Counting The Times

ChyllTyrant · 04-27-2005, 09:37 AM

Counting The Times

when u met your train of thought at the station
i wished i had a ticket with you
(mine, of course, scalped and in the wrong direction)

something left off
something left on the darkness
when i was written off
all i had to say was "right on"

every playing field was wide open
so when you passed to me
i passed on

laying in every field
under the flourescent glow of each underscoring star
the moon's charm evaded invasion for one lonesome night
and it was just you and i
so wasn't it lonely those nights you spent crying for freedom?
wasn't it lonely those days you broke your back in non-sexual ways...
only to reconfigure your spinal cord with tissue after tissue?
you did hit a cord with me... just not that kind of one
i'm sorry
"write on"

we were both white lies
i wanted to be black
you wanted to be kept a secret from your father
that's where our troubles began

so now what am i?
if not a man within a man within a man within a woman's heart?

i'm flattered you would be so audacious
so out of line
so out of your linen before me
that i didn't have a chance to notice that i was indeed
so out of line
before i had the time to stop
saying "i love you" and caressing your cheek bone with the back of a gentle hand

gentleman?
i'd still like to think so...

but never again will the moon be out of the way for me
space cadets these days have hard bargains and sling some marred jargain
so reminiscent of marmalade futures and harrowing pasts

we're all heroes in one way or another
these days...

but why isn't that enough anymore?

because one four level word (eyes)
four letter heaven

TRAP

so yes we'll party next friday night
yes, yes, that's all i had to remember
where should i pick you up?
down the street?

forget my forgetmenot attitude and love or lust swings of mood

girls just wanna have fun, right?
please tell me my youth was more than an excuse...
to forget you again

laying in every field
under the flourescent glow of each underscoring star
the moon's charm evaded invasion for another lonesome night
it must have been over your right and my left
i may have touched the small of your back with a palm
i may have rubbed the wrong spot
too intimate... to into mating
but i did what i felt was right
and for a moment or so i repeated what i had said last time
and it did indeed make sense

or i wouldn't be standing here... broken hearted
waiting for your phone call... too afraid of indifferent parents
or i wouldn't have written off life so many times tonight
or made too many assumptions about life in general

how many times though, did i say that i loved you, before we did?

can you count them?

(edit: indifferent)

skandelous_lala · 04-27-2005, 09:47 AM

Quite a piece there...

I really enjoyed this..you are very creative..you use words in a very interesting way. They mean so much more than they actually say..that's what I like to see. I enjoyed this. Thanks for sharing.

ChyllTyrant · 04-27-2005, 10:14 AM

thanks sooooo much for the read... it's really appreciated...

it was really a good one to write for me... i just wrote it.

PEACE

Bhitiah · 04-27-2005, 01:49 PM

Yeah, I really liked this....This was a great read

Quotive · 04-27-2005, 02:29 PM

Yes, the old Chyll!!!!!!!

No, seriously... this is one of my favorite pieces by you.

"laying in every field
under the flourescent glow of each underscoring star
the moon's charm evaded invasion for one lonesome night
and it was just you and i
so wasn't it lonely those nights you spent crying for freedom?
wasn't it lonely those days you broke your back in non-sexual ways...
only to reconfigure your spinal cord with tissue after tissue?
you did hit a cord with me... just not that kind of one
i'm sorry
"write on"

Damn, this was brilliant. Honestly, I don't like how you re-wrote this stanza towards the ending, but it worked.

Loved "right on"/"write on" ... clever, and randomly awesome lol.

"or i wouldn't be standing here... broken hearted
waiting for your phone call... too afraid of berserk parents
or i wouldn't have written off life so many times tonight
or made too many assumptions about life in general"

Yes... loved this. I can relate to it... dope shit man. Real dope shit...

Keep writing duke..

Brit Boi Gee · 04-27-2005, 08:27 PM

you seem to have an intricate way with words that really make the reader stop and think 'What is going on? What is the meaning behind such and such?' In places it seemed a little muddled as if it was 'stream of conciousness' and flitting around but this seemed like a good effect also. Nice poem. My fave part was:

under the flourescent glow of each underscoring star
the moon's charm evaded invasion for one lonesome night

Why?

because it was most poetical.

Keep it up!

ChyllTyrant · 04-28-2005, 07:22 PM

thanks peeps... it's appreciated...

quo, i changed berserck, to indifferent...

this is just some of my dreams about romantic relationships, and how they always become a nightmare for me...

