champs === 1. patriarch 28-4 -v- 2. dicenyaeye 17-3

This is a discussion on champs === 1. patriarch 28-4 -v- 2. dicenyaeye 17-3 within the Rapmusic Audio League forums, part of the RhymeArena - Audio Forums category; . . DUE DATES: VERSES DUE Thursday 10:00pm PACIFIC/1:00am EST VOTES DUE Sunday 10:00am PACIFIC/1:00pm EST -----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+----- LINE LIMIT: 4 ...


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Old 01-10-2005, 10:01 PM   #1 (permalink)
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champs === 1. patriarch 28-4 -v- 2. dicenyaeye 17-3

. .


DUE DATES:

VERSES DUE Thursday 10:00pm PACIFIC/1:00am EST

VOTES DUE Sunday 10:00am PACIFIC/1:00pm EST

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LINE LIMIT:

4 lines - NO SHOWS
14 lines - MINIMUM
60 lines - MAXIMUM

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VOTING:

No payback votes
No 2nd Chance Votes
No hate votes
Play beat if verse was wrote to the beat to help u judge the match

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YOU MUST VOTE ON 5 BATTLES!

If you can show me you can vote of 5 or more matches this first couple of
weeks I will make it so you dont have to post links to the matches u voted on.
But for now...
For every vote you fail to submit and post a link for in your own
match, you will be deducted 1 vote.

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if you win by no-show u are encouraged to vote still in other matches!!!!

!!KICK SOME FUCKING ASS!!

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TOPIC:

RSTL Topics - 09 Jan 05 - 15 Jan 05


Choose a topic from the link posted above.

Goodluck!
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Last edited by Patriarch; 01-13-2005 at 10:25 AM.
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Old 01-11-2005, 12:45 PM   #2 (permalink)
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seen

the fuck is with that picture..

smh
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Old 01-12-2005, 03:16 PM   #3 (permalink)
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lmao... you look like crazy bone more than you look like Luda, Dme

I'm here and ready when you are Pat... holla
 
Old 01-13-2005, 06:09 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Slippery wet, rinsing her breast: the water tickles her chest
Trickles off her nipple’s the best as she giggles a bit
Licking her lips provocatively taunting intimate steps
Kissing my neck while slightly stroking her clit on my dic
A heated mist is refreshed over our glistening flesh
Lift her against the tiles, shifting as every inch of me flexed
Tension and stress slowly released through every intricate twist
Faucet raining additional drips --
Both of us drenching in sex………….

___________________________________ _______________________________

Swift with Kay’s breath in gasps as I felt a twitch on my shoulder
She’s laughing and moaning, but I’m groaning with nails clinching my closer
Bending her over wasn’t by choice… without results that you’d think
We slide out the stall elevated from the tub to the sink
Kay’s head crashes against the mirror and we’re showered in glass
Covering her face when her elbow hits with a powerful blast
I’m smashed landing on the floor; a splat devoured my back
My spine’s been re-aligned then I realize an object was ploughed in my ass
Attempting to take it out was as bad cuz the cap popped off inside me
Laying in fetal positions trying to crawl up from my knees
She looks at me in disgust and her face said it all
Plastic sticking out of my butt while I’m embracing the wall
Shaking it off with some assistance as I limp to the futon
A Wal-Mart catalogue has my wet body sticking to coupons
Take a couple of Vicadins with almost ½ pint of gin
I know they don’t mix, but this shit got me feeling like a bitch

My girl dresses me in the baggiest pants she could find
Going commando = No draws on for the chance that they’d ride
Up my crack, I can’t have that so the plan we devised
Has Kay pushing me on her scooter ‘til I’m standing outside
Left a man with no pride thinking,
Does this happen to people?
Holding my pain, molding my frame in her Volkswagen Beatle
The back seat is lethal; scrunched up like I’m praying for hope
Head in a cushion, covered in blankets, hiding my face in a coat
Gripping the seats, rolling down the driveway into the street
Bracing myself for speed bumps against the door with my feet
I bounce when they come, taking the deepest breath allowed by my lungs
Those painkillers took it away, I finally smile cuz I’m numb
Mind feeling drunk, closing my eyes trying to rest for a moment
Woke up on a gurney…dazed, trying to rub my head back in focus

