Cloud Nine..

This is a discussion on Cloud Nine.. within the Poetry Realm forums, part of the Intellect Zone category; She thought she made love but She only made lust b/c real love Doesn’t just pick up and leave and ...


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Old 10-25-2004, 12:36 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Cloud Nine..
She thought she made love but
She only made lust b/c real love
Doesn’t just pick up and leave and come back again
Like your favorite season weither it be
Summer spring winter or fall,
Depend on love and you want fall, now
That there is some bullshit b/c mothafuckas
Will pull quick that preverbal crutch from
Underneath your arms and watch gayfully
As your hopes fall slowly to the ground

I told her sometimes u gotta close your eyes to see
What’s standing right in front of u b/c your eyes
Can see what u want them to see but
Your heart can distinguish between reality and dreams

Its so hard to be fully completely true to one thing
Let alone one being so u gotta really wanna be true
To self before taking on other things

Lord knows I’ve tried to put aside the petty pride
Which has hindered my spiritual growth
in so many ways
Like ran on sunny days I’ve ran from the open fields and
Found shelter in my sanctuary
Sitting at my alter justifying a sin for a sin
Thinking all I can do is repent
Not even fathoming not sinning again

I guess i got the same mind frame as these other
Mediocre men

Thinking I cant fly with clipped wings
Not realizing in heaven there’s no wind
….
….
Thinking I cant fly with clipped wings
Not realizing in heaven there’s no wind

FREE
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Old 10-25-2004, 12:47 AM   #2 (permalink)
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you have some really strong lines here-" thinking i cant fly with clipped wings.not realizing in heaven there's no wind."
" i guess i got the same mind frame as these other mediocre men"
and actually the whole 8 lines above that . good job ^
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Old 10-25-2004, 01:13 AM   #3 (permalink)
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BrokenSoul8604 takes it up the butt!
"Thinking I cant fly with clipped wings
Not realizing in heaven there’s no wind
….
….
Thinking I cant fly with clipped wings
Not realizing in heaven there’s no wind"


yessss.....that line has a power that i rarely see.....the thought of it alone, is just impressive..... Ill piece...

God Bless
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Old 10-25-2004, 01:19 AM   #4 (permalink)
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allnakey will do you doggie style!allnakey will do you doggie style!allnakey will do you doggie style!allnakey will do you doggie style!allnakey will do you doggie style!allnakey will do you doggie style!allnakey will do you doggie style!allnakey will do you doggie style!allnakey will do you doggie style!allnakey will do you doggie style!allnakey will do you doggie style!
"Thinking I cant fly with clipped wings
Not realizing in heaven there’s no wind "

Man that was pretty impressive right there, i love those lines...

The whole piece was pretty nice, I like how the concept came together and developed further into something bigger then I origanaly thought... i also like the numerous typo's and spelling mistakes those were neat... lol just fucking with ya... this piece was nice man


Stay Up, Much Love, Peace
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Old 10-25-2004, 02:21 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I didn't really find the cursing in the first stanza appealing lol, but yoo... This is one of the best pieces I've seen from you man.

"Lord knows I’ve tried to put aside the petty pride
Which has hindered my spiritual growth
in so many ways
Like ran on sunny days I’ve ran from the open fields and
Found shelter in my sanctuary
Sitting at my alter justifying a sin for a sin
Thinking all I can do is repent
Not even fathoming not sinning again"

Word, I can relate to this. Fucking up over and over, and doing other fucked up things to attempt to justify my reasons for me fucking up, lol. You worded this stanza quite nicely man. I haven't seen you drop lately.. Glad you're posting pieces again.

Stay up my Naptown homie! lol
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Old 10-25-2004, 09:18 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Xero Satsujin takes it up the butt!
Damn quotive stole my quote!!!

bt still, I'll quote it nonetheless and say what I've got to say before everyone else runs up in here and starts yappin...

"Lord knows I’ve tried to put aside the petty pride
Which has hindered my spiritual growth
in so many ways
Like ran on sunny days I’ve ran from the open fields and
Found shelter in my sanctuary
Sitting at my alter justifying a sin for a sin
Thinking all I can do is repent
Not even fathoming not sinning again"

to me, this was somewhat the standup and look at me point of the poem. What I mean by that is that it's like saying the most substansial(sp) part of the poem...I've got more to say, but aint got time to say it, lol.

by the way, quotive, thanx for the love on that last piece I posted, but it wasn't what I wrote through inspiration of you, something I wrote when I first started avidly posting here.

Dope drop lp...
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Old 10-26-2004, 07:06 PM   #7 (permalink)
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SmokeyMcBluff takes it up the butt!
im with everyone here...the first verse was a little difficult to read...but from the second stanza on my mouth was open in awe...tho those first 2 lines are as real as anything ive read for alot of girls...actually nevermind...after rereading the first verse/stanza it really does go...1 line maybe out of place but other than that another flawless piece...

