Player in Different Terms

[- General -]

I know a kid who got teased from going skinn to pggy as fuck
But kept his head high even tho girls said he's ugly as fuck
they left him with nothing to touch so he'd rubbed on his nuts
To enjoy that feeling others get when they buss out a nut

Once he got atractive

He was carefull about the ones he did get because they were hungry ho's
Who fake being attracted by love, and flocked wherever money flows
Instead of saving he spent money so he'd be fresh the T
But didn't fuck them, he was trying not to catch a disease

The day they met

He became lucky tho after he apporached her once he the her nice body
Of a girl who personality who how other girl want to fight prolly
She was quite godly pretty face and a great mind in all
As a legless pennies she'd be more precious than dimes that crawled
it seemed time had stalled while him and the dime had talked
Telling everything about eachother without any lies at all


Once in love

if you had an relationship you know not all loves is pure
Which effected this couple bringing neither one addured
They were use to the rumors coming from haters in heir reckless
But it wasn't that nor the fuck, they admitted the sex was good
I guess he didn't understand what the powerfull 3 words can do
So when he said them to her she said " I think the same to"

The relationship got deeper

In his mind that was to be nice and make her glad
Untill it got so deep he said he wasn't serious and it made her mad
I hope you learn if in a relatioship don't be a kid 'bout yerrs
Cause you'd get dumped being a player in different terms
Which he tried to be and now I'm back to rubbing his nuts
To enjoy that feeling others get when they buss out a nut





This is my first poem ever so, give me tips to improve

[Quotive]

Decent. I like the multies. I also use multies, you'd know if you peeped my newest piece.

Some of these lines were pointless, a typical love flow. Nothing extra special, but it was cool for what it was. Work on getting more complex with the multies...

[- General -]

I'm more complex with my verse writing my songs and rap verse, I just tried a different approach and thanks for the feed

[illete]

this is not bad at all.. but could be better..

"Which he tried to be and now I'm back to rubbing his nuts"

you back to rubbin his nuts??? eww dawg.. lol.. jus clownin.. e'rybody make typos.. just thought i would clown a lil..

"He became lucky tho after he apporached her once he the her nice body
Of a girl who personality who how other girl want to fight prolly
She was quite godly pretty face and a great mind in all
As a legless pennies she'd be more precious than dimes that crawled
it seemed time had stalled while him and the dime had talked
Telling everything about eachother without any lies at all"

to me the above is standout.. pretty good.. just keep elevatin man..

[skandelous_lala]

The flow..rhythem..whatever you want to call it was good...multis gave it that w/o a doubt...despite the content alone that flow of it made it a pleasent read.

Your content wasn't bad but does have room to improve. I personally felt like there were some chunks of the story missing. I like the fact that you used the last two lines of the first stanza as the last two lines of the last stanza but I don't like the lines. Err I guess they weren't the *same* lines but similar ones.

I don't like them b/c they don't paint a pleasant picture lol..maybe you could find another way to word it?

This was decent..keep at it!