Father Figure

J.A.Z.E · 09-04-2005, 07:52 AM

I would listen to you hoping that you were listening back
The glazed over look in your eyes showed me that
I was a fool but so young the innocence that I felt
Thinking so far into the past makes my heart melt
When I see you now all I see is your fear
Back then your anger reduced me to tears
I wish I could understand the true meaning
Though I suppose that would still leave all the feelings
Watching your body tremble like your cold
Offer you my jacket or just a hand to hold
It feels strange that our positions have seemed to reverse
You’re always unwell though I’m happy to nurse
I’m no genius though you tell me that I am
Face red, I’m embarrassed cover it with my hands
Our story goes back almost twenty years
So many emotions, too many for here
Too many to list, too many to know
Still don’t know the reason you wanted to go
I’ve grown up since then I like to think so
Lost so much that I’ve had to grow
You lost the same you tell me that I’m better
We share the same blood so I tell you whatever
And one thing to say in this message finally
I know I am special you keep telling me.

ManMadeofAshes · 09-04-2005, 01:02 PM

go respond to other people. its supposed to be ATLEAST 2 responds per drop.

"I would listen to you hoping that you were listening back"

take your own advice. Listen and people will listen back. You've made no attempt at that yet.

skandelous_lala · 09-05-2005, 07:06 AM

I like this as I can relate. The ending wasn't as strong as it could have been for this piece..that's probably my only constructive criticism of it at the moment. I'm feeling it though, thanks for the drop.

Mind~$oul · 09-07-2005, 03:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ManMadeofAshes

take your own advice. Listen and people will listen back. You've made no attempt at that yet.

-This made me spit out my drink. That was a bit harsh.

But anyway

Nothing really stood out to me in this piece. I think there could have been more depth and the ending could have been a little better. I have problems ending my pieces also. But keep it up though

One luv

RealMS · 09-08-2005, 01:59 AM

You lost the same you tell me that I’m better
We share the same blood so I tell you whatever
yeah man. Me and my dad get into arguments, but more like back and forth debates about the the world and it always ends up one of us calling it quits cause it's "you are not hearing me right now." A few years back it was arguments based on absence, and we couldn't really argue about it because we didn't know each other and how we thought things. There was NO basis for it to begin with. Ehh, what's this got to do with your piece? I can relate to what you're saying, but in that line where you say you and him "reversed"-it's more like "flipped" for me. My dad is living out his long lost childhood despite all the troubles while I'm just the opposite. It ain't right lol. Keep writing.

Welcome to the Realm-though I know I read a previous piece from you not too long ago.

-Much Love

~Eloquent · 09-08-2005, 07:55 PM

man i thought this was very good your rhyming didnt seemed forced at all
and its good that you forgive your pops for the past,cuz youll only have one of them in your lifetime
thats a hard thing to do accept the mistakes that someone made to really hurt you in the past,
its good yall recognize how important you are for eachothers lifes

J.A.Z.E · 09-08-2005, 09:39 PM

Things change, people change, my perception of my father has even changed since i wrote this poem only a few days ago. All i can really say is make the most of what you have here and now. If you don't your feelings may change forever. Understand that the things that mean the most to you may grow out of context, but they will always be there. Always. They help you to grow and to percieve others in a new light. Respect what you have. Not what you don't.

One love.

The way of the Caine.

Brit Boi Gee · 09-08-2005, 10:09 PM

This was beautifully heartfelt, very moving. I really enjoyed reading this.

LadyL257 · 09-09-2005, 09:52 PM

i felt this piece alot...on a different aspect though...

favorite part:
I would listen to you hoping that you were listening back
The glazed over look in your eyes showed me that
I was a fool but so young the innocence that I felt
Thinking so far into the past makes my heart melt

even tho im not puttin that part towards my pops cuz we not on a good level as is..... i felt that part the most though....