PEACE

Zeta · 04-28-2005, 07:37 PM

Hey this was good but I found it a bit harder to follow than I can really enjoy while I'm also enjoying a nice buzz. LOL. But really this was a nice drop.
Peace

mariposa · 04-28-2005, 07:39 PM

imma resist quoting because to break a part away from the whole would be doin it an injustice. this piece seemed to me cathartic in a sense... almost as if you had to write it, moreso than you actually wanted to.

the second i've read by you and i havent had a chance to read much on this board so far... but i must say... your style is unique and at the same time in that uniqueness is a certain degree of familiarity. you wrote the words from my own mind more than once in this. and i can dig that.

thanks again for the read. i'll have to be looking out for more by you.

Mind~$oul · 04-30-2005, 05:38 PM

That was a hell of a dream you had man. Really liked the way you put this poem together. You actually did a good job going into full detail, being that this poem was a dream and all. I cant remember my dreams for shit. Felt a lot of confusion in this piece.

The repeating stanzas you had were dope. I think was pulled off well.

One luv

RealMS · 05-01-2005, 08:12 PM

mhmm, I can't help but think this happened to you in reality, and when it was "over" that's when you "woke up" from the "dream." Or nightmare, because it sucks that it had to end that way, but it is a friendship now and again. Either that or I'm with Mind on what he said, because this is so detailed. OR, you're just good with recollecting your dreams like that. You have your own format/style/method with this one.

-Peace

04-27-2005, 09:37 AM	#1 (permalink)
ChyllTyrant AmIEternalOrAnEternalist? Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Syracuse, NY Posts: 830	Counting The Times Counting The Times when u met your train of thought at the station i wished i had a ticket with you (mine, of course, scalped and in the wrong direction) something left off something left on the darkness when i was written off all i had to say was "right on" every playing field was wide open so when you passed to me i passed on laying in every field under the flourescent glow of each underscoring star the moon's charm evaded invasion for one lonesome night and it was just you and i so wasn't it lonely those nights you spent crying for freedom? wasn't it lonely those days you broke your back in non-sexual ways... only to reconfigure your spinal cord with tissue after tissue? you did hit a cord with me... just not that kind of one i'm sorry "write on" we were both white lies i wanted to be black you wanted to be kept a secret from your father that's where our troubles began so now what am i? if not a man within a man within a man within a woman's heart? i'm flattered you would be so audacious so out of line so out of your linen before me that i didn't have a chance to notice that i was indeed so out of line before i had the time to stop saying "i love you" and caressing your cheek bone with the back of a gentle hand gentleman? i'd still like to think so... but never again will the moon be out of the way for me space cadets these days have hard bargains and sling some marred jargain so reminiscent of marmalade futures and harrowing pasts we're all heroes in one way or another these days... but why isn't that enough anymore? because one four level word (eyes) four letter heaven TRAP so yes we'll party next friday night yes, yes, that's all i had to remember where should i pick you up? down the street? forget my forgetmenot attitude and love or lust swings of mood girls just wanna have fun, right? please tell me my youth was more than an excuse... to forget you again laying in every field under the flourescent glow of each underscoring star the moon's charm evaded invasion for another lonesome night it must have been over your right and my left i may have touched the small of your back with a palm i may have rubbed the wrong spot too intimate... to into mating but i did what i felt was right and for a moment or so i repeated what i had said last time and it did indeed make sense or i wouldn't be standing here... broken hearted waiting for your phone call... too afraid of indifferent parents or i wouldn't have written off life so many times tonight or made too many assumptions about life in general how many times though, did i say that i loved you, before we did? can you count them? (edit: indifferent) __________________ Twyll The ChyllTyrant aka Verbal Kynt aka Soul Prophet aka Wally Wigglez And Like That... He's Gone The greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was convincing the world he didn't exist. http://www.myspace.com/twyllthechylltyrant http://www.myspace.com/realninjtruth http://www.soundclick.com/tyrantny Last edited by ChyllTyrant; 04-27-2005 at 05:47 PM.

