Platonic Love

Ghostly Notes · 03-29-2005, 12:38 AM

Can you see it? My heart for you, it beats. Can you feel it? In the midst of the air we dream.
In a love so refined, inter-locked with our minds. I can feel it, at a distance, you're still mine.
From a common desire, the springs of our passion. Flowing immorally with every lack of ration.
Amazing beyond us, my thoughts follow yours. Discreetly and sweetly, you pertain my inner whore.
Quiet, my darling. A secret follows us. Silence is our virtue, we'll rise above their games of lust.
Care less for the features of a normality of life. Care more for belonging, knowing that we are right.
Hands and lips belong to a world below us. Your everlasting gaze only longs the chance to rust.
I'll whisper softly to your sentiments and grasp your chain of desire.
Every breath of corrupted sin will spark our immortal fire.

Feedback would be nice. I've also got a quick question. Either I'm blind, or I don't see a rules thread. I've kind of just been guessing at what the rules are in these forums and replying to three other poems before I post. Can anyone point me in the direction of a rules thread and whatnot?

MisterEThoughts · 03-29-2005, 12:41 AM

This was really nice.. I am really diggin the beginning...

favorite lines

Can you see it? My heart for you, it beats. Can you feel it? In the midst of the air we dream.
In a love so refined, inter-locked with our minds. I can feel it, at a distance, you're still mine.

really nice really nice... Keep dropping...

Xero Satsujin · 03-29-2005, 01:20 AM

Only one real rule that we follow around here. 2 poems only on the first page at a time.

Welcome to the realm by the way.

And also, it's a good thing that you read and reply to others, even though it's not necessary, it shows respect and the other poets in the Realm respect that.

I liked the poem, but didn't like the way it was written. I mean, I love the poem actually, lol...Cause I've been sorta in that mood with a friend of mine for some years, lol...Good stuff, and stick around for a while...

*edit*

I see you're registry date is from last year, so welcome back...stick around this time, lol...

Ghostly Notes · 03-29-2005, 01:39 AM

Thanks for letting me know about the rules. Yeah, I always try to reply to other poems anyway cause I know how it feels to not get much feedback.

Hah, yeah, I posted a bit last year but wasn't really dedicated to it. Hopefully I'll stick around longer now.

Uppin.

Xero Satsujin · 03-29-2005, 01:48 AM

well get at me on AIM if you wanna chat sometimes, cause everybody in the realm tries to keep in touch to some extent...Well, I can be reached there at Xero Satsujin...peace

All~In-A~Key · 03-29-2005, 02:27 AM

"Amazing beyond us, my thoughts follow yours. Discreetly and sweetly, you pertain my inner whore."

Loved that line... just upfront and honest... really nice with that. I was loving this piece the structure seems a little different, well for me atleast, but you did good with it. The only thing I thought this piece was lacking was a strong ending, it kind of ended abrupt. Ya know, but other then that the piece was enjoyable

Stay Up, Much Love, Peace

RealMS · 03-29-2005, 01:31 PM

grasp your chain of desire.
this I like...at first I thought it read GRAB your chain of desire, I was like oo dang lol. I kinda ride with Xero on one point, how it's written...I mean I like it but the lines to me read kinda long, and it takes away from what you're saying. Other than that, well dang just keep it up girl-do you!

-Much Love

Ghostly Notes · 03-29-2005, 03:24 PM

Thanks again for the comments.

Xero - I would hit you up but I don't have AIM. Everyone around here uses MSN so that's what I got.

Sun_Flower · 04-03-2005, 12:26 PM

This piece is beautilfully written, so many moods of thoughts within one's mind to reach such love in only mind formations of yawning its sentimental touch. Very good read!

Mind~$oul · 04-04-2005, 04:25 PM

The only rule we have here in the realm is that you cant post no more than 2 poems on the first page. And dont up any poems that arent on the first page. That's basically it.

For the poem, I think it was decent. Style is mos def different from most of the poets here in the realm. I think the stuctured could be fixed up a bit though.

one luv

03-29-2005, 12:38 AM	#1 (permalink)
Ghostly Notes Registered User Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 158	Platonic Love Can you see it? My heart for you, it beats. Can you feel it? In the midst of the air we dream. In a love so refined, inter-locked with our minds. I can feel it, at a distance, you're still mine. From a common desire, the springs of our passion. Flowing immorally with every lack of ration. Amazing beyond us, my thoughts follow yours. Discreetly and sweetly, you pertain my inner whore. Quiet, my darling. A secret follows us. Silence is our virtue, we'll rise above their games of lust. Care less for the features of a normality of life. Care more for belonging, knowing that we are right. Hands and lips belong to a world below us. Your everlasting gaze only longs the chance to rust. I'll whisper softly to your sentiments and grasp your chain of desire. Every breath of corrupted sin will spark our immortal fire. Feedback would be nice. I've also got a quick question. Either I'm blind, or I don't see a rules thread. I've kind of just been guessing at what the rules are in these forums and replying to three other poems before I post. Can anyone point me in the direction of a rules thread and whatnot?