stay up
1luv

09-04-2005, 07:52 AM	#1 (permalink)
J.A.Z.E JAZE Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 9	Father Figure I would listen to you hoping that you were listening back The glazed over look in your eyes showed me that I was a fool but so young the innocence that I felt Thinking so far into the past makes my heart melt When I see you now all I see is your fear Back then your anger reduced me to tears I wish I could understand the true meaning Though I suppose that would still leave all the feelings Watching your body tremble like your cold Offer you my jacket or just a hand to hold It feels strange that our positions have seemed to reverse You’re always unwell though I’m happy to nurse I’m no genius though you tell me that I am Face red, I’m embarrassed cover it with my hands Our story goes back almost twenty years So many emotions, too many for here Too many to list, too many to know Still don’t know the reason you wanted to go I’ve grown up since then I like to think so Lost so much that I’ve had to grow You lost the same you tell me that I’m better We share the same blood so I tell you whatever And one thing to say in this message finally I know I am special you keep telling me. __________________ Follow the way of the Caine - - - - - - - - - - - - - > JC2k

09-04-2005, 01:02 PM	#2 (permalink)
ManMadeofAshes *DREAMER Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: at home Posts: 635	go respond to other people. its supposed to be ATLEAST 2 responds per drop. "I would listen to you hoping that you were listening back" take your own advice. Listen and people will listen back. You've made no attempt at that yet. __________________ http://www.myspace.com/manmadeofashes

09-05-2005, 07:06 AM	#3 (permalink)
skandelous_lala back from the dead Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Hey! Fuck you and the horse you rode in on! Posts: 26,707	I like this as I can relate. The ending wasn't as strong as it could have been for this piece..that's probably my only constructive criticism of it at the moment. I'm feeling it though, thanks for the drop. __________________ ALL YOU REALLY KNOW IS WHAT I CHOOSE TO SHOW Good Mourning, Good afternoon, Good nite, what have you done with your life?. Everybody's time comes to be embraced by the light you only afraid to die when you ain't livin right

09-08-2005, 09:39 PM	#7 (permalink)
J.A.Z.E JAZE Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 9	Things change, people change, my perception of my father has even changed since i wrote this poem only a few days ago. All i can really say is make the most of what you have here and now. If you don't your feelings may change forever. Understand that the things that mean the most to you may grow out of context, but they will always be there. Always. They help you to grow and to percieve others in a new light. Respect what you have. Not what you don't. One love. The way of the Caine. __________________ Follow the way of the Caine - - - - - - - - - - - - - > JC2k

09-08-2005, 10:09 PM	#8 (permalink)
Brit Boi Gee manifest the zen Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Near To Athena Posts: 15,977	This was beautifully heartfelt, very moving. I really enjoyed reading this. __________________ They all laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian. They aren't laughing now. -Bob Monkhouse Brit Boi has a highly calibrated wifermometer

09-08-2005, 01:59 AM	#5 (permalink)
RealMS Pro 31 Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Lafayette/New Orleans, LA Posts: 4,230	You lost the same you tell me that I’m better We share the same blood so I tell you whatever yeah man. Me and my dad get into arguments, but more like back and forth debates about the the world and it always ends up one of us calling it quits cause it's "you are not hearing me right now." A few years back it was arguments based on absence, and we couldn't really argue about it because we didn't know each other and how we thought things. There was NO basis for it to begin with. Ehh, what's this got to do with your piece? I can relate to what you're saying, but in that line where you say you and him "reversed"-it's more like "flipped" for me. My dad is living out his long lost childhood despite all the troubles while I'm just the opposite. It ain't right lol. Keep writing. Welcome to the Realm-though I know I read a previous piece from you not too long ago. -Much Love

09-08-2005, 07:55 PM	#6 (permalink)
~Eloquent Cold Logic Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: trapped where i cant leave,Florida Posts: 3,825	man i thought this was very good your rhyming didnt seemed forced at all and its good that you forgive your pops for the past,cuz youll only have one of them in your lifetime thats a hard thing to do accept the mistakes that someone made to really hurt you in the past, its good yall recognize how important you are for eachothers lifes

09-09-2005, 09:52 PM	#9 (permalink)
LadyL257 Registered User Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Syracuse, Ny Posts: 182	i felt this piece alot...on a different aspect though... favorite part: I would listen to you hoping that you were listening back The glazed over look in your eyes showed me that I was a fool but so young the innocence that I felt Thinking so far into the past makes my heart melt even tho im not puttin that part towards my pops cuz we not on a good level as is..... i felt that part the most though.... stay up 1luv __________________ -A LoSt SouL WhIcH CaMe As PrOmIsEd-

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