04-27-2005, 09:47 AM	#2 (permalink)
skandelous_lala back from the dead Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Hey! Fuck you and the horse you rode in on! Posts: 26,707	Quite a piece there... I really enjoyed this..you are very creative..you use words in a very interesting way. They mean so much more than they actually say..that's what I like to see. I enjoyed this. Thanks for sharing. __________________ ALL YOU REALLY KNOW IS WHAT I CHOOSE TO SHOW Good Mourning, Good afternoon, Good nite, what have you done with your life?. Everybody's time comes to be embraced by the light you only afraid to die when you ain't livin right

04-27-2005, 10:14 AM	#3 (permalink)
ChyllTyrant AmIEternalOrAnEternalist? Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Syracuse, NY Posts: 830	thanks sooooo much for the read... it's really appreciated... it was really a good one to write for me... i just wrote it. PEACE __________________ Twyll The ChyllTyrant aka Verbal Kynt aka Soul Prophet aka Wally Wigglez And Like That... He's Gone The greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was convincing the world he didn't exist. http://www.myspace.com/twyllthechylltyrant http://www.myspace.com/realninjtruth http://www.soundclick.com/tyrantny

04-27-2005, 01:49 PM	#4 (permalink)
Bhitiah Powerful Scriptures Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 1,168	Yeah, I really liked this....This was a great read __________________ You can bomb the world to peices, but cant bomb into peace

04-27-2005, 08:27 PM	#6 (permalink)
Brit Boi Gee manifest the zen Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Near To Athena Posts: 15,977	you seem to have an intricate way with words that really make the reader stop and think 'What is going on? What is the meaning behind such and such?' In places it seemed a little muddled as if it was 'stream of conciousness' and flitting around but this seemed like a good effect also. Nice poem. My fave part was: under the flourescent glow of each underscoring star the moon's charm evaded invasion for one lonesome night Why? because it was most poetical. Keep it up! __________________ They all laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian. They aren't laughing now. -Bob Monkhouse Brit Boi has a highly calibrated wifermometer Last edited by Brit Boi Gee; 04-27-2005 at 08:29 PM.

04-28-2005, 07:22 PM	#7 (permalink)
ChyllTyrant AmIEternalOrAnEternalist? Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Syracuse, NY Posts: 830	thanks peeps... it's appreciated... quo, i changed berserck, to indifferent... this is just some of my dreams about romantic relationships, and how they always become a nightmare for me... PEACE __________________ Twyll The ChyllTyrant aka Verbal Kynt aka Soul Prophet aka Wally Wigglez And Like That... He's Gone The greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was convincing the world he didn't exist. http://www.myspace.com/twyllthechylltyrant http://www.myspace.com/realninjtruth http://www.soundclick.com/tyrantny Last edited by ChyllTyrant; 04-28-2005 at 07:23 PM.

04-28-2005, 07:37 PM	#8 (permalink)
Zeta Registered User Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 371	Hey this was good but I found it a bit harder to follow than I can really enjoy while I'm also enjoying a nice buzz. LOL. But really this was a nice drop. Peace __________________ Lil'Blue Easy

04-28-2005, 07:39 PM	#9 (permalink)
mariposa Registered User Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: cali Posts: 12	imma resist quoting because to break a part away from the whole would be doin it an injustice. this piece seemed to me cathartic in a sense... almost as if you had to write it, moreso than you actually wanted to. the second i've read by you and i havent had a chance to read much on this board so far... but i must say... your style is unique and at the same time in that uniqueness is a certain degree of familiarity. you wrote the words from my own mind more than once in this. and i can dig that. thanks again for the read. i'll have to be looking out for more by you.

04-30-2005, 05:38 PM	#10 (permalink)
Mind~$oul I'm Pretty Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: North Memphis BITCH! Posts: 17,145	That was a hell of a dream you had man. Really liked the way you put this poem together. You actually did a good job going into full detail, being that this poem was a dream and all. I cant remember my dreams for shit. Felt a lot of confusion in this piece. The repeating stanzas you had were dope. I think was pulled off well. One luv __________________ "Everybody wanna be a nicca, but don't nobody wanna be a nicca"-Paul Mooney "I tried to live right, but society aint made for niccas to live right"-Joe Budden

05-01-2005, 08:12 PM	#11 (permalink)
RealMS Pro 31 Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Lafayette/New Orleans, LA Posts: 4,230	mhmm, I can't help but think this happened to you in reality, and when it was "over" that's when you "woke up" from the "dream." Or nightmare, because it sucks that it had to end that way, but it is a friendship now and again. Either that or I'm with Mind on what he said, because this is so detailed. OR, you're just good with recollecting your dreams like that. You have your own format/style/method with this one. -Peace

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