechanics held up much more for me than Apo's.

[TeKneeK]

Apogee ... this was just like the same exact style as lucifa.... the short lines u inputted throughout makes it hard for me to digest ..... while u come off with great narrative and vivid imagery... overall for me to critique on the imagery and the wordplay which is ur strong points.... it caries u at a higher score than what should be..... 84


Bonnie - you master the words ... u master in using the right words to colorize the subject in ur topic... the verse is so strengthened when u put flow and narration into effect... ur storytelling becomes so strong when ur choice of wordplay comes into light... it connex so strongly and so perfectly that it becomes an almost impossible story to top..

94

[TheReturn]

Apo - This...I don't know. I read this twice thinking I missed the flow, but the first part reads really awkward to me. Some of the wording is not good at all, like "fire beats increasingly"...how does fire beat? And the "lust is so rust I just want to lay and just...But" rust isn't really something I would describe lust with, and after the line I was kind of like, ok you want to lay and just what? The second verse was alot better written, all of it rhymed as opposed to the first verse, but I didn't feel any attachment to the character. I know she was a slave and having sex with the plantation owner to keep her family safe, but you never drew me into the character so there was no emotion from the reader's perspective. I never felt sorry for her.

Bonnie - Pretty straightforward approach to the topic, on some femenazi type shit. Nothing too creative, but the flow kept me interested and in the story the whole time. Some lines really stood out as good to me, like this one:

"And the tall beauty who had ruthlessly killed a ruthlessly willed
Jerk who refused to willfully be truthful to whom he drilled"

Flow in those lines really shined with the inner rhymes, and a couple more were like that too which I really liked to see. Only real problem I can find with the piece is that there was no detail of the murder. Just felt like you wrapped it up way too fast like they went in the house, then all you do is tell me she is now driving home to her wife after killing him.

I'm giving my vote to Bonnie based on the better written story and the story that I would rather reread if I had to choose one. Felt that hers was more enjoyable here.

[Dougie G]

Apo: I am sorry to say this but this verse was short and very confusing to me, it sounded unfinished, like yo had a whole lot more to say and you just chose not to finished it, I felt as though either there was no ending or the ending was rushed

Bonnie: This was yet another good verse from you, IMO I dont know why you havent won the titel yet, but maybe next time. Well back to the verse, I was able to follow along with the story nicely and I loved the ending. So she was a lesbian right.

Vote: Obviously Bonnie, for a more understandable verse

[Macmili]

apogee- i wasn't really feelin this story to be 100. nothing stood out to me or really captured my imagination. the flow was ok, nothing special was added to make it anything more than that. it seems like you didn't put a whole lot of effort into this week.

bonnie- don't think you got one over on me, I knew exactly what was gonna happen soon as you mentioned her .45. however you added multies in there to spice up the flow and make it more interesting and the imagery was pretty good.

vote- bonnie