brown paper bags

[screamer]

Yeah plastic melts into cheap crowns.
You bought my trust at a 99 cents store
but I cant say it was worth it.
Even though you get what what you pay for.

The supermarket has such exquisite body parts.
Thighs and abs and a great frame of mind.
But hearts are later piled on curbs
Like dried out Christmas Trees.

Plastic melts into cheap crowns.
You bought my trust at a 99 cents store.
And whose the one who got duped?
The answer lies in a brown paper bag.

Like the Momma cat's neglected kittens.

Its sick yes- but its true

We can smell the rot of despair
mixed with flea market allure.

And taco truck burritos whisper
"We will overcome"





-for some strnage reason this is what became of my "fuck you poem" that I deleted for editing purposes. Not the same poem anymore. Cnostructive feedback is grealty appreciated and will be reciprocated.

[da sein]

The supermarket has such exquisite body parts.
Thighs and abs and a great frame of mind.
But hearts are later piled on curbs
Like dried out Christmas Trees.
^^^ this stanza stood out
although...the chris.tree image could be accentuated if you're going to use it...

for this to be something real and worthwhile ...you should expand upon it...i dont know if its fuck you...but the negative relationship vien is ere

keep up

[MISSKEYdaQUEEN]

Yess...I like this..But I wanted it to be a little longer.

But hey, it's yours so fuck me right??lol

"And taco truck burritos whisper
"We will overcome" "

Great ending!

I love reads like this. Very symbolic and thought provoking! DIg it!

[RealMS]

On the last day of my summer creative writing class my instructor read us one of his pieces (first time anyone of us ever heard him read his pieces) He'd always let us read them, but he was always big on NOT being persuaded into reading his own. lol, anyway-I forget the title but it was about an experience he had with love, bittersweet love (I should say lust). He went from this chill, laid back guy to being so alive with this emotion I've never seen. Anyway his poem was about 3 ladies, and he described it as his bacon, toast and eggs. He ended it saying he missed out on his grits-without that there was really no purpose in having the rest, or trying/wanting to pursue in them. I gotta email him for that one.

This poem, brown paper bags, reminds me of that poem for some reason. When you get to reading the poem to whoever you're speaking it to, it will either draw them back or take them aback. Like wt huh? or damn thats hot. I think I'm somewhere in between.

-Much Love

[eM-T]

wow crazy... I just wrote a poem about a brown paper bag.

"I used to be so full of myself..." <-- yeahhhh I won't clutter your post with the poem but that is the first line. You can see how I might make my way to the metaphore.

Great poem. Love the 99 cent store imagery. Ending is lovely.

sad but true sad but true. If you feel sorry for me I will feel sorry for you.

(just so you know I am madmadeofashes, so Im returning to love and ehhhhhh You always give me wonderful feedback. In depth but not too serious. wonderful wonderful!!!

[screamer]

thank you all.
real ms. - seems like you were sufficienly mind-fucked by this peice-- you comments I very much appreciete.

da sein and missy- I actually might expand on this peice- once I figure out what the hell I was talking about.


Et- I am glad you like my comments, because I always dig yours. Okay I feel sorry for you, (you feel sorry for me) lets cry togther like them emo camles in highschool.








Did any one notice kittens in the burritos? or should I clarify???