RSTL Chronicle - Evolution, Shit's Changing

[DiC GeTs GuLLy]

Table of Contents

Intro
By Dic

Top 3 Matches
By Dic

New Ideas For The League
By Dic

Does Text Flow?
By Tali

Pimpin Your Verse
By Dic

Enjoyment for MEE
By Pent

INTRO

Wassup mothafuckas.... it looks like we have a nice fuckin league once again doesn't it? A lot of the members showing up and giving us some shit to vote on. Vets flexing their skills in nice matches and newbs doin the same shit. I'm impressed with all yall and I can't really say there was a verse within the entire league that was posted that I didn't enjoy on some level. Everybody that showed, give yourselves a pat on the back cuz I applaud your efforts. There several matches that were hard as fuck to vote on.....

If any of yall wanna help out a ninja give ya boy a holla at dicgetsgully@aim.com

Anyway though, after a grewsome 3 rounds of tournament action, eehhh, your ninja has his 3rd Tournament Championship. Tali says I can't really be as proud of this one cuz there was only 3 rounds and I guess he's right about that. With over 10 people no showing in the 1st round though, it was expected and that fact that it was a no no show tourney made it so the number of rounds would be reduced because people couldn't advance from no show wins and had to be placed in matches with members that showed up. Shit, it happened to me in the first round too though. Had to face Vern and Mac cuz we both had no show matches, but w/e though. It was purely for fun. I honestly didn't even expect to win this at all and I told Pent that.

I just wanted yall to have some fun as I re-organized the league to be a more productive place that we could all enjoy and shit so I'm gravy cuz it looks like we're off to some good shit. Been a lil too busy to re-enter the league, but I'm gonna come back when I get some time again.

Time fa the league news ninjas

[DiC GeTs GuLLy]

Top 3 Matches
By Dic

3) Fold Vs. TheReturn
7. TheReturn 1-0 VS 8. Fold 1-0

TheReturn had a very well told love story that I found well displayed with good emotions, which seems to be a very important theme for the league nowadays. The narration was very well done with flow and a touch imagery that gave this a close connection to the characters and what they were going through. The narrator being there for his girl was a nice focus and gave a morality to it all that was nice and sensitive. A natural speaking voice to it all made the narration more personable as well and I think that drew many readers in to the content more. Then she finds some other guy and leaves him, but the other guy is abusive; very dramatic showcase that I guess more people could relate to so that made it more gripping. They ended up as friends, but he wanted much more than that and was never able to fully express that to her.

Fold posted a weird lil story of a stripper. The opening made it seem like it was going to be some nasty, freaky shit, but the spin on it was pretty interesting. The stripper is a nerd that lives a double life. Not attracting men in her real life so the stripper life is like an aliter ego thing or something. The narration was nicely done and with good flow too that made this a good read. After the stripper girl meets a guy, she improves her dancing because she has this new found influence and becomes famous for her dancing. Lol @ meeting her guy in a Star Wars chat room, wtf. All good, the twist at the end was weird too cuz the guy is a nerd stripper too. Interesting story and nicely told.


2) Thaumaturge Vs. Mr. Mynd
11. Thaumaturge 10-0 VS 12. Mr. Mynd 8-1

Mr Mynd posted 1st in this match and had a very colorful scheme that I found nice although he only really painted it as white in the metaphor of snow flake confeti. When I thought of that name,the image of a snow globe thing where you shake it up and it simulates snow falling popped in my mind. Then he Mynd mentions an orb and I'm thinking that's what he's inferring, but it's never specifically stated really. The narration and the flow was nice as hell as we've come to expect from Mynd and his ending was a very touching goodbye to a person that's died in his life. The transition wasn't the best between snowflake and friend that died, but it was still a well written piece from the two different aspects.

