I'm Here

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Old 01-30-2005, 10:01 PM   #1 (permalink)
Hungry But Never Starving
 
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Sole Sovereign takes it up the butt!
I'm Here
“I’m Here”

It’s hard to watch from a distance
To see you stuck in the middle
When you need to be lifted
Beyond this life you been cursed with
It’s so simplistic and we know you’re gifted
Younger than me, yet standing a bit taller
in maturitalistic stature it’s quite a kick when
I swore to never love again
You’re a stove in my once vacant kitchen
Got me wanting to stew in our hour of now
Wanting to get down with something out of my power
That kid your with isn’t capable of bringing out
The woman in your heart, that keeps howling about
The pain in your heart they aint knowing about
Eloquent words, I’ll just bring in the realest
So you can feel just how I’m feeling these feelings
You hurt, I hurt, barely know you but I wrote your book
I know of the turns in the roads
And the secrets for which you look
I’ve came, I’ve saw and faultered
But I swear to be your gibralter
In a world that teeter totters
Never moving ledge in which you can jump of….

I’m here
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...Fate is death. A leap of faith over sunset's sunrise...
...Hate is everpresent, some let love die...
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Old 02-01-2005, 09:55 AM   #2 (permalink)
I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS!
 
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UFO the Phoenix takes it up the butt!
Wooooord up

this was cool lil different from you man?...love your diversity never know what you gonna come with next...this piece was aight...wasnt feeling it at first to be real with you but then it picked up towards the end and really started to catch me off guard....there is a hidden message in this poem....the uncertainity....your passion and love never fading....I'm not sure but I like it:

I’ve came, I’ve saw and faultered
But I swear to be your gibralter
In a world that teeter totters
Never moving ledge in which you can jump of….

I’m here


those lines took me for a spin because it all was the OPPISITIE in which I thought you was gonna say....Nice ending twist....and it flowed flawless

Nice

PEACE AND GODBLESS


*uppin for these sleepers*
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Old 02-01-2005, 10:29 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Brit Boi Gee will do you doggie style!Brit Boi Gee will do you doggie style!Brit Boi Gee will do you doggie style!Brit Boi Gee will do you doggie style!Brit Boi Gee will do you doggie style!Brit Boi Gee will do you doggie style!Brit Boi Gee will do you doggie style!Brit Boi Gee will do you doggie style!Brit Boi Gee will do you doggie style!Brit Boi Gee will do you doggie style!Brit Boi Gee will do you doggie style!
This was real nice. The whole piece seemed to flow very sffortlessly and the dedication was very Heartfelt. Here is an example of where the rhythms showed the most:

You’re a stove in my once vacant kitchen
Got me wanting to stew in our hour of now
Wanting to get down with something out of my power
That kid your with isn’t capable of bringing out
The woman in your heart, that keeps howling about
The pain in your heart they aint knowing about

The last lines were a grand offering also. Good read, Thanks.
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Old 02-02-2005, 05:01 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!
"You hurt, I hurt, barely know you but I wrote your book
I know of the turns in the roads
And the secrets for which you look
I’ve came, I’ve saw and faultered
But I swear to be your gibralter
In a world that teeter totters
Never moving ledge in which you can jump of….

I’m here"

Really liked the way you ended this piece. Very different from what i'm use to seeing from you.


One luv
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Old 02-02-2005, 09:03 PM   #5 (permalink)
I got id.
 
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I agree with soul.......except the ending was pretty much the only part i liked.....the beginning, i wasn't feeling at all........in all honestly , and I don't mean any disrespect through it because you know I got mad respect for you man.......

"barely know you but I wrote your book"

that was nice.....best line in the piece IMO

God Bless
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Old 02-02-2005, 10:19 PM   #6 (permalink)
Hungry But Never Starving
 
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Sole Sovereign takes it up the butt!
Thanks abs and everyone else who came with feedback. I'm used to it though, if I drop anything that doesn't contain a complex rhyme scheme I get the same feedback so don't worry about it. I'm trying to get my ducks in a row so I can get back to posting more.
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...Fate is death. A leap of faith over sunset's sunrise...
...Hate is everpresent, some let love die...
...even if you laced loosely, some get tongue tied...
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Old 02-04-2005, 06:59 PM   #7 (permalink)
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^...and two days later...

Thanks for reading my poem, I'm glad it caught your eye. Nah, j/p but I'm glad either way. Umm, this makes me think about one of your poems, If I Here that Song One More Time-just that message you carry, its like taking someone under your wings you know, and this poem is like a letter in how it reads smoothly, it's encouraging words. If its one thing I can't stand, its to watch someone I care about in pain-but you know how I am, so leave it to that.
-Much Love

--man my english teacher did a complete 360 degree turn on me, you wouldn't believe
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Old 02-07-2005, 06:17 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Sole Sovereign takes it up the butt!
Glad to hear. I got a strong feeling if you just keep doing you, everybody will be forced to feel you.
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...Take a step: one step, one dive...
...Fate is death. A leap of faith over sunset's sunrise...
...Hate is everpresent, some let love die...
...even if you laced loosely, some get tongue tied...
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Old 02-07-2005, 07:46 PM   #9 (permalink)
This way up.
 
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Ending made the piece imo, it was a good way to end.

You hurt, I hurt, barely know you but I wrote your book
I know of the turns in the roads
And the secrets for which you look
I’ve came, I’ve saw and faultered

Really feeling this part as well. Your pieces have picked up recently i've noticed, i didnt' use to read many.. guess ima start coming back here a lil more. Definately a good piece.
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Old 02-07-2005, 08:35 PM   #10 (permalink)
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MC_Paste will do you doggie style!MC_Paste will do you doggie style!MC_Paste will do you doggie style!MC_Paste will do you doggie style!MC_Paste will do you doggie style!MC_Paste will do you doggie style!MC_Paste will do you doggie style!MC_Paste will do you doggie style!MC_Paste will do you doggie style!MC_Paste will do you doggie style!MC_Paste will do you doggie style!
loving the heartfelt-soul feeling it has ...

That kid your with isn’t capable of bringing out
The woman in your heart, that keeps howling about
The pain in your heart they aint knowing about

niceness

feeling the whole piece man....

if you get time read my poem "yellow brick road to the back of my mind"
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Old 02-08-2005, 12:43 AM   #11 (permalink)
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allnakey will do you doggie style!allnakey will do you doggie style!allnakey will do you doggie style!allnakey will do you doggie style!allnakey will do you doggie style!allnakey will do you doggie style!allnakey will do you doggie style!allnakey will do you doggie style!allnakey will do you doggie style!allnakey will do you doggie style!allnakey will do you doggie style!
i liekd the whole piece, but maybe that was just me.... the way you set it up in the begining it kind of delved into my curiousity... I liked thebegining... Anyways the flow was on point, your words meshed together wonderfully and it was enjoyable to flow with them... the ending was the s trongest part of the piece, it was ended well


Stay Up, much love, peace
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Old 02-09-2005, 01:30 PM   #12 (permalink)
POET
 
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hmm....honestly i thought the piece was sort of week for u..the ending really grabbed my attention but outside of that it felt like i was just reading a poem....stupid as that sounds..lol...i like the picture the poem and to be able to realeate..i just couldnt see this one man

Upin for ya
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