be careful when caring

TrueEmcee · 01-20-2005, 06:17 PM

it's on you

your trap of a soul had me blinded
a cycle of changing feelings
from a murderous heart i've grown wounds
that aren't capable of healing
your reasoning is a joke
to the crowd you're a laughingstock
can't sympthasize with you in the least
some souls have no substance, i've a rock
lifetime's wouldn't be enough in waiting
i'd prefer infinity's forever
we'd run to the sun, touch the moon
so i gave my heart in love letters
and you were taken away
had you floating in the sky
but how can the one who saved me
be the same person who has me ready to die
walls of people continued to block our love
one of us would've broke the lock, one of us was closed
already millions of feet in love's depth
we could've been in the undescribed world no one knows
then there's that fork in the road
wanting to comeback so do i give in?
in this up and down struggle
i pause this world that i live in
so hurt, but i can't breathe, eat, or sleep
recollect my precious memories
so tired of trying, but i'm so incomplete
weren't you and i destiny?

UFO the Phoenix · 01-20-2005, 09:26 PM

woooord up

man these pleading love poems are deep and intense....I remember writing alot of stuff like this myself...its a way of venting a way of dealing with your feelings...facing the problem and issues...sooner or later overcoming the trails of a broken relationship....I like the title....simple warning to those who open their hearts to others...end up hurt or worst...the poem had an interesting vibe to it the rhyme style I found pretty creative....no cat in the hat stuff here....and far from roses are red blah blah....you tackle this right on with very real describition braking down the "soul mate"...the feeling of not being taken serious..."joke"....the spilling of your soul in love letters...the up and downs...the part that grabbed me was the line about people coming bettween you...everyone has something to say and its sad that in many cases its our relatives and friends that can mess things up in love....the fork in the road....very good imagery here...this was heartfelt...I've been down this road before and its hard man so I wish you the best of luck on your recovery...stay up

PEACE AND GODBLESS

TrueEmcee · 01-20-2005, 10:29 PM

thanks man you the best replier

SAMARA · 01-21-2005, 01:50 AM

life is destiny.... love, I have come to believe is not.
I call Love a different name.

nice drop.... a little confusing at the beginning... cleared it up towards the end... and the question... you still dont know after all that comparison and description. Or perhaps you do?

TrueEmcee · 01-22-2005, 07:15 PM

na i dont know, the reader is led to guess samara
thanks, last time u were tougher on me

thanks again UFO.. god of replies.

ChyllTyrant · 01-24-2005, 10:22 PM

this was pretty nice... actually i liked it quite a bit...

no doubt brodie...

keep droppin, stay up...

PEACE

THE TAURUS · 01-25-2005, 09:54 AM

Yo man good stuff.
I was feeling this in everyway.
I also can relate.
Keep them coming.

Madnick · 01-25-2005, 12:10 PM

You this was real nice.......imagery, vocab, flow, structure.......everything looked good.......good job, stay up

TrueEmcee · 01-25-2005, 03:28 PM

thanks for all the positivity all y'all

Poetickz · 01-25-2005, 07:14 PM

very nice piece man...gotta love those love pieces...always destined to bring out some emotion , some feelings, some truth to an audience... your rhyme scheme was very nice, feelin how the words flowed together....

Quote:

lifetime's wouldn't be enough in waiting
i'd prefer infinity's forever
we'd run to the sun, touch the moon
so i gave my heart in love letters

this part i loved the most man...mainly because i can relate to this str8 up...i was always a fool with the love letters, guess i felt it was the easiest way to express myself to the reader, was always more comfortable writing it out, then sayin it to someones face. keep doin you man, i enjoyed this piece.
one

ManMadeofAshes · 01-25-2005, 08:44 PM

shittt.

this is nice. The ending is sweet but sad as fuck. Expectation is the root of all dissappointment. But who leads who on? What it her or was it you?

this has nice expression.

and mad props to your second line "a cycle of changing feelings" which I think sums this peice up perfectly. YOu take of on the ride that is your constant fluxuation of emotion based on the most recent of interaction. gooooood shit man. I like when people put the concept of a poem in the poem without exploiting it. props.

ashes

TrueEmcee · 01-25-2005, 09:20 PM

thanks again for all the great indepth replies.. i been startin to reply back ill keep at it

01-20-2005, 06:17 PM	#1 (permalink)
TrueEmcee Run. Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 3,162	be careful when caring it's on you your trap of a soul had me blinded a cycle of changing feelings from a murderous heart i've grown wounds that aren't capable of healing your reasoning is a joke to the crowd you're a laughingstock can't sympthasize with you in the least some souls have no substance, i've a rock lifetime's wouldn't be enough in waiting i'd prefer infinity's forever we'd run to the sun, touch the moon so i gave my heart in love letters and you were taken away had you floating in the sky but how can the one who saved me be the same person who has me ready to die walls of people continued to block our love one of us would've broke the lock, one of us was closed already millions of feet in love's depth we could've been in the undescribed world no one knows then there's that fork in the road wanting to comeback so do i give in? in this up and down struggle i pause this world that i live in so hurt, but i can't breathe, eat, or sleep recollect my precious memories so tired of trying, but i'm so incomplete weren't you and i destiny? __________________ one.