Thaumaturge had a very real type story that was nicely developed with some excellent wording, but severely stretched lines that even make mines look like migits. Lol, all gravy though...the story he told was very nicely sequenced as the girl went through life very lonely. The parental love that we all need for a positive development was missing in her life cuz moms died and pops was a busy business man. Narration was superb and that more than made up for the stretched lines as it gave the girl character a depressing personality that you had to feel for as you read and felt sorry for in aspects of the difficulties she was facing from being so priviledged financially, but completely ignored emotionally. Awww, that's some sad shit. Well done and displayed man. I heard that record is undefeated cuz you sign in and out a lot before you lose, I hope you stay for a lil bit this time.

Match of the Week

1) Pent Up Vs. Sacrifice Vs. Got Life? (Happy I spelled ya name right fool...lol
Contenders: 4. Pent Up 35-13 VS 5. Sacrifice 2-0 VS 6. Gotlife? 29-14

This match was pretty fucking nice from everyone in one way or another. Some interesting shit posted made it hard to for people to decide a winner and that's why it's match of the week. The shit ended up as a tie between Pent Up and Sacrifice for the second match in a row.... that's some shit, aint it?

Sacrifice posted first and I always give people props for doing that cuz it shows heart. His verse had nice flow and the narrative voice were both pretty fuckin nice and made his story type topical smooth to read. With content of family and God, it gave an expression of emotions as he watches his brother take some bad choices. I liked this and he displayed a humane approach to his theme and that gave it a nice meaning. I thought the clarity of the piece could of been improved a lil bit with some detailing or imagery on some events in the family and in the narrator's life to make it more gripping to read. It was nice regardless though. Enjoyed it man

Pent Up posted 2nd and he is climbing in all levels of writing. His narration and flow is done in the 3rd person so he doesn't write as a character within the piece, which can be hard to do. A freaky story between a prostitute and some slap happy fetish guy made this pretty entertaining. The imagery of this was what pulled me in as he detailed everything in nice sequences, great flow and some freaky shit that had me like WHOA NINJA. I was impressed with most of this piece. The details of this made it a nice with the graphic violence was displayed with some nice as rhymes and braught me deeper into what was happening. Entertainment has to be given in stories to me and he gave some of that. Lmfao when I read the part where she cut a squiggly J in the mothafucka's stomach. Damn, lol, shit I'm laughing just thinking about it.

Got Life? had a very interesting idea for his verse with a cop that's a rapist/serial killer. While the idea was cool in how it could be conveyed thought, he chose to not put in a lot of needed details to make it something dope to read. Imagery of being a cop, killer and rapist is grewsome and should be displayed graphically in my opinion. Got life did have some cool twists with his brother and mother being involved in his criminal life, but this needed a bit more flow in narration and the graphic details I was stating to compete with Pent's and Sacrifice's piece. Good idea man and nice twists.

[DiC GeTs GuLLy]

New Idea For The League
By Dic

There are some things that I've braught in here to increase the integrity and performance of our league so the members are more openly appreciated for their efforts in writing weekly verses. No more recycling, later post dates for people to show up, banners just to make things look a little better (thanks to Nanijah), and of course writing the majority of this fuckin mag weekly so appreciation is shown for the writers that are involved. I'm nowhere near done with improvements yet because things still need to improve in my opinion, but it's on the right track.

I put in another rule last week for the people that seem to be getting consecutive no shows, but I don't even think I wanna enforce it. I have to enforce it though cuz it's getting kind of rediculous the way people are continually no showing in matches. So this is the rule, if you no show 3x in a row after signing in, you will be suspended for 3 consecutive sign ins. I put Atreyu and Jowelz on the list with having 2 no shows in a row already because I expect more from our more veteran writers, but that's not fair so I'm only gonna be starting this this week with the list updated in the rules of who's been no showing. THIS WILL START THIS WEEK .

Some other things I want to do with this place, just to give you a little notice ahead of time. Grudge Matches on the side was one thing that has been done at times, but I have a lil bit of a different way to make it better. These matches will obviously have a winner so I'm gonna grant the winner a win for within the league records and voting on the matches will count towards match voting. Only 1 grudge match a week and people have to sign up in the sign ins stating that they'd like to be in a grudge match with someone specifically and if it's cool with that person, shit will get done.

