~Long Island Wars~

Mind~$oul · 12-02-2005, 04:51 AM

a childhood left hopelss
like stray bullets to
innocent children
i walked to school on
blood stained pavements
ducked yellow tape and
crossed chalk outlines to
witness life's disgraces

i sleep with a stainless
Mind Corrupted

by late night sirens
early morning screams
my mother's purple lips
not lipstick, blunt licking
chronic twisted
chained by the threshold society
has kept me in
Contricted, like sonnets
grudge matches between being
a father and an alcoholic
atheist, religious, or agnostic
my mind state is not demonic
i'm just bitter towards life
a small taste makes me vomit
The pain I love to hold
my arms are too short to
box with the inevitable
21 years of wasted potential

we wear mask
to hide from reality's pain
when the walls collapse
we're left standing naked
wishing the time would pass
i'm still a young child
stuck in my past
yearning over could haves
and what nots

to die in one's thoughts
to make answers clearer
and dreams tasteful

I am a wanderlust fool

Bhitiah · 12-02-2005, 04:53 AM

"grudge matches between being
a father and an alcoholic
atheist, religious, or agnostic
my mind state is not demonic
i'm just bitter towards life
a small taste makes me vomit
The pain I love to hold
my arms are too short to
box with the inevitable
21 years of wasted potential"

daaaamn

"we wear mask
to hide from reality's pain
when the walls collapse
we're left standing naked
wishing the time would pass
i'm still a young child
stuck in my past
yearning over could haves
and what nots"

I absolutely love your writing. Absolutely. Stay up

misspimp · 12-02-2005, 09:49 AM

we wear mask
to hide from reality's pain
when the walls collapse
we're left standing naked
wishing the time would pass
i'm still a young child
stuck in my past
yearning over could haves
and what nots

to die in one's thoughts
to make answers clearer
and dreams tasteful

I am a wanderlust fool

damn mind im really feelin this piece.....i been feeling like this ever since i moved out of my moms home....its so much that not being taken care of and provided for by a parent teaches you in this life its too crazy...anyway thas how i can relate to this......flowed very well....and the word usage was tight.....loved it

mad love

~Eloquent · 12-02-2005, 02:07 PM

man i still feel like a young ass child to
stuck in my second childhood so scared to let go...

this was very gritty and honest
which you are always very good at
and i love grittiness
cuz i feel you shouldnt reject what is their no matter what it is

this was inspiring as usual....

"grudge matches between being a father and an alcoholic"
damn is that felt
we all got to balance good and evil
i might be smokin a ton of weed couped in a house for days
and it feels like im wastin a ton of time...
but at the same time i still want to help others and i still have a big heart....

drug abuse from others around me has gave me a whole new perspective on life
both good and bad...

allnakey · 12-03-2005, 02:08 AM

I dont think a wander could come to these realizations and continue to wander. Choice of life man, they chose then it's on you for the next move. Anyways your piece have so much pain and confusion in them, like you can't see a way... it's just hard.

Stay Up, Much Love, Peace

Quotive · 12-03-2005, 11:07 AM

I have to say, nice choice of words. I have a poem about something like this.

"a childhood left hopelss
like stray bullets to
innocent children
i walked to school on
blood stained pavements
ducked yellow tape and
crossed chalk outlines to
witness life's disgraces"

This hit home, because I could relate the most. I loved the structure of this piece. Dope poem man.

UFO the Phoenix · 12-03-2005, 12:56 PM

^gonna try to do this poem a day thing.....starting with you Mind Soul....and I live a busy life around here....2 jobs and full time student....but I still find time for my passion....POETRY

a childhood left hopelss
like stray bullets to
innocent children
i walked to school on
blood stained pavements
ducked yellow tape and
crossed chalk outlines to
witness life's disgraces

