Blind and listening very carefully.

This is a discussion on Blind and listening very carefully. within the Poetry Realm forums, part of the Intellect Zone category; He scattered his heart upon the floor. Broke roses upon his canvas. His life can be found in her voice. ...


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Old 10-27-2004, 01:00 AM   #1 (permalink)
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BrokenSoul8604 takes it up the butt!
Blind and listening very carefully.
He scattered his heart upon the floor.
Broke roses upon his canvas.
His life can be found in her voice.
The winter wind only makes love bitter.
She blinks the heartbeat of my sins,
Shattering hope with beauty.

Black planets whirl upon blank surfaces,
Pouring it's oceans into an emotionless sky.
Craters form from chaos. Don't breathe.
The rivers are lost in their risings.
Fall

Rest on my heart, dear.
Cry your oceans outright.
I'll spare my agony, and sigh...
Trapped inside of two seconds that make me a man.
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Old 10-27-2004, 11:13 AM   #2 (permalink)
I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS!
 
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UFO the Phoenix takes it up the butt!
hmmmmm I must of missed this one last night

well great way to start my morning before I go to work

first off this was nice.... loving your own unique voice man....I could read some of your stuff and know its yours without reading the name....diggin that

the line that sticks with me is:

"She blinks the heartbeat of my sins,
Shattering hope with beauty."

Those lines are just perfect...ahhhhh that is ill for real....catching something new each time I read it

the rest was on point as well with the whole concept of nature that you pretty much have mastered

emotionless sky???
Craters from chaos?
Rivers lost?

come on now

I wanna collabo with you on one of these nature poems with imagery I think it'll come out nice

HOLLA

LRS_UFO@HOTMAIL.COM

PEACE AND GODBLESS
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Old 10-27-2004, 12:43 PM   #3 (permalink)
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perfect. this is the perfect mix of beauty and strength. ^
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Old 10-27-2004, 08:36 PM   #4 (permalink)
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"He scattered his heart upon the floor.
Broke roses upon his canvas.
His life can be found in her voice.
The winter wind only makes love bitter.
She blinks the heartbeat of my sins,
Shattering hope with beauty."

Hmmm... yoooo.. I have something very similiar to this, I fixed it up today. Its called "Bright, And Vivid" .. very dope stanza. I didn't so much like it because its similiar to your last pieces, but besides that.. its DOPE.

"Black planets whirl upon blank surfaces,
Pouring it's oceans into an emotionless sky.
Craters form from chaos. Don't breathe.
The rivers are lost in their risings."

Ughhhh man I hate you. lol This is too ill.. Your style is so much like mine. I have a thing for abstract poetry, that have to do with things that could never happen. Dope as fuckkk..

"Rest on my heart, dear.
Cry your oceans outright.
I'll spare my agony, and sigh...
Trapped inside of two seconds that make me a man."

This also reminds me of my work. I wrote a poem dealing with a situation similiar to this one. I think you could have made the crying oceans better.. outright isn't that good of a word.. But dope.

Second stanza was amazing.. dope piece man.
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Old 10-27-2004, 09:22 PM   #5 (permalink)
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BrokenSoul8604 takes it up the butt!
good lookin out, mayne
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Old 10-29-2004, 06:11 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by h.wood
perfect. this is the perfect mix of beauty and strength. ^
She said it best. For this poem to be short it was packed with a lot of emotion. Nicely written.

One Luv
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