i cry everyday bu the tears never show up (for phoenix)

illpoetical · 04-27-2005, 09:23 AM

ok peeps let me know what you think. i wrote this for one of my kids at work.

I cry everyday but the tears never show up
Weeping so hard it hurts my heart
Leaving my soul on the line and the distress in my brain
Did you ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?
I do every fucking night
I feel pain every fucking night
My pain is so profound it leaves my aura shattered
You want to tell me that I need to accept things
You want me to forgive myself
Fuck you!
You want me to let you into my mind
Fuck you twice
If I am emotionally hit once shame on you
Any more times shame on me

I cry everyday but the tears are stealth
Weeping so hard it hurts my soul
I want to grow up and move the fuck away from you
Do I sound bitter and angry
I am angrily bitter
Your image resonates in my neural receptors
Your image resonates
Dam I’m repeating myself
I can’t look at your image in my mind anymore
I am so sick
Of your torturous hold over my being
Leave me be and let me alone
I’m sick of crying and not being able to cry
I’m sick of dieing and not being able to die
I’m sick of living and not being able to live
I’m sick of being sick of your bullshit
Fuck you, now I have closure
I cry everyday but the tears never show up

skandelous_lala · 04-27-2005, 09:52 AM

This embodies a lot of anger and frusturation to me..if that is what you were going for you definitely got your point across IMO

I’m sick of crying and not being able to cry
I’m sick of dieing and not being able to die
I’m sick of living and not being able to live

^^Those were the lines I felt the most. It really embodied the whole aura of frusturation in this piece.

Bhitiah · 04-27-2005, 01:52 PM

"Did you ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?
I do every fucking night
I feel pain every fucking night
My pain is so profound it leaves my aura shattered
You want to tell me that I need to accept things
You want me to forgive myself
Fuck you!
You want me to let you into my mind
Fuck you twice
If I am emotionally hit once shame on you
Any more times shame on me"

"I’m sick of crying and not being able to cry
I’m sick of dieing and not being able to die
I’m sick of living and not being able to live
I’m sick of being sick of your bullshit
Fuck you, now I have closure
I cry everyday but the tears never show up"

I felt that....This is a great poem

UniqPitty · 04-28-2005, 10:06 AM

I was really feeling that one, its like the poem speaks for itself through your own emotions and feelings, and to me thats that piece!

Madnick · 04-28-2005, 12:29 PM

..The repitition was real nice in this piece..

Zeta · 04-28-2005, 08:42 PM

Yeah I was definitely feeling it too, lol, it hurt too in a way, I imagined someone saying this to me and like whoa!!!
You did a great job of capturing alot of feeling between the lines Stay up

eM-T · 04-29-2005, 02:42 AM

this is awsome. Scary honest. Sounds like you are a child yourself.

I can't really figure out where all your rade is from but the closure line made me think that your kid might be dead. Just what I got out of it. A good read none the less.

illpoetical · 04-30-2005, 12:54 AM

thank you for the feedback, no im not a child but i wanted to write it from a child's perspective. stay up))) illpo

RealMS · 05-01-2005, 01:37 PM

Do I sound bitter and angry
I am angrily bitter
the only person I know who can twist words like that, and not make it jump around or lose the feel from the beginning.
You still do a job at NOT writing from your own point of view.

You want to tell me that I need to accept things
You want me to forgive myself
Fuck you!
You want me to let you into my mind
Fuck you twice
I think that may be the worst thing to feel, the fact that the person you just spilled your life to, judges you in a way you wish never existed. Especially a person who doesn't respect you for who are-weird I just said.

I gotta e-mail you on some changes.

-Peace

Mind~$oul · 05-02-2005, 04:52 PM

I think the hardest thing to do is to write from somebody else perspective. Well atleast to me it is. I think this was a decent piece, I didnt really like the repetitiveness in the piece though. Seen better coming from you. Havent seen you around in a minute, always good to have you back.

One luv

*Hott Chocolate* · 05-04-2005, 03:39 PM

damn...these lines really sturck me and basically made the whole poem for me:

"I’m sick of crying and not being able to cry
I’m sick of dieing and not being able to die
I’m sick of living and not being able to live
I’m sick of being sick of your bullshit"

..just remember that everything happens for a reason, and no matter what..when u feel the worst in life, it always gets better eventually.

D-Ray · 05-05-2005, 07:57 PM

this was for kids?? ooook lol
this was real nice.. very emotional.. deep.. so much anger.. i was really really feelin this.. keep doin wat u do
one luv

04-27-2005, 09:23 AM	#1 (permalink)
illpoetical raising the bar everyday Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Long Island Posts: 1,533	i cry everyday bu the tears never show up (for phoenix) ok peeps let me know what you think. i wrote this for one of my kids at work. I cry everyday but the tears never show up Weeping so hard it hurts my heart Leaving my soul on the line and the distress in my brain Did you ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight? I do every fucking night I feel pain every fucking night My pain is so profound it leaves my aura shattered You want to tell me that I need to accept things You want me to forgive myself Fuck you! You want me to let you into my mind Fuck you twice If I am emotionally hit once shame on you Any more times shame on me I cry everyday but the tears are stealth Weeping so hard it hurts my soul I want to grow up and move the fuck away from you Do I sound bitter and angry I am angrily bitter Your image resonates in my neural receptors Your image resonates Dam I’m repeating myself I can’t look at your image in my mind anymore I am so sick Of your torturous hold over my being Leave me be and let me alone I’m sick of crying and not being able to cry I’m sick of dieing and not being able to die I’m sick of living and not being able to live I’m sick of being sick of your bullshit Fuck you, now I have closure I cry everyday but the tears never show up __________________ How vain it is to sit down and write when you have not stood up to live. The skill of writing is to create a context in which other people can think.