Another thing is the Voter of the Week thing, which seems to be a needed addition to the league to show we value great voters as well as great writers because they are both needed to make our shit successful. I don't know when I'm gonna put this shit into effect, but if you want to be in the grudge match just sign in and holla.

Some other things that I've been thinking about is a voice of the people article for the mag. Just voice your concerns, problems, likes, applauses and whatever else you think about the league and I'll use your quotes and write a segment on it all to show what everyone is thinking about the way the league is progressing and/or declining. I'm tryna be as diplomatic and democratic about how shit is done here so obviously all of your input is what makes this prospur to greater heights. Doesn't matter if I agree or disagree with your thoughts, they're not my thoughts, there yours, but everyone has a voice here and it should be heard and appreciated to some degree. So that was my thoughts on that. I have other shit too, but I can't tell yall everything until I've thought shit out well.

[DiC GeTs GuLLy]

Does Text Flow?
By Tali

Yes, of course it does.• Anyone who suggests that it doesn't probably had no idea how to write.• The more interesting question is:• How does text flow?• There really is no right or way to answer this question because everybody has their own way of reading rhymes, but what I hope to do with this article is shed some light as to why the same people are always having their flows praised while others are continually being told that they need to work on it.• Also, perhaps I'll be able to help folks out who can't understand why people don't seem to get their flow when it seems so perfect in their heads when they are coming up with it.• A lot of this may not be anything groundbreaking for more experienced folks, but perhaps there will be a small nugget somewhere that will apply to you.• Again, this is all just my opinion.• I've been in the league 40+ matches, voted in over 500 probably, so I've seen how these things tend to play out.• These are my observations.

Ok, there are a few ways to approach this whole thing.• The first, and perhaps most often used method for those who don't actually turn their 'writtens' into tracks is the old syllable counting thing.• The concept here is that most Hip Hop beats ranged from 85-95 beats per minute and the average emcee flows to the snares.• In other words, each lines ends on the second snare of any given bar of music.• If this doesn't make sense, go listen to some songs and see how often the rhyme ends up on the second snare.• It's basically a default flow lol.• The second part of this equation is that there are normally between 12-16 syllables rhymed per bar of music.• Obviously, you have folks like Bone or Twista who use way more and folks like Dip Set who rhyme way less, but on average, 12-16 is about right.• Again, listen to the average Hip Hop track; you'll see I'm not bullshitting.• In text, this ends up looking like this:

Brooklyn my habitat, the place where it happen at (13)
Live sway and the sharp balance of the battle axe (12)
Irons is brandished at, thugs draw they hammer back (12)
It's where you find the news tool crew cameras at (12)
It's where my fam is at, summertime jame is at (12)
They play Big and get you open like a sandal back (13)
Hotter than candle wax, hustlin you can't relax (13)

- Mos Def

1 thing to keep in mind about this:• After a few lines, this flow gets pretty monotonous.• It sounds great on a song, but it doesn't quite grip the reader much, but it does guide them in terms of how it's meant to be read, so that is the upside.• I would really only offer this technique as a suggestion to someone who had absolutely no sense of rhythm, and thus no ability to convey rhythm in writing.• This will give your writing a flow, but you might end up with a comment like, "solid flow but it got a little old after a while, trying switching it up a little."• DOH!• But anyways, that is still a better comment than, "wtf, that shit didn't flow at all, did you write that to Mozart or something?"

