Just a freewrite I just did

Bhitiah · 05-08-2005, 02:57 AM

I'm sitting up in a pitch dark room
waiting for the poetry mood
to consume my very being
and being that I'm sitting here waiting
I doubt it's coming
It finds me quietly as I'm running
sneaks up behind me like a mugger in the night
and encourages my aching soul to stop and write...
The longer I sit and wait
The longer it takes
And the longer I wait...
I cant take this pain
draining from my veins
through a line I slit
Just another line I couldn't put into words
It hurts to keep writing this...
I don't want to keep writing this
I'm finding it's ....
beginning to look a lot like mourning
on my wrist....
I'm so tired of writing this
How many different ways can I explain
How depressed I get ....
How many synonyms ...
for this life I live...
My happiness is curving inward
and I'm afraid I'll never get it out
I'm bringing about the topics I want to talk about
but never really touch on what I want to talk about
I'm trying to find a way out
and my peaceful mind
is being sabotaged by
the rage inside
And I'm sitting here just trying to write...
Writing four letter words backwards
KCUF
because I know there's nothing left
inside of a chest
where treasure used to rest ...
but's it's been replaced by loneliness
and I left this world...
and left you holding this...
and you wouldn't know it
but it's all I had left....

J o o k · 05-08-2005, 04:41 AM

My happiness is curving inward
and I'm afraid I'll never get it out
I'm bringing about the topics I want to talk about
but never really touch on what I want to talk about
I'm trying to find a way out
and my peaceful mind
is being sabotaged by
the rage inside

Yes I definitely feel you on this love, very nice peice, I felt as if I shared the emotion because it was so outlandish. Nonetheless you painted a perfect picture and I definitely felt this joint. Keep writing and I'll keep reading. Pz.

AlmostFamous · 05-08-2005, 06:18 AM

I'm sitting up in a pitch dark room
waiting for the poetry mood
to consume my very being

you know how many times ive felt that way

waiting on it to hit me.. something great.. something worthwhile

lol

and like you said since your expecting it... probably wont come to ya.. not just yet anyway..

this was decent..

stay up

UFO the Phoenix · 05-08-2005, 10:59 AM

not bad not bad

you kind of flip a different style in this....I see that underground rap influence...."writing this"...."finding its"...."on my wrist"...."Holding this"...."left"

interesting flow

love the content.....so real so deep....just heartfelt

for somebody that is always hyper with jokes and messing around you write poems so dark and depressing?.....like a yin and yang in your heart or something....lol.....oh well I like it

PEACE AND GODBLESS

PS: thanks for peeping others you are like a spreading fire of love and anger (blunt honesty)

Birks · 05-08-2005, 11:18 AM

This was a good read...
Good mood set by this piece as a whole...
Cool flow and I just enjoyed the poem as it was....
stay writing ...

FreakEmoWriter9 · 05-08-2005, 12:49 PM

loved this piece, definitely gave me something to think about, i used to have thoughts about cutting and almost went through with it, and to this day i still wonder what would have happened to me if i had, but the point is i hadn't and this poem helped me realize even more what could have happened, thanks for the great read and help by writing this great piece of the written word.

K. Loye · 05-08-2005, 01:53 PM

Very emotional piece, I enjoyed how you packed alot of content into this. Seems like an indesicive type of poem and I enjoyed it, for some reason, I really enjoyed the flow and the rhyme scheme- or lack there of... because it wasn't consistant, but yet, I really loved it. I thought that this could be turned into a spoken word very easily, and I think that you should. Deep thoughts, touching. Emotion was excellent, imagery was decent, and you were clear and focused... Nice piece here...

-K. Loye

Coined · 05-08-2005, 02:49 PM

I'm so tired of writing this
How many different ways can I explain
How depressed I get ....
How many synonyms ...
for this life I live...

I really connected with that part, to me it was like saying "im always writting about the same thing, same problems, but its all i have"
I know ive felt that before.

Mind~$oul · 05-09-2005, 05:00 PM

Would make a nice spoken word joint. I was just talking to somebody the other day about this same type shit. How it's hard to write about other things when you only know one thing basically. Just gotta learn how to search more deeply within yourself. It's there

One luv

05-08-2005, 02:57 AM	#1 (permalink)
Bhitiah Powerful Scriptures Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 1,168	Just a freewrite I just did I'm sitting up in a pitch dark room waiting for the poetry mood to consume my very being and being that I'm sitting here waiting I doubt it's coming It finds me quietly as I'm running sneaks up behind me like a mugger in the night and encourages my aching soul to stop and write... The longer I sit and wait The longer it takes And the longer I wait... I cant take this pain draining from my veins through a line I slit Just another line I couldn't put into words It hurts to keep writing this... I don't want to keep writing this I'm finding it's .... beginning to look a lot like mourning on my wrist.... I'm so tired of writing this How many different ways can I explain How depressed I get .... How many synonyms ... for this life I live... My happiness is curving inward and I'm afraid I'll never get it out I'm bringing about the topics I want to talk about but never really touch on what I want to talk about I'm trying to find a way out and my peaceful mind is being sabotaged by the rage inside And I'm sitting here just trying to write... Writing four letter words backwards KCUF because I know there's nothing left inside of a chest where treasure used to rest ... but's it's been replaced by loneliness and I left this world... and left you holding this... and you wouldn't know it but it's all I had left....

