7-doyen (7-0) [v] 8-lucifer leviathan (5-0) ---hot match

[DMeTRIUS]

DUE DATES


VERSES DUE Thursday 10:00pm PACIFIC/1:00am EST/

VOTES DUE Sunday 10:00am PACIFIC/1:00pm EST


TOPICS

rstl topics 8-1-2004 by tha talent

LINE LIMIT

4 lines - NO SHOWS
16 lines - MINIMAL
60 lines - MAXIMAL


VOTING

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No 2nd Chance Votes


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Go Forth and Produce

[Lucifer Leviathan]

...checkin in...
...g'luck...

One, Two, Three, Four, Five, and Six.

[doYen]

Running on Empty


the day started perfect, birds chirpin, a slight breeze
my favorite song on the alarm clock was first to excite me
a good night sleep, i went to the fridge for a nice treat
routine breakfast...sausage and eggs with an ice tea
6 in the morning, sports center to check up on my team
yanks beat the sox in a blow the score was nine, three
in my boxers on the couch with one sock and a white T
i dozed off, then woke up running late in a tight squeeze

the phone rang, my eyes lifted like a puppeteer controlled em
anxiety motioned, cold sweat, feverish, my glands would open
panic scolded me i choked and nervousness began provoking
my lungs and throat like i lit a cigarette but never smoked em
i had to focus! took a deep breath and slipped on my slacks
buttoned my shirt, tucked it in, then hit the kitchen for snacks
slid my shoes on, oreo bars and chips in the bag
capri suns, i picked my keys up, and went to the Jag
threw my shit in the back, and turned on some classical to ease
my mind before it blew a head gasket in my seat
eyes were like elastic on the street, i was distracted by a BEEP
a flouresent light, a quick glance, and "damn it im on E"
thats when the panic up in me quickly turned into disgust
head was burning up, and head was like a furnace that would bust
impulse became insults...advertently i cussed
late for work, became disturbed cause being early was a must
i certainly was stuck, LITERALLY!, my Jag was crammed
between two rows of vehicles inside a traffic jam
i heard the beep again, IM RUNNING ON EMPTY, im in the street and since
i wasn't moving im guessing stress pulled me to sleep again
and believe in this or not, but i was fallen asleep
to be abrupty awakened anxiously by all of these BEEPS
shock would impede my thoughs the traffic block was decreased
so i moved on 10 minutes later and got up to speed
my conscience released, i made it to the top of the street
and luckily my car cut off inside the lot so i breathed
while at the gas pump, i looked into my wallet and screamed
cause it seemed, i didnt even have a dollar on me
so i swallowed my pleas, slammed the door and walked away
cause my job, "or ex-job", was just a block away
and i was scheduled to be there at 7 o'clock today
and it's going on 11 so... " THANKS GOD IM LATE!"
and what do i got to say, i've been late but before
i had a chance, my boss saw me as i came in the door
face full of war, he looked a little angry and more
i can hear it now, "Your Fired", you know the basic rapport

so i went to my desk, body full of tension and stress
i heard the BEEP again, and started getting tense in my neck
i turned on my comp, even though in minutes the rest
of the company would be witnessing the end of me Yes!
the ending was set, my boss told me to meet him in the break room
to be baffled because the bastard only had to tell me Thank You?
but before he could explain he was called to fix some tangles
with a customer, i must concur, i have a guardian angel
nervous system mangled, i calmed down adjusted and eased
to be overwhelmed to hear another flustering BEEP
it was my cell phone alert, i wasn't accustom you see
cause it was new but it seems, im just what the company needs
you see my schedules Monday thru Friday from 7-3
and apparently it's Saturday and i regretfully squeeze
Star 73... i listen to the message for me
and it's my boss asking me to work from 11-3

[Lucifer Leviathan]

