a pure form of the words "i love you"

ManMadeofAshes · 08-30-2005, 04:08 PM

I've grown so tired of you
your image
in my head....

you'll follow me to hell
but not into my bed.

we've tried a million solutions
each leading to the same stagnant water
and when I look into your eyes
I know we would never jump together
even if we held hands
and counted to three

we both lack commitment
not to mention
we are puzzle peices that don't fit.
and
its a funny thing about boy and girl routine
society is telling me "yes you do."

now everyone is asking me for the perfect image
its just a reason to be dissappointed.
now everyone is asking when I will graduate from college
the expectations are building.

I just want this to be a speedy trial
guilty or not guilty

and as I choke on your bile from kisses gone tragic
that bitter taste
is ironic
because it makes me think about how much I love youu

Quotive · 08-30-2005, 05:20 PM

Decent piece. I've ALSO seen way better from you.

The ending isn't what I've become accustomed to when reading your work. It's still a good poem, I can relate.

Peace homie.

Sittin' Sidewayzzzz

Ðon Vito · 08-30-2005, 07:59 PM

I enjoyed it. Very somber, I really got that feeling upon reading these lines.

and when I look into your eyes
I know we would never jump together
even if we held hands
and counted to three

Nice impact.

UFO the Phoenix · 08-31-2005, 03:24 AM

I must agree this was good but not your best.....but I think for what you was doing with this it worked.....the title really says it all and again echos the theme in the realm lately.....your subtle almost nonchalant approach to this poem was interesting....you have such control over your work its mind boggling....its like that rapper Del the Funky Homosapien....when he raps he sounds calm cool bored relax...doesnt need to try hard to get heads to nod....and that is what your doing now with your poems...I'm noticing this more and more as I fall into your style its tight man.....sometimes the simple everyday stuff is more powerful then some shakespearing vocab that nobody will understand.....just being real

holla

AlmostFamous · 08-31-2005, 10:10 AM

I've grown so tired of you
your image
in my head....

you'll follow me to hell
but not into my bed.

good intro man.. i like how you worded the second part the best... kind of like saying youll follow me even when i do wrong but you wont come to bed with me... damn thats harsh...lol

wow and your ending was beyond my analysis.... haha... shit was fire man... like woah.. irony in your statement is a face slapper... nice writing manmade.. keep on keeping on dawg.. lol
and as I choke on your bile from kisses gone tragic
that bitter taste
is ironic
because it makes me think about how much I love youu

illpoetical · 08-31-2005, 11:10 AM

i like this piece because i look at poems as singular, and i try not to judge one persons poems against others because i look at each as its own entity, not trying to say ntohing about anyone just my view, tight piece

RealMS · 09-01-2005, 09:56 PM

Some of yall must be on something

jp! but really, this was beautiful-even heartfelt ashes. I love the ending. But maybe for all of the wrong reasons. I can't quote jack from this. The only thing I didn't really like was the 'and' beginning your last stanza. IDK for me it cut it off short. Like if it was the first word in the entire poem, that'd be cool, but I'm not trying to (whatever) you lol. eh you know me. Keep writing.

-Much Love

akqrate · 09-02-2005, 04:24 AM

Ahh man, haven't checked this board out in such a long time, stopped postin when you did man. Might have to now come back, because this is where the quality is... Ashes man this piece is kinda like what's happenin in my lfe right now so i could relate... and i loved it, that's all.

akqrate · 09-02-2005, 04:25 AM

hey, what happened to my rep level... i was only missin for like 6 months y'all!!

Bhitiah · 09-02-2005, 11:23 PM

"I've grown so tired of you
your image
in my head...."

For real ...You ever just get so sick and tired of the same images and recycled videos playing over and over in your head that you just want to unravel your brain and pull out little strand's of memories you feel you dont need anymore...but then again, how much would that change you as a person? Cause if you dont have those bad experiences to build upon, why are you building? Like you dont put a foundation in a house because you want to be up higher, you put it down because the ground itself isnt stable...Ehh I dont know. I'm just rambling.

I hate that bittersweet, I hate you, I cant stand you, I love you, Please dont leave me...God, I love you...BULLSHIT. Man...But then we wouldnt know how sweet it truly was in the end.

lol, I'll leave now and ramble on in my own head...

- General - · 09-02-2005, 11:48 PM

In my eyes this is straight, but I think the reason I didn't think this is really nice is because you didn't give me much imagery and you gave me a little emotion

screamer · 09-03-2005, 01:04 AM

very simple, direct , solemn peice.. I am not going to ragg on you for using "trite phrases"... like the puzzle peice sheetl, becase it seems to me thats how you were feeling. Heartbreak is simply heartbreak.. when things work out they dont work out.
(and that's what the poem says, to me anyway)

um, hang in there?