05-08-2005, 04:41 AM	#2 (permalink)
J o o k free the oppressed. Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Bay Area, Ca Posts: 9,652	My happiness is curving inward and I'm afraid I'll never get it out I'm bringing about the topics I want to talk about but never really touch on what I want to talk about I'm trying to find a way out and my peaceful mind is being sabotaged by the rage inside Yes I definitely feel you on this love, very nice peice, I felt as if I shared the emotion because it was so outlandish. Nonetheless you painted a perfect picture and I definitely felt this joint. Keep writing and I'll keep reading. Pz. __________________ "Somewhere a True Believer is training to kill you. He is training with minimal food or water, in austere conditions, training day and night. The only thing clean on him is his weapon. He doesn't worry about what workout to do - his ruck weighs what it weighs, his runs end when the enemy stops chasing him. This True Believer is not concerned about 'how hard it is;' he knows either he wins or dies. He doesn't go home at 17:00, he is home. He knows only The Cause." Win or Die. Still want to quit?

05-08-2005, 06:18 AM	#3 (permalink)
AlmostFamous U got a problem? Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Sioux Falls Posts: 2,789	I'm sitting up in a pitch dark room waiting for the poetry mood to consume my very being you know how many times ive felt that way waiting on it to hit me.. something great.. something worthwhile lol and like you said since your expecting it... probably wont come to ya.. not just yet anyway.. this was decent.. stay up __________________ the good lord giveth and he taketh away isnt that the truth My name is Nate Short MYSPACE NAME:http://www.myspace.com/tooshortnate

05-08-2005, 10:59 AM	#4 (permalink)
UFO the Phoenix I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS! Join Date: Aug 1999 Location: Oceanside CA USA Posts: 2,965	not bad not bad you kind of flip a different style in this....I see that underground rap influence...."writing this"...."finding its"...."on my wrist"...."Holding this"...."left" interesting flow love the content.....so real so deep....just heartfelt for somebody that is always hyper with jokes and messing around you write poems so dark and depressing?.....like a yin and yang in your heart or something....lol.....oh well I like it PEACE AND GODBLESS PS: thanks for peeping others you are like a spreading fire of love and anger (blunt honesty) __________________ *The Truth isn't out there because its already landed and the Truth is:* JESUS CHRIST Oddie Sloan

05-08-2005, 01:53 PM	#7 (permalink)
K. Loye Banned Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 51	Very emotional piece, I enjoyed how you packed alot of content into this. Seems like an indesicive type of poem and I enjoyed it, for some reason, I really enjoyed the flow and the rhyme scheme- or lack there of... because it wasn't consistant, but yet, I really loved it. I thought that this could be turned into a spoken word very easily, and I think that you should. Deep thoughts, touching. Emotion was excellent, imagery was decent, and you were clear and focused... Nice piece here... -K. Loye __________________ Humanities Darkest Day Will Be In Flames.... Apacolypse Remix Cradle Soap Box Opera

05-08-2005, 11:18 AM	#5 (permalink)
Birks Led Zepp Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Northern land Posts: 38	This was a good read... Good mood set by this piece as a whole... Cool flow and I just enjoyed the poem as it was.... stay writing ...

05-08-2005, 12:49 PM	#6 (permalink)
FreakEmoWriter9 Registered User Join Date: May 2005 Location: AZ Posts: 112	loved this piece, definitely gave me something to think about, i used to have thoughts about cutting and almost went through with it, and to this day i still wonder what would have happened to me if i had, but the point is i hadn't and this poem helped me realize even more what could have happened, thanks for the great read and help by writing this great piece of the written word.

05-08-2005, 02:49 PM	#8 (permalink)
Coined The Prodigal Son Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Land of the cold air Posts: 1,247	I'm so tired of writing this How many different ways can I explain How depressed I get .... How many synonyms ... for this life I live... I really connected with that part, to me it was like saying "im always writting about the same thing, same problems, but its all i have" I know ive felt that before. __________________ Im in repair Im not together But Im getting there.. http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page...m?bandID=33383

05-09-2005, 05:00 PM	#9 (permalink)
Mind~$oul I'm Pretty Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: North Memphis BITCH! Posts: 17,145	Would make a nice spoken word joint. I was just talking to somebody the other day about this same type shit. How it's hard to write about other things when you only know one thing basically. Just gotta learn how to search more deeply within yourself. It's there One luv __________________ "Everybody wanna be a nicca, but don't nobody wanna be a nicca"-Paul Mooney "I tried to live right, but society aint made for niccas to live right"-Joe Budden

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