I dont know

Bhitiah · 04-27-2005, 11:15 PM

Sometimes late in the evening I'd sit
watch the sunset wash itself across the wall
waiting for the house to fall silent...
and the quiet...
It would carry me off to sleep
with an Alarm clock set for 11:15
I'd be out of the house at 11:30 at 13.
I'd stay out until 2 or 3AM
waiting for something...anything to come and carry me away again,
but the locks on the warehouse are changin'
and we cant hang out in the hell hole no more....
We've got nowhere to go,
and nowhere is a scary place to go...

We used to speak the same language,
sitting around hanging ourselves with a wasted youth,
and the truth is we didnt waste any time
finding a way to escape life just half hour at a time
and the nights go by black as ever,
blanked out of a wandering mind,
finding time to write my life into a notebook,
that someone took on the city bus last night...
And now, The language has changed
Or at least the tone....
You know too much...
So I go on alone....
Now I, write the pain into my wrists
and hope that nobody notices...

I stumble through a window of a house thats held me captive
But never notices when I'm gone...
And like the night began, the morning begins....
I've exchanged another friend ...
For peace in my own mind...
I find myself starting at the ceiling as the sunrise washes over the walls
waiting for the quiet to end
And...the silence of our voices begin,
.....like mindless robots exchanging good mornings ,
and have a good days over cheerio's,
And I'm blamed because my parents are not my heros....

The only time I really feel at home...
Is when I'm not at home...
And the things I know...
Caused me to grow so old...
Before I seen a birthday...
or blew out a candle...
And when I finally got a chance...
I wished this all away....

BK-NEON · 04-28-2005, 01:37 AM

i liked this a lot...fav lines

And...the silence of our voices begin,
.....like mindless robots exchanging good mornings ,
and have a good days over cheerio's,
And I'm blamed because my parents are not my heros....

this was a dope piece...

eM-T · 04-28-2005, 07:08 PM

that is really too bad its so sleep house in here. Every stanza had a nostalgic feel too it. I can imagive being at a bus stop at night writing this in a notebook glowing under the orange streetlamps.

good imagery and you kept it consistant the whole time. I think this poem could so easily be put to a flashing by of images. Like a slid show if you know what I am saying.

cool poem. Very story like. I hope you get some more feed cause you deserve it.

Johnnie French · 04-29-2005, 04:06 AM

I love the work I understand some of the feelings behind it. To never be able to leave a home that never knows your gone is to like be on an island and swim out to sea but never out to a ship or land and only to return but not be missed. It's hard to find somewhere to escape when the places you know are on you just as bad as the place you are in. =1=

FadedMemories · 04-29-2005, 04:13 AM

This was deep...
Seriously..

The only time I really feel at home...
Is when I'm not at home...
And the things I know...
Caused me to grow so old...
Before I seen a birthday...
or blew out a candle...
And when I finally got a chance...
I wished this all away....

Perfect was to close this piece off and end strong.
There was a lot of good imagery here..
Painted your pictures in words..

Looking forard to seeing more.

04-29-2005, 10:38 AM

The imagery painted your thoughts nicely in this piece and really captured my attention with the monotone narration that smoothly explained your discomfort at home in attempts to kick it anywhere else that your were excepted.

I actually thought it could of used a few more places that you had retreated to for an escape to paint more scenes cuz that's an obvious strength in this 1. Dope shit babygirl, very expressive as sets a tone of depression that stays constant, but still captures attention to focus..... Glad to see ya back

AlmostFamous · 04-29-2005, 11:26 AM

Sometimes late in the evening I'd sit
watch the sunset wash itself across the wall
waiting for the house to fall silent...
and the quiet...
It would carry me off to sleep
with an Alarm clock set for 11:15
I'd be out of the house at 11:30 at 13.
I'd stay out until 2 or 3AM
waiting for something...anything to come and carry me away again,
but the locks on the warehouse are changin'
and we cant hang out in the hell hole no more....
We've got nowhere to go,
and nowhere is a scary place to go...

there's something about your approach that makes me go damn... lol
its very smooth and nicely put all the time

thanks for sharing this piece... mos def was feeling the beginning

Coined · 04-30-2005, 03:24 AM

I stumble through a window of a house thats held me captive
But never notices when I'm gone...
And like the night began, the morning begins....
I've exchanged another friend ...
For peace in my own mind...
I find myself starting at the ceiling as the sunrise washes over the walls
waiting for the quiet to end
And...the silence of our voices begin,
.....like mindless robots exchanging good mornings ,
and have a good days over cheerio's,
And I'm blamed because my parents are not my heros....