While Father Time's blade snakes in figure eights
My date with fate... constantly escapes clutches.
You quick to headlock, i'm caught in strongarm crutches,
an excuse, an impediment to what you can't touch and
I'm tired of doin it, done with hearts and bruisin em
Through with it, standin tween loved ones and losin em
Got my name in your mouth when it aint workin out
And you claim I'm about, when truth is- it's useless
Whether not things change or they stay the same
I'm always playing "it" in the blaming game
Nonexistent but hovering in each and every element
Oh shit man............. I forgot the elephants!!!
How you gonna make adjectives from a verb that dont exist?
... And talk about something undeserving of "is"?
Always takin' bout "the moment's around the bend"
Well you aint the only one asking... "When will it end?"
To embellish the fact, yo, I think it's clever that
I'm the only answer to the question Never asked
::::
I allow that to settle in, plot a spot to upset a win
He's always there but the antonym would spell his end
Endless enemies... as I battle... infinity
Locked in a dead heat, but it seems there's an end to me
But then again if we ponder consequences of that
I would be, never again, and so a clone is begat
However my antithesis and twin, I'd see the end of him
From just a little rip in the space and time continnum
A ball of gas can burn the fabric with a hellish hand
Shoulda built your house on somethin final, instead of sands
It unravels, he loses it... dismembering time
Add just one to 8, and it becomes the figure 9

Then again, can positive exist withought negatives?
Would a lack of narrative perish it?
or is it inability to live without comparatives
One or the other- singularities aren't cherished here.
So i excogitate just what both sides might propagate,
what would the burdens be as well as what we'd exonerate
He goes in circles while i lie at the definite end
I drew it out and realized that we make a perfect 10.

...i realized that most prople might not know what a certain word means...
...and they're too lazy to look things up, so...

...excogitate...
...ek-'skä-j&-"tAt...
...Function: transitive verb
...to think out : DEVISE...

[Anaphora]

Doyen: This was pretty sick, the beeps continuing really got me wondering what was going on, and I had to really pay attention, I liked it a lot, story moved along nice... a little hard to believe that he didn't realize it was saturday and he didn't realize it... I think it being some lame holiday would've been the best, but very nice verse, I liked it alot...

LL: I like how you use kinda random terms sometimes... you went first with literary terms (antonym, antitethis) then went onto the scientific kinda language, the idea of building a house on sand is really a good one, but using 'final' in there wasn't the best word choice... this verse meandered around quite a bit, but kept its central theme, which worked out very well.

This is such a good match up, I gotta give it to Doyen, very very fuckin nice match up though.

[Atheist]

vote: doyen.

what an incredible verse. it reminded me of a vern-acular piece the way you sculpted your rhyme scheme and flow. content was consistently dope as well which made your verse an incredibly pleasing and easy read. lucifer came hot as well, nice story and your approach to telling it was very masterful.

However my antithesis and twin, I'd see the end of him
From just a little rip in the space and time continnum
A ball of gas can burn the fabric with a hellish hand
Shoulda built your house on somethin final, instead of sands
It unravels, he loses it... dismembering time
Add just one to 8, and it becomes the figure 9

that is just an example of your well written verse. however, i felt more at ease and pleased from reading doyen's verse, so i just got to give it to him for keeping me constatnly entertained and rivetted.

[Awedishin]

well someone's going home with a loss, finally lol

LL - well written, great mechanics as always, decent content and nicely ended. You really did a good job this week. Not much to say about it....I think sometimes you might be using too many "big" words to impress people....and that's somewhat of a pet peeve of mine but it's not that bad compared to some. overall a good verse though...

Doyen - very well done. From beginning to end the story progressed beautifully. lol I could feel his stress, it almost made me stressed reading about his lol. The beeps were great, all the vivid detail and imagery was awesome too. The thing is.....the story itself was so entertaining, it's hard for someone to beat that, because it's simply an awesome, wonderfully told story.

vote Doyen.....it's a good matchup, like we all anticipated, but Doyen's was so entertaining and fun to read

good luck

[MC4SiGHT]

vote-doyen

incredible match....doyen this verse was fucking ill....it flowed perfect and you described everything so nicely...kept my interest the whole piece....your gonna win a title someday man this shit was good... LL-you posted a great verse too and i have nothing wrong with the bigs words i thought you used them well and as long as u can do that there fine...you brought a good challenge and your verse ws interesting to...your def. gonna be a great conntender in this league for a while...but doey just got ya this time.....realllyy great match one my fave yet tho

[Brandon Heat]

Vote: Doyen...



both were good... Just like Doyen's better... no crtique really for bein 5-0 and 7-0... you know where you stand...


