Mechanical Dejection [12.28.05]

This is a discussion on Mechanical Dejection [12.28.05] within the Poetry Realm forums, part of the Intellect Zone category; Insatiable she, ever impatient with meed! Her vindications seem greedy but shes very needy of heed. Oppression turns to stress ...


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Old 01-02-2006, 07:32 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Mechanical Dejection [12.28.05]
Insatiable she, ever impatient with meed!
Her vindications seem greedy but shes very needy of heed.
Oppression turns to stress and turns most her ration to carnage;
unwilled, her lips relish darkness for which passion's no harness.
She ever starts it; with each quip she's tarnished her kiss
'til passion's a carcass, somber, but fit, if "karma's a bitch."
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Old 01-03-2006, 01:57 PM   #2 (permalink)
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my poem sux
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Old 01-03-2006, 02:07 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Poetical Techniquez takes it up the butt!
I can NOT co-sign this poem sux



....So much emotion and energy in such a small space...such a quick turn around of tha situation...the ending gave this a certain ring to it...sadly enought in my opinion it describes alot of girls and young women and actually some women who are supposed to be mature who don't really understand why things are so hard for them-at least some of the one's I view and a few i know...where to u get the "mechanical" part in your title???
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Old 01-03-2006, 02:33 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Mechanical in a rhythematic-unconcious type of way. Thanks for the props. :D
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Old 01-04-2006, 01:05 AM   #5 (permalink)
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damn yo... at first I was like what a short piece... thinkin it would need to be longer...

then I actually read it... you certaintly said a lot in few words... not many people can pull that off well... and you did a good job I think... deep and meaningful, I'm sure personally.... and generally at the same time... maybe describing a lot of women out there...

do you do a lot of poetry? or are you mostly a emcee type? either way nice job... short and sweet...

keep it up
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Old 01-04-2006, 01:29 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I used to do a lot of poetry and a lot of rap but I don't really write much anymore... don't feel as inspired
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Old 01-04-2006, 02:28 AM   #7 (permalink)
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I Like It..

Ending LIke 4 Lines Had Me Going...

Only If It Were Finished..I Use To Write Stopped For About 5 Years..

Wasnt Inspired By Shit..Now Im Slowing Ezin Bak In So, Inspirtation Comes N goes..

Gotta just Flow With It...


..Move On | Reply Plz


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Old 01-05-2006, 09:50 AM   #8 (permalink)
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misspimp takes it up the butt!
I really did enjoy this piece.....it threw me off a little with the style.....but the style change was definetly appreciate at the same time....left me thinking how can such a short poem....have so much depth and emotion??

mad love
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