23 with a heart of steel

~Eloquent · 08-31-2005, 06:05 PM

just is just a keystyle yea im lookin to gettin back into writing some
those that think theyre better hate away,cuz i like that
nah,though just readin some of the reply comments for other poems sometimes...anywasy somethin to try to get me back into the routine

i wonder where opportunities to find love have gone,i feel its natural for me to show love,try tellin them that though,they rather have you dead most likely...

Life is so scary some times...
all the unwanted beef cuz of my strong beliefs
you best believe some would love to see me under white sheets
sometimes i forget though that some people still love me...
my mom leaves me messages on my brothers cell phone cuz she misses me
but im so stuck in isolation and knee deep in misery
plus i dont want this simple life,i want to make some history
i want to travel roads and uncover experiences that are unknown
i want to see this world and everything that comes within it

im tired of all the stressed conditions that would leave a cool head unblemished
but im stressed,and so worried about the future for our children
its just not right,all the heartbreaking images
of chalk line fatal posistions
more children without a father
cuz he couldnt make his living
being honest
the streets are without caution
but my every move is cautious
cuz every second i feel someone watchin
but its just my overactive consience
late nights...
hearts throbbin
sweat drippin
eyes wide open
insomnia

i guess i never realized all the people in my life that truly love me
i was to busy,thinkin about war
and how we'll overcome it
looks like they made another drug bust
but still the streets are flooded
with enough so that they'll get their blood rush....

so im 23 with a heart of steel
but with unblossomed love trapped in the inside
i need to feel love
the overpowering type
so i could finally pry myself free
from underneath the street lights
still plenty will creep and put a question mark,
if youll make it past just this night
but i dont think they truly respect me
i think of all the nights i felt neglected
sometimes it feels even stronger
like im stranded in a barren desert

of course they could never truly feel my pain
or know what its like to become so desperate
they dont know how it is
in a rural wasteland
with a low income community surrounding you
others get strung out and trade in pricless •••erly
that has been passed down,
the streets are black now
deprived,unnoticed disguised
you can sometimes feel the despair inside the grey skies

dont sleep on what you dont know
still so many actin foolish
judgement within a second
based on one's skin complexion
wondering if we could fix it,?
though i feel the answer will be dreaded
i see to be so alone with these feelings
while others just accept it
though the streets dont make exceptions
some live in areas that are so pleasant
they would never think for just a second
of all the death reeking on each corner
and the thugs on each street corner
they dont think of those that love them,
they think of all the drugs that
take care of their utility bills
while others try to walk the street path
and scramble thru loose change
just tryin to survive through these doomed days
so such a poet with such unwanted truth inside his hollow words
i guess will never be understood
thats why some would want me to put down my pen...
and put an end to all the images i transcend
but theirs so many holes in my short pocket
and i got to fight daily...just to breath again
the next day...
our lives need reasoning...

Bhitiah · 08-31-2005, 06:48 PM

"sometimes i forget though that some people still love me..." <<me too

"i guess will never be understood
thats why some would want me to put down my pen...
and put an end to all the images i transcend
but theirs so many holes in my short pocket
and i got to fight daily...just to breath again
the next day...
our lives need reasoning..."

This was cool, I've seen so much better from you ...Not that this is a disapointment or anything because I enjoyed reading it. I'm glad your coming back around too! Stay up.

6ftground · 08-31-2005, 08:15 PM

E! This was deep fam I feel you dogg!
You know you said your trying to get back into the routine HUH!
Man you trIp-N the game of writing never stop drip-in from your pen or your finger-tip to the keys of your computer... I enjoyed this piece..KEep doing yourr thang BOI! Peace 6..

LadyL257 · 08-31-2005, 11:27 PM

the streets are without caution
but my every move is cautious

^^ That part right there got me lyke...Yeaaa lol but yo everything you just came out n said is real...like thats me.how i see shit..and how i feel...the title of ya keystyled poem... excpet the 23 im 18 lol but the heart of steel...thats whats up... heart lyke that can never be broken.... i loved this poem u gettin my vote for "august poem of the month"

stay up..1luv

iceheart · 09-01-2005, 03:52 AM

you can sometimes feel the despair inside the grey skies

definitely adding that to my list of favorite lines.

that was ill for a keystyle.
i really hope you dont kick my ass in the ptl
but just so you know,
when you first started postin i was envious - i wished i could be good enough to be considered on level with you. i still have a couple of your pieces saved from back then.
it's an honor to be compared to you man. you should be proud.

