Prisoner Of Patience

ChyllTyrant · 01-04-2006, 02:36 PM

Prisoner Of Patience

so long
forgetting longings

i lose my character
to uncaring actors
staring into astrological
rings
my dreams
bright bubbles
in

write tight trites
life-like lights
gripe or grip reality
grip the ripped rap we see
grip your gimpish greed

i am but
so careful
to let the retina retain
regain refrain
rechange

pre-cost management
being lost in the present
i sense vigilance and righteousness
i sense virtuosity left out
or they,
precotious, precisely, preciously
precautions practicing
only when pertinent

and whenever permanent
such as pre-man
we
land
firmament
and beneath that
burning rifts
and in the core
the scores
of our teams' matches
and burnin' riffs

which these burnin wrists
turn to burnin writs
from burnin wits
and you

Definit_ · 01-04-2006, 02:46 PM

write tight trites
life-like lights
gripe or grip reality
grip the ripped rap we see
grip your gimpish greed

i am but
so careful
to let the retina retain
regain refrain
rechange

^^Bananas

and whenever permanent
such as pre-man
we
land
firmament
and beneath that
burning rifts
and in the core
the scores
of our teams' matches
and burnin' riffs

which these burnin wrists
turn to burnin writs
from burnin wits
and you

^My Favorite..I LOVEEEEE The Style You Used..

Very Creative And Witty, And Fits In A Lot Of Ways..

...Reading Again....

Yup Still Love This Piece..Nice Job

-1

Nebulaz · 01-04-2006, 09:38 PM

Ha, this was clever. I liked the structure, but I really LOVE the rhyme scheme. Wonderful, beautiful, awesome. This is a really good piece, and I'm glad that I got the chance to read it.

Bobby D · 01-05-2006, 02:10 AM

This is an amazing piece ... like the other comment lenders said ... it's a clever but yet pity piece indeed .... You have gained all of my respects and sympathies ... Truely wonderful expression ... Direct and to the piont ... Lovely write. Props.

Little Bits Of Blue

Return....

Gh05t!

RealMS · 01-06-2006, 06:03 PM

Prisoner of Patience, I like how that sounds. The last two parts of your poem I liked much as well.

so long
forgetting longings

i lose my character
to uncaring actors
staring into astrological
rings
my dreams
bright bubbles
in

^This part gave me the vibe that you were maybe saying something along the lines of-"forget what I think because you're not listening either way it goes." I like the rhythm's consistency as well but something about those two last parts. Keep writing.

-Much Love

Pent uP · 01-07-2006, 02:27 AM

and whenever permanent
such as pre-man
we
land
firmament
and beneath that
burning rifts
and in the core
the scores

^^the best part if it right there

most clear diction and least convaluted meaning
it was clear and yet bold

They other parts weren't as clear, this kept the same tone and scheme but didnt fuck with my mind i knew what u were trying to express

exactly; you know?

oh and that part about the eye movement in fear is dope too

good post though

01-04-2006, 02:36 PM	#1 (permalink)
ChyllTyrant AmIEternalOrAnEternalist? Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Syracuse, NY Posts: 830	Prisoner Of Patience Prisoner Of Patience so long forgetting longings i lose my character to uncaring actors staring into astrological rings my dreams bright bubbles in write tight trites life-like lights gripe or grip reality grip the ripped rap we see grip your gimpish greed i am but so careful to let the retina retain regain refrain rechange pre-cost management being lost in the present i sense vigilance and righteousness i sense virtuosity left out or they, precotious, precisely, preciously precautions practicing only when pertinent and whenever permanent such as pre-man we land firmament and beneath that burning rifts and in the core the scores of our teams' matches and burnin' riffs which these burnin wrists turn to burnin writs from burnin wits and you __________________ Twyll The ChyllTyrant aka Verbal Kynt aka Soul Prophet aka Wally Wigglez And Like That... He's Gone The greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was convincing the world he didn't exist. http://www.myspace.com/twyllthechylltyrant http://www.myspace.com/realninjtruth http://www.soundclick.com/tyrantny

01-04-2006, 09:38 PM	#3 (permalink)
Nebulaz fear God, not man Join Date: Mar 2001 Posts: 935	Ha, this was clever. I liked the structure, but I really LOVE the rhyme scheme. Wonderful, beautiful, awesome. This is a really good piece, and I'm glad that I got the chance to read it. __________________ "It is impossible to account for the creation of the universe without the agency of a Supreme Being. It is impossible to govern the universe without the aid of a Supreme Being. It is impossible to reason without arriving at a Supreme Being. Religion is as necessary to reason as reason is to religion. The one cannot exist without the other. A reasoning being would lose reason in attempting to account for the great phenomena of nature, had he not a Supreme Being to refer to; and will has it been said, that if there had been no God, mankind would have been obliged to imagine one." - - George Washington

01-05-2006, 02:10 AM	#4 (permalink)
Bobby D what's the internet? Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 397	This is an amazing piece ... like the other comment lenders said ... it's a clever but yet pity piece indeed .... You have gained all of my respects and sympathies ... Truely wonderful expression ... Direct and to the piont ... Lovely write. Props. Little Bits Of Blue Return.... Gh05t! __________________ "AIDS is such a scary thing and it's also the kind of thing that you think won't happen to you. It can happen to you and it's deadly serious."

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01-04-2006, 02:46 PM	#2 (permalink)
Definit_ P0ETiiCLiiCHE' Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: "Im From The State That Is IL" Posts: 206	write tight trites life-like lights gripe or grip reality grip the ripped rap we see grip your gimpish greed i am but so careful to let the retina retain regain refrain rechange ^^Bananas and whenever permanent such as pre-man we land firmament and beneath that burning rifts and in the core the scores of our teams' matches and burnin' riffs which these burnin wrists turn to burnin writs from burnin wits and you ^My Favorite..I LOVEEEEE The Style You Used.. Very Creative And Witty, And Fits In A Lot Of Ways.. ...Reading Again.... Yup Still Love This Piece..Nice Job -1

01-06-2006, 06:03 PM	#5 (permalink)
RealMS Pro 31 Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Lafayette/New Orleans, LA Posts: 4,230	Prisoner of Patience, I like how that sounds. The last two parts of your poem I liked much as well. so long forgetting longings i lose my character to uncaring actors staring into astrological rings my dreams bright bubbles in ^This part gave me the vibe that you were maybe saying something along the lines of-"forget what I think because you're not listening either way it goes." I like the rhythm's consistency as well but something about those two last parts. Keep writing. -Much Love

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