A Common Mistake

[Poetic Concept]

This is definity my longest poem, not too much though, alot of emotion though, anyways I hope yall read sthe whole thing then give a response...thx

A Common mistake

Early awakening…anticipating…pre-marital sex
…Knowledgeable sinner I have become…
Far surpassed celibate, brazen faced…I climb over the seat…

Wide open, anticipating my arrival…her legs part…
…Juices make their separation seem of divine importance…
…For I am…Moses…parting the Black Sea…
Exposing sovereignty, through maturity…welcoming me…

She does…

Love…friends…somewhere in between I lay…
Preparing to fulfill my reason for existence…in her…

Gawking with admiration…

She seizes his attention…
…Gazing, back he does…lone eyed…
For God has taken his second…

…Crying, tears of joy…
Blindly approaching her womb…she begins to cry…
Pity…I believe…

Tears escaping…fluids of love racing…
…Pre-ecstasies, enthralling us both…
Exposed by the cream flowing down her leg…

…Holding…relaxing her…til’ she is eased…
Curious, deaf, blinded is he…
…Solitary eye peeking into her womb…hastily retreating
Shyly erupting her…what a tease is he…

…Confidently flexing his muscle…he goes for a second look
Leisurely…examining her core…
…Grasping anything…to escape the pain…

Scrapping my back…
…As she is penetrated…

Unceasingly…

…Though it seems…
7 minutes later…ecstasy engulfs me…

…Fluid of Life splurges within her,
Negligent, unaware are we…
…Entwined with passion,
Pulling out I must…and still regret…

Peering at my manhood to find him bare skinned…
…Faceless he smirks, for he has achieved his birthright…

…Thoughtlessness, and anxiety encompasses me…
Scared, frantic, subtly hysterical,
Gazing at each other’s counterparts…
…Blaming each other secretively…

We fall…

Breaching common knowledge…
…Searching within us to find an answer…
To a question…that does not exist…

…Naturally…that is…

…Father…mother…future titles…
Petrified I am of my inevitable responsibilities…
…As well as she…for excess reasons…though…

Searching escape routes…
…Finding an answer…within a common street…
…25th and Wisconsin…Planned Parenthood…
Unfit name…is it…for this was a mistake…

Emergency contraception…
…Two pallid pills…reapers disguise…
Killing without regret…powerless he fights back…

…Unborn without a chance…ceasing before existing
Eradicating a baby saving ourselves…selfish are we
…Thoughts simultaneously…paralyzing us both…

Without much deliberation…
…Exposing a universal truth…we decide to do it
Children baring children…just wouldn’t work…

Dressing hastily we go to school…
…Haunted Day-reveries…exposed through emotionless face…
…Though most peoples mistake…we escape…
A common fate of becoming a statistic…

…That day I will never forget…
…My decision I will always regret…

[Poetical Techniquez]

This was really nice...the way it was written (kinda irky jerky if u will) seem to add to the indecisiveness (sp) of the act(s) all thru the poem. Detail was on point. The moments of self reflection and just from a writer's stand point with the lil details (like tha dude only go'in for 7 mins when most writers would have u believe it was like 1/2 hr or more) really made this piece come together. Are you from Milwaukee?

[Poetic Concept]

yeah I amfrom MIlwaukee, that dude was me...ha ha ha...seriously, it just seemed like a short period of time because of what all happened...so I just put seven minutes to place a little humr into a serious conversation. This is a true story that is why it was long and moderately descriptive, I was thinking from first person, so all the ideas and descrptions usually illuminated in third person were not there so I cant say it was my most descriptive peice, but it came from the heart...overall thx for the feed..

[AlmostFamous]

Early awakening…anticipating…pre-marital sex
…Knowledgeable sinner I have become…
Far surpassed celibate, brazen faced…I climb over the seat…


i like the wordplay you used throughout this piece but in this stanza i must say i like the most

good writing man keep it up here is some rep points fo sure

[UFO the Phoenix]

wow now thats some powerful

reminds me of that Song Common did with L Hill.....just powerful.....dont know if its all true but if it is thats crazy

to be honest with you I wasnt sure bout this poem at first the structure thru me off and I didnt like it but I've come to admire a poets purpose and reasons to use certain styles for certain poems and this is one of those....the breaking up and the random placement wasnt random at all and it made for a crazy rush of passion....leading up to the moment of climax....to the sad truth...reading this poem reminded me of having sex for the first time...the curiousity and the plessurre in a tug a war.....along with the bad news that follows.....never experience this "COMMON mistake" (irony in the title due to the rapper common....no pun intended)....but yeah this kinda stuff happens every day

[~Eloquent]

man welcome to the realm...
i definitely agree with UFO with the climax of passion feeling inside the whole poem....
very good expression as if to always capture every moment for a perfect picture
your description is very good man
the level of intensity made this a very exciting read
but the flip side you brought the consequences from the pleasure...
i really enjoyed this and im interested in what you come up with next...

[Mind~$oul]

Nicely written piece man. I really liked the structure you used. Made everything seem a bit choppy. That's how it can be sometimes when you're looking back on something. It all comes to you in bits and pieces.

Anyway I've been through this before, being a father of a 5 year old girl. Everything that looks good aint always gonna be good. However you look at it. But I have no regrets though. Imagery was on point.

One Luv

[skandelous_lala]

You did a great job with writing this. The images are very vivid and definitely put me right there in the poem. It had a sense of rawness to it for me...a bluntness...honesty I guess that I think for some people, well it would be hard for them to be honest with themselves in a topic such as this. I was really really feeling this though, and am glad you dropped it off with us to view.

[Poetic Concept]

thanks for the feed yall I appreciate it