^this first stanza is interesting.....I get the image of dead kids....blood fire.....school shootings.....gang war out of control....and reality in a nut shell

i sleep with a stainless
Mind Corrupted

^WOW.....just sick

by late night sirens
early morning screams
my mother's purple lips
not lipstick, blunt licking
chronic twisted
chained by the threshold society
has kept me in
Contricted, like sonnets
grudge matches between being
a father and an alcoholic
atheist, religious, or agnostic
my mind state is not demonic
i'm just bitter towards life
a small taste makes me vomit
The pain I love to hold
my arms are too short to
box with the inevitable
21 years of wasted potential

^HERES WHERE THE POEM SWITCHES SPEED.....this is tight....I love the play on words.....the organized random rhymes even caught me off guard....this is something like Common would spit.....just blows me away.....I was a rapper for 7 years before I decided to focus more on poetry....and this style reminds me why I did that....cause rap is so limited....and with poetry you can really spread your wings.....this is wonderful.....and really is a new look into your own soul....you remind me so much of my cousins and family members who were past gang members turn good....dont go to church but would stop everything or break a arm to help the next man....they dont hate God or Hate life....maybe the only way to describe them is similar to this poem...."disgusted with life"

we wear mask
to hide from reality's pain
when the walls collapse
we're left standing naked
wishing the time would pass
i'm still a young child
stuck in my past
yearning over could haves
and what nots

^another nice stanza......the mask thing is soooooooooooooooo cliche but you spin a 360 on it....."hide from realitys pain"....thats a interesting thought.....

to die in one's thoughts
to make answers clearer
and dreams tasteful

^FLASHFLOOD

I am a wanderlust fool

^wanderlust?.....interesting choice of words here.....you have a strong impulse to traval the world?...or maybe your thought life travels at impulse? which makes me think of what you were saying to B?....hmmm could this be another MIRROR ARGUMENT?!?!?!?....funny the ones who fight have the most in common just from different perspectives

this poem got me buggin cause the possiblity of all its hidden meanings

you could be the next shakespeare of harlem (the evolved Langston Hughes)

stay up

RealMS · 12-05-2005, 09:29 PM

Oh yes indeed. I should've waited but pshh.

The pain I love to hold

^Yup. This single line says much. I attempted to write something today, but didn't get that far. About the same thing ^.

The power in/of "I"-my writing teacher used to tell me if you knew how and where to use it, it would show for itself in how your poem reads. The 'literary style' and all that good stuff. I like the quick transition from "I" to "we" later on in this piece. It also reminds me of Dunbar's, but this is like straight talk. <--Continuance which makes it a little similar but this is more humble than enthusiastic. This is good.

Keep writing Malik.

-Much Love

dang you for everytime you end a poem.

absolute zero · 12-06-2005, 02:52 AM

Damn UFO. That's a long ass reply.

I'm sorry to say that I can't do the same. I'll be talking to you on AIM about this one.

Bless.

Mind~$oul · 12-10-2005, 04:55 AM

"you could be the next shakespeare of harlem (the evolved Langston Hughes)"

I don't know about all that UFO. You took it a bit far with that one.

But thanks for the showing love folks. Last up

Nitsuj™ · 12-11-2005, 08:05 AM

Felt.

That was pretty nice.

Nebulaz · 12-13-2005, 10:14 AM

first off, like everyone else said, this was awesome, as usual. But the input I wanted to add was that I remember a time, when you wanted to retire, throw in the towel, and everyone believed you. I even went as far as to writing a dedication poem and posted it for you. Well its good to see you still writing.

12-02-2005, 04:51 AM	#1 (permalink)
Mind~$oul I'm Pretty Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: North Memphis BITCH! Posts: 17,145	~Long Island Wars~ a childhood left hopelss like stray bullets to innocent children i walked to school on blood stained pavements ducked yellow tape and crossed chalk outlines to witness life's disgraces i sleep with a stainless Mind Corrupted by late night sirens early morning screams my mother's purple lips not lipstick, blunt licking chronic twisted chained by the threshold society has kept me in Contricted, like sonnets grudge matches between being a father and an alcoholic atheist, religious, or agnostic my mind state is not demonic i'm just bitter towards life a small taste makes me vomit The pain I love to hold my arms are too short to box with the inevitable 21 years of wasted potential we wear mask to hide from reality's pain when the walls collapse we're left standing naked wishing the time would pass i'm still a young child stuck in my past yearning over could haves and what nots to die in one's thoughts to make answers clearer and dreams tasteful I am a wanderlust fool __________________ "Everybody wanna be a nicca, but don't nobody wanna be a nicca"-Paul Mooney "I tried to live right, but society aint made for niccas to live right"-Joe Budden