Inner story topic: Out of focus

Vision is doubled: everything I’m seeing is imaged in puzzles
And if they were subtle, I wouldn’t of noticed nurses giggling in huddles
Mimics that mumbled what occurred as if they witnessed it happen
Saying my girl beat my ass…. that’s why those bitches are laughing
I look over at Kay and she’s bruised looking down at me
Face is bloody, hair going wild so they think we went rounds of beef
Getting annoyed then a nurse comes to serves me with questions
I give her the true story and she responds with,
You deserved what had happened
We know she’s been battered and maddened as this fight got out of hand
And felt badly I imagine so brought you here after taking your rights as a man


Babygirl even backed me up….saying what I said was the truth
Nurse hugged her and whispered there’s an extra room and extended the use
It would be my privilege to do:
The last words she spoke and then left
So surprised I couldn’t breathe and started holding my chest
Felt briefly like I’m choking to death, but a monstrous fart
Made an explosion and I was frozen as if it stopped my heart
The bottle fell and we got out of hell as quickly as possible
Luckily we filled out no paperwork for any bills from the hospital

Topic: After taking a shower with your girlfriend, she jokingly pushes you, but you slip and a Dr. Pepper bottle gets lodged up your ass and you have to go to the emergency room, but no one buys your explanation….
 
Old 01-13-2005, 11:00 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Indecisive
Was a toss up on picture topics, so I combined both in my own perspective.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

subconscience sleep, confronted upon two gates
unconsciencely, my feeble mind state waits
images dreams create relate to real life traits
choices made wisely, i stare and begin to debate
one passage had roses, swinging gently in a breeze
while the other decomposed in pure demonic disease
eyes to chinese, not open, can only gaze thru a slice
silently bleeds, like cutting flesh w/ razor sharp knifes
both resemble confrontations made throughout life
have to choose.. and deal with the fate on either side

two steps towards the angelical, lighting far from dim
diamonds in the sun, could almost taste the subtle hymns
practically begging, fatal presence was almost hypnotic
faces.. exotic, other stirred chaos, movelessly psychotic
step to the saints, thoughts race, leapt in reverse
towards the sinister threshold, expecting the worst
pushed open the door, took a step and immediatly fell
tumbling thru perversed creatures, cursed to eternal hell
pictures echo between my ears of evil ive composed
exposed for all to see, when i'as sure i kept them closed

terror was my expression, still dropping but hollow
just me and emptyness, no more beasts did follow
swallowed hard, not knowing what to expect next
specs of light project thru objects with subject texts
complex as it seemed, the facts sent were understood
i relaxed and made an act, and chose the best that i could
most would have chose the easy way out, avoiding a quest
obsessed with hardships, lifes struggles, guess im possesed
hard to digest for some, "why'd he go towards the grotesque?"
went to the blessed? i'da cheated on myself an been stressed

depressed for years, almost natural i refrain from affection
i strive for perfection, earned.. have no handout collection
thinking thoughts thru, two sides to every situation
things arnt as they seem, keep away from temptation
roses, attractiveness, all the guardians called for me in awe
the bloody sat still, no gestures, showing all of its flaws
that to me, was beauty in itself, be as you were made
now i pray that i wake up, and to myself, i not betray
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Old 01-14-2005, 12:19 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Dic...

Superior flow...almost flawless...I myself first looked at the topic you did and said "i dont think anyone can make that topic into something good...because you cant really throw a major twist in @ the end...you cant really switch plots or get too suspensful with that topic, but I really liked what you did with this verse...this part was smashin'...


Slippery wet, rinsing her breast: the water tickles her chest
Trickles off her nipple’s the best as she giggles a bit
Licking her lips provocatively taunting intimate steps
Kissing my neck while slightly stroking her clit on my dic
A heated mist is refreshed over our glistening flesh
Lift her against the tiles, shifting as every inch of me flexed
Tension and stress slowly released through every intricate twist
Faucet raining additional drips --
Both of us drenching in sex………….


also lmao @ "going commando"...and also dipping the bills @ the end...nice way to end the verse...