So, how do you "switch it up a little?"• Well, it's actually fairly simple; you mess with line length and you mess with where you place your rhymes.• First thing is first, line length.• Line length is a similar concept to the counting your syllables.• Again, I only recommend that for the beginner and the same for this here.• Instead of looking at every line individually, you take two lines and count between then.• So, instead of the aforementioned example, you'd do something like this:

Flawless victory, you niggaz can't do shit to me (13)
Physically lyrically hypothetically realistically (sounds like 16 syllables)
I'm the epitome of catchin' wreck, catch you when you cash your check (17)
Smash you when you pass then jack you for your fuckin' Lex (14)
Nothin' less than the best if the squad did it (11)
Hard-headed niggaz better beware and fear like God said it (15)

- Big Pun

As you can see, Pun's syllable count is all over the place, but it doesn't matter because the guy had sense of rhythm and was thus able to know what would sound good when heard, or in this case, read well when read.• In order for this to work, there is a back and forth between lines.• One line will be a little long and the next a little shorter.• In the end, you still have an average of around 12-16 syllables per line, they are just distributed differently.• This way is a tad bit less formulaic than the first technique I mentioned, but it's still a little structured.• Nevertheless, if your flow is ass, it will definitely help, but it's not the end all cure.

[DiC GeTs GuLLy]

Does Text Flow Continued



Let's get off of the whole syllable counting thing.• As I've said, that is very much a tool for beginners, but as you get more experienced writing to beats, you'll likely find it constricting.• A big part of a piece's flow lies in the use of multi-syllabic rhyming.• However, I think a lot of people believe that using multi-syllabic rhymes will guarantee them a good flow.• I see it ALL of the time.• Multis' are only going to help your flow if you allow them to.• Again, most people end their multis' on the snare.• That is fine, but, it will get a little tired at some point of a 60 line piece.• Therefore, rather than place the multis' on the snares like everybody always seems to do, you can switch it up like the following example, and get a completely different sort of flow, but one that is still pleasant to read.

If I were God for a whole day,
I'd resurrect my most successful prophets and role play,
with me as devil's advocate and them as my popular code names.
Convince them Hell is the most exotic of locations.
Have them gather all my followers, my prodigal snowflakes,
and tell them "We're going to Hell! It's a tropical oasis!".
When they say "The Gods Must Be Crazy!"
I'll show them how much a, 5 mile wide, bottle of Coke weighs.
If I were God for a whole day,
I'd grab my crotch 'n disrobe Space, my androgynous soul mate.
And that obstinate ho, Fate, would eat my cock on a gold plate.
In fact, I'd give all women the bodies of super models with no face,
so we wouldn't have to hear them bitch about the petty problems they blow way
out of proportion and, while I'm at it, I'll give em bodies with no legs.
Make it easier for them to sit on a rod and just rotate.

- Rikoshay

This brings up another big point, FORMATTING.• This isn't audio.• The reader doesn't just magically understand exactly how the verse is meant to be read.• You can not expect this out of the reader.• You have to assume that the reader isn't going to get it right and then do everything in your power to guide the reader so that he or she at least gets an idea of how it's supposed to go.• If you can humble yourself to the point where you view things in this way, then you are on your way to making a better connection with the reader.

Formatting is really a combination of everything that I've mentioned so far.• A lot of it is aesthetic in nature.• You have some folks who go for a combination of short and long lines such as Rikoshay, you have folks like Tha Talent, who do something more along these lines:

Sometimes i like to kick up a notch
into overdrive
wheels spinning
engine revving.
world turning with my hopeless life
first gear - second gear - third gear
should i push it to fourth?
grippin the wheel tight,
leaning back on my seat cusion with force
the mud puddles splash and muddle glass
of the parked cars surrounding me
and at the same time as i fly through, it seems i'm drowning -
- deep in the pools of my soul...but i'll try to out run quick
so i gun it, foot to the floor, until the sun quits..

Then you have people like Vern, who does it more the old fashioned way:

I can feel my expression, tainted, portrayed with a tyrants grin
I stay focused , from beethovens new haven of violins
The melodic collage of sound astounds the watery shrine within
I find a friendmy inner voice, that’s when the irony begins
I take my final glimpse,…the heavier my eye lids get
My mind is dense, I take a deep breath then close my eyes and sit
Im right beside the wick…and I can feel the fire lit
It’s like im being watched by shadows that the wall inside submits

Both of them are effective because the rhymes are well placed, there isn’t any unnecessary wording drawing out the lines making them seem as if they’ll never end, another peeve of mine.

