Randomization( a little keystyle, different)

Luther · 05-20-2005, 04:51 PM

It was getting late in the afternoon
The sunlight slanted through my windows
A reddish hue
I sat in the light pondering my next move
Little choices make big over a lifetime

I create my day out of cosmic dust
I create creativity
And the mystery unfolds like pages in a notebook
I put words onto digital pages
I am witnessing creation
Like fireworks in a moonlit sky
A complex interplay of cause and effect
Now I stand erect, upright
I ignite my cigarette with a flash of light

What is happiness to me?
The reddish light glows, pink and yellow
I smile, or try to,
I think myself into a huff
I smile harder
Forcing false joy into my cheeks
My eyelids are heavier
The sunshine is making them weak

I stretch out on a burbur beige rug
The sun's warmth tastes sugar sweet
In dreams, Happiness is what I think
As a lifetime passes within a blink

RealMS · 05-20-2005, 06:29 PM

The whole topic of happiness in this poem puts my mind on Neruda Pablo and his love poems. He had a book called 21 love poems and a song of despair, or something like that. Reminds me of that. Weird-yeah I know but anyway.

Something else I noticed (may not mean a lot but I'm going to say it anyway) is that you mention the late afternoon-instead of the morning or even night. Many writers I've noticed don't speak about the afternoon lol. I guess many don't write in that time or recall it?

It's like after finishing a poem you've written, not really finishing it-but just putting the pen down. And that certain thought just came into play. Like the overall discussion: what is happiness to me?

The sunshine is making them weak
I feel that, but I got the feeling this goes a little deeper.

I'm never disappointed with endings lately either.

-Much Love

Lord RAH · 05-20-2005, 07:51 PM

Color so much color and is this mood tone or just imagery...Your ability to use color here is tremendous it becomes so many things and it allows us to see the painting that you create with your words...Nice flow..I really dug it ONE

05-20-2005, 04:51 PM	#1 (permalink)
Luther Registered User Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 249	Randomization( a little keystyle, different) It was getting late in the afternoon The sunlight slanted through my windows A reddish hue I sat in the light pondering my next move Little choices make big over a lifetime I create my day out of cosmic dust I create creativity And the mystery unfolds like pages in a notebook I put words onto digital pages I am witnessing creation Like fireworks in a moonlit sky A complex interplay of cause and effect Now I stand erect, upright I ignite my cigarette with a flash of light What is happiness to me? The reddish light glows, pink and yellow I smile, or try to, I think myself into a huff I smile harder Forcing false joy into my cheeks My eyelids are heavier The sunshine is making them weak I stretch out on a burbur beige rug The sun's warmth tastes sugar sweet In dreams, Happiness is what I think As a lifetime passes within a blink __________________ Love of mine, someday you will die But I'll be close behind I'll follow you into the dark No blinding light, or tunnels to gates of white Just our hands clasped so tight, waiting for the hint of a spark If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks Then I'll follow you into the dark

05-20-2005, 07:51 PM	#3 (permalink)
Lord RAH Grandeur's illuminant Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Detroit...Wesside Posts: 753	Color so much color and is this mood tone or just imagery...Your ability to use color here is tremendous it becomes so many things and it allows us to see the painting that you create with your words...Nice flow..I really dug it ONE __________________ Roguish motives molded Into the coldest opus

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05-20-2005, 06:29 PM	#2 (permalink)
RealMS Pro 31 Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Lafayette/New Orleans, LA Posts: 4,230	The whole topic of happiness in this poem puts my mind on Neruda Pablo and his love poems. He had a book called 21 love poems and a song of despair, or something like that. Reminds me of that. Weird-yeah I know but anyway. Something else I noticed (may not mean a lot but I'm going to say it anyway) is that you mention the late afternoon-instead of the morning or even night. Many writers I've noticed don't speak about the afternoon lol. I guess many don't write in that time or recall it? It's like after finishing a poem you've written, not really finishing it-but just putting the pen down. And that certain thought just came into play. Like the overall discussion: what is happiness to me? The sunshine is making them weak I feel that, but I got the feeling this goes a little deeper. I'm never disappointed with endings lately either. -Much Love

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