Lover's Curse

[babygrrl820]

She couldn't stand the silence,
She couldn't stand the tears,
She couldn't stand her life,
After only sixteen years.

He was her entire world,
She gave him all she possessed,
He did the same in return,
They were thought to be obsessed.

Their love couldn't be reached,
Couldn't be touched by any other,
They were all they needed,
They only wanted each other.

From two they became one,
They made each other whole,
They filled each other's voids,
They filled each other's souls.

Everything was perfect,
Everything was great,
Till one damning day,
They were told they'd have to wait.

Her parents were moving her,
To a distant place,
They'd be torn apart,
Couldn't see each other's face.

They swore they'd make it work,
Vowed to stay together,
Didn't care about the distance,
They'd be together forever.

She gave it all she had,
She did her very best,
But he still slipped away,
He didn't pass the test.

While she was thinking of him,
He had found another,
He said he couldn't do it,
He swore that he still loved her.

She was devastated,
Her heart was torn straight out,
She'd been such a fool,
She should have listened to her doubt.

From then on they stopped talking,
Never spoke again,
While he was with his new girl,
She was dreaming of him.

Every day she'd cry,
She tried to fight off all the pain,
But the hurting never stopped,
Just shot through every vein.

Months went by since the ending,
But she only grew worse,
She couldn't accept what happened,
This was lover's curse.

It finally overtook her,
She couldstand it no more,
She grabbed a picture of him,
And snuck out the front door.

She walked into the woods,
Sat down in "their" place
Kept thinking of the past,
And how she'd been replaced.

Hours later she was found,
In a pool of her blood,
And beside her they found,
His picture in the mud.

On the back read her reason,
Why she took her life,
What he put her through,
It seemed he had held the knife.

Though physically he didn't kill her,
He tore her soul apart,
It was obvious how she did,
It was from a broken heart.

[Justin85]

very good piece i liked it.

[UFO the Phoenix]

WOOOOORD UP

yeeeah thanks for coming thru.....this was niiiiiiiice.....love the drama and story telling....reminds me of Romeo and Juilet....flipped.....sick concept....dark and sad ending.....powerful....just like love

dont forget to peep others

stay up

[Coined]

great writting, you can almost picture everything as your reading it.
Looking forward to reading more from you in the future.

[CrazyCarl]

Separating the piece worked to keep the story going when the action shifted. The drop was an easy read, it seemed shorter than on first glance. The concept for the ending was pretty good, but I liked the description that lead up to it. Nice use of imagery.
Return the feedback
Mentally Wealthy

[bainecaileag86]

So sad girl, but good. Flowed easy, you could see and experience it. You kinda hinted at the ending in the first stanza, foreshadowing's such a tricky device...good use. Keep it up.

[Bhitiah]

I loved this girl.....Great story to be told.


"Though physically he didn't kill her,
He tore her soul apart,
It was obvious how she did,
It was from a broken heart."


I feel that!

[Luther]

Cool story. Cool usage of the rhymes, although I think the piece would be better with fewer end rhymes. And there were a lot of cliche lines. Besides that I enjoyed the read and the story. Thanks for posting

[*Hott Chocolate*]

very simply written but to the point. i liked how the story flowed easily from one stanza to the next...and even though the story that was told was a sad one..those seem to be the ones that once i start reading and i see that it's leading to tragedy, i cant stop reading it! good job!

[Mind~$oul]

Sad piece here. Unfortunately that's what love can do to some people. I felt the ending coming while I was reading this. It just kept on going down and down and down. Some Romeo and Juliet with a twist of the Notebook type of poem lol.

loved the flow. Keep it up

One luv