A Quickie

Xero Satsujin · 03-28-2005, 10:54 PM

I told myself that I wouldn’t do it again. Get hooked like a fiend, but instead to my pen. Don’t want to write this all down, not again. Because even though one gets out, countless come in. Emotions, feelings, sentiments, and passions all of like design. Impossible to distinguish one from the other at times when they’re not all mine. Like a conduit to the stars, all of the wishes in the world come here and all aren’t benign.

This does seem to be more of a personal flight. With me being the captain, crew and passenger each trying to fight. Or am I the plane in which I fly in this thunderous plight? Being consumed by the vacuum I create in the seamless night. The vacuum being one of the hardest things I’ve yet to learn. That even though helping is good karma, lessons through pain is something we earn. But when playing with fire, eventually you’ll feel it’s burn.

Regardless of how personal this may seem, I’m not alone. At least one other person has gone through this, and even more are prone. Misery loves company, so my existence must be its clone. Congregating with the weak and wounded and holding them down as if I were stone. And yet, I am as soft as pale moonlight on the eyes. At least in an emotional sense, because every time I hear a sad song my heart cries. Don’t mistake this for a cry for help though, because in the end, everyone dies…

Brit Boi Gee · 03-28-2005, 11:14 PM

Hey hey, this was intriguing. The first stanza was very dreamy, it was like you were half opening up, but didn't want to fully open the floodgates because you were unsure about what it would bring.

even though one gets out, countless come in.

the second stanza was more like opening up a little more, and actually finding something that felt a little uneasy, especially the plane flying in thunderous plight and the fire burning. It was like something you learned. The ending was sort of like in abandon, it was really nicely written and contained by favourite line of the whole piece:

And yet, I am as soft as pale moonlight on the eyes

The sense of walking a similar path and feeling hope and sense in that I could relate to, there is comfort in those moments. But the end was beautiful and painful.

Keep writing man!

Ghostly Notes · 03-29-2005, 12:36 AM

I liked this. I think it started off really strong but it got kind of weaker towards the end. It was still great though. I also really liked the style cause I tend to write in those sort of stanzas myself. Great job.

Xero Satsujin · 03-29-2005, 12:39 AM

Thanks for the feedback. I don't like this pece at all, lol...but if I would re-upped one of my older pieces, me and Mind~$oul woulda had it out, lol...But I'm still gonna have to, but thanks again...

TrueEmcee · 03-29-2005, 12:42 AM

great poems im reading right now

okay

you told yourself you wouldnt fall so hard. and you knew this writing would happen and it'd only lead to more. great star similie
great plane metaphor. pretty easy to comprehend, nice again
you claim it's not personal, as many people suffer this pain. i love the misery/comany/clone line. the soft as pale moonlight on the eyes was great. the reference to the sad song bringing out tears just shows how true your heart is, and this isnt a cry for help, cuz everyone dies.
there u made dying seem not bad

great work

Xero Satsujin · 03-29-2005, 01:36 AM

lol, thanx man...

All~In-A~Key · 03-29-2005, 02:20 AM

At least in an emotional sense, because every time I hear a sad song my heart cries. Don’t mistake this for a cry for help though, because in the end, everyone dies…

So bleek, but real. Love the last lines man really summed the whole thing up. lol Mind would've closed your shit if you upped an old piece, but rules are rules. Nice read man gald I cam eup in here.

Stay Up, Much Love, peace

Xero Satsujin · 03-29-2005, 02:43 AM

YOU CHANGED THE NAME!!!!! YAY!!!

oh, and thanks, Imma still call you nakey though, lol...

All~In-A~Key · 03-29-2005, 03:10 AM

Yea I'm just going to use this name to reply to pieces... that's all, my other name will still be used

UFO the Phoenix · 03-29-2005, 01:01 PM

hes baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack

haha....this lil quickie was a nice lil poem.....kinda reminds me of what you were saying earlier bout your battle with the pen....this was nice though....and the irony in the end with the misery loves company was haunting...like a fine print disclaimer under your poem.....chilling message but so real....so true....spoken like a sage retired poet coming back to bless us....

my favorite part was flipping the word karma....good karma?!?!?....nice use of euphemistic language.....you are a true inspiration in this dirty sandbox....your my white gold....hahaha

Holla

RealMS · 03-29-2005, 01:52 PM

ooo you're just good with it, it seems so effortless for you to stay within the lines of writing and sticking to ONE topic, and avoiding bouncing all over the place with random thoughts, something I do and if I keep on I might just get comfortable with it lol. What a run-on sentence that was...
was this keystyled?

