femalebehindthecounteratbarnesandno bleinasmalltown

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Old 03-27-2005, 09:43 PM   #1 (permalink)
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femalebehindthecounteratbarnesandno bleinasmalltown
I'm willing to bet... observations



............


She wears a smile for the customers sake
She wears her hair in a ponytail only to satisfy the rule
She wears layer upon layer of makeup to makeup for her ever so present blemishes...

Insecurity bleeds through the pen that i write with...

I'm willing to bet she goes to sleep with all the lights on; with the latest edition of cosmopolitian place neatly next to her prestigious nightstand
I'm willing to bet she sleeps with the residue of the day's mascara leaving infinite streaks upon her pillowcase

Insecurity is written on the walls of her home tonight...

She wears dresses of skirts all depending oh her mood
She holds back the tears that only a fool could not see...

the writing is on the wall

I'm willing to bet that she deems it necessary to be the popular one...
I'm willing to bet that when she gets off of work she goes straight to her one bedroom apartment and cries tears of greif and despair

just my observation when i asked for a raspberry mocha! lol
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Old 03-27-2005, 10:01 PM   #2 (permalink)
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woooord

man this was real?!

love the part of the make up

and

Insecurity is written on the walls of her home tonight...

just tight tight tight observation.....I like poems like this

lol@the title

props man once again
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Old 03-27-2005, 10:10 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UFO the Phoenix
woooord

man this was real?!

love the part of the make up

and

Insecurity is written on the walls of her home tonight...

just tight tight tight observation.....I like poems like this

lol@the title

props man once again
preciate the feed bro

if youve ever listened to pearl jam...

they have a song titled elderlywomanbehindthecounterinasmal ltown...

thats my inspiration behind this work
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Old 03-27-2005, 11:54 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I read this earlier

-but you mean to tell me you didn't make a conversation with this girl?! can't always depend on the girl to approach yall--nah nah--probably wasn't the right atmosphere to do all that, or who knows...

--seriously--
you know this was good
I wonder what made you want to write about her, so deep. Again, I've never done that before. Maybe thought in my mind, I wonder what its like living his/her life (eh, I observe) but never got as far as that. Sorry lol but I have nothin on this one so uh, you get no ramble ;)

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Old 03-28-2005, 12:51 AM   #5 (permalink)
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"I'm willing to bet she sleeps with the residue of the day's mascara leaving infinite streaks upon her pillowcase" <<damn...
This was great...
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Old 03-28-2005, 08:43 AM   #6 (permalink)
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thank you reallyms for the almost ramble!! lol

and bhitiah thanks for the feed as well

im gonna hit up like the whole damn page now!!

everyone on the first page dammit! lol
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Old 03-28-2005, 12:42 PM   #7 (permalink)
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lol @ the ending.

I don't think I've seen a piece like this.

I was liking the line:

Insecurity is written on the walls of her home tonight...

She wears dresses of skirts all depending oh her mood
She holds back the tears that only a fool could not see...

the writing is on the wall

I'm now going to download the song you mentioned also lol.
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Old 03-28-2005, 01:55 PM   #8 (permalink)
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all this from the dunkin doughnut's lol

you crazy

i liked it made me laugh cause i could see it as i read it lol

stay up
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Old 03-28-2005, 07:59 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Psycho69
lol @ the ending.

I don't think I've seen a piece like this.

I was liking the line:

Insecurity is written on the walls of her home tonight...

She wears dresses of skirts all depending oh her mood
She holds back the tears that only a fool could not see...

the writing is on the wall

I'm now going to download the song you mentioned also lol.
its elderlywomanbehindthecounterinasmal ltown

lol

by pearl jam... and you will mos def like it...

thanks for hitting me piece up pschyo and philly

peace
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Old 03-28-2005, 08:36 PM   #10 (permalink)
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This was hot... Yo, this was real nice... You know this really describes the women in san ho cali... dang crazy... all them rich ladies... all insecure... crazy... real nice bro...


favorite lines...


Insecurity bleeds through the pen that i write with...



nice diggging this...
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Old 03-28-2005, 09:19 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I liked the fact that you arrived at so much from a simple obsevation and you brought her to life. I thought it was interesting, it was a piece that says as much aboutthe poet as the subject because it was based entirely on your imagination of her.
keep it up!
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Old 03-28-2005, 11:52 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brit Boi Gee
I liked the fact that you arrived at so much from a simple obsevation and you brought her to life. I thought it was interesting, it was a piece that says as much aboutthe poet as the subject because it was based entirely on your imagination of her.
keep it up!
nice observation brit

rep for that

and thanks for the feed misterethoughts

always like hearing from you guys..

peace
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Old 03-29-2005, 12:39 AM   #13 (permalink)
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yeah i was really impressed, hot work
there's so many people just like her so it's easy to relate to your descriptions
and your descriptions were really beautiful and intelligent
yeah yeah, nice work

i hope it was a good drink
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Old 03-29-2005, 12:44 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Haha, this made me laugh. Mostly because I'm a cashier. A lot of it is true. =/

Except for the popularity and makeup shit and whatnot.

Good job =)
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Old 03-29-2005, 12:54 AM   #15 (permalink)
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To be honest with you, I was expecting a piece about love, lol...cause we've all been there, going to a store and seeing a fine honey behind the register or somethin...but where this leads, few have been, well, openly. I annalyze people becomes it comes with my job, lol, but I liked the way you came with this and loved that ending...
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Old 03-29-2005, 02:32 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Nice little visuals and images, nice observations... and I liked the concept behind this piece. Kind of funny in a way, humorous... just to see all that in one person on a given day, know it could possibly be close to the truth... weird. Anyways I felt you could've did more with this piece in terms of the writting. The idea was there... but I felt you could've taken more time, made it read nicer... just a few of my thoughts, Overall it was a different piece, different in a good way



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Old 03-29-2005, 08:12 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by All~In-A~Key
Nice little visuals and images, nice observations... and I liked the concept behind this piece. Kind of funny in a way, humorous... just to see all that in one person on a given day, know it could possibly be close to the truth... weird. Anyways I felt you could've did more with this piece in terms of the writting. The idea was there... but I felt you could've taken more time, made it read nicer... just a few of my thoughts, Overall it was a different piece, different in a good way



Stay Up, Much Love, Peace
thanks for the replies allinakey

so you finally switched your name!! lol not much though just the letter i!! lol

i hear ya loud and clear on "could of taken more time..." i could of very easily went more into this... and just keep in mind this is something that is in my notebook so yeah i mos def add to my own work constantly

Xero... thanks dawg for the feed

Ghostly Notes thanks and glad it made you laugh...


and True Emcee... btw it was a nice drink... shit woke me up at least!! lol

appreciate all feedback

peace
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Old 03-30-2005, 06:46 PM   #18 (permalink)
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You can get many thing from observing something or someone. Reminds me of this poem I wrote about a lady I use to see on the city bus I use to ride on going to work. She would always get on and she'll be crying. So I grabbed the pen and took it from there.

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