Comming to Cali

This is a discussion on Comming to Cali within the Poetry Realm forums, part of the Intellect Zone category; dusk on the verandah cigarette smoke exhales outside the terrace, over the hill the city spreads out hopeful and dead ...


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Old 05-21-2005, 04:18 PM   #1 (permalink)
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da sein takes it up the butt!
Comming to Cali

dusk on the verandah
cigarette smoke exhales
outside the terrace, over the hill
the city spreads out hopeful and dead
from endless sparkling lights
seen from overhead
cars like insects
crawling down roads
and into empty parking lots
her voice comes on softly
pleads, telling you not to go
outside the moon cries
inside the walls surround the pictures
and sink away, white
nothing in from the satellites
nothing on TV
forgot the backseat, with glowing leather
forgot the movies on the screen, sound turned off
sitting at tables, bodies thrusting
speaking secret words
feel smooth, under highway
the warm feeling of enclosure
tucked in blankets overhead
everything seems less unsure
lying in bed could feel the glare from the computer screen
watching over me
calling me out
on streets seemed wet with the coming dawn
light potential, future memories of sleep
but not tonight
someplace we’ve never gone
on boats, duck down and squeeze into the carpeted tube
furiously kissing
as above the string of lamps illuminate the neon
and drinks, stumbling overboard
revealed the entrance, thin as a line
but below in the boat it’s so dark and exciting
out here the neon only reflects on the water
where he thrashes
and we slowly pass through drunkenness
stars below us
other ships, seen the bodies dark against shinning backdrops
and back in the apartment
with the buildings curving out to replace the sky
she squirms and moves the sheets
black hair reflected in the mirrors above
youth seems gone
night seems here
helicopters pass overhead
dodging the palm trees
seen the highway, as it goes off ceaselessly
over the water
back home.
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Old 05-22-2005, 07:35 PM   #2 (permalink)
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UFO the Phoenix takes it up the butt!
Not to sure why this is getting slept on?....guess only cause cats dont know you

sad that name status determines your replies round here

this was a slick poem for what its worth yo....this came at me in a different perspective....I read the title and was intriguied to pursue this piece....being from Cali I easliy got lost in your words and imagery....the cars like insects was crazy personification.....the whole metaphor of the city and the water was just classic....really enjoyed this piece

sorry that its getting slept on

thanks for sharing because you didnt have too
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Old 05-23-2005, 04:58 PM   #3 (permalink)
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screamer takes it up the butt!
Dont zone eout while drivng. hey,,, good thang your hitchin this summer. too me this poem seem like a whoril of thought -- ya know, contemplating while driving. Images of landscape... but the inner mind comes into play. like fantasy. You are dam good poet. I enjoyed this read
Cali sux NYC yo


Yeah the water is home... seems like suicide. get some rest man .
(haha)
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Old 05-23-2005, 07:18 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I'm not sure if I should just go ahead and call you an observer of life, but it seemed more like you were reliving the older times of your life. An old soul, I'm meaning to say. Anyway this was a good read. Makes me think about just driving to no where in particular. Can't really do that nowadays but eh, always find a way to do something, don't we all. Also its kinda like hanging out with close friends before everybody ventures out on that same trip, except to somewhere, and on each's own.
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Old 05-24-2005, 01:46 PM   #5 (permalink)
feel influence
 
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da sein takes it up the butt!
no doubt...

i was born in LA....
but moved to BUffalo for high school which kinda sucked...lol

this is a poem from one of my visits back....

its real old but ive never had it crit'ed

thanks
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Old 05-28-2005, 04:12 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Really loved this piece. Give the reader a sort of soothing type of feeling. I try not to zone out and drive at the same time because i'll end up almost getting into a damn wreck or something. Imagery was on point. Uppin for the sleepers

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