~Inevitable: A Small Stream~

This is a discussion on ~Inevitable: A Small Stream~ within the Poetry Realm forums, part of the Intellect Zone category; One of those poems I was talking about in the intercouse... Our foundation was put into a bottle and thrown ...


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Old 04-11-2005, 04:30 AM   #1 (permalink)
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~Inevitable: A Small Stream~

One of those poems I was talking about in the intercouse...

Our foundation was put
into a bottle and thrown
into the Mississippi...
both hoping somehow it's
journey will reach a destiny...
Nine years we spent
loving each other, though
at times I played behind
a false heart...

There were once seeds
planted inside of you...
along with the lies
you consumed...
Ignorant to the pain I caused
I guess you had the right to...
kill our future...

I often dream of the times
when we would play...
under the honeysuckle shade...
You'd dare to walk brimstone
just to show me the way...
to a heavens gate...
but only you could
be my god...somebody
I could actually see...
touch and smell...
for a crying river, this is
the perfect song...

Our promises are off floating
in the father of waters...
along with twains adventures...
soaked in this nation's history
and ours is coming to an end
so it seems...

Understand that love
is something I fear...
not the hollow tips
that pierced my chest...
nor my blood that stained
your soft hands...
but saying, "i love you" and
living up to it...

I cant reach for things
out in the galaxy...
just to prove exactly
what I mean...
and i'm not climbing
the highest peaks...
I can make love to
you all night...
and you can search
through my eyes...
while our bodies
become one...
and you'll never find
a sign of my
love...

I'm sorry




Well I guess she got tired of my shit after nine years on and off. I cant blame her though. A person can only go through so much with another person and in the end the weight gets to heavy to lift. I realized it too late though.
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Old 04-11-2005, 05:21 AM   #2 (permalink)
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This was one of those pieces of yours you didn't like?

Bleh..what are you talking about man...that was powerful. I got little chill bumps up my arms. I don't get the luxury of telling a poet that often. So take it..keep it..remember it =)

I really love the first couple stanzas...and the last...

Sorry to hear about you and her...stay well.
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Old 04-11-2005, 11:06 AM   #3 (permalink)
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good shit right here..

the piece was confusing but it made a lot of sense to me..lol...

now let me try to make sense of that

it was sort of all over the place but had a nice underlying meaing....love is hard...i think the way u put this together conveyed that well...this makes me think of how u cant love someone if you dont love yourself..i think thats what this is all about.....its also hard to show feelings like love when your not used to it...its something i think alot of people can relate to

good shit

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Old 04-11-2005, 11:08 AM   #4 (permalink)
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You can't see it as a negative thing or it will consume you. I mean really. It wasn't meant to be or it would be. Maybe it will be, but until that manifests just do you and be comfortable with who you are.

This poem is beautiful. I like it a lot. The emotions, the imagery, the tone. Good job! It's lovely!
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Old 04-11-2005, 01:11 PM   #5 (permalink)
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[quote=Mind~$oul]

Our foundation was put
into a bottle and thrown
into the Mississippi...
both hoping somehow it's
journey will reach a destiny...
Nine years we spent
loving each other, though
at times I played behind
a false heart...

There were once seeds
planted inside of you...
along with the lies
you consumed...
Ignorant to the pain I caused
I guess you had the right to...
kill our future...

I often dream of the times
when we would play...
under the honeysuckle shade...
You'd dare to walk brimstone
just to show me the way...
to a heavens gate...
but only you could
be my god...somebody
I could actually see...
touch and smell...
for a crying river, this is
the perfect song...

Our promises are off floating
in the father of waters...
along with twains adventures...
soaked in this nation's history
and ours is coming to an end
so it seems...

Understand that love
is something I fear...
not the hollow tips
that pierced my chest...
nor my blood that stained
your soft hands...
but saying, "i love you" and
living up to it...

I cant reach for things
out in the galaxy...
just to prove exactly
what I mean...
and i'm not climbing
the highest peaks...
I can make love to
you all night...
and you can search
through my eyes...
while our bodies
become one...
and you'll never find
a sign of my
love...

I'm sorry




[quote]

This poem is heart felt mind soul. I thought that it was genuin with emotion in a way that I havent seem on RM because I'm real new. But this poem just makes you think as your reading it like I hope everything goes fine and nothing bad happens at the end of the poem. But I didnt expect the ending and thats nice because you were like I love you and the I'm sorry. But this was real nice I hope you post alot more I love to read your work. Your my fav poet in the realm right now.
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Old 04-11-2005, 01:23 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Bhitiah takes it up the butt!
"There were once seeds
planted inside of you...
along with the lies
you consumed...
Ignorant to the pain I caused
I guess you had the right to...
kill our future... " <<<<damn


"I cant reach for things
out in the galaxy...
just to prove exactly
what I mean...
and i'm not climbing
the highest peaks...
I can make love to
you all night...
and you can search
through my eyes...
while our bodies
become one...
and you'll never find
a sign of my
love... " I felt that.... Stay up
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Old 04-11-2005, 01:34 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Understand that love
is something I fear...
not the hollow tips
that pierced my chest...
nor my blood that stained
your soft hands...
but saying, "i love you" and
living up to it...


I loved the whole thing, but that stood out to me the most.

Great piece.
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Old 04-11-2005, 05:25 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
Our foundation was put
into a bottle and thrown
into the Mississippi...
both hoping somehow it's
journey will reach a destiny...
Nine years we spent
loving each other, though
at times I played behind
a false heart...
thats sick...a perfect metaphor for a relationship...not sure where the destination will be with eachother, how it will end up...

this piece was beautiful man...so much sincerity and emotion put into it, very easy flowing

Quote:
Understand that love
is something I fear...
not the hollow tips
that pierced my chest...
nor my blood that stained
your soft hands...
but saying, "i love you" and
living up to it...

