bitches

KAtpower · 08-31-2005, 02:58 AM

yo i'm a white boy skinny legs
white shoes
peg me -skin me -the razor is

close to you're skin

heartsmeltintobeats

d
r
i
p
i
n

into some cash cow
music is the money of contractual borders

and soul is the jiggling asses
planet/soul mtv universe

and fourth grade children skip to this beat....
instinctually
ghetto booty can go far on concrete playground
9 years old and one step ahead
wit a shovel for a gold dig
now 'dis is higggghhh livin

bitches

and here we are
saturday night
fingers pointing

at empty faces
empty stomachs
worthless causes
high-priced mind fucks

enough to make him puke on his clean white shoes

and then he fell to the ground
he's one with the sidewalk
old concrete gum
is old brains
hard on the surface
and black on the outside
but within these scabs
there's some mositure
some pinkness left
some DNA

and within this forgotten substance
there is power
away from the glare of the computer screens
oblivious to the impact of careless feet
lao tsu said
that to change things
we must first let them

be

four or five mouthfuls of sidewalk
I think will enlighten me

this time

UFO the Phoenix · 08-31-2005, 03:40 AM

interesting.....wasnt expecting that by just going off the title....but this is why you can never judge a book by its cover.....this was a solid piece....I like the whole sidewalk concept and the schoolyard setting....it was interesting.....brought back memories and expressed your ideas in a very abstract way.....taking a step back kinda and relooking at the world as we know it.....maybe as grown ups relooking at the world like we once did in forth grade....

hmmmm

nice poem stick around

skandelous_lala · 08-31-2005, 07:08 AM

This was okay..it had it's moment...other moments where it still obviously needs some work and refining...most notably it seemed to skip around here & there.

I see potential though if you keep at it!

J-Smooth · 09-01-2005, 01:55 AM

Your poem is dope i look froward to read more of your stuff . Love

NAiT · 09-01-2005, 12:18 PM

you definitely touched on some truth. I need audio to really judge.

~Eloquent · 09-01-2005, 01:31 PM

the topic and the angle you took it was near perfect...
planet soul/mtv universe...
lol i think a thought like that goes thru me just about every day...
i liked this like a positive reinforcement like
take a look at yourself first before you judge others....

ManMadeofAshes · 09-01-2005, 02:09 PM

never read a god damn thing about you but god damn. I have been wanted to say god damn all day but hadnt had a good reason.

goddamn.

yeah so anyway. Love the poem man. Glad I peeped. You have some dope images like..

"and then he fell to the ground
he's one with the sidewalk
old concrete gum
is old brains
hard on the surface
and black on the outside
but within these scabs
there's some mositure
some pinkness left
some DNA

and within this forgotten substance
there is power
away from the glare of the computer screens
oblivious to the impact of careless feet
lao tsu said
that to change things
we must first let them

be

four or five mouthfuls of sidewalk
I think will enlighten me

this time"

^this whole ending is awsome. Great rhythm. Awsome ending. interesting wordplay.

and here we are
saturday night
fingers pointing

at empty faces
empty stomachs
worthless causes
high-priced mind fucks

enough to make him puke on his clean white shoes"

^favorite part here. Hit home. What got me first diggin on the poem. Nice drop eh.

-ashes

MISSKEYdaQUEEN · 09-01-2005, 04:13 PM

Quote:

and within this forgotten substance
there is power
away from the glare of the computer screens
oblivious to the impact of careless feet
lao tsu said
that to change things
we must first let them

be

four or five mouthfuls of sidewalk
I think will enlighten me

this time

Very very very nice job Oh man this is heat! Good job!!

AlmostFamous · 09-02-2005, 09:09 AM

and within this forgotten substance
there is power
away from the glare of the computer screens
oblivious to the impact of careless feet
lao tsu said
that to change things
we must first let them

be

four or five mouthfuls of sidewalk
I think will enlighten me

this time

first and foremost i would like to say that you are mad... yes i said you are mad..lol nah jus playing... where did this come from... the only reason i ask is b/c this is straight fire and very unique man... im jus curious what is your motive!?