12-02-2005, 04:53 AM	#2 (permalink)
Bhitiah Powerful Scriptures Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 1,168	"grudge matches between being a father and an alcoholic atheist, religious, or agnostic my mind state is not demonic i'm just bitter towards life a small taste makes me vomit The pain I love to hold my arms are too short to box with the inevitable 21 years of wasted potential" daaaamn "we wear mask to hide from reality's pain when the walls collapse we're left standing naked wishing the time would pass i'm still a young child stuck in my past yearning over could haves and what nots" I absolutely love your writing. Absolutely. Stay up __________________ You can bomb the world to peices, but cant bomb into peace

12-02-2005, 09:49 AM	#3 (permalink)
misspimp a.k.a KATURAH Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Virginia Is For Lovers Posts: 1,308	we wear mask to hide from reality's pain when the walls collapse we're left standing naked wishing the time would pass i'm still a young child stuck in my past yearning over could haves and what nots to die in one's thoughts to make answers clearer and dreams tasteful I am a wanderlust fool damn mind im really feelin this piece.....i been feeling like this ever since i moved out of my moms home....its so much that not being taken care of and provided for by a parent teaches you in this life its too crazy...anyway thas how i can relate to this......flowed very well....and the word usage was tight.....loved it mad love __________________ MAD LOVE "Never to suffer would never to have been blessed" ~THE LATE GREAT ~ ~EDGAR ALLEN POE ~

12-03-2005, 02:08 AM	#5 (permalink)
allnakey Sex is no fun by yourself Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 2,860	I dont think a wander could come to these realizations and continue to wander. Choice of life man, they chose then it's on you for the next move. Anyways your piece have so much pain and confusion in them, like you can't see a way... it's just hard. Stay Up, Much Love, Peace __________________ And I sat watching a flower As it was withering I was embarrassed by its honesty So I'd prefer to be remembered as a smiling face Not this fucking wreck That's taken its place get some balls biatch or else

12-03-2005, 12:56 PM	#7 (permalink)
UFO the Phoenix I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS! Join Date: Aug 1999 Location: Oceanside CA USA Posts: 2,965	Dec 3, 2005 (respone for the day) ^gonna try to do this poem a day thing.....starting with you Mind Soul....and I live a busy life around here....2 jobs and full time student....but I still find time for my passion....POETRY a childhood left hopelss like stray bullets to innocent children i walked to school on blood stained pavements ducked yellow tape and crossed chalk outlines to witness life's disgraces ^this first stanza is interesting.....I get the image of dead kids....blood fire.....school shootings.....gang war out of control....and reality in a nut shell i sleep with a stainless Mind Corrupted ^WOW.....just sick by late night sirens early morning screams my mother's purple lips not lipstick, blunt licking chronic twisted chained by the threshold society has kept me in Contricted, like sonnets grudge matches between being a father and an alcoholic atheist, religious, or agnostic my mind state is not demonic i'm just bitter towards life a small taste makes me vomit The pain I love to hold my arms are too short to box with the inevitable 21 years of wasted potential ^HERES WHERE THE POEM SWITCHES SPEED.....this is tight....I love the play on words.....the organized random rhymes even caught me off guard....this is something like Common would spit.....just blows me away.....I was a rapper for 7 years before I decided to focus more on poetry....and this style reminds me why I did that....cause rap is so limited....and with poetry you can really spread your wings.....this is wonderful.....and really is a new look into your own soul....you remind me so much of my cousins and family members who were past gang members turn good....dont go to church but would stop everything or break a arm to help the next man....they dont hate God or Hate life....maybe the only way to describe them is similar to this poem...."disgusted with life" we wear mask to hide from reality's pain when the walls collapse we're left standing naked wishing the time would pass i'm still a young child stuck in my past yearning over could haves and what nots ^another nice stanza......the mask thing is soooooooooooooooo cliche but you spin a 360 on it....."hide from realitys pain"....thats a interesting thought..... to die in one's thoughts to make answers clearer and dreams tasteful ^FLASHFLOOD I am a wanderlust fool ^wanderlust?.....interesting choice of words here.....you have a strong impulse to traval the world?...or maybe your thought life travels at impulse? which makes me think of what you were saying to B?....hmmm could this be another MIRROR ARGUMENT?!?!?!?....funny the ones who fight have the most in common just from different perspectives this poem got me buggin cause the possiblity of all its hidden meanings you could be the next shakespeare of harlem (the evolved Langston Hughes) stay up __________________ *The Truth isn't out there because its already landed and the Truth is:* JESUS CHRIST Oddie Sloan

