Truth

Coined · 05-07-2005, 05:38 AM

Time holds the truth, inside it's forgiving arms
cradling the honesty, only its eyes are giving alarm
Time holds the truth too tight, it's face blue with suffication
it's funny how a smooth road chasing you, can turn into a rough occasion
and as the clock hand revolves, i find subtle relaxation
in staring at my watch, your eyes, and your facial arrangement

I took your look, just as curious misconception
and i read the map only for missing misdirection
but as these roads are all faded, and the names are a bit erased
i doubt that if time stood still, she'd have as pretty a face.
Give me time and a chance, and I'll give you something greater
But time is holding the truth, and the hours are running later.

UFO the Phoenix · 05-07-2005, 10:57 AM

wooooord up

kicking knowledfe in the face is pretty much yo style....lol....love your word play.....you are slick with it.....yo rhymes are nice and the message was cool....time is holding the truth....never thought about it like that.......interesting poem

Stay up

PEACE AND GODBLESS

DONT BE A FREELOADER GO AND PAY IT FORWARD.....(SPREAD THE LOVE IT CAN ONLY COME BACK TO HAUNT YOU)

Also congrats on making the SLAM round one.....I can see why people hype you up so much....you got skills

Luther · 05-07-2005, 01:17 PM

This was tight. I liked the word choice and your imagery. The title caught my eye.lol

Bhitiah · 05-07-2005, 04:26 PM

Yeah, this was tight ....

UFO he aint a freeloader either I've seen him reply to people so chill out ...

Coined · 05-07-2005, 04:31 PM

Thanks for the replies everyone, I love seeing the reactions and insight given.
I will try to hit up some peoples work today, I don't get in here as much as Id like but I will def try to add to the realm.

absolute zero · 05-07-2005, 04:37 PM

" i find subtle relaxation
in staring at my watch, your eyes, and your facial arrangement "

Diggin that line. Couldn't really find a meaning behind this. Or rather, just like...why you wrote this, or a story behind it. But i liked it. Stay up forreal.l

God Bless

CrazyCarl · 05-07-2005, 07:11 PM

I liked this, the vocab was nice, worked to add to the description. The word choice was good, seemed to get the emotions across. There was some multis in the first stanza, which livened up the piece with some complex rhyming. You had some nice concepts in the piece, made it interesting and worth reading.
Return the feedback
Mentally Wealthy

Birks · 05-07-2005, 08:26 PM

Cool wordplay and good execution
Nice flow and vibe set...
Quality read...
Stay writing!

FreakEmoWriter9 · 05-07-2005, 08:33 PM

i could definitely understand this poem's theme and metaphor.
"but as these roads are all faded, and the names are a bit erased
i doubt that if time stood still, she'd have as pretty a face.
Give me time and a chance, and I'll give you something greater
But time is holding the truth, and the hours are running later."

i especially loved these few lines keep up the good work.

Mind~$oul · 05-08-2005, 07:07 PM

Think the concept you were going for was nice. Word usage was ok but I think you got caught up in it a little bit too much. Nothing much else I got to say. Uppin for you

One luv

05-07-2005, 05:38 AM	#1 (permalink)
Coined The Prodigal Son Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Land of the cold air Posts: 1,247	Truth Time holds the truth, inside it's forgiving arms cradling the honesty, only its eyes are giving alarm Time holds the truth too tight, it's face blue with suffication it's funny how a smooth road chasing you, can turn into a rough occasion and as the clock hand revolves, i find subtle relaxation in staring at my watch, your eyes, and your facial arrangement I took your look, just as curious misconception and i read the map only for missing misdirection but as these roads are all faded, and the names are a bit erased i doubt that if time stood still, she'd have as pretty a face. Give me time and a chance, and I'll give you something greater But time is holding the truth, and the hours are running later. __________________ Im in repair Im not together But Im getting there.. http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page...m?bandID=33383

05-07-2005, 10:57 AM	#2 (permalink)
UFO the Phoenix I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS! Join Date: Aug 1999 Location: Oceanside CA USA Posts: 2,965	wooooord up kicking knowledfe in the face is pretty much yo style....lol....love your word play.....you are slick with it.....yo rhymes are nice and the message was cool....time is holding the truth....never thought about it like that.......interesting poem Stay up PEACE AND GODBLESS DONT BE A FREELOADER GO AND PAY IT FORWARD.....(SPREAD THE LOVE IT CAN ONLY COME BACK TO HAUNT YOU) Also congrats on making the SLAM round one.....I can see why people hype you up so much....you got skills __________________ *The Truth isn't out there because its already landed and the Truth is:* JESUS CHRIST Oddie Sloan

05-07-2005, 01:17 PM	#3 (permalink)
Luther Registered User Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 249	This was tight. I liked the word choice and your imagery. The title caught my eye.lol __________________ Love of mine, someday you will die But I'll be close behind I'll follow you into the dark No blinding light, or tunnels to gates of white Just our hands clasped so tight, waiting for the hint of a spark If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks Then I'll follow you into the dark

05-07-2005, 04:31 PM	#5 (permalink)
Coined The Prodigal Son Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Land of the cold air Posts: 1,247	Thanks for the replies everyone, I love seeing the reactions and insight given. I will try to hit up some peoples work today, I don't get in here as much as Id like but I will def try to add to the realm. __________________ Im in repair Im not together But Im getting there.. http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page...m?bandID=33383

05-08-2005, 07:07 PM	#10 (permalink)
Mind~$oul I'm Pretty Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: North Memphis BITCH! Posts: 17,145	Think the concept you were going for was nice. Word usage was ok but I think you got caught up in it a little bit too much. Nothing much else I got to say. Uppin for you One luv __________________ "Everybody wanna be a nicca, but don't nobody wanna be a nicca"-Paul Mooney "I tried to live right, but society aint made for niccas to live right"-Joe Budden

05-07-2005, 04:26 PM	#4 (permalink)
Bhitiah Powerful Scriptures Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 1,168	Yeah, this was tight .... UFO he aint a freeloader either I've seen him reply to people so chill out ...

05-07-2005, 07:11 PM	#7 (permalink)
CrazyCarl Registered User Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 272	I liked this, the vocab was nice, worked to add to the description. The word choice was good, seemed to get the emotions across. There was some multis in the first stanza, which livened up the piece with some complex rhyming. You had some nice concepts in the piece, made it interesting and worth reading. Return the feedback Mentally Wealthy

05-07-2005, 08:26 PM	#8 (permalink)
Birks Led Zepp Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Northern land Posts: 38	Cool wordplay and good execution Nice flow and vibe set... Quality read... Stay writing!

05-07-2005, 08:33 PM	#9 (permalink)
FreakEmoWriter9 Registered User Join Date: May 2005 Location: AZ Posts: 112	i could definitely understand this poem's theme and metaphor. "but as these roads are all faded, and the names are a bit erased i doubt that if time stood still, she'd have as pretty a face. Give me time and a chance, and I'll give you something greater But time is holding the truth, and the hours are running later." i especially loved these few lines keep up the good work.

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