Pat...


I liked how you incoorporated both pics into the story...you get a cool point for creativity...you flow was ok...Im a fan of flow...and if i cant spit it out loud and not feel it then i move to the story element which was ok ok...the best part of your verse...which did define your topic well were...


things arnt as they seem, keep away from temptation

now i pray that i wake up, and to myself, i not betray


those lines were good...



Vote=Dic

Reason being...his verse was well written...the mult's he had added to the outstanding flow of the verse...mixed with wit and humeour alone with the funny topic made this verse ill...Pat your flow was not up to the challenge...your verse was good...true indeed...i felt the indecisiveness (is that a word???) in your story, i felt this was rushed and displyed that in the flow and many uses of one word syllables through out...what you were talkin' bout was good...i liked it...but to me you could have done better...


All in all, it very good match...
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Last edited by Jersey_Emcee; 01-14-2005 at 12:22 AM.
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Old 01-14-2005, 02:00 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Patriarch

This was a cool piece. The flow was cool, had potential to be hot, but your simplistic word choice made ya flow seem very simplistic. Props for taking on the challenge of tackling two pics, that could've intertwined together if done write, which I dont think you did. The content was cool...The overall storyline was a little blah, it wasn't too interesting. I felt like you didn't execute either of the pics that well. But still cool piece.

Dicenyaeye

DAMN!!! I gotta give it to you, your flow was fucking amazing. That first stanza was wonderful. You really executed both topics in an original and interesting manner. The overall concept was hot and so was the content. You showed your ass off on this piece, you brought it this week. Great shit. Too much to quote

with that said, vote =DIC for a wonderfully written piece
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Old 01-14-2005, 09:12 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Dic:
I got to say you have your flow worked out now and with your way with words they make for a deadly combination. I liked this for the fact you managed to flip a comedy for a bit into a darker more serious story but before it’s too late you flip it back. I figured something out after your last weeks verse. You focus on small details that don’t connect in anywhere but yet because they’re so descriptive they bring your world more to life. Original and enjoyable.

8.3/10

Pat:
Beautifully written, and pieced together. It came across to me as very powerful piece. After reading it then looking at the pictures I felt you captured the stress of making decisions spot on. You mixed the pics together well and it defiantly aided your piece. Nice drop.

8.1/10

vote = Dicnyaeye

This is one of those matches where it’s hard to judge because they are both completely different styles. In the end I had to go with dic on this purely for his switch up in his story with out completely loosing his original genre.

Dope match guys keep it.
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Old 01-14-2005, 01:45 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Aye Dme, Where the fuck did that Crazybone pic go? that shit was dope...

fuck it, here's my votes

7. tekneek 45-14 -v- 8. liquid life 17-4
13. madpoet 17-6 -v- 14. tha talent 58-18
3. erykah kaine 19-7 -v- 4. doyen 14-1
19. anaphora 20-9 -v- 20. cereal killer 28-8

Last edited by dicnyaeye; 01-14-2005 at 07:31 PM.
 
Old 01-14-2005, 10:18 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Menso takes it up the butt!
I hate to follow a trend, but Dic really took this (maybe not easily, but by enough) Pat, im ot sure if it was boredom, or ust not caring, but your multies seems to be in te wrong place (atleast to me), its something that couldve been fixed with a ten minute review and draft of your piece.. I had atleast a laughing grin on my face throughout Dic's.. Pat was more serious, moving, maybe emotional isnt the word (but im a little drunk, and thats what came to mind).. Dics was lighthearted and i preferred it this time..
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Old 01-15-2005, 12:06 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Thanks for the votes, Congrats Dic. Long overdue, hold the throne man, thanks for the break too! lol i've been waiting for it, ive got to much shit going on

:: signs out ::
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Old 01-15-2005, 09:39 AM   #12 (permalink)
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RIKOSHAY takes it up the butt!
I'd also have voted Dic but, I guess there's no need now?
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Old 01-15-2005, 10:46 AM   #13 (permalink)
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The-Who? takes it up the butt!
Dic - Damn, I was really liking this... Was wrote very well, flowed great... Multies were a nice touch... You used the right words and all.. Just a great piece, kinda dark at the beginning and ends kinda humerous... Nice...

