17. Awedishin (39-17) vs 18. Konvillution (16-5)

[Vern Acular]

DUE DATES


VERSES DUE Thursday 10:00pm PACIFIC/1:00am EST/

VOTES DUE Sunday 10:00am PACIFIC/1:00pm EST


TOPICS

*rstl Topics*

LINE LIMIT

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60 lines - MAXIMAL


VOTING

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Go Forth and Produce

[Mac Flow]

word...good luck

[KonvILLution]

yupyup, i might do 'supernatural'

[Awedishin]

Crisp, green leaves seemingly poised in mid-air~
Footprints through the dirt - can see the boys have been there~
Big bright yellow blooms of dandelions and daffodils~
Sit and watch the kids have their thrills following close to the tracks of quills~
Chasing birds to no avail - they'll be ready to nap soon~
It's all blue skies and bright eyes long as they stay away from Dad's room....


Thick black sheets hang from the the windows, it's gloom~
very miminal percentage of light is allowed to get through~
inches of dust now reside on the antique cedar chest~
Nothing's been moved, don't dare to sweep, dear old Dad needs his rest~
They creep at best, if not crawl to make it past with no distraction~
It's been a year and a half since they last played catch or interacted...


7 acres of land to compliment their mansion~
Tall trees, wildlife, it was worth a king's ransom~
And so hansom - from the road spectators would stop and stare~
They sure got their fare share of tourists around the clock each year~
Little rabbits hopped with cheer, grazed in the garden with no cares~
everything was symbolic - even Dad's old rusty lawn chair....


Once bright and red all but one Rose had wilted and died~
it stood out against the blackened like a cold day in July~
They won't say that he's gone - they know his heart's still alive~
it's his soul and pride that's all withered inside~
they can live with the sighs and cries - even the scent of life rotten~
cuz While that rose still blossoms they know they've still got him...


Green foliage has grown rare - orange and brown in it's place~
Summer had one foot on the stair while Autumn was at the top of the case~
Birds called it a day early - nights are chilly here in October~
Mom has taken up drinking - she finds it hard to stay sober~
The one Red rose was leaning over - as if it was on it's last leg~
The sun never shines anymore - the friendly furry hares were all dead...


The final rose was no longer red - the kids all gathered and wept~
All though not allowed to set foot they all knew what it meant~
Mom took one last guzzle from the bottle and staggered out on the porch~
She mumbled "run for your lives" while makeshifting a torch~
"Your Father never wanted to die but our cries couldn't keep him alive~
That's why I've decided I'll never leave again from his side"...


It was the end...
The end of the tourism - the end of neverland~
The end of our prism of happiness at hand~
The end of green acres and brilliant bright sun~
The end of being teenagers and the end of our fun~
The end of the summer that we'll never forget~
The end of what we thought was a bottomless pit...


We still gather every summer break and make our way to the lake~
Where we wonder what woulda happened had she not always drank~
Herself into a stupor everyday and blacked out~
Had she only known what it is that we all know for fact now~
Dad hadn't died that day his cancer was miraculously receding~
But we never coulda told her - we weren't allowed to go see him~
The county coroner made clear that his cause of death wasn't disease...
It was pain pill overdose and smoke inhalation in his sleep...

damn..



07. For Better Or Worse

[KonvILLution]

as the dew drops lick leaves the sunrise formed violets
my eyesight evolved from swolen sleep riddled eyelids
my eyes dripped, my light sparked gas lit my flesh
as the cigarette grew intense with each intake of breath
half dressed, I pull cotton over my chest and pause
I’m in awe, I see doors open, I cant believe my eyes
I think, a door is normal, but these ones were in the sky
As I ponder why, there’s more, the clouds are shrieking eagle cries
I finish dressing, as I try and decipher my reason from guessing
These shock events distressing, more, glass steps, floating caressing
The air, haste lesssing, comes to a stop just below my window ledge
Without a thought to dread, I half rush, to meet the stairways edge
as my feet begged to tredge, i crept with balls an no soles
my skin prepared to behold the cold, but it seeped through holes
my paws, inner heat stole, but i could feel warmth on extremities
as my pupils came to see, the strange empty world through the entry
i began to enter a world seen empty, but with a greater truth
my body began to embrace the dew that dripped age but rained youth
a grain of brain juice seemed to escape me, but i kept embracing
as palpatation racing, tracing the inner beaty this world gave me
loving but also hating as my footsteps halted pacing, i froze
without voluntary motion, my clothes dragged me round i felt exposed
as i stood staring at the door from which i rose, but now stood closed
my thoughts would not compose, sweat beads dropped my nose,
i chose to try exit, but the shackled locks would not let it
i was trapped an desperate, as slowly the door was turning into glass
but alas no transparancy, as my gaze floats directly, its a reflection i see
or so it seems to me, but in reality i see my bed, an chair and pc
its deceit so easy, but unexpectadely, its forcively caught, im trapped
in a world with only the smallest spectrum of light penetrating black
i hesetate an rack my brains, for answers, but alas no reply
i am stuck in a world so similar but yet so different to mine
no apparent time, though i see my heart an world still beats in tune
i cannot escape this torture trapped behind the mirror in my room

[Tha Talent]

Konvillution:
honestly, i understand what you were going for, but this wasn't very interesting at all...it kinda bored me because you really didn't hit anything interesting like you could have...the wording was alright, but you were forcing rhymes too much...still, you did keep it descriptive...i just didn't see anything special in the concept...flow was dope...you have potential, just ease up on the internal rhymes and allow the words to come to you.

