5. Infinite Truth 38-6 vs 6. Tekneek 41-10

[Mac Flow]

DUE DATES


VERSES DUE Thursday 10:00pm PACIFIC/1:00am EST/

VOTES DUE Sunday 10:00am PACIFIC/1:00pm EST


TOPICS

Topics 9/19/04

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60 lines - MAXIMUM


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Go Forth and Produce

[TeKneeK]

no jokes or humor this week...



rawdogg seriousness......

I MUST WIN.

[TeKneeK]

7. Khoi 14-5 vs 8. Trap 21-6
23. Alpengeist 2-0 vs 24. Furl 2-0
#1 Contender Match 3. Dicenyaeye 8-0 vs 4. Dahlohner 7-0
RSTL Championship 1. doYen 12-0 vs 2. Author NYSE 48-3
31. Man on Fire 1-0 vs 32. Ashen Horse 1-0
15. Thaumaturge 5-0 vs 16. In Your Ear 4-0

[Infinite Truth]

i dont need it


here's my verse

"on the road"

“…so let's toast to the scattering cinder
let's toast to the rising smoke
let's toast to good fortune,
new beginnings,
tomorrow's bringings,
the fourth of july
the spanish summer
& the good times afloat…”
~~~
& we drank & we drank
bottled vodka, spanish liquors
we had nothing to celebrate but midnight
we had nothing to give but runaway smiles & shouted whispers
this we knew, this we loved
four high school drop outs
cloaked in a pride of rolled up fisticuffs
~~~
july always seemed a little empty without something to believe in
& everything after always seemed filled to the brim with freedom
~~~
& through the thick & thin
we had each other's backs
we had each other's trust
cuz see, for any one of them
i'd follow that feather in the wind
i'd follow it down past the river's bend
i'd follow it to it's end
i'd follow that feather through dark forests in bare toe
i'd follow that feather past the cliffs overlooking the fields of apples blooming through
i'd follow it past the orchards of scarecrows
i'd follow it through the thicket
into the wicked
& past the rundown windmill that a family of jackals moved into
~~~
but tonight, we were dead end dreamers, celebrating midnight
& as the shredded streamers elevated mid-flight
the fire seemed to die down
& so we headed back to the villa for a good night lie down
~~~
~~~
~~~
i had never asked god for anything
i had never asked of his blessing
but as i stood in that crowded line
a cold shiver ran down my spine
you see
the villa's servant gave me some rosary beads that morning
& so i grasped & assessed them
~~~
“a san fermin, pedimos,
por ser nuestro patron,
nos guíe en el encierro dándonos su bendición”
it was a muffled loudspeaker
& on top of that
i spoke no spanish
but the villa's servant had told me before
it was some sort of blessing asked of san fermín in holiest form
~~~
we had come here for the running of the bulls
& we had come here with nothing to show
but we had come here with the hopes of finding something
i don't think any one of us were really sure what
maybe something to bring back home
~~~
& the rocket was fired
& the bulls took off
& those three minutes felt like forever in the sweltering weather
~~~
i ran
i ran
& i ran
until i lost site of my boys
until i lost site of what i came for
until, within in the stifling noise
i even lost myself
~~~
a parade of plastic bullhorns & rose pedal confetti
the balconies siding the streets were decorated with sideshow freaks
children peaking through the chainlinked fence, tossing pennies
buildings garnished with a curtained fluorescence,
a certain efflorescence ornamented the boutiques
~~~~
it all caught my eye
but vanished my memory by the end of the run
“the bulls are coming!
the bulls are coming!”
i heard in english from a child, shouted in his fullest summons
~~~
cuz see in the cobblestone dirt
in the coppertone blur
it seems there's a little less complication
a little less toasts to bad jokes
a lot less tear drops
& a lot more hope
~~~
cuz see, amidst the confusion
i found faith in a better day
you see, atop a roof i noticed two children lying slanted
situated between the two was a woven bin
& the two would dip their hands into the basket,
&, looking down,
they would chuckle, look at each other
as differences vanished within
~~~
& they would pull out rose pedals
& see, i watched the pedals float
i watched the pedals slide from left to right in a diagonal pattern
i watched
& as the avenues scattered
everything within gathered
~~~
& during all this my sprint had slowed to a jog
& during all this the surrounding scatterings became a blurred fog
& during all this i finally stopped
& i watched as she danced under the pedals
under the confetti
garnished in beads and a parachuting dress
floating among the balcony with swift grace, oh so gently
~~~
~~~
~~~
but see, it was then i realized
boys are boys
but at some point
i'm gonna need to move on

the four of us caught up with each other a couple hours later
& we drank & we laughed & we talked a great while
but i sat slouched in my chair, staring blankly at the fireplace,
realizing tomorrow,
i'll be gone