Anyways, if you are one of these people who are using the whole syllable counting thing, I implore you to pay the utmost attention to your rhymes and where you place them to get the optimal flow out of the lines. If you aren’t using that sort of technique, and you just go by what sounds good to you when you’re writing, then I say the following: One thing I STRESS over and over is that this isn’t audio, Ok? If it was, we wouldn’t be reading this shit. Therefore, you have two choices really: You either write completely for yourself not giving a shit what other folks think, or you consider your reader and attempt to present your piece in a way that will give a general idea of how the rhyme should read. What does this mean? It means, don’t expect that the reader is going to be able to pick up changes in tempo. That should sort of be obvious, but I guess in a way, it’s not something we always necessarily think about when we’re writing. Think about Pharaoh Monch. He speeds it up and slows it down, but the average person reading his lyrics would never really assume that the lyrics were meant to be read like that. So please, keep that in mind, it might save you a lot of annoying comments later lol. If you are going to take the first choice, then that’s cool too, but don’t say shit when people don’t read shit the same way you would. Now that I think about it, be idealistic and write what you want to write, how you want to write it, but in a way that gives the reader a clue what is going on. Easier said than done I suppose.

In the end, I’m selfish; I like to be able to sit there with a beat playing and just read through a 60 line rhyme silky smooth. I can’t even explain how much more enjoyable that is and I’m sure most of you all agree with me. I have a pretty decent flow on tracks. Nevertheless, I still get people every so often telling me that something didn’t flow. At first, I think bullshit, it flows fine, but then I think, well maybe it just doesn’t come across right in the text. Humble yourselves man. Deal with the fact that nobody will ever get your shit perfect and that maybe, just MAYBE, you could be doing something better. Or, maybe you’re doing everything exactly how it should be. In that case, stop complaining lol.

[DiC GeTs GuLLy]

Pimpin Your Topic

By Dic


There are always certain aspects of a verse that will be viewed as good or bad. Certain apsects and views that people will always look favorable on. I'm wondering what yall consider to be a dope ass verse these days.

As the eras of the RSTL change and new writers start to represent a majority as Vets return from several years ago and mix in the folds, the perspectives tend to change. As we attempt to culminate our opinions for what's desired and needed in a verse, how do we encourage different styles and stay open minded to the degrees of writing? This is what I've been thinking lately as I've seen this change quite a few times being that I've been here for a couple years. This seems to be happening more now and I'm starting to see some of this effect the content of the league, but I still want to encourage open minds and different styles to collaborate a diverse union in here.

This isn't an article for just displaying what's happening though, it's also to see where people's focus is at on this. I wanna hear more from the new members, but would of course like to hear from the vets and rstlers with polished records of participation.

Content Wise for instance, what is it that appeals to you more? Is it favorable to read something that has a humane and emotional expression? Is a natural voiced narration without using such a high vocab seem more real and therefore more appreciated and understood over a high vocab piece that may try to get too deep with confusing metaphors and tricky schemes? The personal effect of readng a verse for yall is what I'm talking about and what are the types of things that hold your attention in a verse.

For me, in most people's verses it's usually a decision with looking at the combination of flow and content. Narration with flow, character or topical development, imagery and detailing events and sequence transitions and the way the opener, body and ending fall to bring them all unfied within the topic/topics used. Ideas that aren't often used, surprise endings, weird concepts that are displayed nicely also come into play within the orginal scheme I have of evaluating verses I read. I know I wrote an article about what I think is a good vote last week to show these things I look for in a good verse, but now I wanna know what you think makes a good verse.

holla back

[DiC GeTs GuLLy]

/` `.__
\_ _., `'-._ _.--.
_`_ ) | / _ \
/ ` / /'---./ / \ \--.___/\
\__./ /--.. /``-\ '-.___ `\:
'-' `\/` `--`

Enjoyment FOR MEEE
By Pent

I will no longer be calling this segment "top [X] Verses." maybe Dic will count them that but in acctuallity i want you to realize that they are acctually the verses I most enjoyed reading; and though most of you may no agree I must ask you to eathier enjoy, or submit your own, and then we can compete for who is more popularly accepted as a critique artist. the Lifeless need not apply, for we only want vibrant writing in this here thread.

