a message to my cuz

NAiT · 09-01-2005, 12:19 PM

A recluse with dreams getting outta control
Could it be man I’m trying to save your soul
Mend the broken pieces and make a heart whole
He spit on me like Jesus flashing his gold

Rushing to the finish line with a fork and a dinner plate
Starving for sin when will the sunshine penetrate
Barking at the moon while I try to demonstrate
You got demons in your soul soon to spark and incinerate

But nah man, them folks’d rather not listen
Engaged in arguments tongues blazing and hissing
When faced with the facts the shakes start to thicken
It’s amazing some brats still alive and kicking

I don’t pretend like I’m not guilty and filthy
just pointing to the truth so real you should see
go ask Iraq if hell’s a place they’ve seen
put a magnifying glass to your space and look between

RealMS · 09-01-2005, 07:08 PM

Hmm, if you had not said Iraq I'd be straight, letting my imagination double dutch. Really though, after I got to that point I went back and saw what you were talking about.

But nah man, them folks’d rather not listen
Engaged in arguments tongues blazing and hissing
When faced with the facts the shakes start to thicken
It’s amazing some brats still alive and kicking

that's in general to me, but I see where you're coming from. I'm thinking you're telling your cousin that fighting in that war is not a good idea, but you respect it. Yet you won't hold your tongue. This was pretty clean cut though. Keep writing

-Much Love

NAiT · 09-02-2005, 03:29 PM

"I'm thinking you're telling your cousin that fighting in that war is not a good idea, but you respect it."

not at all. I got in some long coversations with him, and he revealed a lot of deep dark skeletons in his closet and a lot of tyrannical hate filled views towards life.
While I was consistently trying to make the point that you don't have to be a cycnic. The world might be fucked up and have no morals, but that doesn't mean YOU have to be. You can affect you and your surrounding area.

As far as the Iraq line, that IS hell. The people fighting (on both sides) bombing and killing each other. Burning things down. Little kids getting blown up. That's HELL. Hell ain't no worse than that.

This piece was really more of a personal vent than anything else. I'm just frustrated at those who say: me me me, fuck everyone else. When I'm saying we we we, ain't nobody else.

ManMadeofAshes · 09-04-2005, 01:07 PM

i dont know why but this poem made me think of a quote that I believe is by george orwell.

I dont know the exact quote but its something like....

"in modern time, truth in itself is a revolution"

nice little drop nait. stay up and keep writing.

(by the way that is one of my fav. quotes of all time so you should consider the above a compliment.)

-=ashes

Mind~$oul · 09-07-2005, 03:02 AM

"Rushing to the finish line with a fork and a dinner plate
Starving for sin when will the sunshine penetrate
Barking at the moon while I try to demonstrate
You got demons in your soul soon to spark and incinerate"

^That was my favorite stanza. I know where you're coming from with this. I have a cousin in the 9th grade that going through some things. Always getting into trouble and shit. I'm like the only person in the family who can get him to atleast listen understand that life isn't a game. But I've learned along time ago you can say anything and everything it still gotta be left up to that person if he wants to change or not. Nicely written

One Luv

lpoet · 09-07-2005, 12:55 PM

love the quote in your sig

go ask Iraq if hell’s a place they’ve seen
put a magnifying glass to your space and look between

thought that was the strongest part of the poem....really brought it together...i didnt really see you going there though..nice

09-01-2005, 12:19 PM	#1 (permalink)
NAiT myself Join Date: Jul 1999 Location: D.C. Posts: 1,265	a message to my cuz A recluse with dreams getting outta control Could it be man I’m trying to save your soul Mend the broken pieces and make a heart whole He spit on me like Jesus flashing his gold Rushing to the finish line with a fork and a dinner plate Starving for sin when will the sunshine penetrate Barking at the moon while I try to demonstrate You got demons in your soul soon to spark and incinerate But nah man, them folks’d rather not listen Engaged in arguments tongues blazing and hissing When faced with the facts the shakes start to thicken It’s amazing some brats still alive and kicking I don’t pretend like I’m not guilty and filthy just pointing to the truth so real you should see go ask Iraq if hell’s a place they’ve seen put a magnifying glass to your space and look between __________________ ------------------------------------------------ <---- 7) )0) )3)()(^^^)()(Dc * Md * Va ------------------------------------------------

09-02-2005, 03:29 PM	#3 (permalink)
NAiT myself Join Date: Jul 1999 Location: D.C. Posts: 1,265	"I'm thinking you're telling your cousin that fighting in that war is not a good idea, but you respect it." not at all. I got in some long coversations with him, and he revealed a lot of deep dark skeletons in his closet and a lot of tyrannical hate filled views towards life. While I was consistently trying to make the point that you don't have to be a cycnic. The world might be fucked up and have no morals, but that doesn't mean YOU have to be. You can affect you and your surrounding area. As far as the Iraq line, that IS hell. The people fighting (on both sides) bombing and killing each other. Burning things down. Little kids getting blown up. That's HELL. Hell ain't no worse than that. This piece was really more of a personal vent than anything else. I'm just frustrated at those who say: me me me, fuck everyone else. When I'm saying we we we, ain't nobody else. __________________ ------------------------------------------------ <---- 7) )0) )3)()(^^^)()(Dc * Md * Va ------------------------------------------------

09-04-2005, 01:07 PM	#4 (permalink)
ManMadeofAshes *DREAMER Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: at home Posts: 635	i dont know why but this poem made me think of a quote that I believe is by george orwell. I dont know the exact quote but its something like.... "in modern time, truth in itself is a revolution" nice little drop nait. stay up and keep writing. (by the way that is one of my fav. quotes of all time so you should consider the above a compliment.) -=ashes __________________ http://www.myspace.com/manmadeofashes

09-07-2005, 03:02 AM	#5 (permalink)
Mind~$oul I'm Pretty Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: North Memphis BITCH! Posts: 17,139	"Rushing to the finish line with a fork and a dinner plate Starving for sin when will the sunshine penetrate Barking at the moon while I try to demonstrate You got demons in your soul soon to spark and incinerate" ^That was my favorite stanza. I know where you're coming from with this. I have a cousin in the 9th grade that going through some things. Always getting into trouble and shit. I'm like the only person in the family who can get him to atleast listen understand that life isn't a game. But I've learned along time ago you can say anything and everything it still gotta be left up to that person if he wants to change or not. Nicely written One Luv __________________ "Everybody wanna be a nicca, but don't nobody wanna be a nicca"-Paul Mooney "I tried to live right, but society aint made for niccas to live right"-Joe Budden

09-07-2005, 12:55 PM	#6 (permalink)
lpoet POET Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Indianapolis, IN Posts: 12,672	love the quote in your sig go ask Iraq if hell’s a place they’ve seen put a magnifying glass to your space and look between thought that was the strongest part of the poem....really brought it together...i didnt really see you going there though..nice __________________ "SHE CAME BACK TO ME AND I PRAY SHE STAYS" --lpoet

09-01-2005, 07:08 PM	#2 (permalink)
RealMS Pro 31 Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Lafayette/New Orleans, LA Posts: 4,184	Hmm, if you had not said Iraq I'd be straight, letting my imagination double dutch. Really though, after I got to that point I went back and saw what you were talking about. But nah man, them folks’d rather not listen Engaged in arguments tongues blazing and hissing When faced with the facts the shakes start to thicken It’s amazing some brats still alive and kicking that's in general to me, but I see where you're coming from. I'm thinking you're telling your cousin that fighting in that war is not a good idea, but you respect it. Yet you won't hold your tongue. This was pretty clean cut though. Keep writing -Much Love

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