-Much Love

Psycho69 · 03-29-2005, 02:03 PM

This felt short and quick, compared to your others, and I got a different vibe then what I usually get off you.

But, I really enjoyed it.. I like the comparisons you come up with in alot of your pieces.

The ending was great, especially.

And yet, I am as soft as pale moonlight on the eyes. At least in an emotional sense, because every time I hear a sad song my heart cries. Don’t mistake this for a cry for help though, because in the end, everyone dies…

^^^ That's awesome.

MisterEThoughts · 03-29-2005, 02:26 PM

This was nice... like psy said it was short compared to your last pieces... but this was quickie? this was nice for that.... i am digging the way you put words together... i honestly can say... that it's imaginative ... i am digging this man... fucc it i am digging all your pieces no lie.... please keep writing... and providing me the pleasure to read this like this...

03-28-2005, 10:54 PM	#1 (permalink)
Xero Satsujin OnLy gOd kNoWs oR Goes Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Sinking into the paper, like I was ink Posts: 2,197	A Quickie I told myself that I wouldn’t do it again. Get hooked like a fiend, but instead to my pen. Don’t want to write this all down, not again. Because even though one gets out, countless come in. Emotions, feelings, sentiments, and passions all of like design. Impossible to distinguish one from the other at times when they’re not all mine. Like a conduit to the stars, all of the wishes in the world come here and all aren’t benign. This does seem to be more of a personal flight. With me being the captain, crew and passenger each trying to fight. Or am I the plane in which I fly in this thunderous plight? Being consumed by the vacuum I create in the seamless night. The vacuum being one of the hardest things I’ve yet to learn. That even though helping is good karma, lessons through pain is something we earn. But when playing with fire, eventually you’ll feel it’s burn. Regardless of how personal this may seem, I’m not alone. At least one other person has gone through this, and even more are prone. Misery loves company, so my existence must be its clone. Congregating with the weak and wounded and holding them down as if I were stone. And yet, I am as soft as pale moonlight on the eyes. At least in an emotional sense, because every time I hear a sad song my heart cries. Don’t mistake this for a cry for help though, because in the end, everyone dies… __________________ !.¸(`!.¸Xero Satsujin¸.!`)¸.! "Laissez les bon temps rouler" "Time to a writer is like play dough in the hands of a toddler..."

03-28-2005, 11:14 PM	#2 (permalink)
Brit Boi Gee manifest the zen Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Near To Athena Posts: 15,977	Hey hey, this was intriguing. The first stanza was very dreamy, it was like you were half opening up, but didn't want to fully open the floodgates because you were unsure about what it would bring. even though one gets out, countless come in. the second stanza was more like opening up a little more, and actually finding something that felt a little uneasy, especially the plane flying in thunderous plight and the fire burning. It was like something you learned. The ending was sort of like in abandon, it was really nicely written and contained by favourite line of the whole piece: And yet, I am as soft as pale moonlight on the eyes The sense of walking a similar path and feeling hope and sense in that I could relate to, there is comfort in those moments. But the end was beautiful and painful. Keep writing man! __________________ They all laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian. They aren't laughing now. -Bob Monkhouse Brit Boi has a highly calibrated wifermometer Last edited by Brit Boi Gee; 03-28-2005 at 11:18 PM.

03-29-2005, 12:39 AM	#4 (permalink)
Xero Satsujin OnLy gOd kNoWs oR Goes Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Sinking into the paper, like I was ink Posts: 2,197	Thanks for the feedback. I don't like this pece at all, lol...but if I would re-upped one of my older pieces, me and Mind~$oul woulda had it out, lol...But I'm still gonna have to, but thanks again... __________________ !.¸(`!.¸Xero Satsujin¸.!`)¸.! "Laissez les bon temps rouler" "Time to a writer is like play dough in the hands of a toddler..."

03-29-2005, 12:42 AM	#5 (permalink)
TrueEmcee Run. Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 3,162	great poems im reading right now okay you told yourself you wouldnt fall so hard. and you knew this writing would happen and it'd only lead to more. great star similie great plane metaphor. pretty easy to comprehend, nice again you claim it's not personal, as many people suffer this pain. i love the misery/comany/clone line. the soft as pale moonlight on the eyes was great. the reference to the sad song bringing out tears just shows how true your heart is, and this isnt a cry for help, cuz everyone dies. there u made dying seem not bad great work __________________ one.