So here we go

MY foremost enjoyed verse of this week was our curreny champion, Mister Tali rodriguez, who in a bitch move reveals his alias giving people a chance to dickride him once again! (dont front like u didnt say that shit yourself haaah) yes, mams, madames, and moderators, this week I do not want to write this week so I will be BRUTALLY upfront with how I feel and not candy coat most of it, JUST FOR YOU, ps verns verse sucked.
Tali busted his views on SOCIETY, big originality points there; and it ended up being a Topical/Story because technically there was some dialogue trade off in it. Its a pretty accurate rant in my opinion, I have alot of similar or identical views on the subject matters; how the government is abusing their power, how education is a joke, how people are to lazy to do shit about it, how horrible it is to live a life that doesnt embrace its purpose. it was mostly political but u get a few other things about it; the flow was bonkers, but i hated the structuring of it, its like he tried to pull a rikoshay or something. Oh yeah, he brought in the economy and how its manipulated and tied into that education shit i was mentioning earlier, it was nicely strung together train of thought, however I found it to be cliche in terms of conversational pieces, as I hear that sort of shit in social events all the time and there was no controversy in the dialogue. I guess its sad we dont have 50 members do argue about that huh? whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatever


Then I read another piece that I enjoyed, for a merit of its own; and that was the smoothness of the writing; thaumaturge, wrote a piece that sucked, i mean it didnt SUCK, but the story line sucked. Chick was neglected by dad, and mom died at labor, WOOPTI FUCKING DO! don't get me wrong, it was written with very
nice descriptions and a solid flow, the flow I liked the most. Dic says it was stretched but I mean, who is he to talk about that? overall the two things that kept me in this verse were the rhymes and how the verse was very natural. natural as in all the elements seemed real, as sad as it is to accept how stupid people are, and they don't realize that when you are neglected you need to up yourself and do better in everything you do, and expand everything you do, and master it all, they just give up, because people are idiots. once again bringing me back to why I liked Tali's verse, it covers that in theory, this verse was more of an example, you could almost say in that aspect they go hand in hand, but in reality they are on different tectonic plates. this verse developed well in the aspect that it got to the point 'properly' (for lack of a better term), but at the same time came off predictable as hell.

And finally, I am bring Baron Mynd into my category of verses that entertained me; I wish he wasnt so FUCKING lazy. This fool can write so fucking well; he made a perfect metaphor (imo), not in the sense that it was the easiest to relate to but in the sense that it covered more than an average amount of angles of the metaphor. He made the whole topic the metaphor, THEN he broke down snow in so many aspects and each aspect he broke down he connected it to his relationship to 'Frank,' (PS--are u gay?) now that sounds ill right? HE DID IT IN 25 LINES! if this fool would've taken the time to add 20 lines of some character development instead of like 4 he would've been archived then and there, or at least he should have, but this is the only site without an archive list lol...No what reaaaaallly makes me enjoy reading this verse is 1)its a topical, 2) its rhymes are so crisp and complex that I get caught in it, 3)its poetic but if you break it down it still qualifies. overall just a dope writer but...uh....he doesnt take the time (have the time, or chooses not to waste it) on developing a full on piece. I mean this is complete, but its not developed....word