four or five mouthfuls of sidewalk
I think will enlighten me

very well put...lol

ManMadeofAshes · 09-06-2005, 01:46 PM

up you

go

RealMS · 09-07-2005, 06:02 PM

^haha

I like that ending--it makes me think we learn from our mistakes, but in order to fully do that sometimes we'll really learn and grasp something if we keep making mistakes, an endless cycle. It's rather simple if you think about it I mean, we ARE imperfect. But I don't mean to keep messing up on things you know better of

Anyway

I don't get the title in relation to this poem. The beginning had me wondering what in the world are YOU talking about, really? Somehow this is what I thought: not all people are on the same exact level as you feel you are. Some are narrow-minded, and you have your flaws as well (your ending explains this but you realize your mistakes, whereas others do not realize themselves. (the mtv line) This was good, made me think--haha a minute ago I was saying wtf. Keep writing.

-Much Love

akqrate · 09-08-2005, 04:31 AM

"
and here we are
saturday night
fingers pointing

at empty faces
empty stomachs
worthless causes
high-priced mind fucks

enough to make him puke on his clean white shoes

and then he fell to the ground
he's one with the sidewalk
old concrete gum
is old brains
hard on the surface
and black on the outside
but within these scabs
there's some mositure
some pinkness left
some DNA

and within this forgotten substance
there is power
away from the glare of the computer screens
oblivious to the impact of careless feet
lao tsu said
that to change things
we must first let them

be

four or five mouthfuls of sidewalk
I think will enlighten me"

that whole part right there that i just quoted couldn't have been said any better by probably anyone here. Just lettin you know that I've never heard of u, but ur definitely at the right place. Keepin a look out 4 u from now... peace.

08-31-2005, 02:58 AM	#1 (permalink)
KAtpower Registered User Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 28	bitches yo i'm a white boy skinny legs white shoes peg me -skin me -the razor is close to you're skin heartsmeltintobeats d r i p i n into some cash cow music is the money of contractual borders and soul is the jiggling asses planet/soul mtv universe and fourth grade children skip to this beat.... instinctually ghetto booty can go far on concrete playground 9 years old and one step ahead wit a shovel for a gold dig now 'dis is higggghhh livin bitches and here we are saturday night fingers pointing at empty faces empty stomachs worthless causes high-priced mind fucks enough to make him puke on his clean white shoes and then he fell to the ground he's one with the sidewalk old concrete gum is old brains hard on the surface and black on the outside but within these scabs there's some mositure some pinkness left some DNA and within this forgotten substance there is power away from the glare of the computer screens oblivious to the impact of careless feet lao tsu said that to change things we must first let them be four or five mouthfuls of sidewalk I think will enlighten me this time Last edited by KAtpower; 08-31-2005 at 03:04 AM.

08-31-2005, 03:40 AM	#2 (permalink)
UFO the Phoenix I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS! Join Date: Aug 1999 Location: Oceanside CA USA Posts: 2,965	interesting.....wasnt expecting that by just going off the title....but this is why you can never judge a book by its cover.....this was a solid piece....I like the whole sidewalk concept and the schoolyard setting....it was interesting.....brought back memories and expressed your ideas in a very abstract way.....taking a step back kinda and relooking at the world as we know it.....maybe as grown ups relooking at the world like we once did in forth grade.... hmmmm nice poem stick around __________________ *The Truth isn't out there because its already landed and the Truth is:* JESUS CHRIST Oddie Sloan

08-31-2005, 07:08 AM	#3 (permalink)
skandelous_lala back from the dead Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Hey! Fuck you and the horse you rode in on! Posts: 26,707	This was okay..it had it's moment...other moments where it still obviously needs some work and refining...most notably it seemed to skip around here & there. I see potential though if you keep at it! __________________ ALL YOU REALLY KNOW IS WHAT I CHOOSE TO SHOW Good Mourning, Good afternoon, Good nite, what have you done with your life?. Everybody's time comes to be embraced by the light you only afraid to die when you ain't livin right

09-01-2005, 01:55 AM	#4 (permalink)
J-Smooth The Smoothness Playa Join Date: May 2001 Location: Pimpville USA Posts: 248	Your poem is dope i look froward to read more of your stuff . Love __________________ The Smoothnessplaya you know the one with the suit on :)

09-01-2005, 12:18 PM	#5 (permalink)
NAiT myself Join Date: Jul 1999 Location: D.C. Posts: 1,265	you definitely touched on some truth. I need audio to really judge. __________________ ------------------------------------------------ <---- 7) )0) )3)()(^^^)()(Dc * Md * Va ------------------------------------------------

09-01-2005, 01:31 PM	#6 (permalink)
~Eloquent Cold Logic Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: trapped where i cant leave,Florida Posts: 3,825	the topic and the angle you took it was near perfect... planet soul/mtv universe... lol i think a thought like that goes thru me just about every day... i liked this like a positive reinforcement like take a look at yourself first before you judge others....