Quote:
I told her sometimes u gotta close your eyes to see
What’s standing right in front of u b/c your eyes
Can see what u want them to see but
Your heart can distinguish between reality and dreams
how true...how true...wish everyone would learn this at some point in their lives...keep em comin.
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Old 10-26-2004, 09:15 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Sole Sovereign takes it up the butt!
I don't feel the first verse was difficult to read at all, I think if you follow his structure and breathe it out, it will flow for you. I love this subject, I've done quite a few pieces on the expectation of men and women today, and how being a man aint just being a man, and confidence and monogamy and many other personafications of perfectness just seem to roll out of our reach, I think you and I would do a really good collab together, you should hit me up with an email, ropeelation@aol.com - I think the stuff I wrote for my collabo with mind soul is on this subject, ?I don't remember for sure though... oh and I know you were expressing more than one subject in here, just the one I felt like talking about.. my favorite lines were probably

"Sitting at my alter justifying a sin for a sin
Thinking all I can do is repent
Not even fathoming not sinning again "
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Old 10-27-2004, 03:46 AM   #9 (permalink)
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UFO the Phoenix takes it up the butt!
woooooooooooooooord UP!!!!!
STANDING O for this poem right here!!!*DAPS AND CLAPS*

ahhhh man that was tight

started out ok...but then builded up into something more amazing then I ever thought words could express...your wordplay in this was off the scale

imagery was nice

concept was nice

the way u broke it down and were so open and true made me relate to this more

the seeing with the heart...the struggles with sin....the rain on sunny days....the last line....all of that just hit me like the hammer on the nail....I can relate with this BIG TIME

man oh man this just made my night

I knew you had skills but not like this

..........


*GET AT ME NEXT TIME YOUR FREE ON AIM I WANNA DO AN INTERVIEW WITH U*

Holla

PEACE AND GODBLESS
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Old 10-28-2004, 08:00 AM   #10 (permalink)
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thanks.......
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Old 10-28-2004, 10:53 AM   #11 (permalink)
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keyarag takes it up the butt!
Lord knows I’ve tried to put aside the petty pride
Which has hindered my spiritual growth
in so many ways
Like ran on sunny days I’ve ran from the open fields and
Found shelter in my sanctuary
Sitting at my alter justifying a sin for a sin
Thinking all I can do is repent
Not even fathoming not sinning again

OMG that was deep!!! This whole piece was very wonderful and I can totally feel where you are comin from....I can tell that you have been doing this for a long time.....
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Old 10-28-2004, 08:03 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Sun_Flower takes it up the butt!
Indeeed another great piece. I too can relate to such lust making (lol) in form of love to the blind mind/eyes that I see day to day. You brought thoughts up in my mind to write another piece, but in due time I will have time to sit and write. But I might try something before I go to sleep. I enjoy this piece, people currently I feel take life too simple and not realise how complex other issues are in others life. Not able to know where the next meal is going to be, nor have the ablility to care for or bear a child, there are so many things I can bring to surface but I rather not. This is what this piece did for me, reading "Its so hard to be fully completely true to one thing Let alone one being so u gotta really wanna be true To self before taking on other things"
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Old 10-28-2004, 10:31 PM   #13 (permalink)
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illpoetical takes it up the butt!
very nice poem brougham. i like the lines and the way you out them together. i also like the flow you had. you should post more. anyway tight piece home skillet.
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Old 10-29-2004, 07:24 PM   #14 (permalink)
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ManMadeofAshes takes it up the butt!
well although heaven may not have with it is actually the atmospheric pressure that enables winged animals to fly. But that doesn't matter. haha. It is still a nice line.

Now I got to say this. I HATE when people use the word gay. This is simply because there is such a strong social stigma attached that it is difficult to use it in the happy sense. I have never liked it used period. Having said that, you pulled it off and I must say I am impressed. I still havent pulled it off. In fact I gave up trying. Props for that.

"She thought she made love but
She only made lust b/c real love
Doesn’t just pick up and leave and come back again"

^ I really like the way you worded this. I have the exact same thing in the poem I posted a few days ago. Except no one is reading it and I have already upped it OOooo poor me.

I phrased it,

"she thinks she can use me as a distraction. Like a TV set she can turn off and on and off again." I think we were going in the same direction.. Yours goes very nice with your poem because it is light hearted. Mine was an angry poem. But I definately felt those lines there.

I really like what Quotive pointed out so I wont bother pasting that, but it was a very nice stanza. Overall this is a very strong peice and a very good read. Take Care.

Ashes
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Old 10-31-2004, 12:07 AM   #15 (permalink)
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MzDee takes it up the butt!
"She thought she made love but
She only made lust b/c real love
Doesn’t just pick up and leave and come back again "

Those lines seemed to slap me in the face lol i can total related to those line
the poem in a whole was wonderful but fo ME thouse lines stood out
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Old 11-01-2004, 01:53 PM   #16 (permalink)
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"Its so hard to be fully completely true to one thing
Let alone one being so u gotta really wanna be true
To self before taking on other things"

^That's some real shit there man. One of the main issues in my relationship now. You broke that down good man. Loved that shit.



"Lord knows I’ve tried to put aside the petty pride
Which has hindered my spiritual growth
in so many ways
Like ran on sunny days I’ve ran from the open fields and
Found shelter in my sanctuary
Sitting at my alter justifying a sin for a sin
Thinking all I can do is repent
Not even fathoming not sinning again "

Man I gotta say, those lines were some of the best lines I've seen you come up with. I think i'm the only person who understands where you're coming from with this. Made me smile seein those lines coming from you also man. You finally breaking out of that shit damn!

One luv
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Old 11-01-2004, 02:54 PM   #17 (permalink)
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tooshort21 takes it up the butt!
good poem
homie...

good to see you posting...

keep it up
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Old 11-03-2004, 09:04 PM   #18 (permalink)
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thanks
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