^^ wow.. My favorite part, something everyone can relate to. Simple and Beautiful

Mind~$oul · 05-01-2005, 04:58 PM

Wow this was something else tiah. This wasnt your normal raging vent you are usually posting. This had a laid back type of feel to it. Very different coming from you. I just wish you would write something some type of structure! Uppin for you

One luv

screamer · 05-02-2005, 12:39 PM

tHIS IS A VERY POWERFUL PEICE... i THINK THIS POEM SAYS MUCH MORE THAN HAVING A FUCKED UP LIFE, IT HINTS RESILIENCE.
YOU LAYERED YOU EXPERIENCES WITH IMAGES, ACTION, FEELINGS, AND YOU MADE IT QUITE CLEAR WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO SAY.

I DO SUGGEST THAT YOU CLEAN SOME OF IT UP A BIT.. A COUPLE OF THE LINES (ONLY A COUPLE) WERE A BIT CLUMSY

LIKE...

and the truth is we didnt waste any time
finding a way to escape life just half hour at a time

tHIS LAST LINE HERE, THE RPETITION KINDA BREAKS THE FLOW OF THINGS.

oTHER THAN THAT, THIS POEM IS PACKED WITH SOME VERY POWERFUL STATEMENTS.
Now I, write the pain into my wrists
and hope that nobody notices...

Madnick · 05-02-2005, 12:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bhitiah

Sometimes late in the evening I'd sit
watch the sunset wash itself across the wall
waiting for the house to fall silent...
and the quiet...
It would carry me off to sleep
with an Alarm clock set for 11:15
I'd be out of the house at 11:30 at 13.
I'd stay out until 2 or 3AM
waiting for something...anything to come and carry me away again,
but the locks on the warehouse are changin'
and we cant hang out in the hell hole no more....
We've got nowhere to go,
and nowhere is a scary place to go...

We used to speak the same language,
sitting around hanging ourselves with a wasted youth,
and the truth is we didnt waste any time
finding a way to escape life just half hour at a time
and the nights go by black as ever,
blanked out of a wandering mind,
finding time to write my life into a notebook,
that someone took on the city bus last night...
And now, The language has changed
Or at least the tone....
You know too much...
So I go on alone....
Now I, write the pain into my wrists
and hope that nobody notices...

I stumble through a window of a house thats held me captive
But never notices when I'm gone...
And like the night began, the morning begins....
I've exchanged another friend ...
For peace in my own mind...
I find myself starting at the ceiling as the sunrise washes over the walls
waiting for the quiet to end
And...the silence of our voices begin,
.....like mindless robots exchanging good mornings ,
and have a good days over cheerio's,
And I'm blamed because my parents are not my heros....

The only time I really feel at home...
Is when I'm not at home...
And the things I know...
Caused me to grow so old...
Before I seen a birthday...
or blew out a candle...
And when I finally got a chance...
I wished this all away....

.. Bhit this was a real nice poem the first stanza was great it had some real nice imagery that just captured me as a reader and I was hooked .. The second stanza was nice man and the description was real real nice and I just learned more about the story that was taking place .. The third stanza was real great I loved this one the most and I could just feel all the elements rolled into this last stanza .. The emotion was strong as well as the imagery and description and I loved this read .. The only fall back that I had about this piece is that your thoughts seemed a little cluttered .. But I loved this drop keep it coming.

AlmostPsycho™ · 05-02-2005, 02:48 PM

Whoa! That is really nice and yes, I felt it girl!

Quote:

You know too much...
So I go on alone....
Now I, write the pain into my wrists
and hope that nobody notices...

Means a lot don't they?

UFO the Phoenix · 05-03-2005, 01:43 AM

I read this awhile back just never responded....dont know why.....its a powerful piece

you always hit with such force and power in your poems and knowing a little about your background I can understand your stuggles and your trials manifest into poetry....its amazing how you pull it off

I love the build up in this....of finding home outside of home....and the blowing out the candles

what a hunting wish

this was like alice in wonderland for me....only the wonderland is real life....what a trip

keep yo head up girl

GET AT ME ON AIM ASAP

PEACE

PAY IT FORWARD TO:

NisLaniF

J o o k · 05-03-2005, 01:31 PM

And like the night began, the morning begins....
I've exchanged another friend ...
For peace in my own mind...