Awedishin:
this gave me goosebumps...it was 100% completely flawless...wow...seriously...far eclipsing anything i've ever read by you...one of the best verses i've ever read in the the RSTL...oh my.

vote=Awedishin
Kon had a good verse.
Mac came in and blew me away.

[headless verseman]

basically, its like this


mac- good verse, flow COULD have been even more fluid, but it was good......i liked this verse alot, kind of how i write, yea....i liked it


kon- good verse, i didnt think it matched the voice and execution of mac's writing

not taking anything away, but i got mac winning

[Awedishin]

word 2-0

nice verse Konvillution....

[DMeTRIUS]

over no shows

[Eternalpath]

Awedishin, Good story, very well told and a lot of symbolic situations. detailed nice and imagery was very fluent. props on the verse and I think you ended very well. Drinking does make peiople blind and not able to see what is REALLY going on. Nice verse

Konvillution, What was your topic? I don't see it. I really was lost in your story. You defintley had a lot of imagery and all and didn't lack any details but what was it about? Your looking into a mirror or behind a mirror. I dunnno you just lost me and the story was just uhhh..(yea thats my thoughts of it)

my vote Awedishin

[KonvILLution]

ya know what. i think i lost myself

[Imperial]

Awe had decent flow.. vocab was good, i liked the way the whole story was presented. Good symbolism.. the concepts were real interesting. Nice verse.

Kon had a better flow, but his story wasnt put together as well. It didnt keep me as interested as Awe's the whole way through. Still a good verse though.

Vote: Awedishin

[Equitius]

Awe - Got damn! Best verse Ive read this week. Amazing writers voice, excellent story, concept was just amazing. Everything about this verse was fuckin awesome. Flow was nice, not really alot of multi's but the flow fit your verse perfect. And thing that tops this all off is you used a very poetic, vivid, metaphorical approach to writing this verse. The best verse of the week, easy.

Kon - Very nice verse, impressed me. Very descriptive, good writers voice, nice concept, and very nice story. You had the mechanics down pretty well. Though you seemed to force some of the rhymes, like the multi's. Wording as talent said was kind of here and there. Like I knew what you were trying to get at but you put words in that really didnt make sense. Very poetic feel, loved the whole metaphorical approach. Story seemed a little vague, like you left out descriptions that we're needed. All in all and good verse.

Breakdown: Both came with great verses. Brought the same poetic style to the table which I enjoyed. But in the end Awe brought more emotion, and a better story as well.

Vote - Awedishin

[Awedishin]

word 5-0

07. Richard Corey (18-5) vs 08. Smoke Trail (8-1) vs 08. Malosovich (16-5)
29. Young Gawd (2-0) vs 30. Status Quo (2-0)
11. Krooked K (10-3) vs 12. Tekneek (37-12)
09. Wise Punchlines (13-5) vs 10. Jowelz (56-16)
19. TRAP (13-4) vs 20. Headless Verseman (10-4)
(( CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH )) 01. Tha Talent (44-16) vs 02. Noib Da Mutt (11-3)

[Richard Corey]

You can never be too descriptive...that's when you have a corresponding story. I don't think Kon had the type of story where he could be that descriptive. I just didn't think the idea went anywhere, although the other aspects of the verse were appreciated, I think you were just out written here...


Awedishin...Good God!! This story was immaculate! The imagery, the mood, the metaphor... I loved the dichotomy you set up with the utopia outside, contrasting with the macabre cemetary-like darkness inside. And the end was so... damn!

There's nothing I can say bout this, honestly. It's my pick for the best story this week.

vote: Awe

[Awedishin]

word big ups RC...thanks for the props

6-0

[Madpoet]

Ok the winner of this is clear to me and this motherfucker just kills shit everytime he steps in the room.....


Kon:Very descriptive, good choice of words but at the start I was like HMMMMM whats the topic...unfortunatly at the end I was still like HMMMM whats the topic , the only true strength I saw in your piece though was your visual descriptors...maybe I just couldnt find your writers voice so i could feel it and get into your piece and experience what you are writing about the way you intended it....


MAC:Motherfucker....I wanna be able to slam you one day on a verse...today is not that day..I am a recovering pain killer addict who smokes way too much...I love the flow and the imagery and it was mad poetic..story was very emotional and I think you really cranked out a winner this week....Everything was on point...Darkness mixed with light....unique style as well...

V:MAC

[young gawd]

dope shit here.
Kon your shit was very descriptive, both but the topic wasn't going anywhere. I think you forgot to tell the story. It wasn't well developed or developed as Awe's. Awe had an amazing verse. Everything was on point. It had flow, amazing imagery and emotion. A definite winner.

vote awe

[DMeTRIUS]

winner awedishin

new records
awedishin (40-17)
konvillution (16-6)