g0 FuCk YoURSeLf oR i wiLL.

[ManMadeofAshes]

(well I am here but maybe not. I bitter something I can't cough up in my usual house of poetry. I don't want the person it is about to see. so perhaps its an excuse to come back to the realm. And Im going to try to stay un-emo for a certain brother. the bitch as knows who he is. got balls to dis a hero lol.)

also this is longer so I know most people in the realm want the quick fix. perfect americans expecting instant gratification. plus its my free flow therapy. so I dont expect many responces but I hope it makes someone feel something. peacee.

gO FuCk YoURSeLf oR i wiLL

i never met a grown woman so blind
of coarse she feels justified in sharpening her index finger.
she keeps shifting her blame into tiresome circles.
now we are all too dizzy to realize how sick she makes us.

word on the playground is
all your justifications are in a small box of sand.
but the more she digs up my families past
the more dirt she gets on her own hands.

and I think its sad
that you are dead to me
Janina
because everyones been telling me
you don't give apologies.
your all about manipulating
and your masters degree
in psychology
means nothing.

my dad is a financial advisor,
if he was your equivelent
we would spend every night gambling.
can you see the conflict in that?

i love my family.

and I've never met a person who could be so cold.
and quite frankly little Janina
your black and white is getting old.

so here I am, just a malicious metephor
and yet
more straight forward than your fat ass walks sober.

I fear
most people find self reflection in a mirror
so you look at yourself and hope something appears
as you unknowingly disregaurd content.

you would have to be pretty oblivious
to not know the difference between pouting
and heartbroken.
especially considering your profession.

your a therapist....
and it blows my mind
because the most unkind person I met in mexico
was you.

And Janina your sister and my mom share everything
you will never know the bond between a mother and her babies
and so I know some things
and as long as we are hitting each other below the belt
here is some dirt I know....

I know you can't have babies.
and I think its a blessing because your fucking crazy
and I know about your herpes
and your loveless marriage which equals garys porn problem.
and so you have pills for these physical outbreaks.
and more pills for your shakey mental state
but baby
oh babe

I know that each gun you put to a persons head
is just another pill inside of your stomach.
and so I get depressed
and deal with my problems
and you suggest
and chemical distraction.

and that is what education has taught you?

Im so glad you can no longer have kills
God gave you two chances
two fetuses
but honey you killed them
and you killed our relationship.


and perhaps you can see Im bitter.
i would send this to you if you weren't my mothers sister
and I thank the nothingness in the sky
that my siblings go far beyond civil
they love me.
but your blah blah emails to my mother
say nothing that carries a sense of sentiment.

there is no love and I feel sorry for my mother
but I think if you two were any closer
she would be a mess
like my father was in Mexico
you bring out the worst in the people you are with.

I know I could never offer you the value of my hello
without a drink
now Im and alcoholic
or
so you would start telling everybody.
but you dont know I talked to Cathy
and that last day after you said I have a drinking problem
I know Gary had to drag your sloppy ass out of the hot tub.

and I think its sad
you keep washing your hands
but the more you dig up my families past
the more your eyes become tired
and your tits sag

you took yourself too seriously
and forget we were on vacation.

how many dinners could I have made up for being an hour late?
you said our conversation means shit because I didn't prove my sincerity
but your time frame was one evening.
a little short lived dont you think.

now there will be years you will be near a wonderful caring person
but you wont see me.
without an Im sorry.

you need to apoligize to me.

[Quotive]

Awesome.

You shouldn't have returned here though, man.

But yeah, good shit... you know how I feel.

[ManMadeofAshes]

really you think I am better off to stay out of the realm?

i would be curious to know why??

[allnakey]

Do poeple that never apologize ever say sorry to themselves...? Just an open question I guess. Anyways this piece was great to me, I could just see a story lunfolding and you getting into events and certian curcumstances with out wasting your timeon one or the other, it just moved right along, very nice. It was long, but the story with it captured me, even though I'm kind of in the dark about the whoe situation that erupted into writing this piece. There seems to be a lot of love in this piece, or potential love. Kind of ironic in many ways... and some what funny I'd say.


Well nice to see you around man... and the realm seems to be Ok... havent been a round a whole lot, but it's doing ok... dont listen to quotive he seems to be looking for attention and to tick people off. Stay a while and see for yourself what the realm is... and if you don't like it then I hope to still see you post from time to time, I like your work man and you know that.



Stay Up, Much love, Peace

[UFO the Phoenix]

interesting poem.....welcome back....the realm seems unbalanced without you

But anyway this was cool....a bit on the long side but it told a story and showed a side to you I didnt know....that first stanza sounds like all your other poems....but then it quickly shifts into that extended malicious metaphor you were going for....I like the break down of each event...I'm actually curious to learn more about this Janina....her past....her desires....her dreams....stuff like that...you mention her education and so that makes her seem all high and mighty....but a degree doesnt mean you know everything...I know high school drop outs who make millions....but anyway this was mad personal....not your best work but something that had to be written down so I understand


easy

[misspimp]

I dont know if it was just seeing how long this piece was or if reading it kinda made me uninterested or what but i wasnt feeling this....i dint finish it which could have made a world of difference but what i did read i jus wasnt feelin

mad love

[akqrate]

ashes man! nice to see u again decided to return to the realm at the same time as me. And dude I didnt think your piece was long it was as long as it needed to be. your style of writing just captivates me so much it takes me to a different universe. you also seem to find yourself in many moments of inner conflict and that regurgitates well in your work. anyways, this was more than just a vent, so i dont think it should be dissected. i'll save this for reading again and again... i kinda get the relationship u two share but just need to be clear on it. Clap clap.

[lewdDog]

Really good, way to open up ur problems and spread them out on paper...this was very intresting and i couldnt stop reading.....keep ur pride dont apoligize