A Bird With Broken Wings

rhino42 · 12-31-2005, 08:18 PM

i havent written in a while so let me know wat u think

A Bird With Broken Wings

He dreams of flyin'
but feels like he's dyin'

He knows his destination
but his wings are broken
Broken by ambiguity and strife
Broken by feelings of heartbreak
By feelings of need, but no-one takes heed to his cries.

Where does he go?
Where does he belong?

He chirps his song to the rhythm of wingflaps custom to his flock
But no-one truly hears his song.

A bird with broken wings
Loses his will to fly
And soon fades into dust
And no-one knows why.

-Erik

http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...7#post13129557
http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...7#post13129567
http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...9#post13129579

rhino42 · 01-02-2006, 05:39 PM

uppin

Nebulaz · 01-04-2006, 09:35 PM

Well, what you have written here is good. Potentially good anyway. This has lots a untapped potential, and lots of potential direction to this. I say, take what you have, add roughly 15 or so more lines of substance (story, development, wittiness) and you have yourself a purty poem.

Mind~$oul · 01-06-2006, 03:28 PM

I think this was a decent piece. I could kind of predict the whole piece though. The whole "bird with a broken wing" thing has been kinda beat to death. But I did enjoy the read though. Just keep the pen going. I'll be looking out for you

One luv

RealMS · 01-07-2006, 01:32 PM

This made me think about Pac's poem Fallen Star. I don't know why the mood just seem of some kind of semblance. Just goes to show that we've all felt this exact way at some point or another. Keep writing, glad to see you back here.

-Much Love

UFO the Phoenix · 01-08-2006, 12:54 AM

yeah what else happen ?

I would love to see you go back and re-write this with a twist.....(like the man with no legs)......something with some personification to magnify this cliche idea......

I've seen a bird with broken wings still have that passion and drive to live

Bhitiah · 01-15-2006, 03:45 AM

What man with no legs? lol....Oh I get it, My bad. It's late and I've replied to like 5000 of these poems tonight becuase I'm bored and have no life anymore. lmao. Anyway, Nah this was a good poem, I agree with UFO though...Surely do.

12-31-2005, 08:18 PM	#1 (permalink)
rhino42 Ich liebe der Tisch!! Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Ozark, Misery Posts: 99	A Bird With Broken Wings i havent written in a while so let me know wat u think A Bird With Broken Wings He dreams of flyin' but feels like he's dyin' He knows his destination but his wings are broken Broken by ambiguity and strife Broken by feelings of heartbreak By feelings of need, but no-one takes heed to his cries. Where does he go? Where does he belong? He chirps his song to the rhythm of wingflaps custom to his flock But no-one truly hears his song. A bird with broken wings Loses his will to fly And soon fades into dust And no-one knows why. -Erik http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...7#post13129557 http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...7#post13129567 http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread...9#post13129579 __________________ www.myspace.com/eriklb4263

01-02-2006, 05:39 PM	#2 (permalink)
rhino42 Ich liebe der Tisch!! Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Ozark, Misery Posts: 99	uppin __________________ www.myspace.com/eriklb4263

01-04-2006, 09:35 PM	#3 (permalink)
Nebulaz fear God, not man Join Date: Mar 2001 Posts: 935	Well, what you have written here is good. Potentially good anyway. This has lots a untapped potential, and lots of potential direction to this. I say, take what you have, add roughly 15 or so more lines of substance (story, development, wittiness) and you have yourself a purty poem. __________________ "It is impossible to account for the creation of the universe without the agency of a Supreme Being. It is impossible to govern the universe without the aid of a Supreme Being. It is impossible to reason without arriving at a Supreme Being. Religion is as necessary to reason as reason is to religion. The one cannot exist without the other. A reasoning being would lose reason in attempting to account for the great phenomena of nature, had he not a Supreme Being to refer to; and will has it been said, that if there had been no God, mankind would have been obliged to imagine one." - - George Washington

01-06-2006, 03:28 PM	#4 (permalink)
Mind~$oul I'm Pretty Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: North Memphis BITCH! Posts: 17,145	I think this was a decent piece. I could kind of predict the whole piece though. The whole "bird with a broken wing" thing has been kinda beat to death. But I did enjoy the read though. Just keep the pen going. I'll be looking out for you One luv __________________ "Everybody wanna be a nicca, but don't nobody wanna be a nicca"-Paul Mooney "I tried to live right, but society aint made for niccas to live right"-Joe Budden

01-08-2006, 12:54 AM	#6 (permalink)
UFO the Phoenix I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS! Join Date: Aug 1999 Location: Oceanside CA USA Posts: 2,965	yeah what else happen ? I would love to see you go back and re-write this with a twist.....(like the man with no legs)......something with some personification to magnify this cliche idea...... I've seen a bird with broken wings still have that passion and drive to live __________________ *The Truth isn't out there because its already landed and the Truth is:* JESUS CHRIST Oddie Sloan

01-07-2006, 01:32 PM	#5 (permalink)
RealMS Pro 31 Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Lafayette/New Orleans, LA Posts: 4,230	This made me think about Pac's poem Fallen Star. I don't know why the mood just seem of some kind of semblance. Just goes to show that we've all felt this exact way at some point or another. Keep writing, glad to see you back here. -Much Love

01-15-2006, 03:45 AM	#7 (permalink)
Bhitiah Powerful Scriptures Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 1,168	What man with no legs? lol....Oh I get it, My bad. It's late and I've replied to like 5000 of these poems tonight becuase I'm bored and have no life anymore. lmao. Anyway, Nah this was a good poem, I agree with UFO though...Surely do. __________________ You can bomb the world to peices, but cant bomb into peace

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