Dead kisses(her broken silence part 3)

allnakey · 03-28-2005, 01:50 AM

Nine Days and Two years
He left her to cry
Now all she has is tears
The sparkle left her eye

Her hands dried and tired from a nights labor
As bed sheets awaken, dreams take place
And in her cold little room she rest
The outside world so hard to face
A pillow hides her head of faith

Between Paths that cross
The crust of her souls crumble
And what becomes Lost
Is left to be uncover

So to utter silence is euphoric
She listens to patterns of a rhythm
When her heart beats to fast she is in-love
When it slows down heartaches beginning
Muffled cries keep her soul spinning

Alcohol rushes her system
Drowning to feel rebirth
She finds it hard to listen
Falling away from earth

Clipped wings make it hard to fly
Grounded by reoccurring memories
Her skin unravels, baring hollowness
As she sings another song silently
She dies in lonely serenity

God to judge her soul
It all came to quick
Love took a hold
She paid with a dead kiss

Bhitiah · 03-28-2005, 01:10 PM

Man I loved that whole peice...

"Clipped wings make it hard to fly
Grounded by reoccurring memories
Her skin unravels, baring hollowness
As she sings another song silently
She dies in lonely serenity

God to judge her soul
It all came to quick
Love took a hold
She paid with a dead kiss"

^^ I loved the ending tho

RealMS · 03-28-2005, 05:42 PM

So to utter silence is euphoric
She listens to patterns of a rhythm
When her heart beats to fast she is in-love
When it slows down heartaches beginning
Muffled cries keep her soul spinning
it's like you're watching from a distance and it feels like you are unable to do something in order to help. Observation makes you write about this, but the poem was a little deep, maybe too deep for just observing things. I don't know what to say about this one, not new nor old, not even "mediocre." Gut-wrenching, I can't stand when I fail when trying to help others.

-Much Love

TrueEmcee · 03-29-2005, 12:29 AM

two plus years.. relationship broke up with him leaving
shes tired.. dreaming in bed.. where she can rest.. from the struggles of the cold world possibly brouhgt onto herself by her own faith
from all the crossroads her soul breaks down... and the things lost is what she'd like to uncover once mroe
utter silence is a way shed like to have it.. heartbeating fast in love, when she isnt in her possibly blind love she gets a heartache cuz he left her that way.. and her form of activity is thru muffled cries
she tries to pass it from alcohol.. trying to make herself wortthy and get thru all this.. and everything else is tough to get along with, shes one with herself and nobodys like her
a metaphor of a bird clipped, she's been hurt by the past haunting her.. as she unravels, showing weakness, she signs on and remains unnaffected which kills her
god will be the one to judge her.. she fell in love with the man and his deadly kiss

long description, haha, good poem.

UFO the Phoenix · 03-29-2005, 01:24 PM

Wooooooooooooord up

this is how a love story should be told....so real.....based on a real life experience and the metaphor for "DEAD KISSES" was the birth of your growing love slogan I felt building up....such a great poem nakey I really am amazed at this....very organized and controled...each verse held its own telling a mini part of the whoel story putting this girl together and showing the reader how she dealt with these mix emotions and the pain leading to alcohol.....looking for a rebirth.....one of my favorite parts because it reminds me of so many people I've come across in my own life....this poem is sorta sad and dark but is not to far from the truth

props key....rep up for this one

Contak617 · 03-29-2005, 05:12 PM

This is the first poem I chose to read, I ain't never been to this part of the forum before. And my jaw dropped. Big ups on that piece dawg. Really feelin it.

Madnick · 03-29-2005, 07:30 PM

damn this was real nice I loved the suttle emotion in this is wasnt to strong and it wasnt to weak it fit how the poem was going. Real nice job..

absolute zero · 03-29-2005, 08:56 PM

that last line punched a hole threw me
what a great line.......great piece, no doubt.......definately feelin it....

God Bless.

MisterEThoughts · 03-31-2005, 03:29 AM

This was nice.. .I am digging the ending... real nice....

lpoet · 03-31-2005, 12:27 PM

always a plessure reading your pieces man

Clipped wings make it hard to fly
Grounded by reoccurring memories
Her skin unravels, baring hollowness
As she sings another song silently
She dies in lonely serenity

beautiful lines right there...the whole pieces sort of seemed like a recelection of someones life and how you can be here one moment and gone the next..i doubt thats what you were going for but that is what i got..lol

nice job man

Upin

03-28-2005, 01:50 AM	#1 (permalink)
allnakey Sex is no fun by yourself Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 2,860	Dead kisses(her broken silence part 3) Nine Days and Two years He left her to cry Now all she has is tears The sparkle left her eye Her hands dried and tired from a nights labor As bed sheets awaken, dreams take place And in her cold little room she rest The outside world so hard to face A pillow hides her head of faith Between Paths that cross The crust of her souls crumble And what becomes Lost Is left to be uncover So to utter silence is euphoric She listens to patterns of a rhythm When her heart beats to fast she is in-love When it slows down heartaches beginning Muffled cries keep her soul spinning Alcohol rushes her system Drowning to feel rebirth She finds it hard to listen Falling away from earth Clipped wings make it hard to fly Grounded by reoccurring memories Her skin unravels, baring hollowness As she sings another song silently She dies in lonely serenity God to judge her soul It all came to quick Love took a hold She paid with a dead kiss __________________ And I sat watching a flower As it was withering I was embarrassed by its honesty So I'd prefer to be remembered as a smiling face Not this fucking wreck That's taken its place get some balls biatch or else

