Unexpected Pregnancy (Who was she?)

This is a discussion on Unexpected Pregnancy (Who was she?) within the Poetry Realm forums, part of the Intellect Zone category; The sad woman in my dreams Her Poignant eyes cried streams of depression Lost in confessions she didn’t even notice ...


Go Back   Rapmusic.com > Intellect Zone > Poetry Realm
Unexpected Pregnancy (Who was she?) Unexpected Pregnancy (Who was she?)
Register FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 10-26-2004, 01:51 AM   #1 (permalink)
I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS!
 
UFO the Phoenix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 1999
Location: Oceanside CA USA
Posts: 2,965
UFO the Phoenix takes it up the butt!
Unexpected Pregnancy (Who was she?)
The sad woman in my dreams


Her Poignant eyes cried streams of depression
Lost in confessions she didn’t even notice my presence
Standing in a public restroom
Over a sink holding soggy tissues
In her soft hands
Her Mascara dripped away
Smearing her face in the process
Making little progress as her thoughts ran
Gazing at the pregnancy test next to the faucet
This dipstick would determine her future
Ruin her options
The shock comes overwhelming reveling
Her voice moans
And the grief echoed off the ceiling

I pause feeling my spirit shiver how could I help?

Suddenly she went for her purse
Straighten her hair with those manicure nails
And hurried out the door breaking one of her high heels
Eyes to the floor she never knew I was there
With every eerie gasping breath
She whispered “Gotta Keep Moving”
Stumbling down the hallway
With all the strength she had left
Looking processed in each step
Some type of poltergeist like walk
My Thoughts wept realizing her pain
Her legs out of place the scar on the face
Lost all faith with her hand on the mace
She must have been raped???!

Woke up with bitter chills feeling my spirit shiver

Didn’t know the woman
She gave me no name
But her face was familiar
Now everyday she haunts my eyelids
Daydreams with splitters
I can’t hide her from a mind
Which will always remember
__________________
The Truth isn't out there because its already landed and the Truth is:

JESUS CHRIST

Oddie Sloan
UFO the Phoenix is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 10-26-2004, 02:50 PM   #2 (permalink)
POET
 
lpoet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 12,672
lpoet will do you doggie style!lpoet will do you doggie style!lpoet will do you doggie style!lpoet will do you doggie style!lpoet will do you doggie style!lpoet will do you doggie style!lpoet will do you doggie style!lpoet will do you doggie style!lpoet will do you doggie style!lpoet will do you doggie style!lpoet will do you doggie style!
really nice concept here...i love the idea but i think u could have done it better....

...i thought the begining was the strongetst part of the poem and u did build up to the ending nicely..

i thought u should have gave a lil more info on how she got pregnent..i know she was raped but a scar on the check doesnt symbolize that...feel me?..or maybe if u were her reflection in the mirror..that would have been cool...or an angel or something..then i would have known for sure that she was raped...

anyhow...the piece is dope..really reminds me of a piece i did a while ago.....

i'm going to post the link in this thread when i find it....
__________________
"SHE CAME BACK TO ME AND I PRAY SHE STAYS"
--lpoet
lpoet is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 10-26-2004, 03:07 PM   #3 (permalink)
POET
 
lpoet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 12,672
lpoet will do you doggie style!lpoet will do you doggie style!lpoet will do you doggie style!lpoet will do you doggie style!lpoet will do you doggie style!lpoet will do you doggie style!lpoet will do you doggie style!lpoet will do you doggie style!lpoet will do you doggie style!lpoet will do you doggie style!lpoet will do you doggie style!
Her Testimony My Shame

looks like u already read it but heres the link anyhow
__________________
"SHE CAME BACK TO ME AND I PRAY SHE STAYS"
--lpoet
lpoet is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 10-26-2004, 10:03 PM   #4 (permalink)
Apparently Emotionless
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: DMI~
Posts: 705
BrokenSoul8604 takes it up the butt!
Chea~~

this piece was great....

"Didn’t know the woman
She gave me no name
But her face was familiar
Now everyday she haunts my eyelids
Daydreams with splitters
I can’t hide her from a mind
Which will always remember"

haunts my eyelids....beautifully worded...just a shame i had to highlight the words or else i couldnt read em....but maybe you did that for a reason

God bless
__________________
A poem begins as a lump in the throat,
a sense of wrong,
a homesickness,
a lovesickness.
BrokenSoul8604 is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 10-27-2004, 04:23 AM   #5 (permalink)
I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS!
 
