the murder cycle (revised)

This is a discussion on the murder cycle (revised) within the Poetry Realm forums, part of the Intellect Zone category; i revised the furst one, tell me if its better or anything else, cause it still needs a lil wurk ...


Go Back   Rapmusic.com > Intellect Zone > Poetry Realm

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 10-25-2004, 09:53 PM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 65
AliuqeT takes it up the butt!
the murder cycle (revised)

i revised the furst one, tell me if its better or anything else, cause it still needs a lil wurk

…When there's nothing else to do
i entertain my self with thoughts
thinking about tha world
and how it would be if we never fought
about tha things that didnt matter

But sum dont have a clue
about occuping their minds
when they're bored
so they think of ways
to displease my lord
over things that didnt matter
and when its all said and done
they wanna run
and cry
try ta hide
but the truth will fynd
u
and when it does
u wont fynd me around
I’ll be too busy laying on tha ground
On top of my mother
Crying one waterfall after another
Shes dead and so is a part of me
You’re still alive
And so is… a...part ...of...me

But my mother was apart of me
Now she apart from me
But me and your are conjoined
By tha same hate ran by revenge
This cycle will never end

when there was nothing else to do
I entertained my self with thoughts
Thinking about the world
And how it would be if we never fought
But that was before I knew how pure hatred felt
Before my heart cracked,
shattered
and burned
then began to melt
but now im thinking of 6different plots
Of revenge
And how it would be lyke to end
This cycle
But if I try to wont I just be contributing
To it?
The anger will build up
I wouldn’t kno how to get through it
Then I’ll kill myself
And it would be just the same as killin sumone else
Cause someone out there
Will want revenge
And this murder cycle will start all over
Again…
AliuqeT is offline  
Reply With Quote
Old 10-26-2004, 10:00 PM   #2 (permalink)
Apparently Emotionless
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: DMI~
Posts: 705
BrokenSoul8604 takes it up the butt!
nice piece....i think the middle would have sounded beautiful spoken...

"On top of my mother
Crying one waterfall after another
Shes dead and so is a part of me
You’re still alive
And so is… a...part ...of...me"

those lines were incredible...can't believe you're getting slept on....did you not reply to anyone else?

Anyways~uppin for you....

God Bless
__________________
A poem begins as a lump in the throat,
a sense of wrong,
a homesickness,
a lovesickness.
BrokenSoul8604 is offline  
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:51 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.0
Copyright ©2000 - 2008, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
SEO by vBSEO 3.2.0
Copyright (c) 800Media.com
Copyright © 1998-2008 800Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
No portions of this site may be duplicated without permission from 800Media, Inc.
Advertising | Privacy Policy