03-29-2005, 12:41 AM	#2 (permalink)
MisterEThoughts MysteryOfUntoldTruth Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Bay Area,Cali Posts: 1,962	This was really nice.. I am really diggin the beginning... favorite lines Can you see it? My heart for you, it beats. Can you feel it? In the midst of the air we dream. In a love so refined, inter-locked with our minds. I can feel it, at a distance, you're still mine. really nice really nice... Keep dropping... __________________ complicated visionary....injected beauty... provided by the starry night of misery... http://www.lulu.com/browse/book_view.php?fCID=800464 My Published Book. "A Closed Window Of Truth"

03-29-2005, 01:20 AM	#3 (permalink)
Xero Satsujin OnLy gOd kNoWs oR Goes Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Sinking into the paper, like I was ink Posts: 2,196	Only one real rule that we follow around here. 2 poems only on the first page at a time. Welcome to the realm by the way. And also, it's a good thing that you read and reply to others, even though it's not necessary, it shows respect and the other poets in the Realm respect that. I liked the poem, but didn't like the way it was written. I mean, I love the poem actually, lol...Cause I've been sorta in that mood with a friend of mine for some years, lol...Good stuff, and stick around for a while... edit I see you're registry date is from last year, so welcome back...stick around this time, lol... __________________ !.¸(`!.¸Xero Satsujin¸.!`)¸.! "Laissez les bon temps rouler" "Time to a writer is like play dough in the hands of a toddler..." Last edited by Xero Satsujin; 03-29-2005 at 01:34 AM.

03-29-2005, 01:48 AM	#5 (permalink)
Xero Satsujin OnLy gOd kNoWs oR Goes Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Sinking into the paper, like I was ink Posts: 2,196	well get at me on AIM if you wanna chat sometimes, cause everybody in the realm tries to keep in touch to some extent...Well, I can be reached there at Xero Satsujin...peace __________________ !.¸(`!.¸Xero Satsujin¸.!`)¸.! "Laissez les bon temps rouler" "Time to a writer is like play dough in the hands of a toddler..."

04-03-2005, 12:26 PM	#9 (permalink)
Sun_Flower Bluez By Loves Eye Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Canada Posts: 640	This piece is beautilfully written, so many moods of thoughts within one's mind to reach such love in only mind formations of yawning its sentimental touch. Very good read! __________________ The intimate rhythms of life... Moonlit in my eyes Illuminate this mystic divine Blinding sights that taunt’s for life

03-29-2005, 01:39 AM	#4 (permalink)
Ghostly Notes Registered User Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 158	Thanks for letting me know about the rules. Yeah, I always try to reply to other poems anyway cause I know how it feels to not get much feedback. Hah, yeah, I posted a bit last year but wasn't really dedicated to it. Hopefully I'll stick around longer now. Uppin.

03-29-2005, 02:27 AM	#6 (permalink)
All~In-A~Key Allnakey Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 18	"Amazing beyond us, my thoughts follow yours. Discreetly and sweetly, you pertain my inner whore." Loved that line... just upfront and honest... really nice with that. I was loving this piece the structure seems a little different, well for me atleast, but you did good with it. The only thing I thought this piece was lacking was a strong ending, it kind of ended abrupt. Ya know, but other then that the piece was enjoyable Stay Up, Much Love, Peace

03-29-2005, 01:31 PM	#7 (permalink)
RealMS Pro 31 Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Lafayette/New Orleans, LA Posts: 4,184	grasp your chain of desire. this I like...at first I thought it read GRAB your chain of desire, I was like oo dang lol. I kinda ride with Xero on one point, how it's written...I mean I like it but the lines to me read kinda long, and it takes away from what you're saying. Other than that, well dang just keep it up girl-do you! -Much Love

03-29-2005, 03:24 PM	#8 (permalink)
Ghostly Notes Registered User Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 158	Thanks again for the comments. Xero - I would hit you up but I don't have AIM. Everyone around here uses MSN so that's what I got.

04-04-2005, 04:25 PM	#10 (permalink)
Mind~$oul I'm Pretty Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: North Memphis BITCH! Posts: 17,139	The only rule we have here in the realm is that you cant post no more than 2 poems on the first page. And dont up any poems that arent on the first page. That's basically it. For the poem, I think it was decent. Style is mos def different from most of the poets here in the realm. I think the stuctured could be fixed up a bit though. one luv __________________ "Everybody wanna be a nicca, but don't nobody wanna be a nicca"-Paul Mooney "I tried to live right, but society aint made for niccas to live right"-Joe Budden

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode