White sheets

allnakey · 02-02-2005, 03:45 AM

Choking down another fifth
I sit-still getting dizzy
Fuck another long talk
Such a moonlit hollow screen
How can you walk to New York?
Coming for South Carolina …
Twelve years gone, still you come home
Rest your head of tears
As a needle inflects aphelia
See god in the face of heroin
I hope your deathbed was comfortable
Mom left you that note
A magnet still holds it to the fridge
This is not what you had planned
I’ll tell your two kids, you gave a shit
And you laughed at bad jokes
But you had it hard…
Still I can’t forgive you

… it says she loves you

Quotive · 02-02-2005, 01:33 PM

Reminds me of.. some of Dashboard Confessional's lyrics.

Like the abstractness you added to it..

you're the best poet ever man lol.. great shit.

Madnick · 02-02-2005, 02:11 PM

This was a good piece i liked the read nice work keep dropping.

Catch TWENTY 2 · 02-02-2005, 03:40 PM

Me being a South Carolina kid and all, I felt it my duty to respond. lol. but being serious, I wish I understood this better. I most relate to "How can you walk to New York?
Coming for South Carolina …" sounds like me on my trips from SC to Maryland.
my favorite part though was "Mom left you that note
A magnet still holds it to the fridge.....it says she loves you"
That was great! Still I would like to know what this was completely about. I got an idea but I want to be sure!

~Eloquent · 02-02-2005, 09:11 PM

your always using different content man,
always unpredictable...
How can you walk to New York?
Coming for South Carolina …
Twelve years gone, still you come home
Rest your head of tears
As a needle inflects aphelia
See god in the face of heroin
I hope your deathbed was comfortable
Mom left you that note
A magnet still holds it to the fridge
This is not what you had planned
I’ll tell your two kids, you gave a shit
And you laughed at bad jokes
But you had it hard…
Still I can’t forgive you

… it says she loves you

damn you have a way with words,i admit i kind of envy..lol

im very curious what its truly about also...

Sole Sovereign · 02-02-2005, 10:29 PM

Indeed, glad I opened this piece up. I'm trying to understand if this is directed at your father or a step father. Or maybe a brother? I really feel it has to be somebody blood related because of the despair and passion. Anyways, this piece was a refreshing read in a sea of dullness.

Peace

UFO the Phoenix · 02-04-2005, 12:20 AM

wooooord up

another gem Allnakey...what can I say that hasnt already been said....I loved this....short story with just enough to do the job and tell so much with out going overboard and killing the moment....the language was different in this...sorta expressed a deep anger...upset...maybe dissappointment on somebody you once looked up too?....I dunno....I love your mastery of this style though it gives one pause

PEACE AND GODBLESS

02-02-2005, 03:45 AM	#1 (permalink)
allnakey Sex is no fun by yourself Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 2,860	White sheets Choking down another fifth I sit-still getting dizzy Fuck another long talk Such a moonlit hollow screen How can you walk to New York? Coming for South Carolina … Twelve years gone, still you come home Rest your head of tears As a needle inflects aphelia See god in the face of heroin I hope your deathbed was comfortable Mom left you that note A magnet still holds it to the fridge This is not what you had planned I’ll tell your two kids, you gave a shit And you laughed at bad jokes But you had it hard… Still I can’t forgive you … it says she loves you __________________ And I sat watching a flower As it was withering I was embarrassed by its honesty So I'd prefer to be remembered as a smiling face Not this fucking wreck That's taken its place get some balls biatch or else

02-02-2005, 03:40 PM	#4 (permalink)
Catch TWENTY 2 Poet Extrodinaire Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Columbia, SC......Clinton, MD Posts: 569	Me being a South Carolina kid and all, I felt it my duty to respond. lol. but being serious, I wish I understood this better. I most relate to "How can you walk to New York? Coming for South Carolina …" sounds like me on my trips from SC to Maryland. my favorite part though was "Mom left you that note A magnet still holds it to the fridge.....it says she loves you" That was great! Still I would like to know what this was completely about. I got an idea but I want to be sure! __________________ ERIC ROBERSON PRESENTS: THE VAULT - VOL 1.5

02-02-2005, 10:29 PM	#6 (permalink)
Sole Sovereign Hungry But Never Starving Join Date: Jan 2001 Posts: 2,927	Indeed, glad I opened this piece up. I'm trying to understand if this is directed at your father or a step father. Or maybe a brother? I really feel it has to be somebody blood related because of the despair and passion. Anyways, this piece was a refreshing read in a sea of dullness. Peace __________________ ...Take a step: one step, one dive... ...Fate is death. A leap of faith over sunset's sunrise... ...Hate is everpresent, some let love die... ...even if you laced loosely, some get tongue tied... elo§overeign ˜W™

02-04-2005, 12:20 AM	#7 (permalink)
UFO the Phoenix I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS! Join Date: Aug 1999 Location: Oceanside CA USA Posts: 2,965	wooooord up another gem Allnakey...what can I say that hasnt already been said....I loved this....short story with just enough to do the job and tell so much with out going overboard and killing the moment....the language was different in this...sorta expressed a deep anger...upset...maybe dissappointment on somebody you once looked up too?....I dunno....I love your mastery of this style though it gives one pause PEACE AND GODBLESS __________________ *The Truth isn't out there because its already landed and the Truth is:* JESUS CHRIST Oddie Sloan

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02-02-2005, 02:11 PM	#3 (permalink)
Madnick Modern Laureate Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Oregon State Posts: 1,111	This was a good piece i liked the read nice work keep dropping.

02-02-2005, 09:11 PM	#5 (permalink)
~Eloquent Cold Logic Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: trapped where i cant leave,Florida Posts: 3,825	your always using different content man, always unpredictable... How can you walk to New York? Coming for South Carolina … Twelve years gone, still you come home Rest your head of tears As a needle inflects aphelia See god in the face of heroin I hope your deathbed was comfortable Mom left you that note A magnet still holds it to the fridge This is not what you had planned I’ll tell your two kids, you gave a shit And you laughed at bad jokes But you had it hard… Still I can’t forgive you … it says she loves you damn you have a way with words,i admit i kind of envy..lol im very curious what its truly about also...

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