04-27-2005, 09:52 AM	#2 (permalink)
skandelous_lala back from the dead Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: Hey! Fuck you and the horse you rode in on! Posts: 26,707	This embodies a lot of anger and frusturation to me..if that is what you were going for you definitely got your point across IMO I’m sick of crying and not being able to cry I’m sick of dieing and not being able to die I’m sick of living and not being able to live ^^Those were the lines I felt the most. It really embodied the whole aura of frusturation in this piece. __________________ ALL YOU REALLY KNOW IS WHAT I CHOOSE TO SHOW Good Mourning, Good afternoon, Good nite, what have you done with your life?. Everybody's time comes to be embraced by the light you only afraid to die when you ain't livin right

04-27-2005, 01:52 PM	#3 (permalink)
Bhitiah Powerful Scriptures Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 1,168	"Did you ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight? I do every fucking night I feel pain every fucking night My pain is so profound it leaves my aura shattered You want to tell me that I need to accept things You want me to forgive myself Fuck you! You want me to let you into my mind Fuck you twice If I am emotionally hit once shame on you Any more times shame on me" "I’m sick of crying and not being able to cry I’m sick of dieing and not being able to die I’m sick of living and not being able to live I’m sick of being sick of your bullshit Fuck you, now I have closure I cry everyday but the tears never show up" I felt that....This is a great poem __________________ You can bomb the world to peices, but cant bomb into peace

04-28-2005, 08:42 PM	#6 (permalink)
Zeta Registered User Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 371	Yeah I was definitely feeling it too, lol, it hurt too in a way, I imagined someone saying this to me and like whoa!!! You did a great job of capturing alot of feeling between the lines Stay up __________________ Lil'Blue Easy

04-29-2005, 02:42 AM	#7 (permalink)
eM-T Because We Are Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: inDarkness Posts: 148	this is awsome. Scary honest. Sounds like you are a child yourself. I can't really figure out where all your rade is from but the closure line made me think that your kid might be dead. Just what I got out of it. A good read none the less. __________________ I made out with Jesus. www.myspace.com/manmadeofashes ^anyone on this shit ought to hit me up. kiss kiss

04-28-2005, 10:06 AM	#4 (permalink)
UniqPitty Registered User Join Date: May 2004 Location: da ville..... Posts: 13	I was really feeling that one, its like the poem speaks for itself through your own emotions and feelings, and to me thats that piece!

04-28-2005, 12:29 PM	#5 (permalink)
Madnick Modern Laureate Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Oregon State Posts: 1,111	..The repitition was real nice in this piece..

04-30-2005, 12:54 AM	#8 (permalink)
illpoetical raising the bar everyday Join Date: Jun 2000 Location: Long Island Posts: 1,533	thank you for the feedback, no im not a child but i wanted to write it from a child's perspective. stay up))) illpo __________________ How vain it is to sit down and write when you have not stood up to live. The skill of writing is to create a context in which other people can think.

05-01-2005, 01:37 PM	#9 (permalink)
RealMS Pro 31 Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Lafayette/New Orleans, LA Posts: 4,236	Do I sound bitter and angry I am angrily bitter the only person I know who can twist words like that, and not make it jump around or lose the feel from the beginning. You still do a job at NOT writing from your own point of view. You want to tell me that I need to accept things You want me to forgive myself Fuck you! You want me to let you into my mind Fuck you twice I think that may be the worst thing to feel, the fact that the person you just spilled your life to, judges you in a way you wish never existed. Especially a person who doesn't respect you for who are-weird I just said. I gotta e-mail you on some changes. -Peace

05-02-2005, 04:52 PM	#10 (permalink)
Mind~$oul I'm Pretty Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: North Memphis BITCH! Posts: 17,145	I think the hardest thing to do is to write from somebody else perspective. Well atleast to me it is. I think this was a decent piece, I didnt really like the repetitiveness in the piece though. Seen better coming from you. Havent seen you around in a minute, always good to have you back. One luv __________________ "Everybody wanna be a nicca, but don't nobody wanna be a nicca"-Paul Mooney "I tried to live right, but society aint made for niccas to live right"-Joe Budden

05-04-2005, 03:39 PM	#11 (permalink)
Hott Chocolate current mood: happy Join Date: May 2000 Location: the goodland Posts: 4,380	damn...these lines really sturck me and basically made the whole poem for me: "I’m sick of crying and not being able to cry I’m sick of dieing and not being able to die I’m sick of living and not being able to live I’m sick of being sick of your bullshit" ..just remember that everything happens for a reason, and no matter what..when u feel the worst in life, it always gets better eventually. __________________ "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." -Gandhi

05-05-2005, 07:57 PM	#12 (permalink)
D-Ray Registered User Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 7	this was for kids?? ooook lol this was real nice.. very emotional.. deep.. so much anger.. i was really really feelin this.. keep doin wat u do one luv __________________ http://www.smokinpuppy.com/images/weed-emc2.gif

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