Ease The Pressure

LadyL257 · 08-31-2005, 10:34 PM

the structure on this is kind of messy.. but i didnt know what way to structure it...so please read it n give feedback.

"I hate living, i hate this life of mine, god put me on this earth alone and i dont even want to be here i wish i would die"...it was a mistake resulting from omission. No body ever listend when she'd cry.

So young, so bold, so beautiful so bright
she feels everything she has is useful, nothing can help her insight, she prays to god..relys on him to get her through the night, each night she struggles "God Please, Give Me A Meaningful Life"

She doesnt want her cries to be heard so she crys in a silent mode, grips her pillow harder as her heart start to tight she wont let go. "Is this the pain of death comming how and when will i know?"

Her parents dont care for her when she's down they kick her deeper to the ground, tells her if she fucks up once on what they've planned they'll disown her and she's to never come back around.
Nobodys there to help her nobody understands.
"That girl is crazy she needs Gods helpin hands"

Truth is that girl prays with every word she speaks, lays down where ever she feels safely alone and not weak, thinkin if no one listens then, "I'll jump and scream down from the highest peak" she shake from fear "Help Me God Why dont You Hear, Listen To Me Please"

She doesnt appreciate because she's never been appreciated, heart filled with love thats ready to burst out onto who ever needs it, Mind being controlled with such animosity...she shreds her skin bit by bit "Alone.. I'll Deal With It."

She looks into the mirror and watches her tears drop down off her face...
"Thats how i feel like a lonely tear just dripping right down the drain." -- Disappearing without a trace.

Feeling down lonely and depressed she grabs a razor from the shelf and beings to cut her wrists. Not even her conscience is by her side telling her "If You Want To Die, Why Do You Still Exist?"

She hates her life, hates herself she holds onto precious nothings screams loud but no body hears her yells "Release me from this pressure release me from this pain, God if you love me and with me why must you allow me to go down this way?. Im alone and i have no one and you wont even hear my pray's..do you fear me leaving or do i fear myself to stay?"

so young, so bold, so beautiful so bright
she feels she has nothing... no ones in sight, she wishes on a star, prays to god and talks to the angels in heaven..."If its me alone by myself take me away to ease this pressure."

Mind~$oul · 09-02-2005, 03:39 PM

This was a very emotional and depressing piece. I usually don't like reading poems written in this type of structure but you managed to make everything flow together nicely. I'm use to reading stuff like this, I've written plenty of them myself. So I can of predicted each line coming...especially when it got to the wrist cutting part. I'm not taking away for it though, I still enjoyed the read. Uppin for the sleepers

One luv

Justin85 · 09-02-2005, 04:30 PM

this was a nice piece... sort of reminds me of a piece that I wrote awhile back ago.

LadyL257 · 09-02-2005, 09:39 PM

lol i dont know how else 2 structure it ;-)

thanx for the feed back ya'll

1Luv

RealMS · 09-05-2005, 04:07 PM

she holds onto precious nothings
"precious nothings"-->it's like someone else's perception of you. A good quality in you they see that should make you, yourself content. But it's not the case. I don't know if you get what I'm sayin but that one part^ is like a summary for this entire piece, to me. Keep writing.

-Much Love

LadyL257 · 09-06-2005, 10:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RealMS

she holds onto precious nothings
"precious nothings"-->it's like someone else's perception of you. A good quality in you they see that should make you, yourself content. But it's not the case. I don't know if you get what I'm sayin but that one part^ is like a summary for this entire piece, to me. Keep writing.

-Much Love

:-)..no i dont understand... but explain more so i can learn from it

1luv

akqrate · 09-07-2005, 04:08 AM

WHOA. very very depressing.
"Not even her conscience is by her side telling her "If You Want To Die, Why Do You Still Exist?" I cant even begin to put into words how much this touched me. This is really the end of the road when it comes to delving deep into sadness. And yeah that precious nothings part is kind of a perception. Like I understand you meant it like what you hold as precious, is really nothing of value in the real world. But it also means that to you, you are precious, but to your parents, you are nothing... every person that reads this will think that the girl is a nothing but still a precious life. I hope you get what I'm saying, it's too late and I can't think properly.
Anyways a very touching piece, I just really really hope its not personal.