AlmostFamous · 09-01-2005, 11:49 AM

they would never think for just a second
of all the death reeking on each corner
and the thugs on each street corner
they dont think of those that love them,
they think of all the drugs that
take care of their utility bills
while others try to walk the street

eloquent is at it again... man this is very well said... so many people dont think about this...

applause goes out to you... if i could shake your hand or pat you on the back I would...lol

keep it up bro peace and see ya around

~Eloquent · 09-01-2005, 01:24 PM

lol...
much love fam...
i appreciate it

KAtpower · 09-01-2005, 11:31 PM

okay the nit pickin hard reasoning side of me is saying "this needs to be cleaned up, made more consise, etc" BUT the emotional side of me is thinking that "love is the thread that holds us toghter admist all this fucking madness"... this is a beautiful message in which people fail to realize and seldom attempt to capture... and I respect you for that.

peace.

Kat

ManMadeofAshes · 09-06-2005, 01:31 PM

uppin

Mind~$oul · 09-07-2005, 05:44 PM

Man I miss this from you man. Raw emotion at it's finest. For a keystyle I think this was amazing. I would love to see how it would turn out if you take it and rewrote it. Good to see you around in the realm again.

One luv

absolute zero · 09-07-2005, 05:56 PM

Raw emotion indeed. I missed all of you guys here, and now I had a free moment to write a bit, and Im' going to try to get back at all of you.

anyways. Pretty good for a keystyle, but as a keystyle, there were weaker parts....I wont mention anything now because i'm pressed for time. But stay up.

God Bless.

08-31-2005, 06:05 PM	#1 (permalink)
~Eloquent Cold Logic Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: trapped where i cant leave,Florida Posts: 3,825	23 with a heart of steel just is just a keystyle yea im lookin to gettin back into writing some those that think theyre better hate away,cuz i like that nah,though just readin some of the reply comments for other poems sometimes...anywasy somethin to try to get me back into the routine i wonder where opportunities to find love have gone,i feel its natural for me to show love,try tellin them that though,they rather have you dead most likely... Life is so scary some times... all the unwanted beef cuz of my strong beliefs you best believe some would love to see me under white sheets sometimes i forget though that some people still love me... my mom leaves me messages on my brothers cell phone cuz she misses me but im so stuck in isolation and knee deep in misery plus i dont want this simple life,i want to make some history i want to travel roads and uncover experiences that are unknown i want to see this world and everything that comes within it im tired of all the stressed conditions that would leave a cool head unblemished but im stressed,and so worried about the future for our children its just not right,all the heartbreaking images of chalk line fatal posistions more children without a father cuz he couldnt make his living being honest the streets are without caution but my every move is cautious cuz every second i feel someone watchin but its just my overactive consience late nights... hearts throbbin sweat drippin eyes wide open insomnia i guess i never realized all the people in my life that truly love me i was to busy,thinkin about war and how we'll overcome it looks like they made another drug bust but still the streets are flooded with enough so that they'll get their blood rush.... so im 23 with a heart of steel but with unblossomed love trapped in the inside i need to feel love the overpowering type so i could finally pry myself free from underneath the street lights still plenty will creep and put a question mark, if youll make it past just this night but i dont think they truly respect me i think of all the nights i felt neglected sometimes it feels even stronger like im stranded in a barren desert of course they could never truly feel my pain or know what its like to become so desperate they dont know how it is in a rural wasteland with a low income community surrounding you others get strung out and trade in pricless •••erly that has been passed down, the streets are black now deprived,unnoticed disguised you can sometimes feel the despair inside the grey skies dont sleep on what you dont know still so many actin foolish judgement within a second based on one's skin complexion wondering if we could fix it,? though i feel the answer will be dreaded i see to be so alone with these feelings while others just accept it though the streets dont make exceptions some live in areas that are so pleasant they would never think for just a second of all the death reeking on each corner and the thugs on each street corner they dont think of those that love them, they think of all the drugs that take care of their utility bills while others try to walk the street path and scramble thru loose change just tryin to survive through these doomed days so such a poet with such unwanted truth inside his hollow words i guess will never be understood thats why some would want me to put down my pen... and put an end to all the images i transcend but theirs so many holes in my short pocket and i got to fight daily...just to breath again the next day... our lives need reasoning... Last edited by ~Eloquent; 08-31-2005 at 06:29 PM.