Pat - Again, I was feeling your verse, I see why you are champ... You did a great job basing it off the pictures... Written real nicely... I really liked how you ended it... I liked this, just could've used a little more work...

Overall: Great match, definate... But I gotta give it to Dic...

Also, if you got time, peep 45. the who -v-46. muffffy - Its a no-show, but this week I was surprisingly liking my verse, kinda pissed Mufffy no-showed...
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Old 01-15-2005, 01:40 PM   #14 (permalink)
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DrugAddict takes it up the butt!
Dic-

You took a lightened approach that I like to see in topicals these days. The opener with the flow was so solid. It was almost flawless. Not using cliche diction or rhyming but maintaining a steady flow. The approach on both topics couldn't of been any better. And your diction & word usage stayed strong while still executing a steady flow. Greatly done.


Pat-

I didn't like the fact you actually used two pictures. I think one picture is sufficent enough in a topic but oh well. With that out of the way. Your verse was done superbly. The flow was good. The diction & Word usage was nice. I didn't really get your thought process and the ender could of been executed better. All in all good verse.

V/ Dic
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Old 01-15-2005, 03:52 PM   #15 (permalink)
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doYen takes it up the butt!
vote dic...

his content is just amazing, down to the last detail your verses seem to get better as they unfold, i like what pat tried to do, but this was a mediocre verse from you, it sucks being champ cause you always gotta bring your A-game, and i can see that the wear and tear got to you this week, props to both though
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Old 01-15-2005, 11:01 PM   #16 (permalink)
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top to bottom - dic amazes and thoroughly gratifies us with yet another beautiful rhyme. This rhyme u performed was magnanamous in all categories and just glorified classic storytelling.

patri - while ur strucutre/content stays above avg top to bottom... it fails to equate with dic's performance... and that alone pretty much sets tone for outcome of this match...




dic - vote...

much more written excorcism brought.
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Old 01-16-2005, 12:19 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Tha Talent takes it up the butt!
Dicenyaeye:
god, i hate it when someone writes a verse where 3/4 of it is simply restating the topic...that's what you did...i didn't like this at all, to be honest...your word choice was really rushed for this one...you had nothing funny it besides the images you were describing, which were almost all taken directly from the topic...break out some ill wordplay or make something worth laughing about...also, you forced multis throughout this piece, very heavily early on...it did get better though, as a whole...ending was so anti-climatic...and i didn't even crack a smile when i read the fart sequence, it was like a rushed push toward an ending...in other words, you can do SO MUCH BETTER.

Patriarch:
where you trying to write like omen?...that aside, this wasn't very good...your descriptions were so bland...no creativity shown here...no spectacular metaphors or ill allusion...traditional and boring rhyme scheme that wasn't helped by the incredibly over-done word choice...everything just felt forced out and emotionless...i just didn't like a line of it...from the first line i could tell this was going to be one that bores me...you need to bring the piece alive and make it your own.

vote=Dicenyaeye.
though i didn't like this battle at all, dic won
he entertained me, and even though he lacked a lot, his verse was much more natural
he felt more comfortable with his content and writing style.
this is one of the worst championship matches i've ever seen, though...
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Old 01-16-2005, 04:16 AM   #18 (permalink)
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^^damn Talent, that shit was brutal... the topic tells the story so I just put in the entertaining details

forced mutlies, can't asy i agree with that... but you're entitled to your opinion
thanks for the vote anyway
 
Old 01-16-2005, 08:59 AM   #19 (permalink)
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SMZ aka Nephil takes it up the butt!
Dic: the topic was humorous and your piece had me actually laughing at points - diction was very smooth while the rhyme was pretty good as well - the story progressed logically and was clever - a very nice read

Pat: ehh... wasn't feeling this - some forcing going on - didn't feel your heart through the words - and since that was really your main point, our empathy for the character, the lack of emotion hurt this a lot...

v/Dic
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Old 01-16-2005, 12:59 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Dicnyaeye is 2x RSTL champ now..congrats..good match guys


Dic 18-3

Pat 28-5
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