I cant reach for things
out in the galaxy...
just to prove exactly
what I mean...
and i'm not climbing
the highest peaks...
I can make love to
you all night...
and you can search
through my eyes...
while our bodies
become one...
and you'll never find
a sign of my
love...

I'm sorry
i loved that 2nd to last stanza...you dont even fear hollow tips goin into you compared to sayin i love you...i fell that shit mos def...its a difficult serious thing to say...keep it up man.
one
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Old 04-11-2005, 07:39 PM   #9 (permalink)
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A Small Stream-hard to avoid it but you know either way if you do or don't it's going to come (struggle, roadblock) That's a thoughtful title, and it makes sense when thinking on it.

Our foundation was put
into a bottle and thrown
into the Mississippi...
both hoping somehow it's
journey will reach a destiny...

-made me look at this picture I took of the river a few weeks back
http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y65...e/000_2071.jpg
could've gotten a better picture if we weren't goin so fast lol but I don't know, its just beautiful. Anyway-it's like you both made a wish (throwing your love into something so big, to see where it'd go, not really sure but hoping for the best) just wondering how thing's are gonna be/work out when everything's chaotic and hard to understand. And its like you can tell what's going to happen because of how you feel. It's just not that clear. The 4th stanza explains it.

The very last couldn't be real enough. It makes me think would a person rather take a lie than the truth-then I thought, what would I rather? You know. But you know how it goes, and what's better.

Damn-you know what, you make me think of myself and how I used to be sometimes. The one I'm with, is the same one I'm talking about and was always talking about when posting my love poems. Everything from the ones I wrote saying something like "I can't love you" and to now, when it's saying everything of the complete opposite. I made that clear, through actions and by just not even saying "I love you" or "I love you too"- I don't know, it just felt like the worst lie I could ever say, so I just couldn't. Lying comes easy to many, but for some reason, just couldn't do it. I'm big on that stuff. Then I think, how would I feel if he said that to me and didn't mean it. Believe it or not (I know you could believe that) I used to wonder sometimes. I don't know if I deserve(d) such a person, I'm just grateful he hung onto me...through it all. Got so much history its crazy, but it's beautiful.

I kinda said what I wanted to say, through my own experience-to yours. Didn't know which way to go, so I chose that way. I'm so glad to read something from you, just refreshing Mind.

-Much Love
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Old 04-11-2005, 11:34 PM   #10 (permalink)
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man you killing me softly with this one?!?!?!?!....dont think I ever seen you on a love poem?....very deep very personal and open hearted....I could relate with this in so many ways yo....my love life is like a scatter jigsaw puzzle and putting it back together is inevitable....so I could go right along with this.....off and on relationships is hard....stay strong brother

I love your word-play and the part about living up to saying "I love you"....really has lost its weight these days....but I use to remember when those words were golden and only spoken when it was true.....funny how time can change the hearts


props for this
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Old 04-12-2005, 11:23 AM   #11 (permalink)
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wow. M~S this is arguably the best piece i've ever seen from you.

"I often dream of the times
when we would play...
under the honeysuckle shade...
You'd dare to walk brimstone
just to show me the way...
to a heavens gate..."

that was just incredible. your wording is magnificent........your long awaited posts are definately worth the wait.

"I can make love to
you all night...
and you can search
through my eyes...
while our bodies
become one...
and you'll never find
a sign of my
love... "

the end, the bitter climax....the realization. Man that was a powerful little part right there. Mind Soul was you a playa? lol.......man, heartache, you don't know what you've got til it's........

God Bless.
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Old 04-15-2005, 04:43 PM   #12 (permalink)
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^I wasnt a playa lol. I was unfaithful. But thanks for the love people.

And for those that dont know a honeysuckle shade, is a bush I was talking about. I showed this piece to allnakey before I posted it and he didnt know what I was talking about lol. But yeah it's a small bush flower or whatever. And the inside of it taste like honey. I guess that shit only grows in the south though


Uppin one last time
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Old 04-15-2005, 05:22 PM   #13 (permalink)
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This piece was the most heartfelt and passionate I have seen for awhile. When a piece like this comes along you can tell that it needed to be said, and that it has been a long time coming to the surface. This is a piece that is worthy to stand alone without any judgement of it because it is a piece made out of neccesity and not made with any want of extravagancies. I really enjoyed this piece, it was so filled with reality yet at times so dreamy:

I often dream of the times
when we would play...
under the honeysuckle shade...
You'd dare to walk brimstone
just to show me the way...
to a heavens gate...
but only you could
be my god...somebody
I could actually see...
touch and smell...
for a crying river, this is
the perfect song...


In this next part you really lay down your honesty and your modesty, you put yourself that far out, and are willing to make yourself feel that small to admit your whole self to the other person and that which you sometimes cannot live upto:

I cant reach for things
out in the galaxy...
just to prove exactly
what I mean...


The ending was sad. I thought it was going to lead into something a little more destined to be or a twist to actually reveal something that would flip the whole thing, but it didn't, you stayed honest about your feelings and I have to respect you for that...

God Bless
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Old 04-15-2005, 06:09 PM   #14 (permalink)
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sitting on hold... waiting for an Accounting Manager to answer his beeping phone...

so the elevator music was an intereSting background to read this....

nice drop, could relate.
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