03-29-2005, 01:36 AM	#6 (permalink)
Xero Satsujin OnLy gOd kNoWs oR Goes Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Sinking into the paper, like I was ink Posts: 2,197	lol, thanx man... __________________ !.¸(`!.¸Xero Satsujin¸.!`)¸.! "Laissez les bon temps rouler" "Time to a writer is like play dough in the hands of a toddler..."

03-29-2005, 12:36 AM	#3 (permalink)
Ghostly Notes Registered User Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 158	I liked this. I think it started off really strong but it got kind of weaker towards the end. It was still great though. I also really liked the style cause I tend to write in those sort of stanzas myself. Great job.

03-29-2005, 02:20 AM	#7 (permalink)
All~In-A~Key Allnakey Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 18	At least in an emotional sense, because every time I hear a sad song my heart cries. Don’t mistake this for a cry for help though, because in the end, everyone dies… So bleek, but real. Love the last lines man really summed the whole thing up. lol Mind would've closed your shit if you upped an old piece, but rules are rules. Nice read man gald I cam eup in here. Stay Up, Much Love, peace

03-29-2005, 02:43 AM	#8 (permalink)
Xero Satsujin OnLy gOd kNoWs oR Goes Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Sinking into the paper, like I was ink Posts: 2,197	YOU CHANGED THE NAME!!!!! YAY!!! oh, and thanks, Imma still call you nakey though, lol... __________________ !.¸(`!.¸Xero Satsujin¸.!`)¸.! "Laissez les bon temps rouler" "Time to a writer is like play dough in the hands of a toddler..."

03-29-2005, 03:10 AM	#9 (permalink)
All~In-A~Key Allnakey Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 18	Yea I'm just going to use this name to reply to pieces... that's all, my other name will still be used

03-29-2005, 01:01 PM	#10 (permalink)
UFO the Phoenix I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS! Join Date: Aug 1999 Location: Oceanside CA USA Posts: 2,965	hes baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack haha....this lil quickie was a nice lil poem.....kinda reminds me of what you were saying earlier bout your battle with the pen....this was nice though....and the irony in the end with the misery loves company was haunting...like a fine print disclaimer under your poem.....chilling message but so real....so true....spoken like a sage retired poet coming back to bless us.... my favorite part was flipping the word karma....good karma?!?!?....nice use of euphemistic language.....you are a true inspiration in this dirty sandbox....your my white gold....hahaha Holla __________________ *The Truth isn't out there because its already landed and the Truth is:* JESUS CHRIST Oddie Sloan

03-29-2005, 01:52 PM	#11 (permalink)
RealMS Pro 31 Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Lafayette/New Orleans, LA Posts: 4,230	ooo you're just good with it, it seems so effortless for you to stay within the lines of writing and sticking to ONE topic, and avoiding bouncing all over the place with random thoughts, something I do and if I keep on I might just get comfortable with it lol. What a run-on sentence that was... was this keystyled? -Much Love

03-29-2005, 02:03 PM	#12 (permalink)
Psycho69 Paint An Empty Page Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Ont, Canada Posts: 814	This felt short and quick, compared to your others, and I got a different vibe then what I usually get off you. But, I really enjoyed it.. I like the comparisons you come up with in alot of your pieces. The ending was great, especially. And yet, I am as soft as pale moonlight on the eyes. At least in an emotional sense, because every time I hear a sad song my heart cries. Don’t mistake this for a cry for help though, because in the end, everyone dies… ^^^ That's awesome. __________________ poetry is how I learned to speak my mind and oh, the conversations we’ve had...

03-29-2005, 02:26 PM	#13 (permalink)
MisterEThoughts MysteryOfUntoldTruth Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Bay Area,Cali Posts: 1,962	This was nice... like psy said it was short compared to your last pieces... but this was quickie? this was nice for that.... i am digging the way you put words together... i honestly can say... that it's imaginative ... i am digging this man... fucc it i am digging all your pieces no lie.... please keep writing... and providing me the pleasure to read this like this... __________________ complicated visionary....injected beauty... provided by the starry night of misery... http://www.lulu.com/browse/book_view.php?fCID=800464 My Published Book. "A Closed Window Of Truth"

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