03-28-2005, 01:10 PM	#2 (permalink)
Bhitiah Powerful Scriptures Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 1,168	Man I loved that whole peice... "Clipped wings make it hard to fly Grounded by reoccurring memories Her skin unravels, baring hollowness As she sings another song silently She dies in lonely serenity God to judge her soul It all came to quick Love took a hold She paid with a dead kiss" ^^ I loved the ending tho __________________ You can bomb the world to peices, but cant bomb into peace

03-29-2005, 12:29 AM	#4 (permalink)
TrueEmcee Run. Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 3,162	two plus years.. relationship broke up with him leaving shes tired.. dreaming in bed.. where she can rest.. from the struggles of the cold world possibly brouhgt onto herself by her own faith from all the crossroads her soul breaks down... and the things lost is what she'd like to uncover once mroe utter silence is a way shed like to have it.. heartbeating fast in love, when she isnt in her possibly blind love she gets a heartache cuz he left her that way.. and her form of activity is thru muffled cries she tries to pass it from alcohol.. trying to make herself wortthy and get thru all this.. and everything else is tough to get along with, shes one with herself and nobodys like her a metaphor of a bird clipped, she's been hurt by the past haunting her.. as she unravels, showing weakness, she signs on and remains unnaffected which kills her god will be the one to judge her.. she fell in love with the man and his deadly kiss long description, haha, good poem. __________________ one.

03-29-2005, 01:24 PM	#5 (permalink)
UFO the Phoenix I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS! Join Date: Aug 1999 Location: Oceanside CA USA Posts: 2,965	Wooooooooooooord up this is how a love story should be told....so real.....based on a real life experience and the metaphor for "DEAD KISSES" was the birth of your growing love slogan I felt building up....such a great poem nakey I really am amazed at this....very organized and controled...each verse held its own telling a mini part of the whoel story putting this girl together and showing the reader how she dealt with these mix emotions and the pain leading to alcohol.....looking for a rebirth.....one of my favorite parts because it reminds me of so many people I've come across in my own life....this poem is sorta sad and dark but is not to far from the truth props key....rep up for this one __________________ *The Truth isn't out there because its already landed and the Truth is:* JESUS CHRIST Oddie Sloan

03-29-2005, 05:12 PM	#6 (permalink)
Contak617 Registered User Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 165	This is the first poem I chose to read, I ain't never been to this part of the forum before. And my jaw dropped. Big ups on that piece dawg. Really feelin it. __________________ Real niggas respect me fake niggas want beef cuz they know that's tha only way we eva gon' speak - Jay Z

03-28-2005, 05:42 PM	#3 (permalink)
RealMS Pro 31 Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Lafayette/New Orleans, LA Posts: 4,228	So to utter silence is euphoric She listens to patterns of a rhythm When her heart beats to fast she is in-love When it slows down heartaches beginning Muffled cries keep her soul spinning it's like you're watching from a distance and it feels like you are unable to do something in order to help. Observation makes you write about this, but the poem was a little deep, maybe too deep for just observing things. I don't know what to say about this one, not new nor old, not even "mediocre." Gut-wrenching, I can't stand when I fail when trying to help others. -Much Love

03-29-2005, 07:30 PM	#7 (permalink)
Madnick Modern Laureate Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Oregon State Posts: 1,111	damn this was real nice I loved the suttle emotion in this is wasnt to strong and it wasnt to weak it fit how the poem was going. Real nice job..

03-31-2005, 03:29 AM	#9 (permalink)
MisterEThoughts MysteryOfUntoldTruth Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Bay Area,Cali Posts: 1,962	This was nice.. .I am digging the ending... real nice.... __________________ complicated visionary....injected beauty... provided by the starry night of misery... http://www.lulu.com/browse/book_view.php?fCID=800464 My Published Book. "A Closed Window Of Truth"

03-31-2005, 12:27 PM	#10 (permalink)
lpoet POET Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Indianapolis, IN Posts: 12,672	always a plessure reading your pieces man Clipped wings make it hard to fly Grounded by reoccurring memories Her skin unravels, baring hollowness As she sings another song silently She dies in lonely serenity beautiful lines right there...the whole pieces sort of seemed like a recelection of someones life and how you can be here one moment and gone the next..i doubt thats what you were going for but that is what i got..lol nice job man Upin __________________ "SHE CAME BACK TO ME AND I PRAY SHE STAYS" --lpoet

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