Now don't get me wrong I read a shit load of technically sound verses this week. TheReturn had a verse that was very solid to read, it was about crossing the line of friendship so far he couldnt hoook up with this bitch, and that shit sucks, i relate, but i didnt enjoy it that much, it just wasnt interesting at that point, his opponent, fold, dropped a dope verse about some nerd by day/stripper by night shit with some twists that was pretty interesting but I just didnt leave enjoying it liek I couldve, Shrug dropped a no show verse I personally understand above all that was about missing a love, along the same lines as TheReturn but alot more personal filled with inner-metaphors, kinda like i used to do, dope shit ya'll should read it; Clause/vigil dropped a crazy story using pop culture as similies to keep it going and shit, but it bored the fuck out of me. Dic/moms dropped a dope story about a hooker and how she was drugged and forced into prostitution, but once again I gained no joy out of reading it, Vigil dropped a No show verse that was dope but unpolished as fuck, i already told him he needs to spend time making his sound perfect and stop trying to overpopulate his lines with meaning, and Vern dropped a verse that wasn't clear worth shit, but had a dope bridge. Once again, enjoyment, WHERE THE FUCK IS IT?? I'm SICK AND TIRED of seeing you people try to appease the masses, I URGE YOU, to drop verses that make YOU HAPPY TO WRITE them next week, stop going for the W, and start working on what you like, with the exception of thau, who I just wanted to showcase so he'd stay in the league longer, thats what my top enjoyment segment will be about from now on
FUCK YOUR CONFORMED LEAGUE
LIVE IN MINE

[MrMister]

this was coo mag
and the tag tourny did kinda mess up
and Im loving the grudge match thing

[DiC GeTs GuLLy]

nm, remember, trying to be a peaceful guy and only spread love and harmony.

serenity now

[Mr. Mynd]

First of all, Dic, thanks for the props. It means a lot to me here, this is the one league I've never really 'cracked'. I've got to the Contendership match a few times, but I've never had the chance to run for the title, so things like that give me a bit of inspiration to carry on and get it. So thanks for that, it means a lot to me.

BUT there's one thing I'd like to point out that I dont think many got to my verse last week. The 'Orb' was a SNOWBALL! Hence why I placed it in the freezer, to keep the memory of the day, and also how I felt Frank's wet kiss on my fingers when I lifted it out. It was actually wrote from the elderly widows perspective, I think only FloR picked up on that, but yeah. Re-read it again now. It will all make sense!
And one last thing before I get to writing this weeks verse, its not so much that I dont have time or dont make the time to write. I used to write weekly 60-line epics for this league for christs sakes! I just find it more of a challenge to get the message across in the least ammount of lines I can. You've all obviously noted my 'poetic' feel if you like, and thats partly where it stems from. There's not always the 'need' there to make things over-elaborate, and often when reading pieces, I find that people go on with the fanciful imagery for so long that I actually forget what the plotline was about!

Just figured Id clear a few things up while im here. Great mag, Im looking to stick around for the foreseeable...

Peace!

[TheReturn]

Word, thanks for the mention, Dic. And Pent, I'll work harder this week just for you, sweetheart. The flow part was pretty basic, but interesting nonetheless, and I enjoyed the content part a lot too. I tend to focus more on emotion and imagery when I tell stories, so most of the time that is what I look for in a piece. It's what catches my attention the most, probably the reason I voted Pent instead of Tali even though I thought Tali's was written better. I would love to throw in some plot twists to my stories, but sometimes my mind just won't carry me that way, but no matter what I ALWAYS try to fit in vivid imagery and emotion, or something the reader can relate to on a personal level.

And to Baron, I picked up that it was a snowball and the whole reminder of a kiss on your fingers and all, and it was a beautifully portrayed image, but I wasn't really drawn to the deceased character like you were. The audience has no idea who the deceased man is, and like Dic said we didn't even know if the narrator was a man or woman, homosexual or straight. The piece was very well written, it's just that sometimes you need some more description in there because the audience doesn't know everything you know, you have to fill us in, and I think that's what people counted against you the most. Fuck, I'm just rambling now...back to writing my verse...

[Pent uP]

Braon -- I got the orb thing its what I ment by covering all aspects of ur metaphor, I didn't get where it was implied the narrator was an elderly woman so ill read again looking for it

Dic -- show me those lines because I can only remember 1 stretched line

Return -- I feel u, but u shouldn't have to focus on a twist so much as come creative, I wish I had more free time to plot out how to link the events in my stories each week, as I'm sure u do too

But please, keep the sweetheart talk to claus