[TeKneeK]

“As I Lay Dying"


ABOUT THE BOYFRIEND:

The hazy clouds in the sky….appeared lost in its color..
As his eyes gazed to die... with fulfillment uncovered..
He cried in his silence… shedding moans with no tears..
As his life spilled profusely while defining his fears..
Silhouettes of his presence viewed him frozen and cold
Alone in the hills aging old with his arms in a fold
Knees bent.. self-embraced… from the pain that became
He was barely in life … but kept unknown in his name..
Sadly sunk in his pain…
Weeping tears from his cheeks
As he cried from his heart…
Much defeated and weak…
Unable to speak… sadly labored.. with no shoulder to bear..
With no soul to console.. but so cold with no care..
He runs thru his hair…
gazing upward at the orangish clouds…
The purple murkiness constricts it… then his head in a bow
Like the loneliest child…
without a mother to need..
Without a father for his nurturing.. a half-dying seed
The playful birds in the air are faintly heard to be seen
He stares… with a wonder of his undying need
To be freed from deliverance… the chill from the cold
Unleashed the ice in his heart.. as if the pain was foretold
Half content in control… to what he had to be priceless
But what once was his life.. has now tainted him lifeless
How he thought that in time.. that love would feed his needs..
But his life directly shattered like debris of seeds
To understand what it was… he wouldn’t trust what was now
Before the man that he was.. denied him love as a child…

“..death became the purpose.. as the next step for me…
With the sense for this answer that was stressin for me…
Slanting shadows of height.. that arose from the rays
Came the sun that extinguished my brightest of days…”
I felt the clutch of her arms…
Widely felt to embrace..
Till her face shaded faintly..
Then was left without trace..
It was reason to show why the look in my face..
Overcomed me to seekin for the heavenly ways…


(He clutches himself...... to his death.... then lies still.. forever..)


(Later the ambulance arrives... as....)

HIS GIRLFRIEND: (walks away crying) ohh..ho..hoooooo..ohhhh...... *crying*.... (sits down... as a man in uniform sits to comfort the girl)

MAN IN UNIFORM:

Ayo the cat wasn’t focused.. but asked where the coke is
He failed to know the reason… though his life was simply hopeless
Without much to value… unmeasured… but just how true..
This love that he felt couldnt saved to what amount to…
While he fucked the world.. he never cared much about you…
With who he relied on.. he always had forgot you..
He died while getting off.. but he really knocked you off
Like he thought that you was soft… and how you got it lost..
Think hard.. seein it.. You thought that you was being lied to..
This love he was feelin.. should not be felt inside you..
As beautiful he said.. you are.. that it would guide you
I saw you… found you…and I knew you tried not to..
Be the one who’s crying at the deadliest cost…
But it was him that overdosed you and his life became lost…


*Man in uniform comforts the girl.. as they both stand and walk away*

THE END.

[Mac Flow]

over no shows

iNFINITE Truth, I liked the story outline, but the flow was off and the structure was aukward, but very poetical and I did like that alot. the story was whimsicle in it vocab and everything and gave an appearance of a boy's summer vacation or something. very nice writing

Tekneek, great vision here. strong flow moved the story along nicely and made it wasy to follow. the actions of gazing up at orange clouds sounds heavenly, like envisioning afterlife. I thought this was a well rounded written piece all the way through.

Vote Tek

[TRAP.]

inf - nice self-realization piece. actually almost borderlined a real-life story. like you were actually at the running of the bulls with your friends. overall, the verse got better with every stanza, and it actually captivated me in the 2 children with the rose pedals part .. which actually almost translates to the rosary beads .. the two children had diffrences but found a medium in the rose petals, and you and god found one in the beads, you just needed a muse aka the children. nice verse.

tek - well constructed verse. all the elements were there, except in the story. you just went on forever about his thoughts on dying, and then the last 10 small lines tryed to wrap the whole thing up, which wasn't enough for me. you tried to relate his drug problems and subsequent overdose to her love for him and how she paid the price for some odd reason. i don't know i would've liked to see the complete opposite, more on the story of how he died and less on the actual thoughts going through his head.

good battle, i liked inf's better.

vote = infinite truth.