08-31-2005, 06:48 PM	#2 (permalink)
Bhitiah Powerful Scriptures Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 1,168	"sometimes i forget though that some people still love me..." <<me too "i guess will never be understood thats why some would want me to put down my pen... and put an end to all the images i transcend but theirs so many holes in my short pocket and i got to fight daily...just to breath again the next day... our lives need reasoning..." This was cool, I've seen so much better from you ...Not that this is a disapointment or anything because I enjoyed reading it. I'm glad your coming back around too! Stay up. __________________ You can bomb the world to peices, but cant bomb into peace

08-31-2005, 08:15 PM	#3 (permalink)
6ftground MC-KHP Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: 3 story house by the mountains Posts: 1,758	E! This was deep fam I feel you dogg! You know you said your trying to get back into the routine HUH! Man you trIp-N the game of writing never stop drip-in from your pen or your finger-tip to the keys of your computer... I enjoyed this piece..KEep doing yourr thang BOI! Peace 6.. __________________ DaMiddleFinger

08-31-2005, 11:27 PM	#4 (permalink)
LadyL257 Registered User Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Syracuse, Ny Posts: 182	the streets are without caution but my every move is cautious ^^ That part right there got me lyke...Yeaaa lol but yo everything you just came out n said is real...like thats me.how i see shit..and how i feel...the title of ya keystyled poem... excpet the 23 im 18 lol but the heart of steel...thats whats up... heart lyke that can never be broken.... i loved this poem u gettin my vote for "august poem of the month" stay up..1luv __________________ -A LoSt SouL WhIcH CaMe As PrOmIsEd-

09-01-2005, 11:49 AM	#6 (permalink)
AlmostFamous U got a problem? Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Sioux Falls Posts: 2,789	they would never think for just a second of all the death reeking on each corner and the thugs on each street corner they dont think of those that love them, they think of all the drugs that take care of their utility bills while others try to walk the street eloquent is at it again... man this is very well said... so many people dont think about this... applause goes out to you... if i could shake your hand or pat you on the back I would...lol keep it up bro peace and see ya around __________________ the good lord giveth and he taketh away isnt that the truth My name is Nate Short MYSPACE NAME:http://www.myspace.com/tooshortnate

09-01-2005, 01:24 PM	#7 (permalink)
~Eloquent Cold Logic Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: trapped where i cant leave,Florida Posts: 3,825	lol... much love fam... i appreciate it

09-01-2005, 11:31 PM	#8 (permalink)
KAtpower Registered User Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 28	okay the nit pickin hard reasoning side of me is saying "this needs to be cleaned up, made more consise, etc" BUT the emotional side of me is thinking that "love is the thread that holds us toghter admist all this fucking madness"... this is a beautiful message in which people fail to realize and seldom attempt to capture... and I respect you for that. peace. Kat

09-06-2005, 01:31 PM	#9 (permalink)
ManMadeofAshes *DREAMER Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: at home Posts: 635	uppin __________________ http://www.myspace.com/manmadeofashes

09-07-2005, 05:44 PM	#10 (permalink)
Mind~$oul I'm Pretty Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: North Memphis BITCH! Posts: 17,145	Man I miss this from you man. Raw emotion at it's finest. For a keystyle I think this was amazing. I would love to see how it would turn out if you take it and rewrote it. Good to see you around in the realm again. One luv __________________ "Everybody wanna be a nicca, but don't nobody wanna be a nicca"-Paul Mooney "I tried to live right, but society aint made for niccas to live right"-Joe Budden

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