12-02-2005, 02:07 PM	#4 (permalink)
~Eloquent Cold Logic Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: trapped where i cant leave,Florida Posts: 3,825	man i still feel like a young ass child to stuck in my second childhood so scared to let go... this was very gritty and honest which you are always very good at and i love grittiness cuz i feel you shouldnt reject what is their no matter what it is this was inspiring as usual.... "grudge matches between being a father and an alcoholic" damn is that felt we all got to balance good and evil i might be smokin a ton of weed couped in a house for days and it feels like im wastin a ton of time... but at the same time i still want to help others and i still have a big heart.... drug abuse from others around me has gave me a whole new perspective on life both good and bad...

12-05-2005, 09:29 PM	#8 (permalink)
RealMS Pro 31 Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Lafayette/New Orleans, LA Posts: 4,230	Oh yes indeed. I should've waited but pshh. The pain I love to hold ^Yup. This single line says much. I attempted to write something today, but didn't get that far. About the same thing ^. The power in/of "I"-my writing teacher used to tell me if you knew how and where to use it, it would show for itself in how your poem reads. The 'literary style' and all that good stuff. I like the quick transition from "I" to "we" later on in this piece. It also reminds me of Dunbar's, but this is like straight talk. <--Continuance which makes it a little similar but this is more humble than enthusiastic. This is good. Keep writing Malik. -Much Love dang you for everytime you end a poem.

12-10-2005, 04:55 AM	#10 (permalink)
Mind~$oul I'm Pretty Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: North Memphis BITCH! Posts: 17,145	"you could be the next shakespeare of harlem (the evolved Langston Hughes)" I don't know about all that UFO. You took it a bit far with that one. But thanks for the showing love folks. Last up __________________ "Everybody wanna be a nicca, but don't nobody wanna be a nicca"-Paul Mooney "I tried to live right, but society aint made for niccas to live right"-Joe Budden

12-11-2005, 08:05 AM	#11 (permalink)
Nitsuj™ model citizen Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: MPLS / STP, MN Posts: 14,498	Felt. That was pretty nice. __________________ word

12-13-2005, 10:14 AM	#12 (permalink)
Nebulaz fear God, not man Join Date: Mar 2001 Posts: 935	first off, like everyone else said, this was awesome, as usual. But the input I wanted to add was that I remember a time, when you wanted to retire, throw in the towel, and everyone believed you. I even went as far as to writing a dedication poem and posted it for you. Well its good to see you still writing. __________________ "It is impossible to account for the creation of the universe without the agency of a Supreme Being. It is impossible to govern the universe without the aid of a Supreme Being. It is impossible to reason without arriving at a Supreme Being. Religion is as necessary to reason as reason is to religion. The one cannot exist without the other. A reasoning being would lose reason in attempting to account for the great phenomena of nature, had he not a Supreme Being to refer to; and will has it been said, that if there had been no God, mankind would have been obliged to imagine one." - - George Washington

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