Blind Sword

[DuBuLouS]

also fits to a beat....


Villain or Hero?
Still a question to most/
His power was boundless,
allowed for resurrection of ghosts/
Restless at times
Much work to be done/
Vampire swagger
He was cursed by the sun/
At night he emerged
Roamed the earth as it spun/
Always concerned
He feared the birth of his son/
and the world where we live
Disgusting at times/
Temptations of searpents
constantly corrupting his mind/
Buckets of a.pples,
each one it's own poison/
Made him blind as a bat,
had to listen for noises/
and new what they were,
never failed to show light/
Heard the whisper of birds
as they sailed thru the night/
He knew the sound of the ocean
and how it refelcted the moon/
even thoughts of the demons
erected from tombs/
sent to insure his demise
At first he was sure they were lies/
He would have heard a disguise...
He couldn't see their merciless eyes/
A devilish breed...
wished him dead since the day he was born/
They practiced by stabbin' roses
with their own thorns/

He was nice with his weapon
despite his condition/
Heard the sound of his sword
shining bright as it glistened/
Ready for battle
He pulled out the blade/
Dropped to his knees,
looked to the ground as he prayed/

"Let me be swift
Give me the strength that I need/
to overcome the incredible
length of their greed/
Give them my blessings,
but not my forgiveness/
They've killed off my people,
now it's time that I end this"/

He cocked back his weapon
and steadied his feet/
Said "Amen" to the God
he was ready to meet/
Prepared for the fight
as they entered his scope/
Ten thousand screaming demons
rushing right for his throat/
The sound of his fate....

[skandelous_lala]

I liked the flow it had..it worked for this piece and read very well. I'm not sure if I'm feeling the content, but that's just me, I liked the story telling aspect of it. Thanks for the drop!

[DuBuLouS]

thanks...I'm glad you liked it even tho it's not the kind of stuff you're normally into


uppin

[headless verseman]

yea, the flow was ridiculous, and this wasnt really a poem, its a topical piece.

however, it was a dope topical piece. flow was dead on, and the descriptions of his new found sensation were amazing

Heard the whisper of birds
as they sailed thru the night/
He knew the sound of the ocean
and how it refelcted the moon



He was nice with his weapon
despite his condition/
Heard the sound of his sword
shining bright as it glistened/


yea, dope piece. not really a poem, but this was good writing.

[headless verseman]

oh yea, and if u get any time, feel free to reply to some of the poems in my thread, any or all....

[misspimp]

I really didnt like the way this piece flowed....it was kinda hard for me to follow....but i did enjoy the piece, the message it conveyed and i loved the imagery.

and the world where we live
Disgusting at times/
Temptations of searpents
constantly corrupting his mind/
^^^^^definetly dope lines^^^^

mad love

[DuBuLouS]

thanks for the feedback...it is appreciated and will be returned shortly...

headless verseman, this was actually intended to be a verse for a track....I'm more of a lyricist than a poet....I just thought it was a poetic verse, so I posted it here.

[Quotive]

I personally liked the flow..

the multies were ok, but there were a lot of clutter in the bars, some were too short, and some too long to keep a decent rhythm. It was good though.

Could have had a better ending too.

[DuBuLouS]

meh....the bar math is actually on point....depends how you say it...I don't stop and pause between each line, some flow right into each other....