Please and Sorry

Madnick · 01-31-2005, 03:20 PM

My heart aches because of sorrow
And I have lost you for good
I never thought that I would do it
I never knew that I could
I'm truly sorry for the pain
I wish I could make it better
But I guess I should have thought
I wish you never would have found
her letters
I know I did everything to cause this
I'm not being sarcastic at all
I know it is my fault
Thats why I'm writing you
I'm not afraid of what will happen
I'm beyond scared
I've had 130 vicatin but I love you
I wont make your life any better
With all this pain that I have caused
Please tell jill that I love her
And I'm so sorry if I could only think
The last thing before death I remember
was reaching for the bathroom sink

screamer · 01-31-2005, 04:31 PM

All this poem needs is some dramatic music in the background... Some real straightforward realist melodrama. I hope your only being hypothetical. I mean, poetry is a good way to vent such thoughts but hell... Dont do it man!!!!(ps: you should tell Jill that you love her)

Madnick · 01-31-2005, 05:04 PM

lol I'm being hypothetical. But thank you on the feedback.

Madnick · 02-01-2005, 03:13 PM

up. please reply.

Type A · 02-01-2005, 03:34 PM

Nice man I liked the poem,you let it all out so I was able to feel what you were saying,keep ya head up though,this too will pass,but anyway nice writing keep it up

UFO the Phoenix · 02-01-2005, 05:07 PM

woooord up

deep piece yo....gut spilling and heartfelt...those last few lines seemed scarey though?...reaching for the bathroom sink?...a lil sucidial hope not....this was st8 out to the point not much to it...I can feel where you coming from with the please and sorry....its hard man I know....stay up though things will turn out for the best in the long run

holla

PEACE AND GODBLESS

Madnick · 02-01-2005, 08:39 PM

Thanks.

Mind~$oul · 02-04-2005, 02:43 AM

Wasnt really feeling it to be honest. Think a lot more could have been added to the piece to make it come to life. Just seem too empty. The last two lines sparked a little interested but you just ended it there lol. Uppin for the sleepers

one luv

MarQuise* · 02-04-2005, 09:19 AM

Please tell jill that I love her
And I'm so sorry if I could only think
The last thing before death I remember
was reaching for the bathroom sink

^^^ You know wha, i really cudnt get in to this peice, butttt, however, towards the end it picked up to me, i didnt think there was much depth to it, until i read the last lines...

I think that if you started the drop off with those lines i quoted, and carried on from there, then i think it wuda got me more than this one has...

Much Lv, Stay Writing...*

*S*

Madnick · 02-04-2005, 09:14 PM

Thanks for the feedback from all of you. Now that I'm starting to understand poetry a lot more I dont think that I will drop topical poems anymore. Because I want to become a true poet who speaks from his heart and has true feeling behind his work you know. But thanks on the feedback.

01-31-2005, 03:20 PM	#1 (permalink)
Madnick Modern Laureate Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Oregon State Posts: 1,111	Please and Sorry My heart aches because of sorrow And I have lost you for good I never thought that I would do it I never knew that I could I'm truly sorry for the pain I wish I could make it better But I guess I should have thought I wish you never would have found her letters I know I did everything to cause this I'm not being sarcastic at all I know it is my fault Thats why I'm writing you I'm not afraid of what will happen I'm beyond scared I've had 130 vicatin but I love you I wont make your life any better With all this pain that I have caused Please tell jill that I love her And I'm so sorry if I could only think The last thing before death I remember was reaching for the bathroom sink

02-01-2005, 05:07 PM	#6 (permalink)
UFO the Phoenix I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS! Join Date: Aug 1999 Location: Oceanside CA USA Posts: 2,965	woooord up deep piece yo....gut spilling and heartfelt...those last few lines seemed scarey though?...reaching for the bathroom sink?...a lil sucidial hope not....this was st8 out to the point not much to it...I can feel where you coming from with the please and sorry....its hard man I know....stay up though things will turn out for the best in the long run holla PEACE AND GODBLESS __________________ *The Truth isn't out there because its already landed and the Truth is:* JESUS CHRIST Oddie Sloan

02-04-2005, 02:43 AM	#8 (permalink)
Mind~$oul I'm Pretty Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: North Memphis BITCH! Posts: 17,145	Wasnt really feeling it to be honest. Think a lot more could have been added to the piece to make it come to life. Just seem too empty. The last two lines sparked a little interested but you just ended it there lol. Uppin for the sleepers one luv __________________ "Everybody wanna be a nicca, but don't nobody wanna be a nicca"-Paul Mooney "I tried to live right, but society aint made for niccas to live right"-Joe Budden

02-04-2005, 09:19 AM	#9 (permalink)
MarQuise* Can You Hear Me* Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: UK Posts: 5,257	Please tell jill that I love her And I'm so sorry if I could only think The last thing before death I remember was reaching for the bathroom sink ^^^ You know wha, i really cudnt get in to this peice, butttt, however, towards the end it picked up to me, i didnt think there was much depth to it, until i read the last lines... I think that if you started the drop off with those lines i quoted, and carried on from there, then i think it wuda got me more than this one has... Much Lv, Stay Writing...* S __________________ . . . *

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01-31-2005, 04:31 PM	#2 (permalink)
screamer Registered User Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 182	All this poem needs is some dramatic music in the background... Some real straightforward realist melodrama. I hope your only being hypothetical. I mean, poetry is a good way to vent such thoughts but hell... Dont do it man!!!!(ps: you should tell Jill that you love her)

01-31-2005, 05:04 PM	#3 (permalink)
Madnick Modern Laureate Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Oregon State Posts: 1,111	lol I'm being hypothetical. But thank you on the feedback.

02-01-2005, 03:13 PM	#4 (permalink)
Madnick Modern Laureate Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Oregon State Posts: 1,111	up. please reply.

02-01-2005, 03:34 PM	#5 (permalink)
Type A Registered User Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 34	Nice man I liked the poem,you let it all out so I was able to feel what you were saying,keep ya head up though,this too will pass,but anyway nice writing keep it up

02-01-2005, 08:39 PM	#7 (permalink)
Madnick Modern Laureate Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Oregon State Posts: 1,111	Thanks.

02-04-2005, 09:14 PM	#10 (permalink)
Madnick Modern Laureate Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Oregon State Posts: 1,111	Thanks for the feedback from all of you. Now that I'm starting to understand poetry a lot more I dont think that I will drop topical poems anymore. Because I want to become a true poet who speaks from his heart and has true feeling behind his work you know. But thanks on the feedback.

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