This peice was definitely exuberating. I felt it all the way through, the presence was powerful. Your structure is also well choreographed. Keep writing and I will keep reading you definitely enlighten me. Pz

absolute zero · 05-05-2005, 01:54 AM

Can't remember who said it but yeah, definately had a nostalgic feel. But that's exactly what it was, right? It just had that whole sense, and it was a reminsicing. All in all though it was dope.

"Sometimes late in the evening I'd sit
watch the sunset wash itself across the wall "

loved that description

stay up

God Bless

04-27-2005, 11:15 PM	#1 (permalink)
Bhitiah Powerful Scriptures Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 1,168	I dont know Sometimes late in the evening I'd sit watch the sunset wash itself across the wall waiting for the house to fall silent... and the quiet... It would carry me off to sleep with an Alarm clock set for 11:15 I'd be out of the house at 11:30 at 13. I'd stay out until 2 or 3AM waiting for something...anything to come and carry me away again, but the locks on the warehouse are changin' and we cant hang out in the hell hole no more.... We've got nowhere to go, and nowhere is a scary place to go... We used to speak the same language, sitting around hanging ourselves with a wasted youth, and the truth is we didnt waste any time finding a way to escape life just half hour at a time and the nights go by black as ever, blanked out of a wandering mind, finding time to write my life into a notebook, that someone took on the city bus last night... And now, The language has changed Or at least the tone.... You know too much... So I go on alone.... Now I, write the pain into my wrists and hope that nobody notices... I stumble through a window of a house thats held me captive But never notices when I'm gone... And like the night began, the morning begins.... I've exchanged another friend ... For peace in my own mind... I find myself starting at the ceiling as the sunrise washes over the walls waiting for the quiet to end And...the silence of our voices begin, .....like mindless robots exchanging good mornings , and have a good days over cheerio's, And I'm blamed because my parents are not my heros.... The only time I really feel at home... Is when I'm not at home... And the things I know... Caused me to grow so old... Before I seen a birthday... or blew out a candle... And when I finally got a chance... I wished this all away.... __________________ You can bomb the world to peices, but cant bomb into peace Last edited by Bhitiah; 04-27-2005 at 11:18 PM.

04-28-2005, 01:37 AM	#2 (permalink)
BK-NEON I'm Me, Bitch!!! Join Date: Jul 1999 Location: Brooklyn, New York Posts: 680	i liked this a lot...fav lines And...the silence of our voices begin, .....like mindless robots exchanging good mornings , and have a good days over cheerio's, And I'm blamed because my parents are not my heros.... this was a dope piece... __________________ If there is no struggle, there is no progress

04-29-2005, 11:26 AM	#7 (permalink)
AlmostFamous U got a problem? Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Sioux Falls Posts: 2,789	Sometimes late in the evening I'd sit watch the sunset wash itself across the wall waiting for the house to fall silent... and the quiet... It would carry me off to sleep with an Alarm clock set for 11:15 I'd be out of the house at 11:30 at 13. I'd stay out until 2 or 3AM waiting for something...anything to come and carry me away again, but the locks on the warehouse are changin' and we cant hang out in the hell hole no more.... We've got nowhere to go, and nowhere is a scary place to go... there's something about your approach that makes me go damn... lol its very smooth and nicely put all the time thanks for sharing this piece... mos def was feeling the beginning __________________ the good lord giveth and he taketh away isnt that the truth My name is Nate Short MYSPACE NAME:http://www.myspace.com/tooshortnate

04-30-2005, 03:24 AM	#8 (permalink)
Coined The Prodigal Son Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Land of the cold air Posts: 1,247	I stumble through a window of a house thats held me captive But never notices when I'm gone... And like the night began, the morning begins.... I've exchanged another friend ... For peace in my own mind... I find myself starting at the ceiling as the sunrise washes over the walls waiting for the quiet to end And...the silence of our voices begin, .....like mindless robots exchanging good mornings , and have a good days over cheerio's, And I'm blamed because my parents are not my heros.... ^^ wow.. My favorite part, something everyone can relate to. Simple and Beautiful __________________ Im in repair Im not together But Im getting there.. http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page...m?bandID=33383