UFO the Phoenix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 1999
Location: Oceanside CA USA
Posts: 2,965
UFO the Phoenix takes it up the butt!
wooooord up

good looking ya'll

and yeah this is all I remember from my dream....dont know how she was raped or who this person was...I know it was all very weird...yet very real
__________________
The Truth isn't out there because its already landed and the Truth is:

JESUS CHRIST

Oddie Sloan
UFO the Phoenix is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 10-27-2004, 05:13 AM   #6 (permalink)
MysteryOfUntoldTruth
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Bay Area,Cali
Posts: 1,962
MisterEThoughts takes it up the butt!
thiss was truly amazing man i can seriously say when i read your stuff you inspire me to even write more it's amazing man you got such unique style and i love it a lot man wow just wow amazing.....


The shock comes overwhelming reveling
Her voice moans
And the grief echoed off the ceiling


love this lines real hottt
__________________
complicated visionary....injected beauty...
provided by the starry night of misery...
http://www.lulu.com/browse/book_view.php?fCID=800464
My Published Book. "A Closed Window Of Truth"
MisterEThoughts is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 10-27-2004, 10:26 AM   #7 (permalink)
Hungry But Never Starving
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Posts: 2,927
Sole Sovereign takes it up the butt!
Dope concept and great delivery, could have used a bit more imagery here, not that it wasn't there, just seems enough to tease me, yet not please me. Great read, definately felt the dipstick line, man if these companies knew how many things they changed with the knowledge of conception, they'd package them all in black boxes and call them something evil... lol.. anyways.. have a good one and this was a nice read.
__________________
...Take a step: one step, one dive...
...Fate is death. A leap of faith over sunset's sunrise...
...Hate is everpresent, some let love die...
...even if you laced loosely, some get tongue tied...
elo§overeign
˜W™
Sole Sovereign is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 10-28-2004, 10:11 PM   #8 (permalink)
I'm Pretty
 
Mind~$oul's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: North Memphis BITCH!
Posts: 17,145
Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!Mind~$oul will do you doggie style!
Quote:
Originally Posted by UFO
wooooord up

good looking ya'll

and yeah this is all I remember from my dream....dont know how she was raped or who this person was...I know it was all very weird...yet very real
^Word man, I can understand why some of the pieces werent all there. That's how dreams are man. The flow you gave off was real fast pace and kinda left me wanting more. Imagery was strong. I've wrote alot of pieces dealing with this same situation.

One luv
__________________
"Everybody wanna be a nicca, but don't nobody wanna be a nicca"-Paul Mooney

"I tried to live right, but society aint made for niccas to live right"-Joe Budden
Mind~$oul is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 10-28-2004, 10:35 PM   #9 (permalink)
raising the bar everyday
 
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: Long Island
Posts: 1,533
illpoetical takes it up the butt!
i really like the concept alot, i did feel a little cheated because we never found out why she fealt familiar to him. anyway i liked the piece and the flow. stay up
__________________
How vain it is to sit down and write when you have not stood up to live.

The skill of writing is to create a context in which other people can think.
illpoetical is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 10-29-2004, 05:21 AM   #10 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 124
Sporadic takes it up the butt!
wow man, great story...No quote would seem right quoting without quoting the entire piece...great imagery...this really will make me think of the next time i have a dream I THINK means something...keep that ink rushing outta that pen..
Sporadic is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 10-29-2004, 06:14 AM   #11 (permalink)
*The Holy Spirit*
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Compton, LA Cali 310
Posts: 72
Phonetixs takes it up the butt!
Wow Bro!!
Quote:
Her Poignant eyes cried streams of depression
Lost in confessions she didn’t even notice my presence
Standing in a public restroom
Over a sink holding soggy tissues
In her soft hands
Her Mascara dripped away
Smearing her face in the process
Dope Imagery Man, great attitude on the whole thing, your unique style portrays things very well man...good stuff!!! It inspires one, and also to paint and see pictures in the mind with words is a good thing!! Good stuff again bro,

~WuN~

Also, My Collab Thing Wit You Should Be Done Soon, I been really busy so i will get to it asap! WuN!
Phonetixs is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 10-31-2004, 12:00 AM   #12 (permalink)
Where Stars Fall.....
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: chucktown ,sc
Posts: 58
MzDee takes it up the butt!
the imagry was excellent and the story line was on point good peice hope to read more
__________________
I can't write all those fancy words... I just speak whats in my heart..
MzDee is offline  
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

« Previous Thread | Next Thread »

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:47 PM.

Contact Us - RapMusic.com - Archive - Privacy Statement - Top

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.0
Copyright ©2000 - 2008, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
SEO by vBSEO 3.2.0
Copyright (c) 800Media.com
Copyright © 1998-2008 800Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
No portions of this site may be duplicated without permission from 800Media, Inc.
Advertising | Privacy Policy