LadyL257 · 09-07-2005, 09:44 PM

oooh...now i get it...well true kind of...she is precious to the people who mean nothing at all.. but to the people who is suppost to mean the most she;s nothing....and she still holds onto her life knowing she hates it but also knowing its the only thing there... which is her precious nothings...kind of confusing both ways.

thanks for the feedback tho

stay up...1Luv

UFO the Phoenix · 09-09-2005, 08:49 AM

this was different.....girl hope everything is cool now sounds like you were on the edge of suicide....not good....lot of this dealt with crying out to "G"od and not being heard....I feel like that all the time....ease the pressure....dont take on to much ya know....(I need to take my own advice)

I dont know how God works I just know he does

I love your writing and open minded style....you just inspired me to write something

thanks

Brit Boi Gee · 09-09-2005, 05:59 PM

yea this was definately a dark and disturbing piece, but it felt like it came from a place that was crying out for help. Pieces like this in my opinion are beginnings of great realisations about yourself. Keep this poem and read it in the distant future, it will help you put it into a better persepctive than perhaps you could do at this point.

Thanks for sharing

LadyL257 · 09-09-2005, 07:44 PM

thanx^^^

UFO..im glad to hear i inspire you.. :-) i gotta feelin what the topics gunna be about
ill stay shushed tho ;-)...

Bitboigee... i see where u commin from every piece of liturature i write i actually do save no matter how low to high they are.. i think everyone should so they can look back and say "I was there and now im here"... feel me?!

stay up ya'll
1Luv

MISSKEYdaQUEEN · 09-09-2005, 09:36 PM

Cool piece I didn't mind the structure too much...but..uh...I'm not very sympathetic with the structure...Eh..I guess I'm not very welcoming to those type of topics but...I do feel the emotion.

All in all...nice piece and good drop!

LadyL257 · 09-14-2005, 07:53 PM

thankyou misskey

1Luv

08-31-2005, 10:34 PM	#1 (permalink)
LadyL257 Registered User Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Syracuse, Ny Posts: 182	Ease The Pressure the structure on this is kind of messy.. but i didnt know what way to structure it...so please read it n give feedback. "I hate living, i hate this life of mine, god put me on this earth alone and i dont even want to be here i wish i would die"...it was a mistake resulting from omission. No body ever listend when she'd cry. So young, so bold, so beautiful so bright she feels everything she has is useful, nothing can help her insight, she prays to god..relys on him to get her through the night, each night she struggles "God Please, Give Me A Meaningful Life" She doesnt want her cries to be heard so she crys in a silent mode, grips her pillow harder as her heart start to tight she wont let go. "Is this the pain of death comming how and when will i know?" Her parents dont care for her when she's down they kick her deeper to the ground, tells her if she fucks up once on what they've planned they'll disown her and she's to never come back around. Nobodys there to help her nobody understands. "That girl is crazy she needs Gods helpin hands" Truth is that girl prays with every word she speaks, lays down where ever she feels safely alone and not weak, thinkin if no one listens then, "I'll jump and scream down from the highest peak" she shake from fear "Help Me God Why dont You Hear, Listen To Me Please" She doesnt appreciate because she's never been appreciated, heart filled with love thats ready to burst out onto who ever needs it, Mind being controlled with such animosity...she shreds her skin bit by bit "Alone.. I'll Deal With It." She looks into the mirror and watches her tears drop down off her face... "Thats how i feel like a lonely tear just dripping right down the drain." -- Disappearing without a trace. Feeling down lonely and depressed she grabs a razor from the shelf and beings to cut her wrists. Not even her conscience is by her side telling her "If You Want To Die, Why Do You Still Exist?" She hates her life, hates herself she holds onto precious nothings screams loud but no body hears her yells "Release me from this pressure release me from this pain, God if you love me and with me why must you allow me to go down this way?. Im alone and i have no one and you wont even hear my pray's..do you fear me leaving or do i fear myself to stay?" so young, so bold, so beautiful so bright she feels she has nothing... no ones in sight, she wishes on a star, prays to god and talks to the angels in heaven..."If its me alone by myself take me away to ease this pressure." __________________ -A LoSt SouL WhIcH CaMe As PrOmIsEd- Last edited by LadyL257; 09-05-2005 at 07:41 PM.

09-02-2005, 03:39 PM	#2 (permalink)
Mind~$oul I'm Pretty Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: North Memphis BITCH! Posts: 17,145	This was a very emotional and depressing piece. I usually don't like reading poems written in this type of structure but you managed to make everything flow together nicely. I'm use to reading stuff like this, I've written plenty of them myself. So I can of predicted each line coming...especially when it got to the wrist cutting part. I'm not taking away for it though, I still enjoyed the read. Uppin for the sleepers One luv __________________ "Everybody wanna be a nicca, but don't nobody wanna be a nicca"-Paul Mooney "I tried to live right, but society aint made for niccas to live right"-Joe Budden

09-02-2005, 09:39 PM	#4 (permalink)
LadyL257 Registered User Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Syracuse, Ny Posts: 182	lol i dont know how else 2 structure it ;-) thanx for the feed back ya'll 1Luv __________________ -A LoSt SouL WhIcH CaMe As PrOmIsEd-