Good job though... I was not let down...







Sincerely,


Mr. E...

[BrEaK-PoInT]

doyen-great read. Outstanding flow from line to line. Couldnt stop reading. I was also gonna do this topic but couldnt think of any direction to drive it towards except a gas tank but thought i could never make a story out of it. You did beatifully. Just a great story not a to big of a twist but still worked great for an ending. I like reading just a nice story somtiems rather then some extravagent BS. lol Nice

LL= also a great verse, read it twice to fully understand. It was very well written. I liekd how u used random terms. Kept me interested. Nothing i really see wrong with your verse except the big words may confuese alot of ppl but if thats how u write then hey do you. But doyen just cam sick soooo

vote=Doyen

[Richard Corey]

LL was cool with some nice airy poetry, the structure was cool and I like the conviction in your voice when you write...but I give the verse of the week award to doyen. and this is my first vote!!

I can't see anyone beeting that example of perfect, sheer, lyricism and wit. That was perhaps the perfect lyrical verse...

I can't think of anything beyond that to say
vote: Doyen

[Tha Talent]

Lucifer Leviathon:
i understand how people are saying you lost, infact, i feel Doyen beat you...but i can't help but feel that people are underplaying how dope your verse was...you really have poetry down pat...i love the abstraction of the verse...the word choice is great, really bringing out the surrealism of it all...the flaw in this is that you failed to build up a direction...abstractions should be used to strengthen a point...a single point...not to jump around...that's for House of Pain to do.

Doyen:
although it seems like some voters were amazed by the fact that you wrote the word "beep," this verse was better than a simple onomatopoeia...you really just wrote this well, and although the ending could have been a little better, it did bring a smile...you kept a strong stream of events flowing, and wrote well.

vote=doyboy

[ErykahCaine]

Luci

This was a nice piece. You use one of my favorite style of writings, that poetic feel, which allowed me to fall into your piece instantly. The overall verse was well written. This is one of those pieces that you gotta sit down with for a while and then the underlying message is more clear. Overall, the content was on point, I felt the overall meesage you relayed.Can't knock a girl for having a big vocabulary..lol..keep doing you. Nice piece.

Doyen

Nice piece as well. You had a real smooth flow, which made the piece move along very nicely. I like how stated just about every intricate detail with over doing it.
The story progressed nicely, and besides the whole forgetting its Saturday..lol..the piece was very realistic.


Overall Luci fit my personal preferance to a "T" as far as writing style, but I gotta give to Doyen, who came with a great all around story

vote=Doyen...nice drop from both

[TeKneeK]

DOYEN: 98%
LUCI: 95%



reason: DOY is so smooth when he writes that out... i read it and its sooo .... its soo clean.... somehow his words interconnect well..... LUCI is juicy with the poeticals and brings a strong deep-thought provoking rhyme to mix... but presentation of DOY outlasts....

[doYen]

http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...72#post9662872
http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...15#post9662915

[BusterHymen]

DoYeN
There isn't much I can say that hasn't already been said. That verse was incredible and written very well. You wrote that to perfection it seems and everything developed in all the right places. Word choice was good and the flow was like butter. It was just amazing.

Lucifer Leviathan
Yours was a good read also and a very well written piece. A very poetic feel brought about it. It was as if reading an abstract poetry piece, but you did well with it. I think this was written very well and your a very creative writer. I just feel that the message you were trying to portray was overshadowed by the way it was written. Never-the-less a great read.

Vote - Doyen

[DMeTRIUS]

doyen wins