01-20-2005, 09:26 PM	#2 (permalink)
UFO the Phoenix I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS! Join Date: Aug 1999 Location: Oceanside CA USA Posts: 2,965	woooord up man these pleading love poems are deep and intense....I remember writing alot of stuff like this myself...its a way of venting a way of dealing with your feelings...facing the problem and issues...sooner or later overcoming the trails of a broken relationship....I like the title....simple warning to those who open their hearts to others...end up hurt or worst...the poem had an interesting vibe to it the rhyme style I found pretty creative....no cat in the hat stuff here....and far from roses are red blah blah....you tackle this right on with very real describition braking down the "soul mate"...the feeling of not being taken serious..."joke"....the spilling of your soul in love letters...the up and downs...the part that grabbed me was the line about people coming bettween you...everyone has something to say and its sad that in many cases its our relatives and friends that can mess things up in love....the fork in the road....very good imagery here...this was heartfelt...I've been down this road before and its hard man so I wish you the best of luck on your recovery...stay up PEACE AND GODBLESS __________________ *The Truth isn't out there because its already landed and the Truth is:* JESUS CHRIST Oddie Sloan

01-20-2005, 10:29 PM	#3 (permalink)
TrueEmcee Run. Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 3,162	thanks man you the best replier __________________ one.

01-21-2005, 01:50 AM	#4 (permalink)
SAMARA myspace.com/ameliatricia Join Date: Apr 2002 Posts: 1,071	life is destiny.... love, I have come to believe is not. I call Love a different name. nice drop.... a little confusing at the beginning... cleared it up towards the end... and the question... you still dont know after all that comparison and description. Or perhaps you do? __________________ "… to the man who is actually in the arena... his place will never be with those timid cold souls who know neither victory nor defeat." Climbing out of the hole and leaving the whispers behind. idiom I realized the high road is idealistic and we are lowly creatures, everyone. The only difference is some are able to walk and not crawl, nor squirm on their belly. You decide.

01-22-2005, 07:15 PM	#5 (permalink)
TrueEmcee Run. Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 3,162	na i dont know, the reader is led to guess samara thanks, last time u were tougher on me thanks again UFO.. god of replies. __________________ one.

01-24-2005, 10:22 PM	#6 (permalink)
ChyllTyrant AmIEternalOrAnEternalist? Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Syracuse, NY Posts: 830	this was pretty nice... actually i liked it quite a bit... no doubt brodie... keep droppin, stay up... PEACE __________________ Twyll The ChyllTyrant aka Verbal Kynt aka Soul Prophet aka Wally Wigglez And Like That... He's Gone The greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was convincing the world he didn't exist. http://www.myspace.com/twyllthechylltyrant http://www.myspace.com/realninjtruth http://www.soundclick.com/tyrantny

01-25-2005, 09:54 AM	#7 (permalink)
THE TAURUS NOTHING BUT RAGE Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 18	Good Work Yo man good stuff. I was feeling this in everyway. I also can relate. Keep them coming.

01-25-2005, 12:10 PM	#8 (permalink)
Madnick Modern Laureate Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Oregon State Posts: 1,111	You this was real nice.......imagery, vocab, flow, structure.......everything looked good.......good job, stay up

01-25-2005, 03:28 PM	#9 (permalink)
TrueEmcee Run. Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 3,162	thanks for all the positivity all y'all __________________ one.

01-25-2005, 08:44 PM	#11 (permalink)
ManMadeofAshes *DREAMER Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: at home Posts: 635	shittt. this is nice. The ending is sweet but sad as fuck. Expectation is the root of all dissappointment. But who leads who on? What it her or was it you? this has nice expression. and mad props to your second line "a cycle of changing feelings" which I think sums this peice up perfectly. YOu take of on the ride that is your constant fluxuation of emotion based on the most recent of interaction. gooooood shit man. I like when people put the concept of a poem in the poem without exploiting it. props. ashes __________________ http://www.myspace.com/manmadeofashes

01-25-2005, 09:20 PM	#12 (permalink)
TrueEmcee Run. Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 3,162	thanks again for all the great indepth replies.. i been startin to reply back ill keep at it __________________ one.

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