A Rare Personal Poem: Opened Up/I Love You (Part 2)

This is a discussion on A Rare Personal Poem: Opened Up/I Love You (Part 2) within the Poetry Realm forums, part of the Intellect Zone category; Opened Up/I Love You (Part 2) Now I stand nude Naked... bare my soul Sun shines the transparent being I ...


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A Rare Personal Poem: Opened Up/I Love You (Part 2) A Rare Personal Poem: Opened Up/I Love You (Part 2)
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Old 08-02-2005, 03:37 AM   #1 (permalink)
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A Rare Personal Poem: Opened Up/I Love You (Part 2)
Opened Up/I Love You (Part 2)

Now I stand nude
Naked... bare my soul
Sun shines the transparent being I am
So I am at your mercy
Be broken or embraced
Words that are spoken carry an unknown weight
The simple dark word carries with it
A thousand dark days of lightening and thunder
Winds whipping my heart
Batter and beaten and barely alive
Word sung with light connotations
Fill me in bring my mind and body back
Reunited with my soul
Arms extended embracing the merger
Still I stand and I do receive
Winged words of love
Still I can't bring my mind and body back...
The desert sands spread before me
Her hair and lips a constant mirage on the distances
I drink sand and walk in water...
Lost and I keep wishing to hold you
Yet the air is ever so unforgiving
Unwilling to fill your form and solidify
So I tip over and shatter...
Piece everywhere big chunks
Small stones...
I hope these sands blow away
Green pasture arise before me
And I slowly walk to you and say
I love you...
only to hear back...
I love you too...
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Old 08-02-2005, 03:54 AM   #2 (permalink)
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You know what they say...
sequals are never better than the original, besides Spider-Man 2...

but yeah... this was just completely scattered everywhere... it's like... you forced this to be a part 2... the whole sand thing, I just didn't like this.

Nice title, a good way to get attention to your piece, lol.
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Old 08-02-2005, 08:45 AM   #3 (permalink)
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This piece was kinda like..
well..

I don't know if it was supposed to be sad or happy..or confused

The end was alright but, the impact wasn't strong...

But hey, it's your piece...as long as you got the point!
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Old 08-04-2005, 10:31 PM   #4 (permalink)
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twinkletoes takes it up the butt!
I gotta disagree w/ the other posters - I really like this one. I do think it can stand alone w/o a "Part 1", though. The imagry is beautiful.
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