05-01-2005, 04:58 PM	#9 (permalink)
Mind~$oul I'm Pretty Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: North Memphis BITCH! Posts: 17,145	Wow this was something else tiah. This wasnt your normal raging vent you are usually posting. This had a laid back type of feel to it. Very different coming from you. I just wish you would write something some type of structure! Uppin for you One luv __________________ "Everybody wanna be a nicca, but don't nobody wanna be a nicca"-Paul Mooney "I tried to live right, but society aint made for niccas to live right"-Joe Budden

04-28-2005, 07:08 PM	#3 (permalink)
eM-T Because We Are Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: inDarkness Posts: 148	that is really too bad its so sleep house in here. Every stanza had a nostalgic feel too it. I can imagive being at a bus stop at night writing this in a notebook glowing under the orange streetlamps. good imagery and you kept it consistant the whole time. I think this poem could so easily be put to a flashing by of images. Like a slid show if you know what I am saying. cool poem. Very story like. I hope you get some more feed cause you deserve it.

04-29-2005, 04:13 AM	#5 (permalink)
FadedMemories Registered User Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Ohio State University Posts: 17	This was deep... Seriously.. The only time I really feel at home... Is when I'm not at home... And the things I know... Caused me to grow so old... Before I seen a birthday... or blew out a candle... And when I finally got a chance... I wished this all away.... Perfect was to close this piece off and end strong. There was a lot of good imagery here.. Painted your pictures in words.. Looking forard to seeing more.

04-29-2005, 10:38 AM	#6 (permalink)
dicnyaeye Guest Posts: n/a	The imagery painted your thoughts nicely in this piece and really captured my attention with the monotone narration that smoothly explained your discomfort at home in attempts to kick it anywhere else that your were excepted. I actually thought it could of used a few more places that you had retreated to for an escape to paint more scenes cuz that's an obvious strength in this 1. Dope shit babygirl, very expressive as sets a tone of depression that stays constant, but still captures attention to focus..... Glad to see ya back

05-02-2005, 12:39 PM	#10 (permalink)
screamer Registered User Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 182	tHIS IS A VERY POWERFUL PEICE... i THINK THIS POEM SAYS MUCH MORE THAN HAVING A FUCKED UP LIFE, IT HINTS RESILIENCE. YOU LAYERED YOU EXPERIENCES WITH IMAGES, ACTION, FEELINGS, AND YOU MADE IT QUITE CLEAR WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO SAY. I DO SUGGEST THAT YOU CLEAN SOME OF IT UP A BIT.. A COUPLE OF THE LINES (ONLY A COUPLE) WERE A BIT CLUMSY LIKE... and the truth is we didnt waste any time finding a way to escape life just half hour at a time tHIS LAST LINE HERE, THE RPETITION KINDA BREAKS THE FLOW OF THINGS. oTHER THAN THAT, THIS POEM IS PACKED WITH SOME VERY POWERFUL STATEMENTS. Now I, write the pain into my wrists and hope that nobody notices...

05-03-2005, 01:43 AM	#13 (permalink)
UFO the Phoenix I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS! Join Date: Aug 1999 Location: Oceanside CA USA Posts: 2,965	I read this awhile back just never responded....dont know why.....its a powerful piece you always hit with such force and power in your poems and knowing a little about your background I can understand your stuggles and your trials manifest into poetry....its amazing how you pull it off I love the build up in this....of finding home outside of home....and the blowing out the candles what a hunting wish this was like alice in wonderland for me....only the wonderland is real life....what a trip keep yo head up girl GET AT ME ON AIM ASAP PEACE PAY IT FORWARD TO: NisLaniF __________________ *The Truth isn't out there because its already landed and the Truth is:* JESUS CHRIST Oddie Sloan

05-03-2005, 01:31 PM	#14 (permalink)
J o o k free the oppressed. Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Bay Area, Ca Posts: 9,652	And like the night began, the morning begins.... I've exchanged another friend ... For peace in my own mind... This peice was definitely exuberating. I felt it all the way through, the presence was powerful. Your structure is also well choreographed. Keep writing and I will keep reading you definitely enlighten me. Pz __________________ "Somewhere a True Believer is training to kill you. He is training with minimal food or water, in austere conditions, training day and night. The only thing clean on him is his weapon. He doesn't worry about what workout to do - his ruck weighs what it weighs, his runs end when the enemy stops chasing him. This True Believer is not concerned about 'how hard it is;' he knows either he wins or dies. He doesn't go home at 17:00, he is home. He knows only The Cause." Win or Die. Still want to quit?

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