08-30-2005, 04:08 PM	#1 (permalink)
ManMadeofAshes *DREAMER Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: at home Posts: 635	a pure form of the words "i love you" I've grown so tired of you your image in my head.... you'll follow me to hell but not into my bed. we've tried a million solutions each leading to the same stagnant water and when I look into your eyes I know we would never jump together even if we held hands and counted to three we both lack commitment not to mention we are puzzle peices that don't fit. and its a funny thing about boy and girl routine society is telling me "yes you do." now everyone is asking me for the perfect image its just a reason to be dissappointed. now everyone is asking when I will graduate from college the expectations are building. I just want this to be a speedy trial guilty or not guilty and as I choke on your bile from kisses gone tragic that bitter taste is ironic because it makes me think about how much I love youu __________________ http://www.myspace.com/manmadeofashes

08-31-2005, 03:24 AM	#4 (permalink)
UFO the Phoenix I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS! Join Date: Aug 1999 Location: Oceanside CA USA Posts: 2,965	I must agree this was good but not your best.....but I think for what you was doing with this it worked.....the title really says it all and again echos the theme in the realm lately.....your subtle almost nonchalant approach to this poem was interesting....you have such control over your work its mind boggling....its like that rapper Del the Funky Homosapien....when he raps he sounds calm cool bored relax...doesnt need to try hard to get heads to nod....and that is what your doing now with your poems...I'm noticing this more and more as I fall into your style its tight man.....sometimes the simple everyday stuff is more powerful then some shakespearing vocab that nobody will understand.....just being real holla __________________ *The Truth isn't out there because its already landed and the Truth is:* JESUS CHRIST Oddie Sloan

08-31-2005, 10:10 AM	#5 (permalink)
AlmostFamous U got a problem? Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Sioux Falls Posts: 2,789	I've grown so tired of you your image in my head.... you'll follow me to hell but not into my bed. good intro man.. i like how you worded the second part the best... kind of like saying youll follow me even when i do wrong but you wont come to bed with me... damn thats harsh...lol wow and your ending was beyond my analysis.... haha... shit was fire man... like woah.. irony in your statement is a face slapper... nice writing manmade.. keep on keeping on dawg.. lol and as I choke on your bile from kisses gone tragic that bitter taste is ironic because it makes me think about how much I love youu __________________ the good lord giveth and he taketh away isnt that the truth My name is Nate Short MYSPACE NAME:http://www.myspace.com/tooshortnate

08-31-2005, 11:10 AM	#6 (permalink)
illpoetical raising the bar everyday Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Long Island Posts: 1,533	i like this piece because i look at poems as singular, and i try not to judge one persons poems against others because i look at each as its own entity, not trying to say ntohing about anyone just my view, tight piece __________________ How vain it is to sit down and write when you have not stood up to live. The skill of writing is to create a context in which other people can think.

09-02-2005, 04:24 AM	#8 (permalink)
akqrate Ear-candy Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: These streets below the moon Posts: 401	Ahh man, haven't checked this board out in such a long time, stopped postin when you did man. Might have to now come back, because this is where the quality is... Ashes man this piece is kinda like what's happenin in my lfe right now so i could relate... and i loved it, that's all. __________________ Love, a game where the devil rolls the dice Not knowing when we threw ourselves in To keep our fire ablaze... akQrate

08-30-2005, 07:59 PM	#3 (permalink)
Ðon Vito Got Lyrics? Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Orlando, FL Posts: 1,100	I enjoyed it. Very somber, I really got that feeling upon reading these lines. and when I look into your eyes I know we would never jump together even if we held hands and counted to three Nice impact.

09-01-2005, 09:56 PM	#7 (permalink)
RealMS Pro 31 Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Lafayette/New Orleans, LA Posts: 4,236	Some of yall must be on something jp! but really, this was beautiful-even heartfelt ashes. I love the ending. But maybe for all of the wrong reasons. I can't quote jack from this. The only thing I didn't really like was the 'and' beginning your last stanza. IDK for me it cut it off short. Like if it was the first word in the entire poem, that'd be cool, but I'm not trying to (whatever) you lol. eh you know me. Keep writing. -Much Love

09-02-2005, 04:25 AM	#9 (permalink)
akqrate Ear-candy Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: These streets below the moon Posts: 401	hey, what happened to my rep level... i was only missin for like 6 months y'all!! __________________ Love, a game where the devil rolls the dice Not knowing when we threw ourselves in To keep our fire ablaze... akQrate

09-02-2005, 11:23 PM	#10 (permalink)
Bhitiah Powerful Scriptures Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 1,168	"I've grown so tired of you your image in my head...." For real ...You ever just get so sick and tired of the same images and recycled videos playing over and over in your head that you just want to unravel your brain and pull out little strand's of memories you feel you dont need anymore...but then again, how much would that change you as a person? Cause if you dont have those bad experiences to build upon, why are you building? Like you dont put a foundation in a house because you want to be up higher, you put it down because the ground itself isnt stable...Ehh I dont know. I'm just rambling. I hate that bittersweet, I hate you, I cant stand you, I love you, Please dont leave me...God, I love you...BULLSHIT. Man...But then we wouldnt know how sweet it truly was in the end. lol, I'll leave now and ramble on in my own head... __________________ You can bomb the world to peices, but cant bomb into peace

09-02-2005, 11:48 PM	#11 (permalink)
- General - Registered User Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 28	In my eyes this is straight, but I think the reason I didn't think this is really nice is because you didn't give me much imagery and you gave me a little emotion __________________ G Up Yall Down

09-03-2005, 01:04 AM	#12 (permalink)
screamer Registered User Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 182	very simple, direct , solemn peice.. I am not going to ragg on you for using "trite phrases"... like the puzzle peice sheetl, becase it seems to me thats how you were feeling. Heartbreak is simply heartbreak.. when things work out they dont work out. (and that's what the poem says, to me anyway) um, hang in there? Last edited by screamer; 09-03-2005 at 01:06 AM.

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