09-07-2005, 04:08 AM	#7 (permalink)
akqrate Ear-candy Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: These streets below the moon Posts: 401	WHOA. very very depressing. "Not even her conscience is by her side telling her "If You Want To Die, Why Do You Still Exist?" I cant even begin to put into words how much this touched me. This is really the end of the road when it comes to delving deep into sadness. And yeah that precious nothings part is kind of a perception. Like I understand you meant it like what you hold as precious, is really nothing of value in the real world. But it also means that to you, you are precious, but to your parents, you are nothing... every person that reads this will think that the girl is a nothing but still a precious life. I hope you get what I'm saying, it's too late and I can't think properly. Anyways a very touching piece, I just really really hope its not personal. __________________ Love, a game where the devil rolls the dice Not knowing when we threw ourselves in To keep our fire ablaze... akQrate

09-07-2005, 09:44 PM	#8 (permalink)
LadyL257 Registered User Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Syracuse, Ny Posts: 182	oooh...now i get it...well true kind of...she is precious to the people who mean nothing at all.. but to the people who is suppost to mean the most she;s nothing....and she still holds onto her life knowing she hates it but also knowing its the only thing there... which is her precious nothings...kind of confusing both ways. thanks for the feedback tho stay up...1Luv __________________ -A LoSt SouL WhIcH CaMe As PrOmIsEd-

09-02-2005, 04:30 PM	#3 (permalink)
Justin85 True Poetical Emcee Join Date: Jan 2004 Posts: 243	this was a nice piece... sort of reminds me of a piece that I wrote awhile back ago.

09-05-2005, 04:07 PM	#5 (permalink)
RealMS Pro 31 Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Lafayette/New Orleans, LA Posts: 4,230	she holds onto precious nothings "precious nothings"-->it's like someone else's perception of you. A good quality in you they see that should make you, yourself content. But it's not the case. I don't know if you get what I'm sayin but that one part^ is like a summary for this entire piece, to me. Keep writing. -Much Love

09-09-2005, 08:49 AM	#9 (permalink)
UFO the Phoenix I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS! Join Date: Aug 1999 Location: Oceanside CA USA Posts: 2,965	this was different.....girl hope everything is cool now sounds like you were on the edge of suicide....not good....lot of this dealt with crying out to "G"od and not being heard....I feel like that all the time....ease the pressure....dont take on to much ya know....(I need to take my own advice) I dont know how God works I just know he does I love your writing and open minded style....you just inspired me to write something thanks __________________ *The Truth isn't out there because its already landed and the Truth is:* JESUS CHRIST Oddie Sloan

09-09-2005, 05:59 PM	#10 (permalink)
Brit Boi Gee manifest the zen Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Near To Athena Posts: 15,977	yea this was definately a dark and disturbing piece, but it felt like it came from a place that was crying out for help. Pieces like this in my opinion are beginnings of great realisations about yourself. Keep this poem and read it in the distant future, it will help you put it into a better persepctive than perhaps you could do at this point. Thanks for sharing __________________ They all laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian. They aren't laughing now. -Bob Monkhouse Brit Boi has a highly calibrated wifermometer

09-09-2005, 07:44 PM	#11 (permalink)
LadyL257 Registered User Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Syracuse, Ny Posts: 182	thanx^^^ UFO..im glad to hear i inspire you.. :-) i gotta feelin what the topics gunna be about ill stay shushed tho ;-)... Bitboigee... i see where u commin from every piece of liturature i write i actually do save no matter how low to high they are.. i think everyone should so they can look back and say "I was there and now im here"... feel me?! stay up ya'll 1Luv __________________ -A LoSt SouL WhIcH CaMe As PrOmIsEd-

09-09-2005, 09:36 PM	#12 (permalink)
MISSKEYdaQUEEN Watch the black panther.. Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Glenville REPPIN BIYAAAATCHES!! Posts: 17,647	Cool piece I didn't mind the structure too much...but..uh...I'm not very sympathetic with the structure...Eh..I guess I'm not very welcoming to those type of topics but...I do feel the emotion. All in all...nice piece and good drop! __________________ Queen's MySpace Page Queen's Other Myspace Page biaaatches *********************** The battles that count aren't the ones for gold medals. The struggles within yourself—the invisible, inevitable battles inside all of us—that's where it's at.~Jesse Owens (1913-1980)

09-14-2005, 07:53 PM	#13 (permalink)
LadyL257 Registered User Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Syracuse, Ny Posts: 182	thankyou misskey 1Luv __________________ -A LoSt SouL WhIcH CaMe As PrOmIsEd-

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