09-01-2005, 02:09 PM	#7 (permalink)
ManMadeofAshes *DREAMER Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: at home Posts: 635	never read a god damn thing about you but god damn. I have been wanted to say god damn all day but hadnt had a good reason. goddamn. yeah so anyway. Love the poem man. Glad I peeped. You have some dope images like.. "and then he fell to the ground he's one with the sidewalk old concrete gum is old brains hard on the surface and black on the outside but within these scabs there's some mositure some pinkness left some DNA and within this forgotten substance there is power away from the glare of the computer screens oblivious to the impact of careless feet lao tsu said that to change things we must first let them be four or five mouthfuls of sidewalk I think will enlighten me this time" ^this whole ending is awsome. Great rhythm. Awsome ending. interesting wordplay. and here we are saturday night fingers pointing at empty faces empty stomachs worthless causes high-priced mind fucks enough to make him puke on his clean white shoes" ^favorite part here. Hit home. What got me first diggin on the poem. Nice drop eh. -ashes __________________ http://www.myspace.com/manmadeofashes

09-02-2005, 09:09 AM	#9 (permalink)
AlmostFamous U got a problem? Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Sioux Falls Posts: 2,789	and within this forgotten substance there is power away from the glare of the computer screens oblivious to the impact of careless feet lao tsu said that to change things we must first let them be four or five mouthfuls of sidewalk I think will enlighten me this time first and foremost i would like to say that you are mad... yes i said you are mad..lol nah jus playing... where did this come from... the only reason i ask is b/c this is straight fire and very unique man... im jus curious what is your motive!? four or five mouthfuls of sidewalk I think will enlighten me very well put...lol __________________ the good lord giveth and he taketh away isnt that the truth My name is Nate Short MYSPACE NAME:http://www.myspace.com/tooshortnate Last edited by AlmostFamous; 09-02-2005 at 09:12 AM.

09-06-2005, 01:46 PM	#10 (permalink)
ManMadeofAshes *DREAMER Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: at home Posts: 635	up you go __________________ http://www.myspace.com/manmadeofashes

09-07-2005, 06:02 PM	#11 (permalink)
RealMS Pro 31 Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Lafayette/New Orleans, LA Posts: 4,230	^haha I like that ending--it makes me think we learn from our mistakes, but in order to fully do that sometimes we'll really learn and grasp something if we keep making mistakes, an endless cycle. It's rather simple if you think about it I mean, we ARE imperfect. But I don't mean to keep messing up on things you know better of Anyway I don't get the title in relation to this poem. The beginning had me wondering what in the world are YOU talking about, really? Somehow this is what I thought: not all people are on the same exact level as you feel you are. Some are narrow-minded, and you have your flaws as well (your ending explains this but you realize your mistakes, whereas others do not realize themselves. (the mtv line) This was good, made me think--haha a minute ago I was saying wtf. Keep writing. -Much Love

09-08-2005, 04:31 AM	#12 (permalink)
akqrate Ear-candy Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: These streets below the moon Posts: 401	" and here we are saturday night fingers pointing at empty faces empty stomachs worthless causes high-priced mind fucks enough to make him puke on his clean white shoes and then he fell to the ground he's one with the sidewalk old concrete gum is old brains hard on the surface and black on the outside but within these scabs there's some mositure some pinkness left some DNA and within this forgotten substance there is power away from the glare of the computer screens oblivious to the impact of careless feet lao tsu said that to change things we must first let them be four or five mouthfuls of sidewalk I think will enlighten me" that whole part right there that i just quoted couldn't have been said any better by probably anyone here. Just lettin you know that I've never heard of u, but ur definitely at the right place. Keepin a look out 4 u from now... peace. __________________ Love, a game where the devil rolls the dice Not knowing when we threw ourselves in To keep our fire ablaze... akQrate

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