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Old 10-24-2004, 01:43 PM   #1 (permalink)
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-Message within a Message-

-Message Within a Message-
10/17/04

"Lift Every Voice..."

Consecration is Godspeed,
The upholder is my right guide
Sins have dishumidified, dishumanized
What we breathe, see
A different kind of air, scene
Walk
with Wisdom to journey on free.

Still waters are not enough
To keep you truly calm
My darling you're loved,
Listen to the Song of Songs.

The mirror of my reflection,
Water paints a sight bearing
Resemblance to he...

Out of all I consider
A part my collection,
You're no where to be
For you stand by me.

This was something I wrote for a friend, I think its pretty self-explanatory.
-Peace
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Old 10-24-2004, 01:57 PM   #2 (permalink)
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BrokenSoul8604 takes it up the butt!
Sins have dishumidified, dishumanized


that line was crazy....i loved every part of this.....
like a sense of hopelessness, wrapped in hope....lol...if that makes any sense...

nice drop

God Bless
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Old 10-24-2004, 04:38 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Damn Damn Damn -

Probably my favorite read today. Really digging the different kind of air line. Sometimes in different enviroments it just seems harder or easier to breathe. I always tell myself it's the air and not me... lol.. so that line really hit home. Definately straightforward for having a few abstract references in here. Loved the read and look forward to reading more...


UNO
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Old 10-24-2004, 06:26 PM   #4 (permalink)
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illpoetical takes it up the butt!
this was serious piece i liked the structure, it's a little diff. then what you normallly use, i like your word usage to describe things as well. stay up homey
ip
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Old 10-24-2004, 08:00 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I like the structure, but I don't get it? lol

I dunno.. I like this but the white words threw me off..

Nice seein' you around.
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Old 10-24-2004, 10:30 PM   #6 (permalink)
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This was tight. I am feeling every part of it, but I agree with Broken about the lines he thought was best, I think so too. Your friend is lucky to have you.
Loving
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Old 10-24-2004, 11:39 PM   #7 (permalink)
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nice..until the end i thought it was about god..nice lil piece to a friend..

i really like the title...it reminds me of all my poems b/c there are always many many
things that i'm sure people dont pick up in my poems..lol..

Sins have dishumidified, dishumanized
What we breathe, see
A different kind of air, scene
Walk
with Wisdom to journey on free.

beautiful...had to read it twice to really get a good understanding for it though

nice job..always enjoy reading your work

UPin
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Old 10-25-2004, 01:28 AM   #8 (permalink)
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I didn't get the white lines either... but the piece was nice, i loved the way you used your words on this one, that was reallysomething nice to see... Ot was a nice little piece to a friend and an all around nice read


Stay Up, much Love, Peace
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Old 10-26-2004, 11:11 PM   #9 (permalink)
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"Still waters are not enough
To keep you truly calm
My darling you're loved,
Listen to the Song of Songs"

^That's about the only thing I really could pick up in this poem. Would have liked it alot more if I would have understood it a little more. Keep doing you though.

One luv
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