[AuThoR NYSE]

Infinite Truth
Wow I must say...imagery was dope and the flow was nice. The whole essence of this piece was beautiful. The way you described everything and the way you captivated that even in life, in our most joyous times there comes a moment of realization that life moves on and the past is nothing but the past. I think the reader was able to relate to the relationship between the friends in the beginning. Overall your imagery really brought this piece to life. Painting a very vivid picture within my mind.

TekNeeK
This week it seems you went more for description then imagery and you did a good job with it still. I think this verse was nice, Im not gonna lie it had a really poetic vibe to it. Although I feel that the flow in the last stanza wasn't was good as the rest and the word choice was much stronger in the first. But none-the-less you wrote a wonderful piece and I really enjoyed the ending. The woman overdosing on the mans lies and it was really her who suffered and had died for being with him ( atleast thats what I gathered out of it.) But your strong point this week was description.

So here is the dilemma. I was feeling both of these pieces greatly and in my mind this was a wonderful match. Despite what Tek says he doesn't like so much, he is actually a very poetic writer. But so is IT and how can you compare the two. Can't its impossible. But this week seemed to be Imagery vs Description. Because content was dope from both and the emotion that each piece evoked was wonderful. So now I am sitting here racking my mind to come to a solution. Tek vs IT hmmmmmm!!!! I'd like to vote tie but you both would hate me for that.

Vote
Infinite Truth

In the end it came down to preference. I know people say this week in and week out, But it seriously did. IT just painted that picture in my mind as if a movie was on a reel playing on the back of my eyelids. Tek this verse was better then last weeks. I loved the descriptions and the word choice. And this to me is match of the week.

[TeKneeK]

aw man...1-2..

[Khôi NguJin]

lol martin...

word, infinate came pretty sick. that shit was longitude long and shit, i kept scrollllllin' down....

i loved the verse all throughout, although got confused somewhere in the middle, but brought it all back as the verse wound down. comming back to the 4 of you. it was uniquely writtin' imo, and set off great vibes. sweet structural format making an easy read. many different portrayals in the verse that were astounding w/ amazing wording. i twas just a very nice read.

tekk...nice story, interesting choice to write about, i felt you depicted it very well. can't really say much about it, i twas just really solid. i dunno, but i wasn't impelled as much as i thought i would. it left me craving something more at the end. that conclusion was the weakest part of the verse imo. therefore

v.Infinate Truth

[TeKneeK]

1-3 .....

[DahLohner]

hmmm..

InfTruth- I gotta come down hard on you. YES, it rhymed lol But it was so ugly, structurally. It's one thing to experiment, its another to write a VERSE, a RAP VERSE, and this is jus too borderline for my taste. GREAT IMAGERY and symbols throughtout, some of this was very HEMINGWAY, what with the bulls and spain and the short, choppy sentences, but it jus did NOT appeal to me, there was a beautiful sense of simplicity here but NO urgency- Its like looking at a beautiful garden, well maintained and groomed. Sure I would like to sit there, maybe for an hour or two, soak it up, but rather than changing my life it simply calms it...thas good enough for some, I jus wasn't feeling it.

Tekneek- This was a technically sound verse, loved the flow throughout, NOT NEARLY as good as last week's verse, but the description was there and you even tried playing with some emotion. Really liked this, i'm still convinced nobody does it as effortlessly as you.

Vote-Tekneek

IMout

[TeKneeK]

2-3!!!!!!!!

[Man On Fire]

Tekneek - Very, very nice. Imagery was great, and that flow was so smooth, which made it so easy to read, and stay focused on what your writing about instead of have to think about what your writing about. Good emotion, centered around a poetic style of writing. Painted a picture, while telling a good story this week. The last stanza was a little off, but still wrapped up the story well.

Infinite Truth - Unique style. Kept everything moving, without sacrificing the story's true meaning. Writer's voice was good, had good character development. Concept was good, content was also real nice. Told a good story of young man figuring out what's important in life. The end though left me hanging. Like where he was going, and what he was going to do. And in actuallty I kind of liked not knowing, and making up my own ending in my head.

Both wrote very well this week. Good writer's voice from both, and solid stories as well. Although this week I think Tek was a little more sound with everything. He had a more well rounded verse in my eyes.

Vote - Tekneek

[A.S.K]

3-3

draw between tek and Truth

[A.S.K]

hold on nah

tek wins

Truth didnt vote