Mum, I Want To Come Home

[Brit Boi Gee]

The morning was warm as I would walk,
through a field with a belly full of butterflies;
And I would try to attentively talk
my way home from my mother's side.
The track had been left by the plough,
like those people had left the building-be;
awaiting all those great lives it would make,
but why did it feel so lifeless to me?
My uniform in God forbidden grey,
to camoflauge those futile infant tears?
'It can't be a good place, here mum,
go through the gates and ask my piers'
I know It won't be long till I forget,
where you hesitantly left me for the day,
But why do I feel trapped by this place,
in the sense of being locked away?
In class all I do is day-dream about you,
all I do is watch the big white clock,
and ask the big boys the time whenever I cannot
stop thinking about my free time,
beyond the big wall that keeps us in
walls where music fills halls with assembly hymn;
that is where I secretly sing to go home,
and hide a belonging of mine they cannot find,
I touch it and am taken away closer to you,
Leaving the school walls behind.

[Bobby D]

Wow. This is an intricately spun masterpiece . . gorgeous rhyme and a chilling tale. I really enjoyed reading it. Well done. Be Strong and Stay Strong, dude.

Misery Loves Company

Return........

[UFO the Phoenix]

wooooord up

nice lil poem....different type of storytelling...I think it was your word choice that caught me....great stuff....interesting story...this put the reader in your shoes and that was tight....the feeling of being trapped in school...held behind walls/halls....nice twist...and the whole uniform in the grey area...kinda like you believe in God but dont follow that path...the feeling of wanting to go home...the struggle with time...the one thing that throws me off is your title

who is mum?

your mother?...lover?...friend?....some heavenly being?

kinda left it open like a mystery or some self known puzzle

good stuff

peace and godbless

[Mind~$oul]

Man this was an excellent piece Brit. Deep and simplistic at the same time, seem like you wrote it effortlessly.

"My uniform in God forbidden grey,
to camoflauge those futile infant tears?
'It can't be a good place, here mum,
go through the gates and ask my piers'"

^Those lines stood out the most to me. I couldnt really just catch on to what you were talking about. It was more than one idea that hit me after reading those lines. Once again I love how you can write a poem with depending on a rhyme scheme. Good to see something different in the realm. Refreshing.


One luv

"

[akqrate]

The track had been left by the plough,
like those people had left the building-be;
awaiting all those great lives it would make,
but why did it feel so lifeless to me?
My uniform in God forbidden grey,
to camoflauge those futile infant tears?
'It can't be a good place, here mum,
go through the gates and ask my piers'


Aww. How cute, a little infant with all that going through his mind when he's dropped off at school. Man U show that u dont need a deep topic to appreciate poetry in all its glory. This here was poetry in all its glory with a topic so simple yet so enchanting. A great tale through the eyes of a child but the mind of a poet.

[Brit Boi Gee]

Thankyou very much for the feedback, and UFO, I am glad you picked up on the mystery of the piece. I did mean my mother when saying 'mum', but at times in the poem it can be seen to switch and talk of something else. I will leave it at that. Take care!

[Brit Boi Gee]

Originally Posted by akqrate

Man U show that u dont need a deep topic to appreciate poetry in all its glory. This here was poetry in all its glory with a topic so simple yet so enchanting.

Thanks. Comments such as this make it all the more worthwhile for me to continue...